He Who Rules
Author's note: With no novelization of the movie, I've taken some liberty of my own to flesh out some of the scenes. Mostly, this is just drabble, J/N and such, but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless.
**
Even through the haze of a mind stuck in cryo for years, the majesty of planet reached him. It was like the fulfillment of a dream that was not his own. God, how Tom would have wanted to see this, he thought. Sunlight shone through the window port as Alpha Centauri rose above the terminator of the great gas giant. Heavenly light was everywhere, bathing the moon of Pandora in a wondrous glow. It was so lush and alive even in high orbit, nothing like the savage world the holo-band portrayed it as.
Attitude jets fired, twisting the drop-shuttle around, allowing him to see the ISV Venture Star from outside for the first time. She was massive beyond belief, a patchwork of cables and support girders, life support modules and shuttles. It was a wonder that human hands had built her. The great hybrid fusion/antimatter drive glowed faintly red, cooling from years of activity, resting for the long journey home. The starship was at once an imposing and powerful craft, yet a strangely fragile thing at the same time. It was a beautiful sight, a machine so unlike the warring cesspit it hailed from.
Mankind could sail the very stars, he thought, but couldn't even rule itself.
**
What was left to lose for a cripple in a box? Learning the ways of the Omaticaya might have been troubling for another, laden with fear and preconceptions. Jake had none of these, for he had nothing left to lose. He had no fear of death, nothing left to do but to live, and that he did, with every insane leap, with every powerful lunge. The Na'vi were impressed by his undaunted recklessness, it was something they could understand and respect, perhaps even admire. This was why no scientist had been able to penetrate so far into their society, only someone with nothing to lose could stand a world without soft comfort, without convenience or even structured order.
Neytiri's breath was hot on his shoulder, guiding his hand silently, pointing the bow upwards,and adjusting his aim. Her hand brushed against his as if to say 'this is the way.' The arrow flew straight and true, landing within a finger's length of the target. For her part, the Na'vi hunter smiled, letting go a slight grunt of approval.
"You learn well, Jakesully."
Yeah, he thought, I learn well. Jake was learning far too much for his liking. Which world was the dream and which was reality had become so much more confusing. Neytiri's eyes blinked as she gazed into his just a moment longer than comfort would have dictated.
**
Choosing a woman? Technically, he knew this as a Na'vi ritual. Norm had given him the briefing on every aspect of their culture that could be crammed into his mind. But he hadn't really considered that, had he? The lie of it was apparent even to him, but he struggled to deny it anyway. I'm a cripple in a box. Jesus, I'm not even her species. His thoughts were chaotic, spinning, not so different from that moment when he switched between bodies, waking from the dream or sleeping once again. But his mouth moved anyway…
"…this woman must also choose me." The words were not his own, yet they were. The contradiction was nauseating. What was he doing? But he couldn't stop the words, watching as Neytiri's eyes widened in recognition and shock. Euphoria, fear and denial circled around his mind, but he couldn't stop the moment even if he wanted to. Her nervous smile came quickly…
**
"…we are mated for life."
The words echoed in his mind, repeating endlessly, like a broken record. What had he done? He moved about the research center as if in a trance, unable to speak, ignoring all those around him. Stilted movements governed him, simple repetitive things to keep his body alive, in the manner of maintaining some piece of equipment. Food was shoveled into his face with mechanical precision. Facial hair was appropriately trimmed. Sweat was washed off. He didn't even want to be here anymore, it just didn't feel real. Neytiri was all he wanted.
His mind was stuck in an endless loop of euphoria and dread, knowing what would come of all this, but unable to simply shutoff his emotions. Was it only because of his avatar that he felt strongly so about her, or was it truly him? But he already knew the answer, allowing himself the realization.
What am I doing? He asked himself again. But he was no longer in control of himself or events. He was a passenger now, watching helplessly as he fell in love against his will.
**
For a moment, he was Jake Sully again. Over and over the attack played in his mind, Neytiri's tears, the collapsing tree, the scents of death and ash. It all combined to tear his heart asunder, shocking him so badly he was afraid to return, if it were even possible now. It certainly didn't seem so, stuck in this cell, his mind adrift.
"…we are mated for life." Yeah, he thought, except that I fucked that up, and her entire world too. Everything he had done had been wrong. One of the first lessons a soldier had to face was that he couldn't become too involved. His was a world of death, not of life. That was the only thing he could offer her, and he'd certainly delivered it. Pandora had looked so peaceful, so vibrant from orbit. But it was like they all said here, this world was a special kind of hell.
**
"I see you." Neytiri said simply.
There was relief in her eyes, and he felt the forgiveness in her heart. It made him whole again, ready to fight, ready for vengeance. Nothing else mattered but her words, her love, her forgiveness. It was funny how easy it was to become Toruk Makto when you actually wanted to die. Maybe that was the secret, that only a broken soul could ride the great beast. Fortunately someone had been looking out for him, God, Eywa, who knew, but someone. Whispers were everywhere, gasps of amazement mixed with deep solemn respect. No one would doubt his loyalty now, not even himself.
**
Death surrounded him everywhere, Scorpions and Samsons dog fighting with ikrans and mounted Na'vi. History held tales of these close-up, deadly melees, but nothing could have prepared him for this. His mount gripped another Samson, claws digging into metal with horrendous screeches, slamming the contraption against the side of the mountain. Everywhere around him, metal, fire and flesh fell to the forests far below, a very literal rain of death. They were losing, and he knew it. Desperation struck him in that moment and he twisted the machine gun about with one hand, firing into the cockpit of a Scorpion about to light him up.
The dream had become a nightmare, but there was no stopping it now. A corner of his mind fixed upon his bond with Neytiri. His mate was still alive, he could feel that much, but for how much longer he couldn't say. Mentally, he had prepared himself for the possibility that she might die, but emotionally? Fuck, I'm a wreck already, he thought.
**
No Na'vi could have stood up to AMP suit in hand to hand combat, yet Jake was doing it. The fear he felt was not for himself, the rage pumping through his veins was like a drug, circulating through him. His mate was threatened and it drove his body into a frenzy that could only be compared to that of a berserker. Steel crashed against steel as he parried vicious attacks, protecting his trapped mate from Quaritch's insane blood-lust.
Then something changed, the soldier focused on the avatar container, smashing through the window, horror creeping over Jake's features… he tried to reconnect and for a moment, the pain tore through his body once again… he was reaching for the mask, but there was nothing but blackness…
**
Gasps came and went, fogging his mask as he fumbled for the clear button. The condensation vanished sharply, leaving him face to face with Neytiri. As always, his mind was a jumbled mess of chaotic thoughts, switching between bodies so often had a way of doing that. Their bond was still there, different, but still there even though he figured that was technically impossible. Love, fear, euphoria and shame mixed into a torrent of emotional wreckage that stirred in his mind. Good God, I'm a marine… get a hold of yourself, he thought.
"I see you." And he did.
This world brought out so much in him he never knew existed. How could you fall in love with an alien? But he'd done it anyway. His hand reached out to touch her, the need to know she was alright outweighing the shame of his fragile, broken human body. So many others had died, but somehow she lived. Guilt nagged at him for focusing so much on her when so many others had died, but he couldn't help it.
"…we are mated for life." The memory stirred unbidden, and he knew the truth of it.
Her eyes didn't turn away from him, didn't waver in their determination or their love. Silence stretched out for moments, but it was not awkward or strange. Sometimes words were just a distraction, meaningless babble that couldn't even hope to convey the depth of thought and feeling.
"My Jake…" She soothed, lifting him gently out of the container, fighting a tear. Any other time, he would have demanded angrily to do the job himself. The defensiveness of a cripple was not something to be taken lightly. With her it didn't matter. He would have done the same, and she knew it. Somehow that made it okay…
**
Engines roared as the shuttle took off, stirring dust and debris everywhere, leaving Hell's Gate an abandoned, lifeless thing. Jake remembered the starship in orbit, the great metal monstrosity, both gorgeous and terrifying at the same time. Somehow he had known he would never return to it or to Earth. Somewhere deep within, he had recognized this place as home even then.
Go back to Earth, he thought, tell them what has happened here. Maybe they'll learn. Maybe they'll see. Mankind could rule the stars and search the boundless universe, but they would never find their answers out there. Jake's eyes lingered a moment on the vanishing shuttle before turning to Neytiri, smiling with anticipation and with love.
A man wasn't defined by his personal pile of dirt and rock, his money or his fame. It wasn't he who ruled that mattered, but rather, what ruled him.