A/N: This song always made me think of Blair, because of the little bits that remind me of Breakfast at Tiffany's ("Moon River" and the fact that it was made in '61), so I thought I'd use it. This is done from Chuck's POV though, after they're together and he tries to figure out what she will do. The end is the scene where she is about to leave for Paris and Serena stops her, but I changed it. The song is called "A Dustland Fairytale" by The Killers. Hope you like it! Oh, and I don't own Gossip Girl or the song [The Killers].
"A dustland fairytale beginning
Just another white trash county kiss
In '61, long brown hair and foolish eyes"
Chuck looked at her as she looked at him. This was how it all began. This kiss, the one thing that would change them both. He loved her, he decided, and had for a very long time. He loved her smile, when it lit up her face; he loved her hair, the long, dark hair; he loved her eyes, how they showed everything, and at that moment they showed that she knew nothing of what would come or what might happen. They showed that she was scared, but she was ready.
"He looked just like you'd want him to
Some kind of slick chrome American prince
A blue jean serenade, and moon river, what you do to me
I don't believe you"
After all of that, she still managed to go back to him. To Nate, her quintessential knight in shining armor. Her typical prince. He was smart, he was good-looking, he was rich, he behaved well. And that was what she fooled herself into thinking that she wanted. But she didn't want that, she never wanted that. No one wanted to settle for the quintessential, for the ordinary. Everyone wanted something more. Everyone wanted someone more. He could be her someone more.
"Saw Cinderella in a party dress
But she was looking for a nightgown
I saw the Devil wrapping up his hands
He's getting ready for the showdown
I saw the minute that I turned away
I got my money on a palm tonight"
He watched her, as she tried to deny what she felt for him. As she tried to become accustomed to settling again. He saw as she got herself all dolled up, going to the parties that they went to, and how much it killed her inside to stay with Nate. He read into her eyes, and he saw that she didn't want to be there, not anymore. She didn't want to stay if she had to stay with him. All she wanted was to curl up and make it go away. But society had so much more planned to hurt her, Chuck knew. Society did not let someone fall in love with two people for very long. It made them choose. And it made the choice very hard. He watched her, as she watched him, and he saw the pain in her eyes as it reflected his own. He turned around, unable to see it any longer.
"Change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fire
She says she always knew he'd come around
And the decades disappear like sinking ships
But we persevere, God gives us hope
But we still fear what we don't know"
When Nate saw her like this, saw her struggling with an indecision he could not name, he tried to do better, he tried to be better. Although she knew it would never be the same, that they were different, that she was different, she tried to make herself content again. She convinced herself that the little things he did now- the flowers, the notes- these were the things that she'd wanted all along. That she was happy now. And Chuck waited. He waited for her to realize that it wasn't all true. He waited for her to remember them. He waited for her to understand that he would always be here, waiting. But the time went on as she did not realize, she did not remember, she did not understand. She did not come back to him. But still, he waited. He wouldn't give up on this one. He couldn't give up.
"The mind is poison
Castles in the sky sit stranded, vandalized
A drawbridge is closin'"
Chuck had spent too much time alone with his thoughts. It wasn't good for him. Quickly, his hope had begun to waver. The images he'd had in his head- of the two of them together, of her choosing him, of her leaving Nate- they all went away. The happy thoughts of dates and dances together, kisses they'd share, the love they'd have- that all quickly died too. All he wanted was to be with her, and she was too afraid to have that reality. He could only hold on for so long. And so long was ending soon…
"Saw Cinderella in a party dress
But she was looking for a nightgown
I saw the Devil wrapping up his hands
He's getting ready for the showdown
I saw the ending when they turned the page
I threw my money and I ran away
Straight to the valley of the great divide"
This time he saw her in that silver dress of hers, in the spotlights and music of Cotillion. He'd imagined, for a while, that she was his, that his dreams were now coming back to him. But they weren't. She had seen through him, like he saw through her. And now her eyes told him that she was done with him. He ran after her, looked for her, but he could not find her. He found the last staircase he had not checked…and stopped. He had found her. He had found her running right into the arms of Nate. Society no longer flaunted the choice in front of her as punishment. Now it flaunted what she had chosen in front of him. He could do nothing, except turn around and run. He was done, he had lost. It was time for him to go.
"Out where the dreams are high
Out where the wind don't blow
Out here, the good girls die
And the sky won't snow
Out here, the bird don't sing
Out here, the field don't grow
Out here, the bell don't ring
Out here, the bell don't ring"
He didn't care where he was going anymore. He would just go. He needed to be done with this. He needed to find a place where he could do what he wanted, where he could be what he wanted, where his mind and his heart didn't collide with reality, where he didn't have to rely on anyone else. He needed a place where nothing would take him of course. He needed a place where the world didn't try and bring him down. He needed a place where there were no distractions. He needed a place where he wouldn't get his hopes up. He needed a place where things were simple. He needed a place where whoever he found wouldn't let him down.
"Out here, the good girls die"
But he couldn't find all that and be happy. He knew he couldn't. Because he needed her. And wherever this place was, it didn't have her. This place left him alone, alone to deal with his life. Alone to deal with her choice. And he couldn't sit by and watch her make the wrong choice.
"Now Cinderella, don't you go to sleep
It's such a bitter form of refuge
Oh don't you know, the kingdom's under siege
And everybody needs you?
Is there still magic in the midnight sun
Or did you leave it back in '61?
In the cadence of a young man's eyes
I wouldn't dream so high"
Though he could hardly bear to think of it, could hardly bear to get his hopes up, he came home. He waited for his chance to find her again, find who he really loved in the girl who had made that choice.
Then everything went wrong for her. The world had found out what she had done, Nate had left her, and society had turned against her. Her best friend had left her too. Without thinking, he, too, had left her. He was afraid now. Afraid that he'd had his chance and it was done.
He found out from Serena that she was leaving. She didn't know if she could stop her by all herself. She wanted Chuck to come.
Chuck got in the limo and directed it to the place. He needed to get there before she left. But if she had left, Chuck decided, he would follow her. He would not give up his chance again.
He got out of the limo now, and saw her standing there, almost as if she was waiting for him. He ran to her and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes always told him so much.
She was giving up now. It was too much for her. All of the rules, all of the spotlights, all of the glares of society- it was too much. She couldn't bear the weight of the world crushing her while she suffered with this. Not without someone to help her carry it. And Nate had left her there, standing with the load alone. And now all she had to do was leave the mess where it was.
But Chuck was there now. He would help her carry it. He would help her with anything.
She couldn't leave now. Everyone was counting on her to make that mistake. The world needed her, needed her to come back and be strong. Her friends needed to see her hold on and be the one to pull through. She would be strong- she was always the strong one.
In her eyes, he saw the world as she saw it- a place where she couldn't do what she wanted, where she couldn't be what she wanted, where her heart and her mind collided with reality. It was a place where everything took her of course, where everything tried to bring her down. It was a place full of distractions. It was a place where her hopes were always smothered. It was a place where everything was complicated. It was a place where everybody let her down.
And she needed to be taken far away from it all.
He followed her to the helicopter and got in beside her, directing the pilot to the place where he'd gone before.
Sometimes a person could leave, if only for a little while. As long as they came back home.