Nothing.
He feels like nothing and everything, all at once.
Every step feels like a dream. He drags his feet. For once, he doesn't bother covering his trail. Only one walker steps into his path on his way back to the prison.
His heart alternates between disappearing from his chest and resting on the ground. He knows it beats. It must, for he is still alive. But all he can feel is numbness.
He is alive.
Merle is not.
It is not the first time -
nonono not the first
there was a roof top in Atlanta
a lopped off hand
the crusted remains of a forced cauterization
but that had left hope
when they could not find him there was that little hope in the back of his mind
nothing can kill Merle but Merle
Merle is deadeadeadeadaeadGONE
and he's not coming back
because he already came back
and Daryl had to tell him goodbye
with a knife in his brother's forehead and guts in his mouth
Gloomy gray peeks through the trees. He slogs up the path to the prison. The familiarity brings him back to himself. Just a bit. But the walkers' moans make sure his mind remains on the body.
He'll have to go back for it.
Soon.
Nothing about it seems real. Only Merle can kill Merle. And it was Merle that killed Merle - someone else fired the parting shot, but it was Merle's decision.
The road through the courtyard seems too long. His slow gait means the walkers take no notice of him.
Carl opens the gate for him. Normally, he offers the squirt a thank you or a grin. He can't this time. Rick and Michonne are waiting for him, Hershel slightly behind them, and Maggie guarding her father.
Daryl speaks for the first time since he killed his brother. "Y' don't gotta worry 'bout Merle no more," he croaks. Rick's brow furrows.
"Did he go back to the Governor?" he asks. Daryl shakes his head no and stares at the man who was once police, once a good man, once sane. "Did he run off?" Another shake of the head. "What happened?"
"Don't matter. Y' just. . .don't gotta worry." His throat feels like a thousand years worth of sand.
"That's -" Rick pauses and shakes his head. "I understand if you don't want to tell us where your brother went, but we have to know. We can't - we can't afford him betraying us. He's been in the prison and he knows our defenses."
Daryl shakes his head.
Rick explodes. Something tells Daryl he shouldn't have, but Rick's lost a lot of himself since
since Lori died
he understands the insanity now
if he squints just a little he can see Merle over Rick's shoulder, grinning and talking about Officer Friendly not being so friendly
but he doesn't squint
Merle wouldn't want that.
"WHERE IS MERLE?" Rick shouts. "We need to know! My son, my d-daughter, all our lives are at stake! He could turn this into a slaughter!"
Daryl wavers and wobbles and finally -
breaks.
He screams at Rick, "He's dead! He's fuckin' dead, and he ain't fuckin' comin' back because he already done that shit! Some fucker shot him and I had t' put him down!"
rick has nothing to say
even if he did Daryl can't hear it
everything's hot
sweating swimming
michonne says "s"
world trembl?e, thud
d
ark
ness