"Trion!" The Doctor said, flinging the doors of the TARDIS open. "Planet of bananas! My favorite planet. They grow the best bananas here." He slipped his sunglasses on with one hand while his other reached out for Rose, pulling her close. "The banana splits are to die for, but you absolutely have to have dinner first - they even make a soup out of bananas!"
"That doesn't exactly sound appetizing," said Jack, stepping out and squinting in the sun.
"Then feel free to stay here, Jack, you'll miss a fantastic meal!" The Doctor kept pulling Rose along in his excitement. She turned, and Jack slowly fell in step with her, his signature smirk on his face.
The landscape spread, lush and green around them. The TARDIS had landed on the edge of a bright forest, and they were walking down a dirt road leading to what looked like the main hub of the town. Just two blocks ahead, Rose could see dozens and dozens of people hustling and bustling up and down the street. Rose could feel her heart speeding up in excitement, as it always did upon landing on a new planet.
"This is the city of Tricorm," the Doctor went on. "Humans settled here about 3000 years ago, which was about 2500 years in your future, and they have the best restaurants here - the chefs really know their way around a banana-"
"If you expect me not to make a dirty joke about that statement…"Jack said, and the Doctor rolled his eyes.
"AS I WAS SAYING, the chefs here can really make a banana something special-"
Jack snickered.
"Oy, I'm talking here! You'll love it, Rose." They had reached the throngs of people, and the Doctor hopped onto the sidewalk, keeping a hold of Rose's hand so that she didn't get lost in the thick crowd. A dozen steps later, he guided her under a green and white awning in front of what looked like a restaurant. Jack fought his way through the crowd and stopped beside Rose. The Doctor held the door open for Rose, who nodded her head with a smile in thanks, but let go of the door and went in, leaving Jack to roll his eyes and pull the door open for himself.
As the hostess guided them to a booth next to the window, Rose breathed deeply, inhaling the light, sweet scent of bananas. She slid into the seat across from the Doctor, and Jack slid in next to her. She smiled at him. "This smells amazing, doesn't it?"
"Eh," Jack shrugged. "Not a huge fan of bananas myself, but I'll try anything once." He winked at her, sending her into a fit of giggles. Jack's attention shifted, however as a waiter came up to their table.
"Can I interest you three in some drinks, or would you like some more time with the menu?" he asked, and Rose noticed Jack looking him up and down.
"Actually, I was wondering if you still did the Chef's tasting experience? It's my friends' first time here, you see," the Doctor said.
"Of course. And to drink?"
"Banana soda," said the Doctor.
"Same, please," Rose said.
"I'll have the same." Jack said, and the waiter's eyes rested on Jack, taking in his model-like gorgeousness. Rose had to admit that it was unlikely that anyone could resist the bisexual charms of Jack. The first time she had met him, he swept her off her feet. Since then, she had watched him literally charm the pants off of men and women. She suspected the immortality thing from her Bad Wolf episode had given him a bit of a heady feeling, but at least he wasn't mad at her for it.
"I'll be right back with that." The waiter turned away slowly, eyes locked on Jack until he was fully turned and walked away.
"Another conquest, Jack?" Rose laughed.
"Who knows! Anything is possible." Jack smiled.
"Could you at least keep your conquesting to the bedroom? I don't feel like walking into the control room again to see you naked in MY jumpseat," the Doctor grumbled.
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Are you jealous, perhaps?" Jack's head shifted to Rose slightly, knowing that the Doctor had the hots for Rose but also knowing that neither one of them had acknowledged those feelings about each other. Rose was obviously smitten by him, but the Doctor was a harder shell to crack. It was amusing, watching the two of them dance around their feelings.
"Jealous is hardly the word. Queasy is more like it."
"At least someone's getting laid around here."
"Hey," Rose said, "can we have a nice meal without you two bickering like siblings?"
Jack smiled, nudging Rose with his shoulder as the Doctor raised an eyebrow. The waiter then came back with their drinks, setting them down wordlessly while obviously checking out Jack from the corner of his eye. Rose grabbed her drink after he left, lightly sipping at it. "Oh my gosh, Doctor, this is amazing!"
"Told you so." The Doctor lifted his own glass to his lips as Jack sniffed at his.
While they waited for their food, the Doctor rattled off interesting facts about the planet's history, the town, and, of course, bananas. The first course came, a type of salad with - what else - bananas, and the chattering died down.
Almost an hour had passed before Rose set down her spoon and pushed the last of her banana split away from her, leaning back. "I can't eat another bite, truly."
"That's okay, Rose," the Doctor said, scooping up the last melted dregs of his ice cream. "Not all of us can squeeze in every delicious morsel."
"Not all of us have a banana fettish," muttered Jack.
"Oy! You're free to go elsewhere with that attitude, I was gonna take you lot to the pub next door, but you bet your bum I won't be buying you a drink!"
"If you bought me a drink, that might mean you fancy me, Doctor."
"Far from it, con man."
"Oy!" Rose said. "A drink sounds good to me. And although I can't hold any more food, I'll bet I could drink both of ya under the table."
"Rose." The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "The drinks here are stronger than anything you have on earth. I highly doubt-"
"Doubt that I can beat you? Then beat me. How about you, Jack? Feel like getting whooped by a girl?"
Jack smiled. "For you, I'll bend over and call you my mommy."
"Jack!"
"Are you my mummy?"
Rose glared at him, and he laughed. "Okay, okay. But when I'm adequately drunk, I'll have enough courage to ask for that waiter's phone number."
"Allright, then." The Doctor threw some currency on the table and stood. "Allons-y!"
18 hours later
The Doctor slowly became aware of a faint beeping somewhere in his mind. Where was it coming from? Ah. His internal alarm...hmmm, that's interesting. He opened his eyes to find the underside of the TARDIS console. Strange. But how?
He slowly sat up and looked around. The TARDIS had dimmed the lights, but he could see that Rose was asleep, curled up in the jumpseat….she had changed her clothes? He couldn't remember her putting on the simple, lacy white dress she was currently sleeping in. And Jack...ah. He was asleep on the floor in between them, on top of his jacket...and he was wearing a white tuxedo jacket on top of the grey button-up shirt that he had been wearing when they had first left the TARDIS. And...oh, this was confusing...the Doctor looked down to find he was wearing one too.
He lifted a hand to run through his hair when a shimmer caught his eye.
No. Impossible.
He quickly stood up. Checking his internal alarm clock again….yes, it had been set eighteen hours ago, which should have been just when they sat down at the pub, but...what happened after that? He could remember drinking and joking with Rose and Jack, feeling more and more loose and comfortable and warm...and then nothing. What had happened? He looked at Rose, and then at Jack. And he froze.
Both Jack and Rose had a gold band on their fingers...exactly like the one on his own hand.
Impossible.
He walked over to Rose, who stirred just as his hand touched her cool forehead. She moaned, opening her eyes. "Ohhhhh...I feel like I got hit with a TARDIS."
"Rose," the Doctor said, kneeling beside her, "do you remember anything about last night?"
"I've got a bloody hangover, so I can take a guess…"
The Doctor remembered his emergency stash of medicine in the drawer on the console, and so he opened it, digging around for the right tablets. He handed two to Rose. "Here, let these melt on your tongue, you should feel better in a minute."
Jack sat up, blinking, hair sticking out wildly from his head. "Wha's going on?"
The Doctor handed him two tablets as well. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. Do you remember anything about last night?"
Jack's brow furrowed as he thought. "I remember falling off of my bar stool after that third drink, but that's as far as I can remember. Must've been okay, since we're back here."
"You fell off your stool? Lightweight," Rose muttered, still curled up in the seat.
"I told you, the liquor here is much stronger than anything you have on Earth." The Doctor took off the white jacket, making Jack look down at his own attire.
"Hey, I don't remember changing," he said.
"Nor do I," Rose said, feeling the new fabric under her fingers.
"Do either of you remember anything about these?" The Doctor held up his hand to reveal the thick gold ring on his finger. Jack looked down to find an identical ring on his finger, and Rose lifted her own to show a slimmer, more feminine gold band on hers.
"It's pretty. Where did they come from?" she asked.
The Doctor ran his hand through his hair, pulling at his ear. "Well...one thing I didn't tell you is that on Trion, they don't have marriages of two, they have marriages of three. Thus the "Tri" of "Trion". And you don't buy wedding rings, they are given to you during the wedding."
"You've got to be bloody kidding me." Rose's eyes widened.
"We're married. All three of us."