NO NAME SURVIVAL
CHAPTER 1- FEELINGS
SUMMARY: Crazy kids, pregnant men, and zombie apocolipses, oh my! What more could go wrong? Wars between Japan and the rest of the world? Government expirements that lead to the undead? Idiotic kids try to survive? Welcome back to 528,710, we missed you. NARUSASU
WARNINGS: Yaoi (BoyxBoy), Sexual Content, M-Preg, Zombies, Eating people, Atomic farts, military, world wars, cross-dressing, craziness, annoying-ness, horrible writing, feminine males, masculine females, trees, telekenisis, character death, strong language usage, Kyuubi, and it may cause death to young microwaves under the age of 37. I APOLLOGIZE FOR ANY GRAMMAR/SPELLING ERRORS I DID NOT CATCH, DID NOT HAVE OPTIONS FOR iT TO CHECK FOR ME. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or anything related, I do not FULLY own No Name High, nor do I own the OC's Moon, Dusk, Ivan, Raccoon, Izak, Mia, Blackie, Beauty, Snowy, Shaun, Brutis, Random Dude (Or chick), Mrs. Buttless, Puppy, Yin, Yang, Nursie, or Samuel, these OC's belong to my younger sister. All events in here are extremely fictitious and are the result of a roleplay between my sister and I, for which not all the events I came up with.
CLAIMER: I do, however, own the OC's Max, Eddie, Narsie (Narsississia), Shia, Russian Guy, Misa, John, and Buggy.
IN OUR ROLEPLAY I was Sasuke, Naruto, some random people (Military commander and such.), and my OC's. I did not come up with all of the events, in fact I came up with some and my sister came up with alot. My sister was her OC's and some random people. Yay! :D
A/n: Bah, now that I got that out...
I hope you enjoy this as much as No Name High! :D If you haven't read it, READ IT! It has nothing to do with this one though you will know the characters better if you do. Oh, but you'll meet them in here anyways.
THIS IS CLEARLY A CRACK FIC, JUST-FOR-THE-HECK-OF-IT ROLEPLAY SORT OF THING. I AM NOT DISCONTINUING OTHER FANFICTIONS IN PROGRESS, THIS ONE AS ALREADY BEEN PRACTICALLY WRITTEN I JUST NEED TO PUT IT UP! :D
Thank you for reading.
ON WITH THE STORY!
"I hate you."
"Go die."
"Is that all you're going to say?"
"...go die...?"
Sasuke sighed. Sasuke had a flawless pale face, shallow, obsidian eyes and beautiful ebony hair that was so dark it seemed to shine blue. He was wearing the usual; a blue short-sleeved shirt with a loose turtle-neck collar. He wore white shorts that almost went down to his knees and those awesomely amazing ninja shoes. Along with he wore his white wrist bands with the buckles on them and the bandages on his shins. Sasuke was currently 16.
He was the closest thing to a girl in the school.
Naruto, on the other hand, was 20 (Of course he's to old to be in high school but it's not much of a school and wait for Max.). He had bright yellow (Not blonde. YELLOW.) hair and deep cerulean eyes, showing hi every emotion, perfectly tanned-to-perfection skin, three whiskers on each cheek and a bright smile. He was wearing a neon orange jumpsuit along with some blue here and there, a fuzzy white collar on his jacket, a red spiral on the back and the same ninja shoes as Sasuke.
...except a different pair...
...because if they were wearing the same pair all would go to hell.
Naruto and Sasuke hated each other with a burning passion...
...fruit.
"All you guys do is fight, fight, fight. Would you shut up for once?"
Ivan had a slightly high voice. It was the voice of a boy that had yet to go through puberty.
He had yet to go through puberty.
He had fair blonde hair, large, (He was anything but.) green eyes, and pale skin. He was wearing a zipped-up green jacket, blue jeans, a purple scarf (Even with the temperature up and rising.), and some shoes. Who cares about his shoes? And no one ever saw his shirt. Ever. He was 15, younger than his classmates. Ivan was very smart and was accepted into the school because... he was supernatural.
Now, let me tell you a little about the school.
No Name high was a special school. Special as in... really special. In order to be admitted into the school one (or more) of the three following things had to apply to you:
1: You are incredibly stupid.
2: You are super natural (In a sense)
and 3: You have brain damage.
At No Name High they didn't learn anything, advane grades, do homework, or even get work for that matter. The golden rule of lunch was eat or be eaten, and rape was as common as breathing in the school. No Name High students took pride in going there and hated those of their rival school.
Every Name High.
Every Name High was full of the regular kids. They hated them with a passion...
...fruit.
"Hey... hey Sasuke?" Max asked, poking Sasuke in the arm.
Max was a red head (As in Crayola red), hair spiked every which way, he had blue eyes the same shade as Naruto's though not quite as pretty (We have yet to find out why.). He had a scar across his face, starting from the top left of his face through his left eye, zig-zagging over the bridge of his nose and diagonally down his right cheek (Some say Sasuke gave it to him. No one knows for sure.). He wore a short-sleeved red shirt, blue jeans, and a brown belt that was in the right side belt loops and not the left.
The belt is of the utmost importance.
Max was admitted into the school because he was incredibly stupid. Not for brain damage, though, for he had no brain of which to damage. Max was the oldest in his class. He was 26, exceding the age of their 24-year-old teacher Kakashi. Raping was his hobby.
Sasuke gave Max a harsh, cold glare.
"What?" He barked out in response.
"Wanna have sex?"
Sasuke glared at Max, even colder than before. Max kept his same face on, until he sweat dropped and slowly inched away.
"That's fine. Maybe some other time..." He said, still slinking away. Ivan sighed.
"Hey, Raccoon, I wonder what's in Naruto's diary?" Ivan asked.
Raccoon was a... well, a raccoon. It was a rather large raccoon and always listened to Ivan, though Ivan did not own the damned thing. Some beg to differ. Raccoon could usually be found sitting on Ivan's shoulder or in someone's hair. Wither that or where the sex was happening.
Raccoon's two hobbies were castrating men and recording/uploading porn. It castrated itself long ago, and with that it somehow managed to lose his gender (No one knows why.). Raccoon had the amazing ability to go into someone's hair and come out in someone else's hair...
...any hair on their body.
Raccoon let out a sound and wrote on its chalkboard (Ivan taught it how to write and understand Japanese): I'll go get it.
"I don't have a diary." Naruto said.
"I bet you do." Ivan replied.
"No I don't." Naruto denied it, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing out a breath.
"He probably does." Sasuke said, "Let's see what's inside."
Raccoon snickered, pulling out Naruto's diary from somewhere deep within its hair (Another amazing ability of its.).
"Aha. Well, let's have a look-see." Ivan said, opening the diary in his hands and flipped through.
"No, Ivan, please." Naruto pleaded, shaking his head.
"And why should I not?" Ivan asked.
"Because..." Naruto began. He looked to Sasuke, than replied back, looking back to Ivan, "Just please kick Sasuke out."
"What? Why me?" Sasuke asked. He kicked Naruto upside the head.
"Yeah, Naruto, why him?" Ivan asked.
"Well... I..." Naruto began.
"Now I'm really curious. Ivan, read it." Sasuke commanded. Ivan glared at him, he hated being tald what to do.
"Okay." Ivan replied harshly. He flipped back to the first page and read:
"Dear Diary-"
"STOP!" Naruto begged, "PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING!"
"Even wear a pink leotard and tutu to schoo tommorrow?" Sasuke asked. Naruto gave him a blank look.
"No, Sasuke. Come on, that would blind us all." Ivan said.
"Ah, screw it. Just read it..." Naruto said, a blush on his face. Sasuke looked down at him.
Why was he blushing...?
"Becuase, Sasuke, this is some pretty interesting stuff." Ivan replied to Sasuke's thoughts. Ivan could read minds.
"As in what, and what does it have to do with me?" Sasuke asked. He was kind of regretting this now.
"Well, he has a to-do list."
"Read anything but." Naruto commanded.
"No." Ivan replied, a tree falling on the yellow-haired boy. Ivan also had telekenisis.
"Number one: Hug Sasuke. Number two: Kiss Sasuke. Number three: Have-"
"I've heard enough." Sasuke cut Ivan's reading off, feeling kind of sick to the stomach and a little weak to the knees.
"Already? You haven't heard even half of it..."
"My god, Naruto, seriously? It disturbs me that you'd want to do those things to me..." Sauske said, shuddering.
Naruto tried to speak but couldn't, a side effect from being stuffed under an orange tree.
"Hm, what's in Sasuke's diary?" Ivan asked Raccoon. Sasuke's eyes grew wide.
"Don't."
"Hm..." Ivan hummed, flipping through Sasuke's diary. "Dear Diary, I just want someone to be with me."
"Stop, please!" Sasuke begged.
"I want someone who won't leave my side and who will be with me. Always. I want someone to love and I want someone to love me. Is that too much to ask for? Wow, Sasuke, you may have the body of a girl but you sure do have the thoughts." Ivan said.
"I don't have the body of a girl I just happen to have feminine body curves." Sasuke replied quickly.
"And the legs of one." Max pointed out.
"Shut up, Max, no one asked you." Ivan said to Max.
"Aw..." Max said, hanging his head and slumping his shoulders as he walked away in defeat. Izak pat his shoulder.
"It's alright." He said, "He hates all of us. But mostly you."
Izak Hawkaloogie had brown hair spiked every which way but flattened on the top. Some say he was dropped on his head as a baby. He was eight feet tall, had brown eyes, and tan skin. He wore a long-sleeved pink shirt and blue jeans. He raped for a hobby.
"Yeah, he just hates you the most." Mia agreed.
Mia Hawkaloogie was Izak's sibling. She had long light blue hair (Same hair style as Shippuden Hinata.), had on a light blue gothic lolita dress, light blue tights and light blue shoes. She also had light blue eyes. No one knew her sibling's or her own age. Mia was more of a man than a woman. Mia also raped for a hobby. (Pineapples, if you're wondering.)
"...I'm going out for some fresh air." Sasuke said and stalked out the room rather quickly.
Ivan lifted the tree off of Nartuo (When Ivan lifts things it's telekenisis.). Naruto stood up and stretched his back. He glared at Ivan and spoke.
"You shouldn't have done that." Naruto practically growled at the blonde.
"Well excuse me, I just read out diaries, that's all." Ivan replied, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Naruto he continued; "If you guys are too sensitive for it, that's pathetic."
Raccoon emitted a sort of screech and disappeared into Ivan's hair.
"I'm not too sensitive for it. Sasuke is, you know he is. No matter how much he denies it he's the closest any of us are probably going to get to a girl."
Ivan sighed and glared again. "I could care less."
"Fine then, I'm going to go get him and see to it that he doesn't do anything deadly." Naruto said. He walked out of the room speaking a 'ta-ta!'
Ivan sighed. "Bunch of idiots..."
Sasuke entered the room, eyes red. "How long was I gone?" He asked.
"About a minute."
"Oh. That's longer than I wanted it to be." He said, glancing at the clock. He looked around the room. "Oh good. That idiot isn't here."
"You mean Ramen Head, or the Three Stooges?" Ivan asked, jabbing a finger in the three idiots' (Max, Mia, and Izak) direction.
"I meant Naruto." Sasuke replied, rolling his eyes and slumping down in a random seat.
"What, upset that I read that out loud?" Ivan mocked him.
"No. Just upset... fine, yes." Sasuke admitted. "Where the hell is Naruto, anyways?"
"Oh, somewhere looking for you. No big deal." Ivan said, waving his hand in the air in dismissal.
"Good, he'll be gone a while then. I'm going to go to my emo corner." Sasuke stated, getting up and sitting in his emo corner. Ivan watched the door until Naruto entered.
"I couldn't find hi- oh." Naruto said when his eyes fell on Sasuke. "...I guess he's fine, then."
"Yeah, I could care less about you low lives." Ivan said.
"...well, I heard we were going on a field trip soon." Naruto changed the subject.
"Oh joy. Is it the hotel again?" Ivan asked.
"No, no. It's actually supposed to be some sort of museum thing." Naruto said. "Like an... art museum or something."
"Oh. How lame." Ivan replied.
"When?" Sasuke asked, suddenly appearing next to Naruto. Naruto gave out a shout and jumped away from him.
"When did you get there?" Naruto asked, his arms still in his face in defense.
"Like, two seconds ago." Sasuke replied.
"...Oh." Naruto said, visibly relaxing.
"So, when are we going?" Sasuke reworded his previous question.
"Tomorrow." Naruto said.
-TOMORROW-
"Uh... Sasuke... Sasuke..." Naruto whispered to the younger male. They were on the school bus on the way to the museum. The raven haired boy had fallen asleep as was currently using Naruto's shoulder as a pillow. Naruto knew that if he let Sauske sleep there Sasuke would accuse Naruto of placing his head there and then avoid him. So he, reluctantly, attempted once again to rouse the boy out of his peaceful slumber.
"Mm, wha?" Sasuke asked groggilly, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes.
Naruto sighed.
Sasuke looked at Naruto, one hand lowered some so he could do so and asked: "What?"
"Oh... uh... nothing..." Naruto said, looking out of the window. "Oh, look, we're here!" Naruto exclaimed, changing the subject.
"Let me see." Sasuke said, leaning over Naruto so he could catch a glimpse outside the window. Sasuke's hand fell between Naruto's legs, very close to Naruto's crotch and Naruto blushed as he realized this. The bus hopped over a bump in the road and Sasuke's arms failed him, his face falling into Naruto's lap.
Naruto quickly lifte the boy into a sitting position in the seat next to him, the older male's face still red. Sasuke's face flushed slightly from embarassment. "I-uh-I... ah-ha... uhm... Sorry." Naruto choked out.
"N-no... I should be... uh... sorry." Sasuke said quickly.
The bus pulled to a stop in the parking lot of the museum, the students all piling out the door one by one. Sasuke made sure to keep distance from Naruto, which deflated the older male. Naruto sighed.
"Come on, why do I have to ruin everything? Now Sasuke will be avoiding me FOREVER!" Naruto whined.
"Yeah, yeah, shut up, Naruto. I really don't care about your love life and such." Ivan said. He glared at Naruto and Naruto shut up. "And besides, who would care about yo-" Ivan gestured with his arm...
...CRACK!
Ivan looked behind him where a very expensive piece of artwork lay on the ground. Or, more of, what was formerly a very expensive piece of artwork.
"...did you just break that?" Naruto asked, pointing at the smashed art work.
"No, you did." Ivan said.
"What? That makes no sense, I'm standing right here!" Naruto exclaimed.
A guard came up to the two students. He was very, very, very, very, verybuff. Naruto gulped.
"Who broke that?" The guard asked in a deep voice, pointing at the smashed up ceramics.
"Ivan di-"
"Naruto did." Ivan cut Naruto's earlier statement off. Ivan pointed at the Ramen head, the guard looking at him also.
"You broke that?" The guard asked, an evil aura coming around him.
"N-no... Iva-"
"Did I?" Ivan asked, cutting Naruto off again but adding a cold glare and an evil aura.
"Uh..." Naruto began, "I've gotta... pee..." Naruto ran off, the guard chasing him close behind. They ran around, the men breaking art works as they ran. Ivan watched them, as the guard tripped over his own legs. The guard may have been very buff in his arms and torso, but his legs were puny and stubby.
Sasuke sighed. "Wow, he's still an idiot, even in this kind of atmosphere."
"Yeah, agreed." Ivan replied with a nod of the head.
Sasuke began to walk off, until he grabbed his chest and began to try to breathe regularly again. Ivan looked over at him and sighed.
"I'm not going to call an ambulance or anything." Ivan called out.
Sasuke collapsed to the ground. Naruto stopped running away from the guard (Who had yet to right himself) and ran to Sasuke.
"Sasuke? Sasuke? Are you alright?" Naruto exclaimed the question, dropping to his knees next to the younger man. Sasuke tried to breathe again but couldn't seem to. He closeed his eyes, falling unconcious. Naruto began to freak out.
"Ivan! Ivan! What should we do?" Naruto called out, looking at Ivan with pleading eyes.
"Nothing. Let him die there." Ivan said.
"I could... wasn't that called rescue breathing or something?" Naruto asked, looking down at Sasuke.
"I could do it." Max said, flying over to the two with chibi angel wings.
"SHUT UP MAX!" Naruto yelled at him, pushing his face away and successfully making him crash into the Mona Lisa. A guard started chasing the red head.
Naruto looked at Sasuke with a blush on his face. "I... uh... I know how..." Naruto said sheepishly.
"Whatever. Just let me walk away." Ivan said monotonously, walking away from all of the commotion. He walked over to a phone and dialed 9-1-1, dispite is previous claims he made to Sasuke.
"Hello, this is 9-1-1, emergency hotline, what's your emergency?" A girl asked.
"Yeah. Someone just collapsed in the middle of the hallway. He stopped breathing." Ivan stated, looking over in the direction of him, though he couldn't see him.
"Is his heart still beating?"
"As far as I know, yes."
"What's your name, and how old are you?"
"Ivan and I'm 15."
"Okay. Where are you?"
"You are right down the fucking hall." Ivan said rudely.
"Am not." The girl denied.
"You are right behin dthat pillar, go get a fucking ambulance." Ivan said. The girl peaked over at Ivan from behind the pillar she was using as a hiding place.
"Oops." She said in a small voice. "I'll be right on it." Ivan sighed, he hated retarded people.
"GET OFF ME!" Ivan heard Sasuke scream.
"Oh, he's up." Ivan said, walking over to where Sasuke was lying on the ground.
"I was just trying to help!" Naruto said.
"Yeah right, I woke up to you pratically making out with me!" Sasuke exclaimed.
"Rescue breathing, Sasuke. Rescue breathing." Naruto said. He looked at Ivan and asked: "Right, Ivan?"
"Oh, don't pull me into this." Ivan said. He hated being around these people but they provided sufficient entertainment.
"You are a-a... a..." Sasuke collapsed once again.
"Agh! Could he stop doing that?" Naruto asked.
"Go on, boy wonder, do whatever. I already called the ambulance." Ivan said, walking over to the front doors of the museum as he heard the sirens of an ambulance whining. "Oh, good, they're here."
The doctors came in and brought Sasuke out on a stretcher. Naruto walked until he stood beside Ivan and sighed as they closed the ambulance doors and they drove off. "I hope he's alright."
"I'm surprized he could even wake up, considering the fact that you were making out with him." Ivan said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Rescue breathing, Ivan. Rescue breathing." Naruto said. Naruto found himself under another orange tree.
"Orange tree, Naruto. Orange tree."
"God, I hope he's alright." Naruto said.
"Oh, shut up. Who cares." Ivan said.
"I do." Naruto said, looking over at Ivan.
"Who cares." Ivan repeated.
"I said I do."
"Who that matters cares." Ivan said.
Naruto shut his mouth.
"Attention students, this is your principle, Mrs. Buttless speaking. We require that at leasst two-thirds of the school sign up to join the army. We are in a war and the army needs more soldiers around your age groups. Now at least two-thirds of the school must sign up AND YOU BETTER." Mrs. Buttless said over the inter-com. She was, well, butt-less. She had no butt.
"Who's the war between?" Naruto asked Ivan.
"Why are you asking me?" Ivan asked.
"Because you're the only one that's smart around here right now." Naruto said. Ivan thought for a moment before he replied.
"You're right." Ivan said, then added, "For once. The war is between Japan and the rest of the world."
"Why?" Naruto asked.
"Well, because Japan wants to become their own continent but nobody wants them to be." Ivan said casually.
"Oh. Well that's stupid." Naruto said, leaning back in the chair he was sitting in. "So it's like a... World War 13?"
"This is World War 13, yes." Ivan replied.
"Cool." Naruto said. He thought for a bit. "I think I'll join..."
"Why? So you can redeem yourself and have your way with Sasuke?" Ivan asked.
"Yup, exactly." Naruto replied, getting up out of his seat. "Now I"m going to go sign up and then visit Sasuke to tell him good-bye."
"We won't miss you." Ivan said.
"I won't miss you either." Naruto replied.
"We hate you."
"The feeling is mutual."
"Glad you'll be gone."
"Same here."
"You're going to die."
"Your confidence in me is overwhelming." Naruto replied sarcastically. He turned to Ivan and said, "Meet me at the hospital?"
"No." Ivan replied.
"Suit yourself." Naruto said with a shrug and left. Ivan sighed.
"Things are about to get boring."
"Uhm... Sasuke... I..." Naruto began nervously.
"What?" Sasuke asked.
"I'm leaving." Naruto said.
"Where?"
"I'm going to war." Sasuke dead panned. Everytime Sasuke thought that Naruto was as stupid as they could come, he proved the younger male wrong.
"You're what?" Sasuke asked.
"I'm... going to war." Naruto repeated.
"No."
"Uh... what?" Naruto didn't know if he could trust his ears at that moment. Did Sasuke want him to stay?
"I said no." Sasuke repeated.
"And why not?" Naruto asked.
"It's suicide, Naruto. You can't go."
"Wow, you have so much confidence that I'm going to live. Well, I'm going, Sasuke, and you can't stop me."
"You can't!" Sasuke cried out. "You can't go! You can't die! You can't... you can't..." Sasuke was thinking of other excuses.
"I'm going to protect this country and all that I care about in it. Sasuke, I'm going to fight with my all so you don't have to worry about dying in this bed." Naruto said.
"But I... you can't..."
"You can't stop me-"
"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" Sasuke screamed at him. He started breaking down and sobbed out: "I need you."
Naruto looked stunned. He was shocked, to say the least. Naruto sighed and embraced the younger boy.
"You guys are disgusting and pitiful." Ivan said, fading in from nowhere.
"How long have you been here?" Naruto asked.
"Whole time. This is all just a stupid cliche and all that cheese pizza."
"You mean cheesy stuff?" Naruto asked.
"What ever, I don't care." Ivan said, crossing his arms. "Not my fault you guys forgot I could turn invisible."
"Well, I asked you to come so it wasn't much of a surprize." Naruto said. Ivan looked at him with a blank face.
"I hate you."
"I know you do." Naruto replied.
"Make him stay." Sasuke said.
"Excuse me?" Ivan asked.
"I said... make him s-stay..."
"And why should I? I want him gone just as much as the next guy."
"Because he ca-can't go..." Sasuke said. Naruto sighed.
"I'm leaving." He said.
"NO!" Sasuke screamed at him. Naruto stood up and left the room, leaving a sobbing Sasuke and an indifferent Ivan behind. Ivan glanced at Sasuke and scoffed.
"You're weak." He got no reply, not even a glare. "You're stupid."
...
"You are a girl." Ivan stated, but the older boy still said nothing.
"I'm... I'm going to follow him." Sasuke said.
"To war?" Ivan asked.
"No, out of the building." Sasuke said, getting up.
"Well, he's already gone." Ivan said.
"WHAT?"
"Well, they picked him up here. He's gone." Ivan repeated.
"No... no... this can't be happening..." Sasuke sobbed.
"Well, it is. Now shut up." Ivan commanded him. Sasuke continued to sob. Ivan sighed.
"That's it, I'm going to war." Ivan turned his head to look at the three idiots.
"And you're coming with me."
A/n: Cracktastic and to the point, just how I like it.
So this is actually a role play of mine and my younger sister's. We actually speak it out, not typing it, so I have to type it up before I forget it. It's been going on for a while, this one. So this whole thing was fast and it was basically all improv.
And it was all improv.
Hope you like it and keep reading!
REVIEWS?
~Sasuke Uzumaki 83