I can't completely remember what brought me to this point in my life, or maybe I do remember and I'm just trying to keep it locked up tight in this mind that I've messed up beyond recognition.
I'm about to lose everything, no, I've already lost everything. It all fell apart before me and I didn't even notice. It took this moment in my life to realize what I've done. All of the distrust, confrontations, and the pushing and pulling. The love, the drive, the stress, and panic. The intimacy, the silence, the kills, and tears. All of these years of going back and forth just to end up where I never wanted to go. If my future ends now, today, in this moment, I will have nothing but shame and regret to reflect on. How could I let it come to this?
Colors, that's all I could see, blurs of black, red, and white.
I looked up at the blue sky. It was a clear day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping in the distance, wind blew through me like I didn't exist in this moment. I didn't want to exist. I didn't want any of this to happen. But that was life, you don't get what you want in the real world.
Everything moved slow, my mind, the clouds, the red, all of that red.
After moments of silence her voice rang out in the clear sky, "No!"