Word Count: 1,227
Challenge/Competition: Quidditch European Cup (go Puddlemere!)
Prompts: The Lake by Hogwarts, "In three words I can sum up what I've learnt about life: it goes on."
Warnings: One swear word.
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.
Note: I know my descriptions of The Lake may not seem particularly accurate, but in the books I don't remember there to ever be a lot of description about it. Anyhow, I imagine it could be different for the next-gen era than it was for the trio. A huge thank you to Tara, for once again beta-ing for me on such short notice! You are amazing and fantastic.
Scorpius watches as she leans back, perching on her elbows against the grass of the lake. She needs an escape today – the scenery isn't exactly nice, with a dark lake surrounding her and a tiny patch of grass that someone along the line must have grown to sit on. It's gloomy, it's cold and this is the last place anyone would ever go looking for her which is exactly why she's there.
But Scorpius knows her… he knows her better than anyone, and he knows that she comes here after a hard day. He knows she loves school, that she likes being independent and that there's never a dull moment, but he also knows that she sometimes wishes she could just go home after a dramatic day at school – have some time to herself, sleep off whatever is bothering her.
Right now, she'll be analysing something in her mind. It's what she does – when she's alone, with people, in class… she thinks and overthinks, always. He knows that it drives her crazy, she loses sleep to thinking, loses grades to thinking, loses people to thinking.
But it's a part of her and he accepts that… she pretends to be calm and cool, but bitchy – she runs things with an iron fist, is on the top of her game, one of the most popular and desirable girls in her year. Underneath that though, is a neurotic, controlling, overthinking and obsessive girl, just trying to perform to expectations.
He accepts her as that person though, more than anyone.
Today, Scorpius cannot walk on egg shells around her. He cannot pretend that he doesn't feel the things he feels. Most of the time, he will do those things for her. But not today – today, he needs to do things for himself.
Cringing as the gravel under his feet crunches loudly, he watches as Lily shuffles in her spot, subconsciously acknowledging his presence. He keeps his strong stride, taking two long steps before sitting on the grass next to her.
"I'm not sorry for what I said you know, it's true," he says, attempting to make eye contact.
"You don't love me Scorpius, love is a strong emotion – you do not love, you are incapable," she says with bite, but he knows that it came out icier than she meant it to.
He allows silence to fall over them, while trying to think of something to say that will mean something to her. The silence quickly becomes painful – taking over, eating them alive… it hangs over them, reminding them of just how much things have changed.
Finally, a thought comes to mind and he knows he can break the silence with it. "My mother taught me something… when you repeat something, it loses its meaning. You know; a word, a saying, an action, anything. So I kept repeating it – out loud, in my head, in my actions. But no matter what I do and how I repeat it, my love for you just doesn't lose its meaning. All I've done is question myself – I'm not supposed to believe in love, I'm me, I'm a Malfoy… but that is how I know that my love for you is real, Lily."
"There was a time when I could have loved you, but that was a long time ago… So much has happened, things are different, we are different. Life has moved on, but you haven't." She cringes obviously at the iciness of her straightforward words, but Lily Luna Potter is never one to lead people on, no matter how much she is tempted to do so.
"I can't lose you Lily… I won't survive and that's your fault. You made me love you; you made me let you in," he says desperately, completely out of his strong and stubborn character in one final attempt to win her over. As she leans forward to push herself off of the ground, he grabs her hand and grey eyes lock on green.
Sadly, she shakes her head. "That doesn't change things for me. Things aren't what they used to be," She pauses, "But forget this, forget me; I'm going to give you this advice as your best friend, okay?" And then she allows herself to be pulled back to the ground, taking a seat opposite Scorpius.
Nodding, he lets her continue.
"I don't talk about my feelings with anyone. I'm not sad right now, I'm not angry, I'm not in love, I'm not happy, I'm just… fine. I'm always fine. I go quiet for a moment, just to let myself breathe, and all I get is 'are you okay?' and 'what's wrong?'… Do you want to know what my answer always is? 'Yes, I'm fine', and then they look at me so sympathetically, tell me that they know I'm not, but the truth is that I'm always fine. I'm always okay," she says, in a somewhat shaky voice.
He frowns, not quite getting the relevance of this. "So…?"
"So there's the difference between me and you. You're impulsive, you're rash, you're hot-headed, you allow yourself to feel. You punch a wall and break your hand because someone's really pissed you off, you kiss a girl the first time you meet her because you just have these incredible feelings for her, you laugh and have fun simply because the sun has come up again and nothing's gone wrong yet. You move on. You get over things – you get even with people, you're not soft or peaceful, but you are so very human. I admire the person that you are, bad qualities and all, but that is the complete opposite of me… I just can't quite feel." She shakes her head at herself, glittering green eyes cast on the lake in front of them.
Opening his mouth to speak, he is cut off by Lily holding up her index finger.
"And you know what? No one is ever happy, ever. There are so many feelings in this world, so much guilt and regret and love and hate… it's all separated by such fine lines and sometimes, they start to blur. No matter what we have, we will always want more. We will love someone who doesn't love us. Someone will love us and we will not return their affection. Mistakes will be made. People will move on. Things will change, Scorpius, and I want you to see that!" By this point she speaks so confidently and truthfully, quite clearly believing in herself and everything she's saying.
"You're quite inspiring, you know that?" He smiles, feeling so down yet so up.
"The thing is, today you may feel completely at loss and heartbroken. But there's always another day, things will be what they will be, and the world will keep moving without you, so you may as well keep up."
And he sees her point. He is heartbroken, and it won't just disappear, but she's right. They are young, and there's always another day. She's always going to be there – he won't lose her, she's his best friend and they are much too strong for that.
There's a flicker of something that wasn't there before, as he slides his arm around her shoulders and she moves into his embrace.
Hope.
"Thank you, Lily."
"The lake helps clear my mind, you see. You're lucky you found me out here."
"Indeed."
A/N- I really hope you all like this, because I loved writing it - I actually feel kind of inspired by it, haha. I know it's dialogue heavy, but it needed to be and it's a nice change for me. So, please don't forget to review! Thanks x