Shepard leaned her head against the wall of the shuttle, watching Jack pace back and forth, alternately looking out the window and shooting glares at Garrus and Miranda.
Garrus caught a glance at Shepard who rolled her eyes at him. He stifled a laugh with a cough. Miranda turned her head quickly towards him. The tension between Miranda and Jack was palpable. Finally they landed on the Normandy and Jack jumped off as soon as the shuttle doors opened.
Shepard called after her, "There are a few places you can bunk-"
Jack cut her off, "I'll find my own place, thanks."
Miranda shook her head, stepping off the shuttle in the cargo bay. She turned back, "I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard." She quickly stepped off and went towards the elevators.
Shepard smiled wryly at Garrus and sighed.
Garrus was irritated, "The Illusive man is the one who gave you Jack's dossier. Why is she questioning you about it?"
Shepard shrugged. "Don't know. Seems like she's not happy unless she's unhappy."
Garrus laughed.
She looked into his steel-gray eyes and momentarily got lost again in her growing attraction to him. She noticed it, but put it aside. When he'd first been on the SR1 she'd been so caught up with Kaidan, she hadn't seen much past him, but her Turian officer had not escaped her notice even back then.
She smiled over at him as they took the elevator up. Garrus got off on his floor and gave her a slight look over his shoulder. She grinned at him, then as the doors closed, and she made her way up to her quarters, trying to shake her thoughts clear.
Her relationship with Kaidan had pretty much fizzled out before she was spaced. No dramatic scene, no drama. She just started to lose interest in him. She entered her quarters and started taking her armor off. She felt a little guilty that she may have been using him them, taking advantage of his crush on her when she felt death knocking on her door that night before Ilos. The weeks after, when they were tracking down the remaining geth, they had a relationship going, but it didn't feel right to her. There was no passion, no spark any more. The more she got to know him, the more his personality grated on her. The focus of the mission over, she was able to take a more critical look at who he really was. His clinginess, his insecurity, it frustrated her. Give it more time, she was sure she would have broken it off permanently.
Still, she wondered where he was, if he was doing okay. She'd asked Anderson about his whereabouts, but beyond that, she didn't have a strong drive to find him. When she'd gotten on the Normandy SR2, she'd found a pic on her desk of Kaidan, but had deleted it. She finished taking off the last of her armor and put it away. Standing naked and sweaty in her quarters, she brushed her damp hair off her face and walked towards her shower, thinking now about Garrus. She started to entertain thoughts of letting him know she was interested. Watching him almost die had been a wakeup call. This was a second chance for both of them.
Over the next weeks she continued working, building her crew, researching. She felt she was growing closer to Garrus, and maybe that he liked her a little bit as well. They'd always been close, best friends, but it seemed like there was potential for more.
She felt a ping of anxiety when the Illusive man called her in for a debrief on the Horizon mission, and he told her Kaidan was stationed there. Not sure of how he would react, or her own feelings, she was quiet on the ride.
Garrus noticed it. He leaned towards her and said quietly, "You nervous Mordin's measures against the seekers won't work? I'm sure he wouldn't send us in there if he wasn't confident."
She shook her head no. "The Illusive man said Kaidan was stationed on Horizon."
Garrus leaned back and slowly nodded. "I see. You are anxious to see him?"
"Actually, no."
He looked at her, puzzled.
She kept her voice quiet so Jack couldn't hear her. "We were, in a relationship before, you know."
"Yes."
"But, it wasn't working out."
"I never asked you about him, I just assumed you were still trying to find him." Garrus shifted in his seat.
"No, I mean, I hope he's okay, and we shared something back then, but we weren't working out. We weren't right for each other. I didn't like who he was, not for me anyway."
Garrus looked genuinely surprised.
"I'm just, not sure of what we'll find down there. He may not even be there anyway. It just – brings up old memories. That's all."
Garrus patted her leg and she leaned against his shoulder. Soon they were on the planet, and the fight distracted her from all thoughts of Kaidan. The Collector's upgrades to the husks, the convoluted creatures made from human dead were worse than anything they'd faced before. Attempting to get the gun turrets up, she heard Jack mutter, "Holy hell."
They looked up and saw a huge creature shooting lasers at them. "Is that - human heads in its mouth?" Garrus yelled out.
Shepard looked around the corner of a crate. He was right. The horror was never ending.
"Flank it and take it out!" she commanded.
Taking cover, they systematically whittled down its defenses and it looked like they were losing, as she saw Jack on the ground, and Garrus being tracked by the creature. Frantically she looked around and spied some heavy ammo. "Cover me!" she told Garrus over the comm, and quickly reloaded her gun. Prone on the ground, she aimed at the creature and took it out as Garrus unloaded all his ammo on it. Finally it disintegrated. Garrus ran over to Jack and revived her with medigel.
They were almost leveled to the ground from the shockwave when the ship took off. One of the colonists was yelling at her, when a familiar voice sent chills down her neck. She turned.
"Kaidan," she gasped.
"Shepard." He walked up to her, eyeing her critically. He hesitated, then pulled her into a hug.
She hugged him, then pulled back. She was happy to see him, fearing he'd been taken away on the collector ship.
"How have you been?"
He frowned, "How can you ask me that? I thought you were dead. Now you're back after two years asking me how I've been?"
His voice bordering on a screech, Shepard took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
"It wasn't my choice. I was in a coma for two years. Cerberus rebuilt me. I asked Anderson about you, but he said you were on a top secret mission."
He backed away a few steps. "So the rumors are true? You're working for Cerberus now."
"I'm working with them, not for them."
He smirked and shook his head. "How could you?"
"No one is investigating these colony disappearances out here. How long can we wait while they put together a committee? How many people will disappear? You saw what happened today, I'm on a mission to do something about it now, before it's too late."
Kaidan shook his head, "We had something Shepard, I loved you."
She looked down, unsure what to say, not wanting to have this scene play out in front of Garrus and Jack.
She put her hand to her head, "Kaidan, you know me. I'm only doing this for the right reasons."
To her surprise, Garrus piped up, "You can't see past your own prejudices to see the truth."
Kaidan glared at him. He turned his attention back to Shepard. "I know where my loyalties are. You've betrayed me, betrayed the Alliance. You're a traitor." He turned and quickly walked away as Shepard, shocked, stared open-mouthed at him. Garrus was suddenly at her side, his hand on her shoulder. "Let him go."
She nodded, then turned and called Joker to send the shuttle. The ride back was quiet. As Jack and Garrus left the shuttle, Garrus turned back to see Shepard taking off her helmet and running her gloved hand through her hair.
He leaned a hand against the wall of the shuttle. "Don't let him get to you."
She smiled weakly, "I won't. I was just shocked, that's all," she looked up at him, "He pretty much solidified my feelings for him, though."
He laughed, "That he did."
She stood up and walked over to him, "I thought at least he'd trust me enough to give me a chance to explain."
Garrus nodded, and put his arm around her, leading her out of the shuttle.
"I mean, take you for instance. You were with me almost as long as he was on the SR1. You stayed on the SR2, even after you found out it was a Cerberus, a human-first organization, by the way, ship. Sure, you asked me about it, but you trusted me, and came with me and have been fighting alongside me." She shook her head, "The other crew too. Now you know what I saw in Kaidan that I didn't like."
"Definitely. I guess I'm just a special kind of guy."
"You are to me," she looked up at him and gave him a squeeze.
The next week went by with Shepard able to finally put Kaidan completely behind her. Focusing again on the mission, she was thrilled to bring Tali on board, along with Samara, the Justicar.
She confided her feelings for Garrus to Tali.
"I knew it!" she squealed.
"What? How did you know that?" Shepard said incredulously.
"Well, I always felt some kind of connection between you two, more than just a friendship."
"Oh yea?" Shepard pulled her feet up underneath her and gave Tali her full attention, "You think he likes me that way? I've been kind of thinking so myself. Especially now that he knows Kaidan is out of the picture for good."
"I think he does. It's just a feeling."
Shepard sat back. "I think I'm going to let him know."
The next day they were on Tuchanka, helping Grunt with his rite of passage. It was a tough mission, and seeing Wrex again made Shepard think about how much time has really changed since she was last with her original crew.
Grunt paced on the shuttle triumphantly. "We did it!" he went over and shook Shepard's hand for the hundredth time, "I am proud to be a part of your krant, Shepard."
"It's an honor for me as well, Grunt."
He pumped his fists together, "Yeah!"
Shepard laughed at his enthusiasm, as Garrus grinned at her from across the shuttle. Soon they were back on board and exited into the cargo bay.
Shepard called Garrus back, "Could you help me with my armor?"
"Sure," he said, pulling on the latch until it came free.
"I think the dirt from Tuchanka got in. I'll have to clean it out."
"Well, if you need me to help you undress, just give me a call." He walked over to the elevator.
She called back to him, "I'll keep that in mind." She took off the rest of her armor and left it the cargo bay to clean the dust out later. Hmm. Maybe I'll go see if Garrus is more than just talk.
In her underarmor, she checked in with Miranda and then made her way to the Armory bay.
"Shepard," he turned as his door opened. "Just checking a few things. I see you got your armor off. You know, I can go clean it up later. I'm almost done with my calibrations."
"That would be great. I've got to write up today's mission report."
"I figured. So, some mission today, huh? Never thought I'd see something like that."
She leaned against the railing by his console. "Me neither. I don't know how I'd make it through this mission without you."
"Fortunately, you won't have to."
She smiled and walked up closer to him. She touched the bandages on the right side of his face. "Does it hurt much?"
"Only when I laugh."
She smiled.
"Seriously though, it's not too bad. Dr. Chakwas said they'd be able to come off in the next few weeks. There will be permanent scarring, though."
Still lightly touching the bandages, she moved her fingers across to the scars. "I don't mind them. I think you look handsome." She turned her gaze to look him in the eye and reached her other hand up around the back of his neck, leaning up to lightly kiss his cheek. She felt his hands reach up and pull her hands down.
"Jane, stop."
She pulled back, looking up at him.
He shook his head, "I can't. We can't go there." He said softly, but firmly.
She let her hands fall down to her sides and backed away. "I – I'm sorry, Garrus. I –" she could feel her emotions overcome her. She cleared her throat and swallowed hard, "I didn't mean to upset you, let's just forget this ever happened."
He nodded and looked at her with concern. She forced a smile and turned, leaving his quarters. As the doors closed behind her, she let the full force of her mortification wash over her. She closed her eyes tightly, clenching her fists. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and walked quickly across the mess hall and into the elevator up to her quarters.
She really thought he might be interested in a relationship with her. His reaction had taken her completely off guard. She reprimanded herself for not trying a more subtle way of gauging his interest first. She leaned over her desk and let out a long sigh. "Damn." She was disappointed, and now had to think about how to maintain a friendship with him after she'd let him know how she was romantically interested in him.