Author's Note: I wasn't satisfied with the lack of details about how Peeta and Katniss grew back together or how the last chapter of Mockinjay ended. This is my take on how their relationship developed after the rebellion ended and they were back in District 12. I hope you enjoy it.
It's being a year since the end of the rebellion and people have come back to District 12 to rebuild the town and their lives. There are just a few hundreds of us, but people keep coming and the new government is more than eager to make the town alive again; but it's not like it used to be, life in District 12 that is.
The town has changed and people have changed. A lot of people…are gone, but life goes on. The Victor's Village is full. The houses are occupied by those who arrived first to District 12 and other houses similar to these, maybe a bit smaller, have been built all around town to accommodate the new population. Hyamitch, Greasy Sae and Peeta are my neighbors and I'm grateful for their company.
Peeta. Every night I think about our time in the cave. About the kiss we shared at the beach and the hunger it made me feel. I think about how it would feel to have him beside me at night, holding me tight and making the nightmares go away. How would it feel to give away to the hunger and forget everything around us, but after everything that happened I'm not even sure if he longs my kisses the way I long his. I want to ask him, but how? How to start a conversation about that? We see each other and spend time together every single day, but we haven't talked about our "relationship" once. We are friends. No more crossed star lovers.
The weather is perfect outside and I decide to go for a hunt. After two hours or so, I have a decent haul for tonight's dinner. I walk home, thinking about all the memories that live in these woods; memories of my father and memories about Gale. Gale, whom I will never be able to separate from the memory of Prim's death, whom I will never be able to love the way I know I could have loved. Whatever I felt for Gale died a long time ago.
I arrive home and call Greasy Sae to let her know what I caught. She arrives 20 minutes later along with her granddaughter; both go straight to the kitchen, while I go upstairs and shower. An hour later dinner is ready, and Peeta arrives with a fresh loaf of bread. Just seeing him sends a current through my body and a thousand butterflies flutter in my stomach, but I know how to hide this well.
Greasy Sae gets two plates ready and puts them on the table.
"Tonight you eat alone," she says as she gathers her things."Aren't you staying?" asks Peeta as he slices the bread.
"There's a town meeting tonight. The Capitol thinks it's a good idea to change the names of the districts. You know, leave the numbers behind and choose a real name. They think it will be a new start." She looks happy about the idea.
"See you tomorrow for breakfast lads," her granddaughter waves us goodbye and they both leave.
Peeta sits next to me. "I think that's a great idea," he looks at me and smiles before taking a bite of rabbit leg. I smile back and start eating too.
It's a good idea, but I have other things in my mind. I want to ask him about us. We eat half our meals in silence, but I can't keep quiet anymore.
"Peeta?" I say still looking at my plate. "What…we are friends, right?" I look at him.
"Yes" he says frowning.
I move the food around in my plate, suddenly not hungry anymore."What do you think will happen with us?" I look up again, needing to see how he reacts.
"What will happen to whom? The people in 12?" He looks confused
. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I can't believe I have to repeat this question again. It was not easy asking it the first time.
"No. I mean to us, you and me." I say this looking directly in his eyes.
He stares at me and says nothing. I don't know if he understood my question. I'm starting to think this was a mistake."Forget it." I say as grab my plate and get up from the table.
"Katniss. Don't go please." He grabs my hand and I feel as if my skin is on fire. I sit back, my eyes fixed on the table mantle.
"I think you're the only one who can answer that question." I can feel his eyes burning a hole in me. I look up, not really understanding what he means.
"Me? Why me?"
"You know how I feel about you Katniss, and in case you didn't know my feelings for you have not changed." He says casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"So why haven't you..." I cannot finish the question. I've been bolder about the topic than I have ever been, but the half question apparently doesn't sit well with Peeta. His eyes look into mine, his hand holds mine tighter than before.
"Why haven't I what? Said anything? What more is there to say Katniss? I've told you time and time again what I feel for you. And then, then everything happened; the rebellion, Prim, coming back here and Gale going away. I have no idea what youfeel. Are you waiting for him? Do you plan to go find him in District 2? No Katniss, I haven't said anything because I have nothing else to say. You are the one who needs to answer my questions. In the meantime, I'm still here, waiting for you like I always have." He grabs both of our dishes and gets up from the table.
I am speechless. All this time he has been waiting for me to say something, to know about what I feel for Gale, what I feel for him.
He washes the dishes and I'm still sitting at the table, unable to say a word, but I must say something. It takes all the strength in my body for me to talk.
"There is no Gale, not anymore. Whatever I felt…it's gone" I say. I can't see his expression.
"Are you sure about this?" He says and turns to look at me.
"Yes."
"Well, what about the rest of my questions? Is there anything else you want to tell me?"
I'm starting to feel annoyed. "Peeta you know I'm no good with words"
"Then you'll have to learn to be. I won't make this easy for you anymore. I've told you everything, all that I have to tell you. Is there is something I should know? Something you want me to know? If there is, then you'll have to tell me." He turns back and keeps washing the dishes.
I'm full of rage. He knows this is not easy for me and yet accepts he's not making an effort to make it easier. He's done with the dishes and looks at me one more time, probably waiting for me to finally talk, but I can't say anything.
"Good night Katniss." He says and then leaves.
I've been sitting in the kitchen for hours, or at least it feels like hours, thinking of every imaginable insult for Peeta. "Who does he thinks he is? Demanding that I must tell him what I feel just because he told me a thousand times he loved me?" I think, and feel the butterflies flutter again in my stomach.
Yes, he loves me, he still loves me. I think about his words "You know how I feel about you Katniss, and in case you didn't know my feelings for you have not changed" and I can't help but to smile. Peeta loves me, but what do I feel? Do I love him too?
I finally leave the kitchen and go to my room. I change into my pajamas, still thinking about everything that happened tonight. I get into bed feeling that maybe tonight I won't have to deal with the nightmares, but I am wrong.
I am at my old house in The Seam. It's Reaping Day and I'm wearing the dress mom laid out for me. I look around the house, but it's empty. Suddenly, it turns pitch black, just like it did in the arena; as if the Gamemakers turned off a switch, and sucked all the light out of the district. I'm scared. What sort of monster will they send here? I need to leave, I need to run, and that is when it happens. The scent of dill and cinnamon enters the room and melts my fears away.
"Peeta?" I whisper.
"Katniss" he answers back.
I can feel the scent all around me, still unable to see anything. Then, I feel the heat of his body next to mine. He takes my face in both his hands, the aroma of dill and cinnamon intoxicating me, and says my name in a whisper.
"Katniss."
I put my arms around his waist and take a step back, pining myself against the wall and him, the pressure of his body against mine makes my legs weak.
"Peeta." I say almost in a whimper.
He puts a hand behind my neck and kisses me softly, as if testing how I will respond. But I'm hungry for his kisses. I kiss him hard, letting the hunger take over me, just like I did at the beach.
This ignites something in Peeta, a hunger as well, and he kisses me harder; his right hand is still on my neck, while his left hand runs down my chest and stops at my waist. I do not protest.
Everything he does makes me want his kisses even more, want his touch. I grab his left hand and put it on my breast, he cups it, and the pressure starts a fire inside me. We keep kissing in complete darkness, but I need more, and I know he does too.
I start unbuttoning my dress as both of his hands grab my waist; then he kisses my neck. He moves from the side to the neck to the hollow of my throat, and gently takes off the top of my dress. His lips move downward, until his mouth lands on my breasts. He whispers my name and starts kissing them gently.
"Peeta" I say. As if on cue, he starts sucking hard, he can't take enough of me. I feel like fainting, but fight not to; I want to feel this. He keeps sucking my nipples, alternating between them to the point of feeling my body will explode. As if sensing this, he stops and turns me around. He presses my body against the wall, as his mouth devours my neck and both of his hands cover my says my name once more, but this time his voice sounds different.
"Katniss" he repeats again. My heart starts beating faster. This is not Peeta's voice.
"Katniss" He says a third time and I know for certain this is not Peeta. He turns me around so I can face him and in that exact moment the Gamemakers turn on the lights. I see him face to face, and gasp.
"Katniss" says Gale one last time.
I wake up with a startle. My head is pounding and my body is covered in sweat. I sit on the bed and put my head in my hands. I'm confused and somewhat ashamed. How could I do that…with Gale? Whatever I felt for him is gone, exactly like I told Peeta. Why did I have this dream? Why did I behave the way I did? And I remember that it wasn't Gale, at least not in the beginning. It was Peeta; his scent, his voice, his hands on my waist, his lips on my lips…on my breasts. I feel the butterflies once more. I trace Peeta's lips on my body and can't help but to smile. Yes, it was Gale at the end, no idea why, but Peeta started it all.
I get up from bed and walk to the bathroom, hoping a shower will clear my head and make all these feelings go away. There is no way I will function today if I keep thinking about this dream, and everything Peeta and I did…
The shower does help, but I still feel confused about why Gale came into the picture at all. I decide not to think about it anymore, I'll probably never get an answer. One thing is certain; kissing Gale and having him touching and kissing me felt wrong.
I get dressed and find Greasy Sae left breakfast for me in the kitchen. I decide to check on Haymitch, and take my breakfast to his house. He probably hasn't eaten any real food since yesterday, and some breakfast will do him good.
I get there and see Peeta working in the kitchen. My stomach turns, and once more I don't feel like eating. He smiles and says good morning. I answer back, and all the things we did in my dream come rushing back. I feel my ears burning; my face must be as red as an apple. I did not expect to find Peeta here. All the progress made in the shower is completely gone.
Haymitch is already at the table eating some bread, a cup of coffee in his hand. He looks up and gives me a small smile. He must be annoyed.
"Hey sweetheart," He says and sips his coffee.
"Oh and happy birthday." It's surprising he remembers it at all, being that he's drunk most of the time. Truth be told, I didn't even remember it.
"Today is not my birthday, but thanks anyway." I say as I grab some of the bread, looking for something to do.
"Whatever." he responds.
"It's in two days, right?" Asks Peeta, although I suspect he already knows the answer.
"Yes. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't care about it really."
I used to celebrate it with my family, but after my dad died; only Prim wished me a happy birthday, but Prim is not here anymore…
I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and I get up from the table. I walk to Haymitch's pantry and grab one of his liquor bottles.
"I'll take one, as a birthday gift." I say and leave before he has time to protest. I do not enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but I also hate the sadness I know I'll feel on my birthday. Better be prepared and have something to make me numb that day.
The day goes by pretty much like the day before. I hunt, Greasy Sae cooks and we all eat together, except this time she leaves and Peeta stays after he finishes washing the dishes. The idea of being in the house alone with him makes the butterflies attack my stomach once more. We have done this many times, but this will be my first time alone with him after the dream.
I'm sitting at the table and he sits next to me. I don't look up and pretend I'm lost in my thoughts. He holds my hand, the same way he did yesterday and it forces me to look at his face.
"Are you ok? I'm sorry about Haymitch and me mentioning your birthday." He rubs my fingers and squeezes my hand.
I give him a small smile."Thanks. I'm ok, but yes. It will be a tough day."
He gets up from his chair and gives me a hug. These are the things about Peeta that leave me defenseless. How thoughtful and caring he is. He tightens his hug and I take in the smell of cinnamon and dill; the warmness of his neck. I bury my face in it and breathe in. If I could only tell him how I feel, how I never want to let go, but I can't find the words. He releases me, holds my hand and sits again.
"What about the nightmares? Are you sleeping well at night? He asks concerned. I chuckle at the idea of actually telling him what I've been dreaming about lately.
"I've had better nights. That's for sure." I say thinking about the times he made the nightmares go away, just by sleeping next to me.
"You know Katniss, you only need to ask." He says with a smile, kisses my forehead and leaves.
An hour later I'm already in bed. A part of me is worried about what kind of nightmare I'll have tonight. The other part is excited, maybe I'll dream again about Peeta.
I wake up and can only remember scenes from the games. Not an actual nightmare I guess, but no Peeta dream either. I'm in an unusually good mood, which scares me bit. I go downstairs and find breakfast already in the kitchen, but Greasy and her granddaughter are already gone. I realize it's already noon and decide to start my day at once.
Before my hunting trip, I take a walk around town. I walk pass the new shops, built with the help of the new Capitol and stand in front of Peeta's old bakery, which it's being rebuilt as well. He feels that finally he can be there again and share the space with the memories of his family, that it will help him accept they are gone. He usually bakes small quantities at home and sells the bread at The Hob, which is now a legitimate market where people sell or trade. Not that he needs to work, since the new Capitol still gives us our allowance as Victors; they say we earned them.
I walk to the woods, which are open to everyone, but not a lot of people know how to hunt. On days when I'm in high spirits, I hunt enough for dinner and then some more to take to the butchers. It's not like the trains from the Capitol bring squirrels and rabbits for people to buy, and it's nice to feel useful. Today is one of those days. I have half a dozen of rabbits, eight squirrels and 3 birds.
I stop by the butcher's and decide to trade the rabbits and the bird for 3 chickens, plus I buy some lamb as well. I may ask Greasy Sae to attempt making the lamb and rice stew I ate at the Capitol. I don't want to celebrate my birthday, but having a nice dinner with Sae, Haymitch and Peeta the day before may prevent them from saying or doing anything tomorrow.
I go to the Hob and buy rice, dry prunes and herbs for the stew; all available thanks to the Capitol. Since most people work at the medicine factory, everyone is able to afford things like these. I walk to Greasy's house and deliver the goods. I explain to her the basics of the stew, not that I know how it was done, but she has an idea and tells me she'll be over at my house in a while.
I go to Haymitch's house, but he's not there. Then, using all the courage I have, I knock on Peeta's door. He opens and looks surprise.
"Oh. Wait a minute! Don't go!" He closes the door again and leaves me outside.
When he returns, I see he is covered in flour and frosting, just like in the old times.
"Hey" He says sheepishly.
"Hey" I answer back.
We stay there, staring at each other and I remember why I went there."Oh I went to Haymitch's house, but he's not there."
"He's probably in town, drinking somewhere" He answers.
"Well, I wanted to tell him, both of you actually, not to miss dinner tonight. I asked Greasy Sae to make lamb stew because of my birthday and all."
"Really? I thought you didn't care." He says smiling. This annoys me.
"No. I don't care, but I don't want any of you doing anything tomorrow, so I rather do something today." Peeta notices I'm upset and laughs."Ok. Ok. You are the boss." He says laughing. I roll my eyes and leave.
I go home and look inside my closet. I decide to wear one of the most casual dresses Cinna designed for me. Cinna. I remember how much I miss him and sigh. I decide on a girly yellow summer dress that I didn't get to wear in the Victor's tour. No, I don't care about my birthday, but I still want to look nice.
I get in the shower and spend almost an hour taking a bath and washing myself; I even shave my legs. For the last Victor's tour, the prep team decided to install one of those machines that dry you completely in a matter of minutes, just to make their job easier. I haven't used it since, but I'll make an exception tonight. I get dressed and decide to wear my hair down. I put on a little bit of makeup, just to cover the dark circles under my eyes. This, along with many other products I haven't touched, was a gift from my prep team.
I look at the mirror and feel like a joke. What is wrong with me? I want to tear off my clothes, braid my hair and put on my hunting jacket, but I decide to sit on my bed and breathe.
"Why I can't try to look nice?" I think to myself.
Like Dr. Aurelius says, if I want to heal completely I need to start feeling good about myself. I sigh and rub my temples. I guess he is right; all the self loathing won't do me any good. But what will the others say or do when the say me? What will Peeta think? And why do I even care?
I'm mad at myself for caring so much about this, and decide to forget the topic. Let them think what they want. I get up from bed go downstairs just to realize Haymitch, Greasy Sae and her granddaughter are already here. I should lock my door once in a while. They all compliment my looks and I feel myself blushing, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
"I'm here!" Peeta calls from outside and Greasy Sae goes to open the door. He looks great. He is wearing a light blue button down shirt, khaki pants and brown leather shoes; probably one of the outfits he didn't get to wear either. He carries a beautiful cake and he hurries to put on the table, then his eyes lock on mine. The shirt makes his eyes look even bluer, which I didn't think was possible. I swallow hard and smile.
"You look beautiful" He says smiling.
"Thanks. You look great too. Is that cake for me?" I say trying to change the subject.
He keeps looking at me and I can feel myself blushing even more.
"Yes, but it's not a birthday cake, since you don't care about your birthday." He says winking at me, and I can't help but to laugh.
We all sit together and eat. Greasy's lamb stew is delicious, different from the one made in the Capitol, but delicious anyway. When we finish eating, Peeta brings the cake back to the table and everybody applauds. I feel actually happy and grateful to have them here with me.
Peeta takes a tiny candle from his pocket and puts it in the middle of the cake.
"My dad used to do this for us." He says as he lights the candle.
"Before you blow out the candle, you need to make a wish. Don't say it aloud! Just think about it and then blow out the candle." He stands back waiting for me to do as he says.
I feel giddy, which is rare, but I close my eyes and think about my wish…and I know exactly what to ask for. I blow out the candle and everyone applauds again. Greasy Sae has the dishes ready and Peeta cuts the cake. We all eat and compliment Peeta; I can see him blushing and he catches me looking at him.
After an hour or so Greasy leaves with her granddaughter, followed by Haymitch, who possibly can't stand being sober any longer. Peeta helps me with the dishes and gets ready to leave as well. I follow him to the door, but he stops and turns to look at me.
"I hope you had a good time." He says just outside the door."I did." I say shyly. I can barely recognize myself. "Thanks for the cake. I loved it"
"Good." he says and turns to leave.I'm about to close the door when he grabs it.
"Wait!"
I open my mouth to ask what is wrong as he says "Just this one time" takes my face in his hands and kisses me.
It takes me by surprise, but I respond to his kiss. I put my hands around his waist and kiss him like we did so many times in the cave; not with the hunger of the dream, but with tenderness and longing, as if I never wanted this night to end. We kiss for a long time, until Peeta himself breaks us apart.
"I hope your wish comes true." He says with a smile and leaves. I stand there touching my lips and say to myself in a whisper "It just did."
I wash my face, change into my pajamas and get in bed. I hope his kisses, how they felt and the memory of them will bring a good night sleep.
I fall asleep immediately after I close my eyes and start dreaming right away. I'm standing in my meeting place with Gale, but instead of him, Peeta is the one waiting for me, I sit beside him and he looks at me.
"I know this is the place you used to share with Gale. I know that you have many memories with him here, but I want us to make some memories of our own here, too" He says as he moves closer. He touches my cheek and his fingers trace my neck. I can fill the hunger, the fire growing inside me.
This time I don't wait for him. I kiss him as I unbutton my yellow dress; I let it fall off my shoulders and down my waist. Peeta stares, taking in every inch of me. I remove my dress and sit on his lap, when I notice he is completely naked, but this doesn't stop me; in fact, it makes me want him more.
He puts a hand on the ground for balance, as the other cups my breast and my back arches at his touch. I kiss him hard, sucking his lips as he pinches my nipple, making the fire spread inside me.
I push him gently to the ground and look directly into his eyes; I can see my own hunger reflected there. I bend down and kiss him again; he runs his hands down my back, grabbing me and pulling me closer. I trap his body between my legs and position myself on top of him. His body hardens, letting me know how much he wants me, and a moan escapes my lips. He moves slowly back and forward, pressing himself against, teasing me, and taunting us both. The pressure building inside me is unbearable; his movements become quicker, our moaning intensifies and I open my eyes.
I blink rapidly and feel disoriented. I look to the clock on the nightstand, and see it's been an hour since I went to bed. Just a minute ago I was…oh. I cover my eyes with my hands and grunt. I stare at the ceiling, reliving the dream in my head. Out of curiosity, I touch myself between my legs, feeling the wetness through my underwear. I smile thinking about the effect Peeta has on me; turn to the side and bite my lip. What would Peeta think if he knew I felt this way about him? That I dream this way about him? I shake my head and close my eyes; wishing for some sleep, and a dreamless night.