Disclaimer: I do not own, and will not ever own gundam seed.
Note: Feeling a bit...strange... this is what comes of it. Reviewers get cookies :D
In the heat of the moment, we can make mistakes. More often then it seems those mistakes end up being the ones that are the hardest to fix. Sometimes they can not, in fact, ever be fixed, for it is something that changes things beyond proportion. It probably would have been better if I had never been thrown into that particular situation in the first place, or never given the means to make such mistakes. However, the fact remains that I was in that situation, and I had the means. I made a mistake. I have made so many mistakes, so it really shouldn't have made that much of a difference. But, in this mistake, I killed a person who was precious to a friend; a friend who is precious to me.
I killed him without a second thought of the real and actual consequences. He was simply in the way, and the cruel calculations of my mind determined that he had to be eliminated. I was angry, and frustrated, and in so much grief that I didn't even give him a chance. With a single swipe and a single thought, he was gone, all his thoughts and future stolen by me. I didn't stop to think that he was a friend of my friend, for at the time I didn't think of him as my friend at all. I didn't stop to think that he had a lover, who would be devastated by the loss. I didn't stop to think that he had a purpose in life, and was happy living it. I didn't think at all, I just destroyed.
Now that I have come to an understanding, and the uncontrollable rage has subsided, I feel nothing but guilt. I didn't even know him. I never gave him the chance to prove to me that he was a good person, I now just have to rely on the words of others. In my friend's eyes I can see the pain I have inflicted swirling around in a continuous circle, though I have long since been forgiven. I walk down the hallway and see the grief in the eyes of his teammates as they look at me, knowing that I was the one who took his life. And worst of all, I see his lover, her eyes blank with pure horror and withdrawal, and know that I am the one who caused her this pain.
In the heat of the moment, many impossible things can happen to you. Feelings can overcome you like never before, and you make choices based only on impulse. You never stop to think of cause and effect, action and consequence, or anything much at all. I learned, and paid for it, and still am paying for it, with grief, sorrow, and uncontrollable guilt.
Because in the heat of the moment, someone can die.