-1Saved
A Cath/Sara Fanfiction
By Mandi Powers
I called Grissom in the morning and told him I was sick. There was no way I was going into work today. I had begun thinking about things the night before. Thinking about my life. This had resulted in a long sleepless night. I thought about my family, or lack thereof, the foster care, the mental illness with my mother. I thought about how I had never been accepted all my life. How I was always the weird girl. The science geek. The one no-one noticed. Ever. The girl that was never asked to prom and ended up spending the night reading a chemistry textbook. I thought about my adult life, the loneliness, the fact I use my work to avoid dealing with the pain I feel every single fucking day. Hank, and how that son of a bitch used me, Grissom, and how he is just, well, Grissom. And last but not least, Catherine. God I love her so much and she will never acknowledge me as anything more than a co-worker let alone be my lover. Tears streaming down my face I resorted back to what I had sworn to myself in college I would never do again. I went to the bedside table and opened a box that contained what was like a morbid remembrance of my past. A single razor blade and a bottle of pills. I sat on my bedroom floor, tears streaming down my face soaking my shirt. I looked at the picture I keep on my nightstand of everyone at the lab and focus on Catherine. The blue eyes that seem to pierce my soul, the beautiful strawberry blonde hair, that perfect body. The pain is just too much. I make the first cut. It stings and the blood begins to surface but it calms me. A familiar feeling. I make another cut. This one appears slightly deeper. Through my tears I can see the blood starting to pour out a little more. Time for step 2 I decide. I open the bottle. Take out 2 little blue sleeping pills and swallow them without even needing water. I continue to cut my wrist as the pill begins to kick in. I feel myself getting groggy…my eyes are getting heavier…the room goes dark.
The minute I realized Sara wasn't at work I knew something was very, very wrong. Sara Sidle never missed a day of work. Never. I knew she had been depressed lately. I could see it in her eyes. Sara's just one of those people whose eyes really personify the expression "windows to the soul." She's been listless, tired. Oh, how much I want to take her home with me and just hold her and tell her everything's going to be ok and no one can hurt her now. Oh Sara, please, please be ok. I thought to myself as I got into my car after telling Grissom I needed to go check on Sara. Somehow, something in my gut just told me to get to her apartment. As I'm driving, all I can think is of the multitudes of things that could have happened, none of which good. I'm surprised I haven't been pulled over, I have definitely not been paying attention to the speed limit. As I pull into a parking spot at Sara's apartment I barely get the key out of the ignition before I am running upstairs to her apartment. My heart thuds in my chest as I bang on the door and keep getting no answer. Shit Sara, please come to the door! After knocking 5 times with no response, I decide to try the door….odd…it's unlocked. "Sara!" I yell as I start searching her apartment. "Sara!" I'm beginning to panic as I come upon her bedroom. The site that greets me is something that has only appeared in my worst nightmares. She's lying on the floor with blood stains on the carpet. I run to her and crouch to check a pulse. She's alive, thank god! I realize I've been holding my breath and quickly exhale. Her wrist is covered in slash marks crusted with dried blood. Tears stream down my face as I think of who or what could possibly hurt my Sara so much that she would do this to herself. I leave her for a second and go to the bathroom where I quickly grab a facecloth and run it under the cold water tap. I lift her up and place her on the bed and slowly begin to dab her face with the facecloth with one hand, holding hers in the other. I can still feel the heat of the tears on my cheeks. Slowly she begins to stir….
My eyes open slowly. I can feel something damp and cold on my face. Suddenly I realize I am not alone. I sit bolt upright and stare into the tear filled eyes that are watching me. "C-c-catherine?" I manage to stutter through the shock. She smiles at me. That beautiful smile that both warms me and breaks my heart at the same time. "What are you doing here?" I ask quietly, embarrassed that she was seeing me in this state. "I was worried about you when you didn't come in for work today." She pauses and looks deep into my eyes, "Apparently with good reason." I can feel myself blush. She continues. "I noticed you'd been kinda sad lately, but I didn't know it was this bad." Her blue eyes well up with tears again and she chokes back a sob. "Sara I was worried I lost you when I saw you lying there like that…I…I thought you were dead." She burst into tears again. I have never seen her like this before, and honestly I don't have the first clue what to do or why she is reacting like this. Then she says it. "I never said anything to you before, but now I feel I have to. Sara Sidle, I think I am in love with you. It's ok if you don't feel the same, but please if you care about me at all, don't hurt yourself again." At first the words don't register. Then I realize she just told me the one thing I'd been wanting to hear for the past year. I reach up and wipe her tears then cup her chin in my hand. I gently lean in and kiss her lips. "Catherine, you just said the words that would make me never want to hurt myself again. I have loved you for a long time now, but I thought someone as beautiful as you would never be interested in a plain jane like me." I smile at her as I feel tears of a happiness I have never felt break free from my eyes. Catherine takes a second to absorb that information before she speaks to me again. "I wish now that I told you sooner, maybe I could've…" I know what she's going to say. I see the pain in her face and I cut her off. "Cath it is not your fault what I did. But I can promise you this I will never do it again. Seeing the pain in your eyes and knowing you were worried about me is enough. Your love makes up for the years before leading up to this moment." I kiss her again and lay her down with me on the bed. "Sara?" She whispers snuggling her head onto my chest. "Yeah, Cath?" She lays her hand on my chest. "Promise me you'll never leave me?" She looks up at me. My god how those eyes melt my heart. I smile at her and run my fingers through her hair. "I promise I will never leave you. Never."
Laying in her arms hearing her say everything I've ever wanted to hear, it feels like I'm dreaming. A dream I never want to wake up from. I close my eyes and let her continue stroking my hair. I think about Lindsey and how lucky she's gonna be to have someone like Sara in her life. We could be a family. I think I like the thought of that the most. I already know my daughter loves Sara. She always has. Now I can have my two favourite people in my life all the time. I sigh to myself contentedly as I feel Sara's lips brush my forehead. Slowly I drift off into a beautiful sleep filled with visions of my future with the angel holding me. Sara Sidle.
THE END