A/N This is my version of Naomily first kiss – the one they had before meeting again on Roudview College. I'm ESL so I'm sorry for my not so rich vocabulary.
I'm always wondering what the hell I am trying to accomplish following Katie on these parties. But it's not like I have much of a choice. Every time somebody gives her an invitation she rushes to ask for another, because she can't go if I don't. My mother always says that I should appreciate that. It means that she's wants us to be friends. But we're already sisters. And we're already friends. In fact, I don't hang out with anybody else. And that is not exactly my choice.
But about coming to this party I don't have idea what Katie is trying to accomplish. It's not like a popular kid is throwing it or the team of anything is going to show up. Now me… I knew she would be here. And there she is. Standing in a corner holding a pink cup like with was a life. Starring at the ground with her long dark brown hair falling and rounding her perfect face.
- Emily, will you stay there looking like a freak the whole night? Katie's voice interrupted my starring. Which was good – I wasn't sure if I wanted her to catch me starring. I rolled my eyes to her.
- Fine. - She said. – I'm gonna get myself a drink and a man.
Before I could say anything in return her redhead was turned back on me and she was shaking her ass to some dudes who wasn't even paying attention on her. That's right. And she wouldn't notice being that obvious. The thing is that it's Matt's birthday. He came from New Zealand last semester and he's queer as a folk can be and so are 90% of his friends. In beginning everyone was total jerks and nobody talked to him. Until there was this day that Naomi saw a trio of dushbags hitting him on the back of the school and stood up to him. They said she punched a guy's face, screamed and threatened to report to the principal or to the police and them the guys back off. That's how Matt and Naomi became friends. It was enough to the rumors about her to start. But she always seemed to be really cool about it. I don't know if it's true, nobody does. I have a terrible gaydar, you know. But she's just cool. About everything. And I have this massive crush on her. Gosh, I think I'm starring again. I'm so pathetic. I only came here because I wanted a chance to talk to her and can't even move. She'll never even notice me. She'll never even know. And I'm wearing my fuckin rain boots!
I almost screamed when I felt someone touching my shoulder.
- You are the Good Twin, right?
It was Matt. He seemed a little drunk and having lots of fun.
- Hopefully. I smiled.
I don't blame people for talking about Katie like this sometimes.
- You see – He held me by the shoulders – She will eventually notice that you are starring.
I blushed, feeling an incredible urge to get out of there.
- W- what you mean?
He laughed.
- Don't try to trick me, little pumpkin.
The smile was still on his face. But it wasn't a cynic smile. It was actually friendly. I wanted to smile back but I just looked down. I know what I feel. But that doesn't mean that I want to feel it. I don't want to feel this way about Naomi Campbell, I don't want to feel this way about girls. I don't want to be a lesbian. My parents will be devastated and Katie will never talk to me again. And what if people get violent with me just like they did with Matt? It was like he knew what I was thinking, because he pressed me against him tenderly and looked right into my eyes before speaking.
- I'm sorry, Emily. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable or shit, you know, but I see the way you look at her and I get it.
We stayed in silence for a little while until I smiled back at him, with my heart sinking a little bit.
- Thank you, Matt.
He let go our embrace.
- I'm here if you need a friend. Well, at least until the end of the year. He raised his cup like in celebration.
- Why only until the end of the year? I asked.
- My father was transferred to London. We're moving.
- Oh. That's nice.
It was all I could think of saying.
- Yeah. Big old London. - He smiled. – Look, I think I'll go check if people aren't messing with my parent's room upstairs. See you.
- See you. I answered and before he turned around he added:
- Ems, you know what? You are a brave girl, so fuck them. Do what you got to do.
And he ran upstairs letting me standing by the door still looking like a jerk. But a decided and terrified jerk this time. I'm going to move my feet, one by one and I'm going to talk to her. I looked up. She was still across the room holding her glass. But this time I could swear she was looking back at me.
Breathe, Emily, ok? Fuckin breathe.
The room felt a lot bigger and a lot emptier while I walked there. But as soon as I got near her I just wanted to run back home.
- Hi! I say as an impulse.
- Hey. She answered with a tiny smile
- You're Naomi, right? I gave it a try.
- Yep. And you're the Good Twin.
I laughed.
- Does everybody really call me that?
She laughed too.
- Only behind your back.
- And hopefully behind my sister's back too.
We laughed a bit together this time. And then a little dark cloud of awkward silence came rounding our heads. After a while, she said:
- Can I get you a drink?
- Course!
And there I was following her to the kitchen.
- Gosh, what a mess. I said when we got in.
The kids had spilled beer all over the floor among some reddish gross liquid and some smashed Doritos.
- Guess who's going to have to help Matt clean this shit tomorrow?
She rolled her eyes, but since she did not seem upset, I just smiled.
- I heard he's going to London.
- What do you drink? She asked with the head inside the fridge.
- Ahm, anything.
- Fine. - She replied, grabbing a bottle of cheap wine. – It's not so bad, you see. She added, pointing to the wine.
- I bet it isn't.
She opened it and filled two blue cups and handed one to me. I tasted. It was extremely sweet but still good.
- And, yeah, he is moving. She sighed. She seemed really sad now.
I did not know what to say so I just took another swig.
- But I'm happy for him, he always wanted to live in London.
- Well, I think he'll do great there.
- Me too. She smiled, drinking a bit of her wine.
- Why don't I ever see you at parties? I asked, terrified about letting our conversation die and also enchanted for talking to her for the very first time.
She sighed again and we both finished our glasses, giving her an opportunity to fill them again before answering.
- You know that I don't get along with most kids from school. She frowned.
- Yeah, I'm sorry, I did not mean that…
She interrupted me with a kind smile.
- I know, Ems, relax.
She called me Ems.
- But you don't make the party type either. She added.
I laughed.
- I'm not. I mostly only go because of my sister.
She snorted. Something makes me think she don't like Katie very much.
- Sure.
Naomi shook her head and smiled at me again.
- I like your hair.
Katie and I had dyed our hairs red a couple of weeks ago. I asked mum money to dye mine and when Katie found out she ran to ask to go with me and we look the same again. I told this to Naomi and she laughed and said:
- You don't look the same.
I rolled my eyes.
- Just because of our clothes.
- Maybe. She blushed, making me blush while wondering what she might be thinking.
- You see, Katie would never were this boots. I said, pointing to my polka dots rain boots.
- Why not? They're awesome! She answered.
- Really?
- Yeah. Perfect outfit for a party. No one can spill drinks on your feet.
We laughed and filled our glasses once again.
- I like your hair too. I said, because I couldn't say anything like "I like everything about you" without sounding suspicious.
- Do you? - She seemed surprise while passing her fingers through her hair. – I'm crazy about changing something about it. Like cutting it real short or dying it too. I think I'm looking like a hippie.
- A very beautiful hippie.
She blushed and turned her wine before thank politely. For a minute I wanted to apologize, but then I was thinking, what the hell, I want her to realize it. Before one of us could break the silence an awful music started to play in a terrifying volume and a group of drunk new arrivals teenagers invaded the kitchen grabbing drinks and grabbing each other and making some really weird dance moves. When I tried to speak my voice failed, so I had to scream at her:
- DO YOU WANNA GET OUT OF HERE?
- WHAT? She screamed back.
- GET. OUT. OF. HERE. I repeated, slowly.
- GARDENS. She replied, grabbing another bottle of wine.
We were trying to press ourselves through the wild crowd and in the middle of this we held each other hands so we wouldn't get lost and suddenly we were running in the huge garden ahead Matt's house still holding hands and laughing. We found an old huge bank and throw ourselves on it.
- It fuckin hurts! I said, standing in my feet again, and then sitting properly.
We calmed down slowly and sat in front of each other with the wine in the middle.
- Wow, what a rush. She said.
- And who the fuck are them? I asked about the new arrivals with music playing in their cars.
- I guess is the basketball team. She shrugged.
I could bet my ass that Katie has called them.
- Here, let me open this. I grabbed the wine.
- We don't have happy festive cups to drink on it now. She said, seemed far from disappointed.
I laughed a bit.
- Fuck happy festive cups. And I turned the wine right from the bottle, than handed it to her, who did the same.
There in the garden all the loud shitty music felt a little lower and everything didn't smell like beer and vomit and I was feeling incredible happy.
- It's nice here, isn't it? She asked.
- Yeah.
- I'll miss it. - Naomi gave one more gulp, then gave it to me. – I mean, I'll miss having a friend. She sighed and I could tell how sad she was.
- Hey, you'll have me. I said.
She looked up, seemed a bit surprised.
- You're going to be my friend?
- I'll be anything. I replied, more to myself than for her.
- What?
- What? I doubled her, not believing in what I just had said.
After a few seconds of silence I grabbed the bottle desperately and turned more than I thought I could take it, and passed to her.
- Want some?
- Thanks. She said, drinking a little.
- You see – she continued – we study together since kindergarten but we know almost nothing about each other.
- That's true. – I lied. I know she has problems with her mother, I know she used to read lots of fantasy books when she was little and now she just reads a lot, I know she writes articles for the school paper, I know she likes indie bands, I know she smokes cigarettes with flavors, I know she used to fight cong fu but then she had to stop because she was too aggressive. But there's one thing that everyone seems to be so sure about her but I don't and that's the one thing I need to know right now. Does she like kissing girls? Would she like to kiss me?
When I looked back at her she was starring with a smile.
- But if we gonna be friends, we gotta learn about each other, right?
- Right. I replied.
- So let's play a game that goes like this: I ask you something. You answer it, honestly, and you drink. You ask me something, I answer it, honestly, and I drink. And we do this until the wine is over.
- Fine, you go first. – I smiled.
- Ok. – She stopped a minute to think. – Why are you always hanging out with your sister's jerks friends when it's obvious that you don't like them?
I sighed. That's a question I've been making myself for a long time. But I do not understand what Katie ever did to her.
- I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm a jerk too. I shrugged and gave the wine a swig.
- Fair enough. – She raised her eyebrows. – Your turn.
I didn't wanted to waste a question with this but…
- What's your problem with my sister?
She laughed.
- Is that obvious?
- Pretty much, yeah.
I did not want to sound angry because no one is more aware of Katie's attitude than me but is really annoying have to listen anyone else insulting her. Too much. Naomi sighed.
- She was the one who started the thing with Matt. That blonde bitch friend of hers-
- Barbra?
- Yes. She was into him when he first came, and one day she approached him on the lockers after gym and he said he was gay. She told Katie and Katie asked that guy she was fucking, Adam, to get together with two other friends to kick Matt's ass. At least that what Adam told me while I was kicking his ass. – She turned a bit of wine as soon as finished.
- Well, she's not so bad, you see…
- We can just not talk about it anymore if it upsets you, Em. - She looked at me and I knew she was being sincere. – If I had brothers or sisters I wouldn't like listen to people talking shit about them either. I'm actually sorry, I mean –
- I'm glad you kicked his ass. I interrupted her and we both smiled.
- Your turn to ask. I said.
- What's your favorite band or singer right now?
- Probably Goldfrapp. - I drank. – And yours?
- The Raincoats. Or PJ Harvey. – She drank. – Favorite color?
- Blue. Yours?
- Red. Favorite movie?
- Donnie Darko right now. Yours?
- The Lion King. TV show?
- Doctor Who. And yours?
- I guess CSI. Favorite gum flavor?
- What the fuck?! – She laughed – Ahm, I don't know, strawberry. And yours?
- Cherry.
- It's the same thing.
- It's so not!
We were both laughing so hard and the wine was almost in the end and I was feeling so, so good…
- Ok, I'll try to elaborate more this time. – She said, drinking out of her turn. – So, if I tell you that the world is going to end in five minutes what do you want to on your last five minutes of life?
- To kiss you.
I didn't even think before spiting this out. And after I did I felt so great for saying out loud but also so scared about what she would say. But she didn't say anything. We stood there starring each other like we were some amazing piece of art in a museum, which made me realize that it was just what she was, untouchable. I reached my hand to grab the bottle and slowly and wavering she reached my hand and left it there. Her touch made my skin burn, but in a good way like rubbing ice in your neck in a really hot day. And suddenly I realized how close we were. And how hard it was to depart my gaze from hers because she has such beautiful eyes full of stories that I would give my life to hear coming out from her pretty, delicate and small lips. I stood up in my knees so I could come closer. And she land to me making so much easier to reach her rosy checks, and when we were close enough to our noses to rub I could feel her releasing the breath we both didn't know we were holding all this time. And when our lips touched I felt like I was going to die in flames but I didn't matter anymore, I'm all in. A second later I could feel her hands in my neck while I passed my fingers through her hair and our tongues were fighting sweetly and her mouth tasted like cheap wine and mint cigarettes I wondered how it would taste if I kiss her entirely –
- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
We separated immediately and the sight of my sister starring at us made me ask myself which part of this was a fantasy. I guess none.
- I said: What the fuck is going on? Katie asked again, more firmly, without screaming, approaching a little bit.
Naomi stood up and I followed her.
- Fuck off, Katie. She said.
- Katie, is not what you thinking. I said, trying to get closer to her without putting Naomi behind.
- So what is it, uh? What the fuck is it, Emily? – She seemed about to cry and it wasn't making no sense to me. - She made you, didn't she? She fuckin jumped in you, didn't she, this perv?
- No, Katie, no! I screamed but she was already passing through me, trying to hit Naomi, who had a look on her face that would hit her back without even considering and the only thing I could do was to put my own body between them.
- Hey, what's up down here? What did I fuckin told about destroying my house? I heard Matt asking.
Katie held me, with crocodile tears running all over her face when she turned at him.
- This dyke friend of yours assaulted my sister!
He looked at me, then he looked at Naomi.
- I bet she did not.
Katie seemed about to explode.
- So you saying my sister agreed to kiss her? You're saying my sister agreed to kiss a girl?
She let go off me to give Matt her full attention, and ventured to look at Naomi. She seemed about to cry too. But for real, not like Katie.
My eyes overflowed and I grabbed Katie's hand, trying to make her look at me.
- Katie, stop this drama, ok? It's not a big deal, is not her fault, we were just drunk…
- SEE? - She let go my hand and pointed to Naomi. – She took advantage of my drunk sister. Emily is naïve, she's good to people, she's always wanting to please them, she don't know what's she's doing. I do and I'm here to protect her.
- Katie… I started.
- SHUT UP, EMS! – She pushed me away and turned to Naomi. – Everyone in this fuckin school, in this fuckin city, will hear about this, do you understand me? I'll make you never want to leave your room anymore, so you'll learn to assault young naïve girls. Let's go home, Ems.
But I couldn't move. She was taking from me the best thing I ever had and I was doing nothing. I was letting her humiliate the most incredible person in the person and I was staying quiet. If I do nothing, I will be weak. I finally have a chance to be happy, to be who I really am and I'm letting her ruin this.
- Katie, listen to me, ok? I started.
- No! – She screamed – You listen to me. You are not gay, ok, Em? You are my twin sister and I know since before you were born and you are not gay, period. This twisted people are trying to convince that you are, but you are not, and it doesn't matter what she did to convince you to kiss her it meant nothing, you're normal, she's a freak. Now let's go home.
She took my hand and I just followed her. Just like I always do. Ever since I was born. When I finally risked to look back I saw Naomi in Matt's arms, she had little teardrops running through her face and her eyes were so dark and so full of regret. But I couldn't depart from my mind that I just had my first kiss. And it was fuckin amazing! And Katie is so wrong, I guess I am really gay. And I guess I'm in love. But Naomi doesn't look much in love right now. Actually, she looks like I was a hypocrite piece of shit and she would be glad to smash me with her feat. Being honest with myself, I don't disagree with her right now. But when I'm ready, I'll be brave. Until there I won't give up on her.
A/N I didn't meant to things end up so tragic, but I guess since they were caught back them, and analyzing how things were in s3 I assume it was tragic. I also feel really sorry to make Katie sound like a villain because I love her to pieces, but it's pretty much how she sounded on s3 too, so don't hate me for that (don't hate her either, please). This is probably the longest fic I ever wrote, the biggest one I ever posted and I hope you like it. I'd love if you leave your review (good or bad) so I can improve in the future. I'm with a project of "what should really happen to Naomily after s4" so if like my writing and want to read this let me know. Lots of love, Kami.