Advice
Disclaimer: I do NOT own bleach. If I did, I would make Orihime and Ichigo get together. But since Bleach is KUBO TITE's, all I can do is write fanfics about them.
Rating: T
Why: Innuendos, meaning READ IT TO THE END because then you will know WHY I PUT THIS IN THE HUMOR CATEGORY!
Summary: Ichigo needs advice! He's going to take his relationship with Orihime to the "Next Step". How does he get it? He goes to Soul Society! Who does he ask? You'll have to find out!
Ichigo walked nervously through the streets of the Seireitei. He wouldn't make eye contact with anyone, and kept his head down. Not that that did any good. His orange hair stood out, just like in the real world. His reputation did not help him in his efforts to blend him in, either. He walked straight to the Kuchiki Mansion. He knocked on the door hard, desperate to get inside. Rukia answered the door. She looked surprised to see him.
"What are you-" she started to say, but Ichigo interrupted her. "I need to talk to Renji." he said.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because I need his advice. Please Rukia!" he pleaded.
She looked at him for a second, then nodded and let him into the house. "Come with me" she said. "I'll take you to him." Ichigo quickly did what she told him to do. They went through the house until they got to a room with Renji in it. "Thank you, Rukia." Ichigo said gratefully. "Your welcome" she said back to him. She then left the room so that Ichigo and Renji could talk alone.
"What do you need?" asked Renji.
"Well, um, I'm taking my relationship with Orihime to the next step," Ichigo said. "and I need advice as to how I go about doing 'that'."
Renji looked confused for a second, but soon comprehension dawned on him. He then looked surprised. "Wow..." he said, impressed. " You're tapping into 'that'."
Ichigo looked proud, in spite of himself. "Yeah. I'm going to do 'that'." he said.
"Well, just go slowly." Renji advised. "It's her first time. You don't want to hurt her."
"Okay. Thanks for your advise. I'll see you later." Ichigo said.
"You're welcome. If you need more advise, I suggest you go to Byakuya." Renji said.
"Okay, I might just do that. By the way, how's married life for you? Are you and Rukia having fun?" Ichigo teased.
"Yeah, we are, actually. Want me to tell you about it?" Renji asked.
"No way! I'd rather die than hear about your nights with Rukia." Ichigo said.
Renji smirked. "Who said we only do it at night?"
"Okay, way, way, way to much information. See ya." Ichigo said, and with that he left the room, intent on finding Byakuya.
He wandered around, not knowing exactly where to go, when he bumped right into the person he was trying to find.
"Hey Byakuya, I need some advice." Ichigo said.
"I might not give it, but go on. Tell me what you need advice on." Byakuya said.
"Well, I'm going to do 'that' with Orihime, and I need to know how to do it." Ichigo said.
Byakuya looked thoughtful. "Well, I suggest you keep a steady pace. It would help ease the discomfort of it all."
"Okay, thanks. See ya." Ichigo said.
"I suggest you go to Shunsui for some more advise. Good day." Byakuya said, leaving before Ichigo could reply to him.
Ichigo made his way to the 8th division barracks. He stopped a shinigami girl as she was walking. "Do you by any chance know where Shunsui is?" he asked.
"Oh he's with Captain Ukitake, in his office." the girl said. She then gave him directions as to where his office was.
"Okay, thank you." Ichigo said, and the girl walked off.
Ichigo followed the girl's directions and found Shunsui and Ukitake drinking. Well, it was actually Shunsui that was drinking, Ukitake was just talking. Ichigo walked up to the pair of captains. "Hey, can you guys give me some advise?" he asked.
"Sure, what do you need?" asked Ukitake.
"Well, I'm taking my relationship with Orihime to the next step, and need help as to what to do when I do 'that'." Ichigo answered.
Shunsui spoke before Ukitake could speak. "Well, I think you need to do it with finesse. You want me to show you how?" he asked drunkly.
"No thank you. I think I can do it without your help." Ichigo replied quickly.
"Are you sure? I do it really well." Shunsui said. He was totally wasted.
Ukitake spoke up. "Ichigo, you need to stay calm. You'll get caught up in the moment, and you'll want to take it fast. Don't lose your head while doing 'that'."
"Thanks, I'll do that." Ichigo said. He was about to say good bye, when Shunsui talked again. "You should talk to Raginku. She's an expert."
Ichigo was about to refuse, but then Ukitake said: "Yes, you should go to her, she'll be able to tell you more."
Ichigo sighed. If Ukitake said to go, then he should go. After all, he was sober.
Ichigo walked to the 10th division's barracks. He found Raginku and walked over to her. All of sudden, he wondered if coming here was such a good idea or not. "Hey, Raginku, I need some advice."
"Go right ahead and tell me what you need." she said.
"Um, well, I'm going to take my relationship with Orihime to the next step, and I need to know how to do 'that'." he said, scared of her answer.
"Oh, that's wonderful! I can tell you a lot!" she said enthusiastically.
"Great!" he said, not actually meaning it. He was definitely unenthusiastic about hearing what she was going to say.
"Okay, now, while you are doing 'that', you'll need to use her assets a lot. She has wonderful assets. You're going to make a mess doing 'that', but have fun! Oh! You'll need these." Raginku said. She went away and came back with 2 things in her hand. "It's a matching set! Here you go!" she said, and handed the clothing to him, if you could really call it clothing. Both of the things were red, and, he decided, couldn't be called clothing. There wasn't enough fabric for it to be that. He sighed. "Well, I guess I better get back to Orihime!" he said, and walked away before Raginku could say anything else.
In the Human World...
"Oh, Ichigo!" Orihime exclaimed as she saw him walk through the door of her apartment.
"Hi Orihime!" Ichigo said.
"Every thing's ready!" She looked at what he was holding. "Oh, those are perfect! We can use these as we work!" she said as she looked at the two pieces of fabric in his hands.
"Yeah, great." he said, not meaning it.
"Well, let's get going! This is going to take a long time!" she said, and walked away. "Can you put that thing on me?" she asked.
"Sure thing." Ichigo walked over to her and put one of the pieces of fabric on her. He blushed while doing it. When he was done, she said: "Okay! Let's get to work!" and went into another room.
Ichigo sighed. 'Well, I guess I better get this over with.' he thought, and followed her into the kitchen.
"Okay, you get the eggs, and I'll get the red bean paste!" Orihime chirped.
The nightmare of cooking with Orihime had begun.