Author's Note: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. It's been awhile since I did an HP fic, but what the hey... Enjoy.
The memories still haunt me. Her face, her laugh, the way she was always so... Lily Evans.
Excuse me, Lily Potter.
I still can't believe I let her slip right through my fingers so easily. I like to think I did it because it was what made her happy. But the voice in my head always tells me otherwise: it's what made her dead. It's sullen of me to think this, but the thought never leaves my mind.
I could have kept her from this fate if I'd kept her away from him. James Potter- taking everything I'd ever wanted and sentencing it to death.
It's horrible having to watch his son grow up, walking around, looking like him. It'd be easier if he looked like her. Like Lily. But fate, it seems, can't even spare me that kindness.
But the eyes, of course. The eyes that reduce my own to tears if I look too long. The boy- Harry- thinks I hate him. Do I? I barely know myself. I hate what he brought about.
Hate the fact that the master I have to be so 'dedicated' to is the one that killed her.
Hate the fact that I can't do anything about it.
Hate the fact that I'm the reason she's dead.
If only I'd known that the information I was feeding the Dark Lord was the very essence of my existence. But I didn't. So I kept feeding him the information that was killing the beautiful flower I'd cared for- pruned and watered and kept healthy for all those years.
If only I had the courage to tell her son.
If only I had courage at all.
If only I'd never let go of Lily Evans.