Reflections of a Son
(Bitterness)
baru-chan
It is exactly a month after I found out that Darth Vader is my father.
Life is full of ironies. The one who I idolized since my childhood turned out to be the Devil's henchman. What a fool I've been. All my life, I've been dreaming of meeting a father I've never known, only to find out that he's really the personification of evil. As I said, life is ironic.
I remember what Aunt Beru once told me when I was younger: "Be careful what you wish for -- you just might get it." I was only ten years old at that time, and it's only now that I realized what it meant.
I always wanted to get out of Tatooine, ever since I felt the freedom I sensed the first time I sat in a cockpit. And I got that wish. But the price I had to pay was the death of the only family I've ever known.
I wished with all my might that my father is still alive. Well, my father's still alive, alright. In fact, he's the man who ruined the lives of billions of beings in the galaxy. Yep, that's right, he's Darth Vader! Shout for joy, why don't I?!
Vader, a father? What a joke! Maybe I'm just an accident, a cruel trick of biology. Bastard son of a Sith Lord -- that's what I am. I'm a Sithspawn -- literally.
And Ben, why did Ben lie to me? I bet he just sees me as if I were a tool, something to use to destroy something he created. And I grieved for him! I grieved for that lying bastard who was killed by my father! I grieved for him, not knowing that he lied to me in the face without batting an eyelash! Good thing he's dead, or else I'd take a leaf out of Father's book and strangle that gray-haired fart!
Father. What a curious word -- it could mean the most loving man in the galaxy...or the most evil.
I remember once, when I was twelve years old and kept on using the word fuck. Of course, I didn't know the meaning of that word, else I wouldn't have said it. Uncle Owen found out and gave me a long sermon about the importance of proper language. The words I remember the most were: "You keep using that word -- I do not think it means what you think it means."
Yeah, I know, what I just said wasn't relevant, right? Wrong. I learned a lesson with those words. I kept on using the word Father in reference to the man who sired me, ignorant of my own heritage.
Despair. That's practically the only emotion I've felt since that duel on Bespin. Anger too. I'm despairing and angry; isn't that of the Dark Side? (Ha, Father would just love that.) I'm angry at Ben, at Father, and most of all, at me. How could I be so stupid?!
The bond Father and I share...how did it form? My mind is linked to Father's -- could he feel my feelings? Not that I'd care...and I'm sure he'll be delighted at my emotions right now, unrestrained as they are. And he even talked to me directly after that duel!! Could a bond between family members really be formed that fast? Or was it just dormant, waiting for it to be acknowledged? Maybe the bond was telling my subconscious that Father's still alive, just not knowing about me, and I, him.
I may be a Jedi, but I just can't stop the bitterness consuming my entire being. Am I ignoring my destiny, or is this just a bump on the long, winding road to redeeming my father?
Fin.
Author's Notes:
If you think the narrative is too jumbled up, remember: we're delving inside Luke's mind. When
your emotions get the better of you, the best your mind can come up with are half-coherent
thoughts. Please give me feedback; constructive criticism is welcome, but flames will be
ignored.