"Last Words"

My name is John Shepard.

John. Funny. I can't remember the last time someone called me by my first name.

Karin's bizarre point of view is that it's "disrespectful" or maybe my clone was right? Maybe I've become too much of a cult figure? Either way I guess what I'm writing now are pretty much my last words, as I doubt there will be much time to talk about this tomorrow.

The eve of the fight with the Reapers is getting closer. I should be getting some sleep, but all the events leading up to this, all the choices I made to get me, to get us, to this point seem to be weighing on me more than ever tonight. So much I've achieved over the last few years, so many choices, so many sacrifices I have made. Perhaps I am just scared that all that will mean nothing when tomorrow comes? When it's time to make the final push on the Reapers.

Kaiden. Mordin. Thane. The Batarians. And my biggest regret, Thessia. I wouldn't be surprised that in years to come, assuming we win tomorrow, that people will question why Thessia is my biggest regret rather than nearly wiping out an entire species. And to be honest they may be right to do so. My regret regarding the loss of Thessia is compounded by the loss of such a large number of Assari troops who held off the Reapers so I could recover a Prothian VI from one of their Temples. But I failed them. I wasn't up to the task, and thousands died because I told them to hold the line. Because I told them I could get the item that could save us all.

For the Batarian system I will rightly go down in History as being the Destroyer of their Race. I could have sounded the evacuation alarms, but all that would have done is allowed their people the time to panic, creating mass hysteria trying to get out of the system. There was no time to get people safely away, so I did the only thing I could. I destroyed the relay to slow the Reapers advance to rest of the Milky Way. Whilst it was a minor victory in the fight against the Reapers, the cost was far too high and it still chills me to my very core every time I remember deciding the fate of their entire system. Sometimes even more than the panicked screams of the Assari when Thessia was overrun, or watching Palaven burn whilst I convinced their Primarch to leave the fight and join us.

There are days when I curse the Illusive Man for bringing me back, for making me the figurehead of his force to protect all "youmanity". But through him, we stopped the Collectors and prevented the creation of the Human Reaper. As fearsome as the Reaper vessels we have seen have been, the thought of a Human form Reaper ship is much, much worse.

I also gained new shipmates along with old, people without whom I would not be here now. To the crews of both the SR-1 and SR-2 it has been an honour serving as your CO. At every turn you have never been found to be lacking, always doing your damnedest to give back more than you receive. To my squad mates, it's hard to put down in words what I feel about you all. You have been with me through the impossible. You all survived the poorly named "suicide mission", even when we were running out of hope as fast as we were running out of ammo we pulled through.

I cannot put into words the joy felt when we were able to get together and relax at the apartment. Being able to spend time with you all, without the constant reminder of the coming Reapers. From smashing all the high scores at the Armamax Arena with Jack, to sitting back and chatting with Samara and Tali, or appearing in the new Blasto movie with Javik. Ironically, falling through the fish tank, at what appears to be everyone's favourite sushi bar, happened during the sober part of the get together.

One of my most memorable moments in our time together was in the Archive. As I held off my clone's troops to allow you all to get up the ladder and was about to get over run when I look up to see you all shoulder to shoulder gunning them down. It was a magnificent sight, one I wish I could have made into a picture for the apartment. In hindsight I probably should have asked Glyph if he had recordings of the fight? To borrow Wrex's comment, "That's what I love about you guys, why shoot someone once when you can shoot them another 46 times?"

The time of the final battle is almost here. There is so much more I'd like to say, more I want to be able to share of my life over this conflict, but it's a task that I've neglected for too long, and now there is just not enough time. So, for the four of my team mates that have been with me from the start.

Garrus - I really can't imagine how this conflict would have gone without you at my side. There is no one better with a rifle than you, with the exception of me of course. When I turned up on Omega with a Cerberus crew in tow, you didn't judge, you didn't even think twice about rejoining my team. You had my back, as you always have, to which I've been eternally grateful for. I can't picture going into battle without you either at my back or leading a second team.

Tali - From the moment we jumped Fisks droids that were trying to kill you on the Citadel, I have have place immeasurable value in your company. From our frequent chats in engineering through to recovering your Home World, I just hope that tomorrow brings us success and that you live to enjoy what your people have worked so hard to regain. My only regret is not allowing us to get closer. I know how you feel and I'm sorry that I couldn't let it get in the way of what was coming. I feared having to make a choice at a later date of losing you or everything, and whichever choice it was would have been the wrong one and destroyed me. I love you Tali'Zorah vas Normany.

Ashley - You've changed a lot since we teamed up on Eden Prime. Whilst I can't express how much it hurt when you turned your back on me at Horizon, I also understand why. To think I had died, then I come back after being rebuilt by Cerberus, I'm frankly surprised any of the old crew accepted me sometimes. But to discover like that can't have been easy for you, and I am sorry for how I harsh I was with you when you rejoined the crew following our escape from Earth. Whilst I miss Kaiden, don't for a moment think I wouldn't feel the same about you had I chosen differently. It's been good serving with you again over the last year, and I have every faith that you will continue to do the Spectres proud.

Liara - Of all the people close to me, you have probably experienced the greatest change, and over the last 3 years had the greatest effect. While I won't go on record to say how, you are a good part of the reason I was able to come back to fight the Collectors and now the Reapers. You probably know me better than anyone else after the many mind melds we have shared whilst chasing Saren. You have been a great friend and confidant to me, and I wish we could have had for many more years.

I guess that's as much as I can put down. I need to make ready for the comming assault. In a couple of hours the fleets will be making the jump to Earth, and take that thorn in the side of the Reapers that Humanity has become, and shove it deeper. We may not survive the coming battle, but we will make them work for it. The other races have often mocked us for our "impatience", but after today whoever survives will remember us for our tenacity and willingness to go down kicking arse as we go, to be the rally point for the whole Milky Way as we attempt to end this perpetual cycle of destruction.

My time is rapidly approaching, I know deep down I won't coming out of this alive. I have already cheated death one, and now it's time to pay for all I have done. All that is left is to make sure as much survives as possible and to avenge those that fell to get us here.

I am Commander John Shepard and these are my last words.

Farewell.