A/N: So I haven't written fics in the longest time. I've been too swamped with school work I forgot all about it. Anyway, I'm back! Follows after the finale and extends a little bit over 5x01/02. But not overlapping 5x03 because that's just screwed up. Anyway, please read and review! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own and I am not affiliated to Grey's Anatomy or any characters used in this story. I do not own Sara Bareilles' song One Sweet Love.
Breakthroughs
The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me... to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary's
Suicide... oh I wish I knew
--One Sweet Love
Sara Bareilles
Derek
There's something about breakthroughs that makes things a whole lot different.
The night your clinical trial patient wakes up, you find Meredith in your land surrounded by a hundred candles and she tells you she's whole and healed. An hour before that, you were rummaging in the garbage looking for the discarded bottle of champagne, and you finally realize what mess you've gotten yourself into.
When Meredith tells you that she believes in being extraordinary together, you kiss her hard. The familiar lavender scent overwhelms you as you breathe her in and the next thing you know, you're walking away from her but not without a promise that you'd come back.
You're scared that you won't find her when you get back. An hour (or two) after you left to break up with Rose, you find Meredith curled up in your hammock sleeping and your eyes stray over to the candle house she made. She moved, but she didn't leave.
So she waited for you. She built you a house out of candles and she wants a lifetime with you. And you know this girl. This thing right here is a breakthrough for Meredith Grey.
xxxxx
The two of you are doing the talking thing. It's hard, but you are actually making progress and you tell your girlfriend that you want to know things. Anything really, as long as you'll know something about her.
It's a challenge for her and she takes it. More often than not, she likes the challenge.
You start it off with little things. Like ice cream flavors and books she's read before medicine corrupted her brain. She giggles when you finish asking, and you hold your breath, afraid that she's going to deny you this request—only, she doesn't.
You're sitting outside the benches of Seattle Grace over lunch break, in your scrubs and lab coats, talking about non-sense things that people usually reserved for their first dates. You two however, don't mind. Meredith's got a huge glass of strawberry milkshake and you're eating a sandwich. It almost feels like you've been doing this since you were in junior high.
You're excited to know that she likes strawberry ice cream with the chunks in it. She likes Haruki Murakami's novels and she's got a couple of poems by Pablo Neruda stuck to her head. She can't draw to save her life, and the only thing her mother ever taught her was to make a pot of coffee because Ellis Grey thought it was one of life's most important lessons. You discover that her middle name is Elizabeth and she's never told anyone about it but you (and Cristina, of course.)
"But Richard knows your middle name," you state and she shakes her head, laughing.
"He doesn't count. He was the one who filled out my birth certificate."
You blink back at her in confusion and she simply shrugs the thought off.
So the conversation starts with your middle name.
"My middle name is…"
"Christopher," she cuts you off effectively and you look at her in surprise. "I have my sources." She offers by way of explanation and you simply nod, impressed at the thought that she knew something about you.
She knows more things about you than you ever thought.
She knows that you like single malt scotch because that was what your father liked to drink when you were a child. She knows that you like the occasional fudge brownie they sell in the coffee cart near the entrance, and that the reason you eat muesli is because you hate the powdered sugar they put on the Cheerios. She knows that the only poem you've memorized is "I do not love you except because I love you" by Pablo Neruda and she looks at you with sad eyes.
"I love you only because it's you the one I love," she whispers softly and you cup her cheek with your hand.
She knows the poem and smiles before looking up at you to remind you that you're a hopeless romantic. You don't argue because it's true. She knows you know how to dance and that she's the only person you're willing to dance with in public—at least after Addison which was during the prom.
She knows that you love her and you know that she loves you—even if you're both not good at showing it.
xxxxx
Your girlfriend just asked you to live with her. You don't want to look surprised, but you know you are and you immediately answer yes. Meredith's amazed you agree so easily and you shrug, asking her if she's ready.
"I'm leaning into the fear and getting a happy ending," she says, and you look at her in slight confusion.
"I don't even know what that means."
A few hours later, you're sitting on an empty gurney in the hall with your stabbed hand in front of Meredith. You want to tell her how this happened, but she's busy padding antiseptic on your wound that you think she didn't hear you.
"Aaaah," you wince and she continues to put the stinging liquid on your hand.
"I am not sure that moving in together is a good idea," she says and you grit your teeth trying to bear the pain from the wound.
"Okay. Fine."
"Fine? What does that mean?"
"It means that I know you," you say looking up at her as she continues the procedure on your hand without even looking. Meredith looks at you curiously and you know that the conversation will soon turn into a serious one.
"So what, you didn't believe me that I would let you move in, in the first place?"
"I believe that you believed it." She simply stares at you. "Look, I'm gonna move very slowly," you assure her and you remember the promise you said when you got back together, "baby steps, no sudden moves." You chuckle slightly because she reminds you of deer peering out of the trees in the forest during hunting season. "You're like a deer in the woods."
"Okay," she retorts, smiling slightly, "I built a house of candles. That is unprecedented in the Meredith chronicles."
"Fine, let's move in together." You finally push and she nods her head.
"Fine."
She finishes up with your bloody hand and prepares the gauze to go over it. You honestly don't know what's going on inside her head so you take the chance and say something—though you know you might get in trouble after that.
"Unless of course you just wanna go ahead and get married." She looks at you and you laugh at the joke you just made. "Gotcha." She's still staring at you and you wonder if she's mulling over the thought inside her head.
But the truth is that's what you want. And you know she wants the same things—it's just that maybe, it's not yet time.
xxx
You hear about Cristina getting impaled by an icicle and Meredith calls to tell you that she's going to bring her home. She asks if you want to meet up before you leave for the trailer and you agree.
She's waiting for you in the lobby trying to occupy a cranky looking Cristina. You see her as you step out of the elevator and you kiss her on the crown of her head when you reach her, acknowledging the grumbling resident beside her. Cristina simply rolls her eyes at the two of you and looks away.
"Nice to see you too, Dr. Yang," you say by way of greeting and Cristina continues to roll her eyes at you. Meredith however has stood up and kissed you on the cheek. "Hey."
"Hey. So, I'll just meet up with you at the trailer?" You nod, unable to hide the grin spreading over your face. She narrows her eyes at you. "What?"
"Nothing," you reply and brush your lips with hers before preparing to leave. Your eyes stray to Cristina and back to Meredith. "You gonna be okay over here?"
She shrugs. "Yeah, we're gonna be fine. She just needs some food and a bed."
"Don't let her do anything stupid." You point towards Cristina with your thumb before turning to leave. "I'll see you in a while." You wave goodbye and walk towards the parking lot, thinking of passing by an office warehouse to see if you could get a couple of boxes you'll need when you move out.
You know she's scared. You know she's terrified of the things she's been doing but you can't help but smile. And be outrageously happy about things. Because she's taking steps—little steps, big steps, she's trying to do it too. You want to give your share of the bargain by waiting for her because really, everything's worth it to those who wait.
xxx
At first you thought this was going to be the most awkward thing—ever. Living with your girlfriend, in her house, with her roommates, and you're their boss. Not only their boss, but their boss' boss. And you're their teacher. Which probably makes things extra extra weird.
But you're surprised it doesn't go that way. When you park your Range Rover in the driveway of Meredith's house, she's already made space for your enormous SUV and she's waiting for you in the front porch of the house. You jump down from the car and she approaches you with a kiss on the cheek and you can't help but imagine doing this for the rest of your lives. She hands you a keychain of a little plastic ferryboat with a bunch of keys in it and she sheepishly apologizes for picking out a corny keychain. She rambles about it for a while, something about limited choices and a crappy hospital gift shop and something you didn't even bother to listen to because you kiss her. Hard. And you manage to tell her that the keychain is perfect and you weren't looking for anything fancy. Nothing matters anymore because now you're moving in her house and you're going to wake up with her next to you every single day.
After an hour of unpacking, when you've put all your clothes in Meredith's drawer and she's made some space for you in her closet, you admire her for taking this step with you. She's placed all your hair products and your toothbrush in the bathroom and she's fluffed up your pillows on the bed. She asks you if you want dinner because Izzie ordered some Italian food out and you're surprised it wasn't awkward. You both fall into the regular banter you always do and Izzie excuses herself, claiming she can't survive anything mushy and gooey tonight. Meredith simply laughs her off. She's comfortable with you, you're happy eating dinner with her and you don't seem to run out of things to talk about.
After dinner, you find the two of you tangled in the sheets covered in the slick sweat that comes with the mind-blowing sex she never fails to deliver. Things never change.
She looks over at you and you wrap your arm around her waist, pulling her close to spoon her. You begin to wonder what's going on inside her head because she's normally not this quiet after sex and you're afraid that she's freaking out.
"Hey," you whisper. "Are you okay?"
She nods against you and you kiss her gently on the neck. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"Something's on your mind."
You have this talent. You have this talent of reading Meredith like a book without having to ask her questions or having to ask other people what's wrong with her. You've never been this way with Addison because she's always been so outspoken and the need was never there, but with Meredith, you seem to have acquired the skill. And tonight, you find the need to figure out what's on Meredith's mind before she buries it deep inside. She sighs and rolls over to face you, her eyes showing nothing but fear… and something else. Love?
"I'm going to try to make this work, okay?" She says and you prop your head with your hand to listen to her fully. "I'm going to try and lean into the fear so I can get my happy ending. Because Derek, really, I'm scared here. So if I mess up, don't give up so easily, okay?"
"And here I thought you were scared because I moved in with you."
She looks alarmed, and she stutters before answering. "What? No. No! Of course not, it's not because you moved in. I mean, you moving in is perfect, it's just that…" She's rambling and you put a finger on her mouth to silence her.
"I'm not giving up that easily okay?" You assure her. "We're taking it slow. I don't want to mess this up because I don't want to lose it again. Okay?"
"Okay."
You've managed to get used to her being not emotional and all, so you're everything but contented to have her beside you in bed. But she rolls over to face you and you simply stare at her, and she says something so quietly you were afraid you heard her wrong.
"I love you."
It's been a while since she's said that to you. So you smile and caress her cheek with your finger, not before you whisper the same reassuring words to her. "I love you too."
You both fall asleep after a little bit more conversation and you can't keep the smile off your face that night.
xxxxx
You take Meredith out for dinner. Like a real dinner date, with waiters, private booths and fancy tablecloths on the table. You're sitting on one of those round booths with seats that wrap around the table and she sits across the table from you, like normal couples do.
You tell her that this is your first date.
"Third first date," she corrects and your brow furrows in confusion, "You know, the third time you brought me someplace?"
"When was the first one?"
"When we had breakfast in that little café near the hospital."
You chuckle and she rolls her eyes at you. The sommelier arrives with a bottle of red wine and you reach out to pull Meredith to your side.
"I don't think that was a date. It was breakfast after all."
"The other one then. The one with the wine and the ferry boats."
You remember that day. It was raining and you just ran a 24-hour shift, and you find your girlfriend waiting for you with a bottle of wine and a promise to bring you to a place that overlooked the ferryboats. And she did bring you to the place with the ferryboats—because she knew you liked the view from up there. You don't consider it a date because she planned it and the only thing you did was to drive to wherever it was she wanted you to take her.
"Nope," you shake your head, remembering that day, "sorry. You were the one who brought me out to that spot; I don't think that was a date."
She narrows her eyes at you and her eyebrow rises in surprise. "So if it's me who brings you out, it's not considered a date?"
"Well, no. It's not a date—well, at least for me. I still like to think that I'm a gentleman and besides," you reach out to stroke her hair, "there wasn't any dinner involved. That's not a date."
Your food arrives and you offer her your first bite of steak. You watch her take the meat, her lips sliding delicately off your fork and you can't help but wish that you were that fork right now. After that, she offers you the pasta she ordered and you tease her for eating something not-Meredith. She rolls her eyes and gets back at you by stuffing a piece of bread she doused with olive oil and she laughs at your disgusted face.
You eat your dinner with jokes about Mark and bad impersonations of cranky Cristina. When the waiter arrives and asks you if you want dessert, Meredith doesn't take the dessert menu—instead, she orders right off the bat and you love her for it.
"Cheesecake," she says and the waiter nods his head, "do you have cheesecake?"
"Yes, Madame. You might like the chef's special tonight, strawberry cheesecake with chocolate…"
Meredith shrugs and smiles sweetly at the young waiter standing beside your table. "Surprise us," she says and he shuffles off to serve your order.
The strawberry cheesecake arrives and it comes with only one fork. She doesn't ask for another one but instead, she tucks herself closer to you and takes the first bite.
"You're not giving me any?" You ask, giving her that pouty look that always worked on her. She smiles and offers you the next bite.
"Sure I am," she whispers softly in your ear, "because I love you so much that I can let you have the last piece of cheesecake."
And you love her for that. Because she loves you so much that makes her want to hate you and love you. She'll pretend to like your taste in music. She'll hold a radio over her head and let you have the last piece of cheesecake—even if it is the chef's special.
xxxxx
Meredith's sleeping. You've been paging her for the past ten minutes and she hasn't answered any one of them, so you go off looking for her in the most obvious places you could think of. She wasn't in the on-call rooms on the surgical floor, or the ones close to the pit or the clinic, so you figure that she's down in the tunnels sleeping it off in one of the empty gurneys they left there.
And she is there, lying face down on a gurney with the blinking pager stuck to her scrub pants. You know she's tired because her shift started six hours before yours so when you sit beside her on the gurney, you're careful not to wake her up. You were just about to reach out to her when she suddenly bolts up from sleep, breathing heavily and clutching tightly to the gurney's rails. She blinks rapidly and looks up at you in surprise.
"Derek," she breathes and she gets up to tuck herself close to you, "thank God."
You pull her up against you and she rests her head on your shoulder. She's shaking and she's trying to control her breathing so you stay like this for a while as you wait for her to calm down.
"What happened?" You ask and she looks at you like she's ready to cry. "Meredith, what's wrong?"
"I'm scared," she admits and the dam breaks so you let her cry. You whisper quiet reassurances in her ear and she hiccups, broken gasps and watery sobs making up for what used to be words you could understand. "I'm scared. Please, please Derek. Please don't leave me. Ever."
"What?" You ask in confusion but Meredith's still shaking in your arms, "I'm not going anywhere…"
"I don't want to lose you." The words stumble helplessly in her mouth as she tries her hardest to choke back the sobs, "I dreamt… oh God. I'm… I don't… don't want to lose you…"
She looks up at you with red rimmed eyes and you can't help but try to make things better. You kiss her forehead and she closes her eyes at the contact and you're happy she's letting you hold her.
"What happened?"
"Don't die on me Derek. Promise me you're not gonna die on me."
"I'm not…"
"You died Derek," she says quietly, her voice breaking, "in my dream you died. When you left me in the candle house, you didn't come back. And I had to see you die. For the fucking hundredth time, I dreamt that you died. For the hundredth time I had to see Bailey give up on saving you and you die. Derek, I can't… I just…"
You've never seen her like this. You've never seen her so afraid because all her life, she's always been the girl who never asked comfort from anyone, the girl who's never had anyone to hug her, the girl who's always told the world that she's dark and twisty. But today, as she continues to shake against your chest, crying her heart out for fear that she'll lose you because of a dream… well—you can't help but hold her tighter and never let go.
"How long have you been having this dream?" You ask her when she's finally calmed down. You wipe away the tears with your fingers and she smiles weakly, trying her best not to look at you. "Meredith?"
"A couple of days… probably a week…" You eye her suspiciously and she relents, "okay. Maybe a day after we left the candle house."
"Mer," you sigh and you pull away from her, "why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought it was just my neurosis getting the best of me." She stops. "I'm in therapy Derek."
You eye her warily but you don't judge her. Instead, you bury your nose in her hair and she relaxes against you, which you hope in all hopes that that's the response you want her to have.
"Okay."
"It's just… I'm so scared…"
"Of?"
She sighs and pulls away from you, and drops herself heavily on the gurney's cushion. You pull her legs up over your thighs and you lean on the brick wall behind you. "The happy ending. I'm just so fucking scared I'm not going to get the happy ending," she says and turns her head to look at you, "because seriously. Who the hell gets their happy ending nowadays? I mean, it's only nothing but the stuff you leave to imagine in your dreams."
You run your hands through your hair and contemplate on her words. As a kid, you were led to believe that there is such a thing as fairy tales and happy endings. After all, you had four sisters—four sisters who all dressed up as princesses and played with dolls and little tea sets. You were the only boy so when your mother told them stories about far-away princesses and handsome princes, you told yourself that when you grow up, you'll be somebody's prince charming.
You just weren't expecting to be the guy who's gonna be convincing the princess that you're her knight in shining whatever. You get up and hover above her, using your arms to support most of your weight as you suspend yourself over her. You lose yourself in her grey-green eyes and pause for a moment before you say something.
"Look, we're not perfect, I know that. And I know that how we got here, it's all crappy and messed up. We started on the wrong foot, probably even fucked everything up. But you know what matters the most to me?"
"What?"
"It's that you're here and I'm here for you. Because no matter what happens, no matter how many more crappy things that comes our way, we're going to fight for that happy ending." She looks up at you and you smile down at her, dropping a kiss on her lips before straightening up. "You should get the happy ending Mer. Because you deserve so much better."
She stares at you dumbfounded, but not without a shadow of a smile on her lips. She pulls on your collar and kisses you deep before you pull away, and you feel so giddy that you're going to explode. Your pager beeps and you see it's an emergency so you cock your head to the side, dropping a fleeting kiss on her forehead before leaving.
"Page me if you need me. I'll be back, I promise," you whisper as she straightened the collar of your lab coat, "I love you."
You leave Meredith on the gurney and smile at her before walking away. You hear a faint "I love you" as you walk away and you can't help but smile at the moment. She loves you and you love her, and you can't think of anything better than that.
There is a happily ever after. It may not be perfect, sure, but there is a happily ever after. The two of you are legends—the Seattle Grace legend and you'll be damned if you don't get that happy ending for your princess.