This was written for the fanfiction Exchange on the final Porphecy forums. It's a colaberation with an authour who told me she wished to remain nameless, so I will say only that she is a goor friend of mine and we have done colaberation fics before. the request was this:
What would you like in your fic?
Some fluff please ) PWP is fine
Rating?
Anything from PG to T or even higher (hey!)
Ship?
Perferably Harry/Remus, Sirius/Remus, Harry/Snape, or Harry/Hermione if you don't like slash.
Genre?
Romance, Humour. Drama and Action are fine too )
Name Three things you'd like your fic to include:
A flag, a cup of tea, a backfired curse/spell
Name Three things you DON'T want your fic to include:
Out-Of-Characterness, reminder of tragic events (ie. deaths in the book), giggly girls (ie. no Pansy, Hermione is fine.)
"Sirius, I don't think this is a good idea," Remus said reprovingly.
"C'mon, Moony, what's the worst that could happen?" The black haired teen grinned winningly. Remus ignored the excited turning of his stomach.
"You could be expelled" the werewolf offered.
"You don't really believe that," Sirius stated. He didn't. "McGonagall loves us; she'd never expel us. She might give us detention, but only if she knows it's us" he smirked.
"You, you mean. I am not doing anything."
"Only because you're a prefect. Technically you should be docking points."
The easy banter echoed in harsh whisper up and down the corridor as Sirius went along the hall, charming all the suits of armor. Remus kept a lookout despite his half-hearted objections. He could never say no to the handsome fifth-year.
"McGonagall would be livid if she found our it was you who hexed the cauldron to vomit all over Snape every time he walked by."
Sirius snickered at the pleasant memory "No, Lily would be furious. I'm more scared of her than I am of any teacher."
"Only because she can, and will, hang you from the astronomy tower by your ankles. McGonagall can't."
"Point taken," Sirius murmured dryly. Good thing James was keeping said redhead distracted.
"Aern't you done yet?" Remus grumbled
"There's a lot of armor," Sirius exclaimed defensively "And-" he froze.
Remus tilted his head, listening. They glanced at each other, horrified, mouths shaping the same silent curse.
Filch.
They ran, hearing the man's heavy breathing, sure his devil cat was winding around their ankles. It was only their robes, whipping in their wake.
"In here!" Sirius hissed, turning right and thrusting Remus in ahead of him.
It was a broom cupboard. A dark, dusty, cramped broom cupboard. Remus smothered a cough as he breathed in dust, thanking his luck that he wasn't allergic. Hot breath ghosted across his cheek and mouth and he jumped back as far as the tiny space would allow: nowhere.
"What is it, Rat on your leg?" Sirius teased breathlessly
"No." That was definitely not a rat on the outside of his thigh.
"Oh, sorry." Remus could almost hear the cheeky smirk as Sirius withdrew his hand to brace himself on something else.
There was almost no room for two teenage boys, and neither of them was scrawny. Remus was pressed against something of a wall, a couple of buckets digging into his shoulders; if he tried to sit, a bottle of something dug into his bum so he had one hand on the door frame and the other had an unsteady grip on a group of broom handles. One of his feet was on top of something, he suspected it to be one of the buckets turned over on its side; the other was on the flat floor, but it was also touching Sirius' knee.
He wanted to move, but he was afraid they'd fall and filch was shuffling around just outside.
"Thank you so much mister Filch, would you care for a cup of tea mister filch," he muttered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Maybe filch was gone by now, but they couldn't be sure and Remus was feeling a tickle in his nose. His breath hitched.
"No, no, hold it in." Sirius hissed half-frantic.
"I—" Remus heaven involuntarily, chest flush with Sirius' for a dizzying moment, and then his sneeze snapped him back down, crashing his tailbone into the bottle; his foot slid out, tripping Sirius from his own precarious perch. The black-haired boy landed flat on Remus, crushing him. He tried to get up but the bundle of brooms crashed into his back and knocked the wind out of his lungs.
The door squeaked open with the press against it, dumping them both onto the floor in the hallway. Sirius called out, wheezing and holding his back. Remus didn't move at first, absorbing the moment when his friend had been pressed against it before burying it among other taboo dreams.
"You okay?" he asked, voice rasping as he sat up.
"Yeah," Sirius groaned, listening for filch or Ms. Norris.
"Where are we anyway?"
"Seventh floor, I think" He held out a hand and Remus dragged him up, ignoring the tingling of his fingers wrapped around Sirius' and telling himself the heat in his cheeks was left over from the stuffy cupboard.
"Lets head back," he murmured, turning towards Gryffindor tower. The flush returned in full force when Sirius slung an arm around Remus' shoulders.
"Prongs and Wormtail will just die laughing," he teased jovially, oblivious to his friend's predicament.
"I can't wait" he said, low-voiced but casual.
They ghosted through the corridors, only sleepy portraits marking their progress, until Sirius paused, a devious grin uncurling on his mouth.
"What?" Remus invited disaster, dreading the answer already.
"Come on!" Sirius seized his wrist suddenly and began towing him along at a fast pace.
"Wait, where are we going?" Remus didn't try to mull his hand free, even when Sirius' slipped down over it.
"You'll see," he answered cryptically, wickedly.
The answer became apparent when he stopped outside the Great Hall. Now Remus froze; the gravity of whatever Sirius intended hitting home. "Sirius, don't—"
"It'll be fine," Sirius soothed absently, squeezing Remus' hand before letting go. "I'm just going to give the Slytherins a special welcome." He pushed open the unlocked doors and slipped in.
Only half the thousand floating candles were alight, casting the room half in shadows that twitched and danced weirdly, and their twin footsteps echoed ominously. Sirius didn't seem to be impeded by the sense of doom that kept Remus by the door.
"Sirius," he called hesitantly, voice ringing loudly in the near emptiness. He cringed at the noise. Sirius glanced back, flashing him a smirk, wand raised and aimed. "Sirius, I don't—"
But he boy had already cast the spell. Over their heads the Slytherin banner rippled dangerously and then, there was a bang. The backlash sent Sirius flying across the Hall, smashing into the far wall and sliding boneless to the floor.
"Sirius!" Remus shouted, panicked as he scrambled over tables and benches to get to his friend, heart thudding loudly in his ears. The boy was on his stomach, one arm folded strangely. Remus turned him over. "Sirius?" His arm was only broken from the fall or the throw, but he couldn't tell if the other boy was breathing. "Come on, Padfoot, quit screwing around," he scolded, but his voice came out in a faint whisper. He pressed a hand to the immobile chest and hovered his ear over the slightly open mouth, poised, waiting and praying.
Relief rushed through him in a dizzying wave as shallow breath puffed across his ashen cheeks and heart beat firm under his scarred hand. Allowing himself a moment of weakness, he dropped his lips to Sirius' and then straightened, scooping up the black-haired boy clumsily, huffing with the effort. He didn't know a gentle chasm to move him and besides, he liked being able to carry the other.
He stumbled into the hospital wing, breathing quite heavily from the effort, taking care when planning Sirius on an empty bed before running to get Madam Pomfrey.
Sirius actually had several injuries from the flag repelling him and his spell, aside from the broken arm, a couple cracked ribs, a minor concussion, and a broken tailbone.
"But it worked," James whispered so Madam Pomfrey wouldn't hear when the three of them visited Sirius the next day at lunch. "The Slytherin banner looked pretty obscene at breakfast this morning, but it was fixed by lunch. The table still has a bit of a rainbow tint though… They walked in to find their table was one long Pride symbol, I think they might have took offence " he laughed.
"I didn't even get to see it, "Sirius complained.
"You're not missing anything," Remus spoke up disapprovingly. "I doubt—and hope—you didn't mean to make it do what you did."
"What about the armor?" Sirius asked eagerly.
"Er, were they supposed to make amorous advances on the Slytherins?" Peter asked with an uncertain giggle. Sirius broad grin was confirmation enough.
"Snivellus got quite friendly with one in the fourth corridor," James said with a derisive smirk.
"All right, you three. You three have had more than five minutes; get on before you're late for class."
James and Peter made faces at their back as the left for a minute. Remus heaved Sirius' bag onto the bedside table.
"Your homework," he mumbled. "You don't want to get behind just before school starts." He made to go.
"Remus." The young man was struggling upright though his tailbone was not fully healed.
"Hey! Sit back down, you--"
Sirius grabbed his arm—having no intention of actually getting to his feet—and yanked Remus down to kiss the stunned werewolf firmly. When he pulled back, he glared at the wide-eyed teen. "I was conscious, you know."
Shock to embarrassment suffused Remus' face in less time than it took to inhale.
The his eyes narrowed at Sirius' pleased grin, "You jerk."
Releasing Remus' arm Sirius sat back, wincing. "Well I knew you'd never do anything, so I figured—"
Remus swooped down and kissed him hard just to shut him up.