A.N. Well this idea was burning in my mind while I was working on my other story today, so much in fact I just had to stop and write this. It's influenced mainly by "Hey, Love" By Jason Mraz (I highly recommend giving that song a listen. It's just...beautiful) Anyways, I could totally picture Hakkai singing it. And after listening to that song a bazillion times (its basically been on repeat for the last 4 hours) this story came to be. I hope you all like this little diddy and I promise I'll get back my other story. Enjoy, punks. wipes a tear. Lyrics by: Oasis (Champagne Supernova) and Jason Mraz (Hey Love) Characters by Kazuya Minekura.
Black Eyed Youkai Presents:
Another Night Alone
"Where are you going, Gojyo?" I asked as I saw the redhead I lived with take his coat from the hook beside the door. The damned door that he left from, leaving me alone a few nights a week.
"Ya know, out to get some money for the week. I'll be back later tonight I promise."
I knew what he meant by "getting money for the week." That meant he'd probably gamble for an hour and spend three in the bed of some girl he only talked to for about five minutes. But as jealous as I was on the inside, I wasn't mad at him. Really, he didn't know...how I felt. How I really felt.
"What's wrong, Hakkai?" His brows were furrowed in that expression I couldn't stand, the one where he was sincerely worried about me. I knew when that look came over his face, I was clumsy with hiding my feelings. I thought that I'd be an expert on that, but when I'm around him I guess...I slip.
"It's nothing, really." I smiled and looked up into those crimson eyes. Laughing lightly the smile grew so that I could secure this false feeling.
"You know you can come with." Gojyo reached for my coat and I quickly placed a hand over his to leave it there. I remembered the last time I went with him. It was really awkward, and I almost couldn't take the pain of him disappearing with the girl that was standing over him at his poker game.
"No. You go have fun. I'm going to turn in early anyway." I forced myself to the door and opened it for him.
"Are you feeling alright? You're not sick are you?"
"Of course not." I smiled again and watched as he walked by me out the door. He turned on the last step and looked back to me. My gut wrenched as he waved and smiled that smile.
"I'll get us some real money tonight, Hakkai. I'm not holding back for anyone so we can go to that restaurant for your birthday on Tuesday." With that Gojyo turned and walked off with his jacket slung over his back and waved.
I closed the door and leaned my back against the cold wood. "Alright," I whispered as I sighed and closed my eyes. Well, another night alone. The quiet house to myself with no one to talk to but the walls. I couldn't help but smile, he knew how much I've wanted to try out the new restaurant in town. Thing is, it was a bit on the ritzy side. I let the smile fade as I realized how selfish I was being. Despite the many times I'd told him I was kidding that I wanted to go, I'd always left it so that it seemed like I really did. Now I'm confusing myself. I was thinking too much. It happened when he left.
But there was one thing that kept me busy, mind and body when I was alone. I opened my eyes and looked over to the acoustic guitar leaned against the corner of the room beside the old couch. I pushed myself from the door and dragged my feet to the guitar. I knelt down and lightly caressed the smooth, polished body. "You're looking about as lonely as I am." I smiled and picked up the instrument by the neck and sank back into the couch that faced away from the door, the guitar lay across my stomach as I polished it with my sleeve before I began to tune it.
Gojyo had taught me how to play during one rainy day when I wasn't feeling very well. It had been a few weeks after I had received my new name and I was still a little shaken from the massacres I caused and...Kanan. I was stuck in bed with only the unwanted companionship of the rain to accompany me. Gojyo was out a lot trying to make money for our food and I was left by myself. Like I said earlier, being alone leaves me time to think, therefore, my mind constantly dwelled on things I wished would disappear. The slaughter...the blood...my transformation from human to youkai...and especially Kanan. This torture went on and off over the course of a week. Gojyo teased me that my mood affected my getting better, but I never really took him seriously.
One day was especially bad, Gojyo had walked in on me before I could get the redness from my eyes to vanish. It was a rainy day and I'd been crying. I had made a vow to never let him see me cry, be it my pride or the sense I just didn't want pity from someone. But he lifted my chin and red eyes stared into each other. I remember his comforting smile as he told me about his troubled past. I guess it was his way of consolation. He'd known I didn't want pity as much as he told me he didn't want it either and hearing his tragic past brought us together a bit more. "I'll be right back," he told me as he got up from sitting on the edge of the bed and walked to the corner of the room, picking up a guitar. He came back and sat sideways on the bed again, closer to me this time with his knee that was propped on the bed pressing against my thigh. He began to strum the guitar lazily, the music that came from it was one of the most beautiful things I'd heard. The pace of his strumming picked up as a bit and then something happened that I'd never expected. His lips parted as he began to sing the lyrics of a song that destroyed every negative feeling I had in my body at the time. I found myself fighting the tears back again as the words filled the room with the pure sounds of the guitar.
".... Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
"Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies..."
At that point he glanced up to see my watery eyes as he changed the chord. Whether or not this line sung to me was part of the song or not, it caught me by surprise. His brows furrowed; that same look I'd seen today.
"Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you....when...."
I remembered how his voice faded away as I had brought my hands to my face when I couldn't hold it back any longer. I cried like no one was there, I needed to because as the tears came out, so did the pent up emotions I held inside. I can still feel the sensation in my stomach when I felt Gojyo's arm wrap around my shoulder as he pulled my face into his neck. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I could smell his scent of cigarettes and pine (his favorite cologne).
"Just let it out, I'm surprised you've made it this long." He said.
He'd taught me all the chords he knew after that, telling me all the while to practice while he was gone because it'd keep my mind off of things. I didn't believe him at first but as I practiced more and more I realized that he was right. As the weeks went on, I'd find myself coming up with little songs that expressed how I felt that day. I'd been told I had a good voice from people who'd caught me singing to myself throughout my life. I was actually very modest about it, so I only sang when no one was around.
The perfect time...I began to strum the strings of the guitar lightly, unconsciously tapping my foot to the beat as I caught one last look around to make sure I was alone. I took in a breath and began to sing to the walls the words that arose in my mind.
"Stay, Hey love, where you going to?
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.
Well, hey stay love, where you running to?
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.
Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see...
Just afraid of them horror stories I fall down on my knees."
I paused for a second to move my fingers to the right chord as I began to think of the day before. Gojyo and I had gone out for a walk on a path leading away from the town. It was a perfect, warm day. It seemed as though the mosquitoes had taken a day off and the breeze was light on our faces. We talked about this and that, nothing of much importance to anyone else, but to us, it was everything. He said how he'd managed to pull out an ace from a sleeve to complete a four of a kind hand and win the jackpot the night before. I watched him as he picked up a rock and tossed it into the woods nonchalantly. He was just so casual, so natural, so Gojyo.
"Come away, come away.
From all these things unheard
If a chosen word has got you cornered
Then it's a lesson learned
Like close the book before it burns you now."
I placed my hands in my pocket as I watched Gojyo jump up onto a log and balance his way across to the rock on the other side.
"You should be careful, that log looks kind of weak." I had said and laughed a little.
He looked back at me and stopped in the middle of the mossy bridge he was on. "Ah, don't worry," He took another step. "It's not going to--(( CRACK!)) Ack!" Gojyo cried out in surprise as he fell to the other side of the broken log.
"Gojyo!" I ran over to him.
"Ow..." Gojyo sat up and felt the blood running down his arm, he looked at it to see a gash in the skin of his forearm. "How the hell did that happen? It wasn't that big of a fall." He said as I stepped over the branches towards him.
"Are you alright?" I looked at the cut on his arm and knelt beside him. "I told you."
"I'm not a very good listener sometimes." He smiled the smile that made sunny days brighter and I placed a hand just over his injury.
"What are you going to do?" He watched in disbelief as the soft green light from the healing energy warmed and mended his skin beneath my hand. I had my eyes closed as I concentrated but I could feel his eyes shift to rest on me.
When I was done, I looked up and smiled at his dumfounded face. "Better?"
"Y-yeah." I read the confusion in his eyes and laughed lightly as I helped him up. For the rest of the walk I explained to him that I'd been studying the use of ki energy. The look on his face, it was amazement I believe, was a look that I never want to forget. It was just so....beautiful. He really was a good listener.
"Come away, come away.
From all these things unseen
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say
Belief will only disappoint you now."
We got home and we made meat buns that night, nothing of much importance to anyone else, but everything to us. After they were done, we'd stacked them on a plate and decided to play cards on the floor instead of the table. About an hour later when there were no more meat buns, I was dealt a good hand and decided I wasn't holding back this time. When we decided to call, he lay down his four of a kind of kings with one ace and I placed down my straight flush.
"What?! That's like the fourth straight you've had!" He stared at the cards laid out in front of me. "And I've been cheating this whole time."
"Guess I'm just really lucky tonight." I had said with the smile that always followed those words. To my surprise he grabbed my wrists and looked up my sleeves for cards, but he was unbalanced and his weight caused us to fall over. The butterfly feeling I had experienced in my scarred stomach before was back ten fold as I stared up into those crimson orbs that were directly above me. Time froze in that instant as I looked up at the red head who held himself up by the hands on each side of my head. "Gojyo..."
I kicked myself mentally for letting my voice break the blissful silence. But...he smiled down at me. A reaction I'd never expected. Slowly he moved off me and when he was in a kneeling position, he held a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up. We stared at each other for a while. I've never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. But there was no way to be sure he wanted the same. It was the hardest thing to stay where I was and not throw myself over him and show him how I felt. He stood and once again helped me off the floor. "Well," He began as he placed a hand on my shoulder, rather, it was mostly my shoulder but his thumb rest softly on my collarbone and his index finger lay on my neck. It was almost more than just a casual "pat on the shoulder." I guess I smiled then. "I'm going to get to bed," he finished as he headed to the couch. He usually slept there and let me take his bed much to my protest. I had slept in that bed so much that his smell began to disappear from it. His smell and the sound of his breathing were the only things that got me to sleep at night.
"No. You take the bed tonight, I beat you at cards and now I want you to sleep in your bed." I said with my arms crossed as I stepped in front of the sofa.
Naturally he protested but I jumped onto the couch and sprawled out. I let a satisfied smirk crawl across my face as he laughed defeated.
"Alright, fine. But just for tonight." He made his way over to the bed and turned off the light. I heard the bead creak as he slipped under the covers as I pulled the throw that lay on the couch over me. His smell was back and just before I drifted off, I heard him wish me sweet dreams.
"Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.
Don't be afraid to face and break it.
Your secrets.
Don't be afraid and break it, your secret stay stay stay."
The words of the song that flowed from my lips began to become more meaningful as I couldn't help but sing and play harder. What the hell right? No one was here except me, the guitar, and these thoughts running through my head.
"Hey Love! Where you going- You're going to?
You're not sleeping here, you're not sleeping here....no."
Well Hey love, Hey love, Hey love! Where you running to?
Awful happens all the time...try not to let it kill you.
So hey.....love bada bada ba da da be..."
"Hakkai..."
I instantly stopped as my heart froze at the sound of Gojyo's voice. I looked around to see Gojyo standing there with a soft smile.
"H-How long have you been standing there?" I could feel my face was bright red as I turned back towards the wall and placed the guitar down. I could hear him chuckle and the floorboard creak just slightly as he took a step forward. What I'd never dreamed of was kiss he placed softly on my cheek as he leaned on the back of the couch. I straightened up and my mind went blank. Was this a dream?
Gojyo closed his eyes and smiled as he stood back up and ran a hand nervously through his hair. "I...I'd been meaning to save that for your birthday but---"
I didn't let him finish as I spun around in the sofa and grabbed him, pulling him down to me and pressing my lips against those I thought I'd only dream about touching. We kissed for what seemed like hours, his hand resting softly at the base of my neck, his thumb barely laying on my collarbone. He pulled away first.
"I stayed just long enough to get enough for your birthday. But staying that long was torture after seeing you're face before I left."
"I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling as though I had made him feel guilty.
"Don't... I just ...didn't want to be away from you tonight." As he said that he climbed over the back of the couch and pushed me down as he lay down on the edge of the couch. His body almost on top of mine as he wrapped his arm over my chest.
"Gojyo...Thank you." He was soon asleep, his smell, his soft even breathing and now his warmth, were all there to lull me to sleep.
Black Eyed Youkai Presents:
Another Night Alone
"Where are you going, Gojyo?" I asked as I saw the redhead I lived with take his coat from the hook beside the door. The damned door that he left from, leaving me alone a few nights a week.
"Ya know, out to get some money for the week. I'll be back later tonight I promise."
I knew what he meant by "getting money for the week." That meant he'd probably gamble for an hour and spend three in the bed of some girl he only talked to for about five minutes. But as jealous as I was on the inside, I wasn't mad at him. Really, he didn't know...how I felt. How I really felt.
"What's wrong, Hakkai?" His brows were furrowed in that expression I couldn't stand, the one where he was sincerely worried about me. I knew when that look came over his face, I was clumsy with hiding my feelings. I thought that I'd be an expert on that, but when I'm around him I guess...I slip.
"It's nothing, really." I smiled and looked up into those crimson eyes. Laughing lightly the smile grew so that I could secure this false feeling.
"You know you can come with." Gojyo reached for my coat and I quickly placed a hand over his to leave it there. I remembered the last time I went with him. It was really awkward, and I almost couldn't take the pain of him disappearing with the girl that was standing over him at his poker game.
"No. You go have fun. I'm going to turn in early anyway." I forced myself to the door and opened it for him.
"Are you feeling alright? You're not sick are you?"
"Of course not." I smiled again and watched as he walked by me out the door. He turned on the last step and looked back to me. My gut wrenched as he waved and smiled that smile.
"I'll get us some real money tonight, Hakkai. I'm not holding back for anyone so we can go to that restaurant for your birthday on Tuesday." With that Gojyo turned and walked off with his jacket slung over his back and waved.
I closed the door and leaned my back against the cold wood. "Alright," I whispered as I sighed and closed my eyes. Well, another night alone. The quiet house to myself with no one to talk to but the walls. I couldn't help but smile, he knew how much I've wanted to try out the new restaurant in town. Thing is, it was a bit on the ritzy side. I let the smile fade as I realized how selfish I was being. Despite the many times I'd told him I was kidding that I wanted to go, I'd always left it so that it seemed like I really did. Now I'm confusing myself. I was thinking too much. It happened when he left.
But there was one thing that kept me busy, mind and body when I was alone. I opened my eyes and looked over to the acoustic guitar leaned against the corner of the room beside the old couch. I pushed myself from the door and dragged my feet to the guitar. I knelt down and lightly caressed the smooth, polished body. "You're looking about as lonely as I am." I smiled and picked up the instrument by the neck and sank back into the couch that faced away from the door, the guitar lay across my stomach as I polished it with my sleeve before I began to tune it.
Gojyo had taught me how to play during one rainy day when I wasn't feeling very well. It had been a few weeks after I had received my new name and I was still a little shaken from the massacres I caused and...Kanan. I was stuck in bed with only the unwanted companionship of the rain to accompany me. Gojyo was out a lot trying to make money for our food and I was left by myself. Like I said earlier, being alone leaves me time to think, therefore, my mind constantly dwelled on things I wished would disappear. The slaughter...the blood...my transformation from human to youkai...and especially Kanan. This torture went on and off over the course of a week. Gojyo teased me that my mood affected my getting better, but I never really took him seriously.
One day was especially bad, Gojyo had walked in on me before I could get the redness from my eyes to vanish. It was a rainy day and I'd been crying. I had made a vow to never let him see me cry, be it my pride or the sense I just didn't want pity from someone. But he lifted my chin and red eyes stared into each other. I remember his comforting smile as he told me about his troubled past. I guess it was his way of consolation. He'd known I didn't want pity as much as he told me he didn't want it either and hearing his tragic past brought us together a bit more. "I'll be right back," he told me as he got up from sitting on the edge of the bed and walked to the corner of the room, picking up a guitar. He came back and sat sideways on the bed again, closer to me this time with his knee that was propped on the bed pressing against my thigh. He began to strum the guitar lazily, the music that came from it was one of the most beautiful things I'd heard. The pace of his strumming picked up as a bit and then something happened that I'd never expected. His lips parted as he began to sing the lyrics of a song that destroyed every negative feeling I had in my body at the time. I found myself fighting the tears back again as the words filled the room with the pure sounds of the guitar.
".... Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
"Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies..."
At that point he glanced up to see my watery eyes as he changed the chord. Whether or not this line sung to me was part of the song or not, it caught me by surprise. His brows furrowed; that same look I'd seen today.
"Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you....when...."
I remembered how his voice faded away as I had brought my hands to my face when I couldn't hold it back any longer. I cried like no one was there, I needed to because as the tears came out, so did the pent up emotions I held inside. I can still feel the sensation in my stomach when I felt Gojyo's arm wrap around my shoulder as he pulled my face into his neck. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I could smell his scent of cigarettes and pine (his favorite cologne).
"Just let it out, I'm surprised you've made it this long." He said.
He'd taught me all the chords he knew after that, telling me all the while to practice while he was gone because it'd keep my mind off of things. I didn't believe him at first but as I practiced more and more I realized that he was right. As the weeks went on, I'd find myself coming up with little songs that expressed how I felt that day. I'd been told I had a good voice from people who'd caught me singing to myself throughout my life. I was actually very modest about it, so I only sang when no one was around.
The perfect time...I began to strum the strings of the guitar lightly, unconsciously tapping my foot to the beat as I caught one last look around to make sure I was alone. I took in a breath and began to sing to the walls the words that arose in my mind.
"Stay, Hey love, where you going to?
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.
Well, hey stay love, where you running to?
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.
Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see...
Just afraid of them horror stories I fall down on my knees."
I paused for a second to move my fingers to the right chord as I began to think of the day before. Gojyo and I had gone out for a walk on a path leading away from the town. It was a perfect, warm day. It seemed as though the mosquitoes had taken a day off and the breeze was light on our faces. We talked about this and that, nothing of much importance to anyone else, but to us, it was everything. He said how he'd managed to pull out an ace from a sleeve to complete a four of a kind hand and win the jackpot the night before. I watched him as he picked up a rock and tossed it into the woods nonchalantly. He was just so casual, so natural, so Gojyo.
"Come away, come away.
From all these things unheard
If a chosen word has got you cornered
Then it's a lesson learned
Like close the book before it burns you now."
I placed my hands in my pocket as I watched Gojyo jump up onto a log and balance his way across to the rock on the other side.
"You should be careful, that log looks kind of weak." I had said and laughed a little.
He looked back at me and stopped in the middle of the mossy bridge he was on. "Ah, don't worry," He took another step. "It's not going to--(( CRACK!)) Ack!" Gojyo cried out in surprise as he fell to the other side of the broken log.
"Gojyo!" I ran over to him.
"Ow..." Gojyo sat up and felt the blood running down his arm, he looked at it to see a gash in the skin of his forearm. "How the hell did that happen? It wasn't that big of a fall." He said as I stepped over the branches towards him.
"Are you alright?" I looked at the cut on his arm and knelt beside him. "I told you."
"I'm not a very good listener sometimes." He smiled the smile that made sunny days brighter and I placed a hand just over his injury.
"What are you going to do?" He watched in disbelief as the soft green light from the healing energy warmed and mended his skin beneath my hand. I had my eyes closed as I concentrated but I could feel his eyes shift to rest on me.
When I was done, I looked up and smiled at his dumfounded face. "Better?"
"Y-yeah." I read the confusion in his eyes and laughed lightly as I helped him up. For the rest of the walk I explained to him that I'd been studying the use of ki energy. The look on his face, it was amazement I believe, was a look that I never want to forget. It was just so....beautiful. He really was a good listener.
"Come away, come away.
From all these things unseen
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say
Belief will only disappoint you now."
We got home and we made meat buns that night, nothing of much importance to anyone else, but everything to us. After they were done, we'd stacked them on a plate and decided to play cards on the floor instead of the table. About an hour later when there were no more meat buns, I was dealt a good hand and decided I wasn't holding back this time. When we decided to call, he lay down his four of a kind of kings with one ace and I placed down my straight flush.
"What?! That's like the fourth straight you've had!" He stared at the cards laid out in front of me. "And I've been cheating this whole time."
"Guess I'm just really lucky tonight." I had said with the smile that always followed those words. To my surprise he grabbed my wrists and looked up my sleeves for cards, but he was unbalanced and his weight caused us to fall over. The butterfly feeling I had experienced in my scarred stomach before was back ten fold as I stared up into those crimson orbs that were directly above me. Time froze in that instant as I looked up at the red head who held himself up by the hands on each side of my head. "Gojyo..."
I kicked myself mentally for letting my voice break the blissful silence. But...he smiled down at me. A reaction I'd never expected. Slowly he moved off me and when he was in a kneeling position, he held a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up. We stared at each other for a while. I've never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. But there was no way to be sure he wanted the same. It was the hardest thing to stay where I was and not throw myself over him and show him how I felt. He stood and once again helped me off the floor. "Well," He began as he placed a hand on my shoulder, rather, it was mostly my shoulder but his thumb rest softly on my collarbone and his index finger lay on my neck. It was almost more than just a casual "pat on the shoulder." I guess I smiled then. "I'm going to get to bed," he finished as he headed to the couch. He usually slept there and let me take his bed much to my protest. I had slept in that bed so much that his smell began to disappear from it. His smell and the sound of his breathing were the only things that got me to sleep at night.
"No. You take the bed tonight, I beat you at cards and now I want you to sleep in your bed." I said with my arms crossed as I stepped in front of the sofa.
Naturally he protested but I jumped onto the couch and sprawled out. I let a satisfied smirk crawl across my face as he laughed defeated.
"Alright, fine. But just for tonight." He made his way over to the bed and turned off the light. I heard the bead creak as he slipped under the covers as I pulled the throw that lay on the couch over me. His smell was back and just before I drifted off, I heard him wish me sweet dreams.
"Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.
Don't be afraid to face and break it.
Your secrets.
Don't be afraid and break it, your secret stay stay stay."
The words of the song that flowed from my lips began to become more meaningful as I couldn't help but sing and play harder. What the hell right? No one was here except me, the guitar, and these thoughts running through my head.
"Hey Love! Where you going- You're going to?
You're not sleeping here, you're not sleeping here....no."
Well Hey love, Hey love, Hey love! Where you running to?
Awful happens all the time...try not to let it kill you.
So hey.....love bada bada ba da da be..."
"Hakkai..."
I instantly stopped as my heart froze at the sound of Gojyo's voice. I looked around to see Gojyo standing there with a soft smile.
"H-How long have you been standing there?" I could feel my face was bright red as I turned back towards the wall and placed the guitar down. I could hear him chuckle and the floorboard creak just slightly as he took a step forward. What I'd never dreamed of was kiss he placed softly on my cheek as he leaned on the back of the couch. I straightened up and my mind went blank. Was this a dream?
Gojyo closed his eyes and smiled as he stood back up and ran a hand nervously through his hair. "I...I'd been meaning to save that for your birthday but---"
I didn't let him finish as I spun around in the sofa and grabbed him, pulling him down to me and pressing my lips against those I thought I'd only dream about touching. We kissed for what seemed like hours, his hand resting softly at the base of my neck, his thumb barely laying on my collarbone. He pulled away first.
"I stayed just long enough to get enough for your birthday. But staying that long was torture after seeing you're face before I left."
"I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling as though I had made him feel guilty.
"Don't... I just ...didn't want to be away from you tonight." As he said that he climbed over the back of the couch and pushed me down as he lay down on the edge of the couch. His body almost on top of mine as he wrapped his arm over my chest.
"Gojyo...Thank you." He was soon asleep, his smell, his soft even breathing and now his warmth, were all there to lull me to sleep.