GETTING THERE

WARNINGS: Lack of yaoi? I know how popular it's gotten :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Square Enix, or any of the characters/places listed or described in this fic.

SUMMARY: A little drabble of thoughts from our favorite little silverette. Riku's thoughts about clarity, truth, and growing up.

Getting There.

The truth comes around when you least expect it. It hits you like the horn of a train going by your window. Full blast, loud, deafening, unmerciful, and unforgiving. A moment of supposed clarity that some call "seeing the light." The moment when you realize you know nothing, when you thought for so long that you knew everything. Just like I had thought that I knew everything. I always thought I had all the answers. I was supposed to have all the answers. I was the oldest. I was supposed to know everything about everything. I was supposed to know how rafts were made and if there were other worlds and how we would get to them, and "Riku, what do you think is waiting for us out there?" "Will we ever see the island again?"

The moment I told Kairi to run was the moment I realized how wrong I'd been about everything. And the moment the door closed on me was the moment I realized I didn't know anything at all. There was no "seeing the light." There was no light where I was. Only dark. Not even shadows. After all, a shadow needs light to be born. No, there was no light here. I didn't know if I would ever see light again.

Those moments, when you can admit to yourself that you don't know everything, that's part of growing up. And being lost in the dark like I was, it gave me a lot of time to think, and I realized then my second moment of clarity. I had grown up a lot, but I wasn't grown up yet. I had always been the cocky one. Confident and so sure that I knew it all, that I was the best, that I could take care of myself because I was the oldest and I was oh so grown up. Again, I was wrong. Again, I didn't know anything. It took being broken down and left alone to realize that underneath it all I was still a scared little kid. Hell, I could admit to being scared. My pride had never allowed me to do that. Even when I was eight and Sora was seven and there was a thunderstorm during a sleepover, and I'd crawl into his bed shaking. No, I wasn't scared. I was just shaking cause I was cold and those weren't tears on my face, my eyes were just watery from being open too long.

When I surrendered my body, I thought for sure I would never have my light back again. I'd never see my friends, I'd never go home, I'd never get away from the dark. But that explosion, somehow I got myself back, and I never expected it. I didn't know how to react to it. Dazed and confused can't even begin to explain it. And then we were fighting together, Sora and I. Beating the dark that still tempted me even then. And we won. Somehow we won. But in doing so, we were lost again. Stuck there on that little strip of shore.

But for once I wasn't alone. He was there with me. And he always shone so bright it was like my own little light was right there with me. The truest, purest light I could ask for, and the best friend I knew I didn't deserve. He was there. And the moment we shared will always be one of my favorites. When he reached out his hand to me, like I'd done so long before.

Another realization hit me when we swam up onto the shores of our island. No matter how many worlds were out there, no matter where I went, this was always my home. And I was silly to have tried so hard to leave it. I missed the play island. The sound of the waves, and the smell of the ocean water. The warm sun, the cool breeze, and sword fights with Tidus. I missed looking out over the water and listening to Wakka and the others playing blitzball down the beach. Selphie and Kairi laughing and giggling together while Sora took a nap in the sand by the foot of the tree I always sat on. This was home, and I never should have left it. I almost lost it forever.

Another part of growing up I think... is knowing that sometimes the answers are right there all along. And you really don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. You don't have to be the best or the fastest or the strongest. It's okay to cry and be afraid, and you don't always have to have the answers to everything. You just have to do the best you can. And that's what I'm doing now. The best I can. I may not be grown up yet, but I'm getting there.

Hello again, lovelies.

This here is the second fanfic I've decided to post up after months of no muse and probably about fifty or so started stories and drabbles that I just couldn't get anywhere with. With some luck, I managed a bit of inspiration and threw this together on a dime, so I hope it was worth your time to read. That being said, for giving me, and this drabble of muse, your time, I thank you.

xoxo

Creature Creature

Reviews, questions, and comments are always welcome.