Hey guys...this is only my second one shot so i'm sorry if it sucks...The song used in here is "Unholy Confessions" by Avenged Sevenfold...let me know what you think...and you should go read my fic Dawn on a Funeral Day...

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

I'll try, she said as he walked away.

Try not to lose you.

Two vibrant hearts could change.

Nothing tears the being more than deception,

unmasked fear.

I'll be here waiting tested and secure.

I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling like I did every single night. He was gone and I just couldn't stand that…he told me that he loved me. But just like everyone else he walked away, like my father walked away and into the army, like my mother walked away and to her drinking, he was just like them. Deep in my heart I knew that he needed to go be with his parents and I knew that I was being selfish for feeling that he should have stayed with me. He was like my rock, he was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was the one that nursed me back to health when I was sick, he was the one that held me at night when I couldn't sleep, and he was the only one that really cared about me.

Maybe it was because I was to suffocating to him…maybe he wanted space from me. All of these thoughts were running through my head...what if it was my fault that he left?

Nothing hurts my world,

just affects the ones around me

When sin's deep in my blood,

you'll be the one to fall.

I quietly got out of the bed that we used to share and grabbed a little black box out from under it. Slowly I opened it and took in the shiny little metal object in front of me. It would be so simple to make a little cut down my arm and ease some of the pain. No one would have to know about it, I could just wear my arm warmers like usual. No one asks anything anyway since I wear them everyday. I closed my eyes and remembered that first day on the roof…

(Flash back)

"I think you're cute" I had wanted to say that I thought he was cute to but it wasn't an Ellie Nash thing to do so instead I snapped my rubber bands. "I guess I got to you."

"Dream on" He gave me a smug smile and laid back on the ground.

"You don't seem scared of me"

"Nope. You don't seem freaked by me"

"Nope" I hadn't really shown anyone my scars, besides Paige and Miss Sauvé. But for some reason I felt that Sean would understand more than anyone else what I was going through.

"Freaked now?" He didn't say anything afterward but instead traced his fingers along my cuts and intertwine his fingers with mine. When he moved our hands down I couldn't help but smile a little to myself. Both of us said nothing, but instead enjoyed the silence. It wasn't an awkward silence but more of a comfortable silence.

(End Flash back)

I wish I could be the one,

the one who won't care at all

But being the one on the stand,

I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.

When time soaked with blood turns its back,

I know it's hard to fall.

Confided in me was your heart

I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me.

Even the memories of old times like that brought me to tears. I think Sean was the first guy that could make me cry and smile all in less than a day. Whenever we would get into fights he would always be back to apologize within an hour. The razor in my hand was just begging me to drag it down my arm and bring the blood. I started to make my usual cuts…it wasn't easing the pain…I stared down at my arm and started to drag the razor the full length of my forearm. I watched as the blood dripped and I started to feel lightheaded. I got that feeling that something wasn't right when I couldn't feel my arm anymore. I suddenly felt so tired, I laid back on the floor and curled myself into a ball. Maybe I had made a mistake…I took one last look at my arm before I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Suddenly I heard the door open and slam shut. I heard that familiar voice that I hadn't wanted to hear for months but never did.

"Ellie!" He called out and I didn't even have the energy to scream out for him. I heard the bedroom door open and his eyes must have fallen on me. "Ellie…no…." I felt his arms around me and he started to rock me back and forth. We both knew at this point that it was to late for me to get help. "I love you…I'm sorry I left. Please you can't go…I'm back now…I need you…"

Nothing will last in this life,

our time is spent constructing,

now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.

Constrict your hands around me,

squeeze till I cannot breathe,

this air tastes dead inside me,

contribute to our plague.

"I'm sorry" was all I could get out…I felt, what I thought were tear drops, landing on my head. "I love you Sean."

"I love you to El…" It took all my strength to open my eyes and take one good look at him…he was still gorgeous, with his strong arms and well built body. I closed my eyes again…my whole body felt numb and all I saw was blackness… "I love you El…" he whispered over and over again…and that was the last thing I ever heard…

Break all your promises,

tear down this steadfast wall,

restraints are useless here,

tasting salvation's near.

now go review...please?

...Taryn...