Sermons from the Church of Orochi- part one.
A normal looking church, in the outskirts of Southtown. But this is no ordinary church, as it is here that viewers at home are "treated" to the weekly preachings of the Holy Rollin' Goenitz, on behalf of the Church of Orochi.
Inside, we see Goenitz, dressed for the part in a white suit and sunglasses. He is enjoying a pre sermon spliff, before being called out by Shermie. Shermie is dressed in US trailer trash style, boob tube, hotpants and cowboy boots.
Shermie- Hey, Goenitz. Your on.
Goenitz- Sure, I'll be right out. (finishes joint) Is the choir ready?
Shermie- Yeah.
Goenitz steps out to his pulpit. There is the "Book of Orochi" (actually a disguised phone book, Goenitz makes shit up as he goes along) in the centre, and a large picture of him in a Christlike "Come to me my children" pose at the back. Shermie stands there looking sexy, which is all that's really required of her. At one side, a bunch of kids with horrible pudding bowl haircuts sing hymns praising Goenitz. Perhaps a result of the spliff, or maybe Orochi fever, but Goenitz's sermons are fucking mad.
Goenitz- Welcome brethren! Welcome to another insightful sermon from your host. The Holy Rollin' Goenitz. Gimme a Hallelujah!
The crowd respond, out of fear of what he'll do if they don't.
Goenitz- That's what I like to hear. Now let me tell you, children, I am quite clearly high. High on the power of our lord and saviour, the almighty Orochi! He's enlarged my mind, man! When you're stoned on Orochi, you will, like me, smell the sounds, hear the colours and see multiple Brian Battlers flying around your living room! Gimme a hail Goenitz!
Shermie- Oh Kay. Maybe pre show drugs aren't a good idea.
Goenitz slaps Shermie across the face.
Goenitz- Dammit bitch! Drugs bring us closer to Him. I'd like to remind you, brethren that before surrendering her soul to Orochi, Shermie spent her nights table dancing in the Spearmint Rhino, living in sin! Now,thanks to His divine influence, she spends her nights table dancing on my desk! Uhh... in the name of Orochi of course.
He now decides it's time to get the congregation to say a few prayers in honour of Orochi.
Goenitz- And now brethren. It is time for us to say a few prayers to our lord. To take the time to thank him for all the great stuff in the world. The Christina Aguilera "Dirrty" video, really fast cars that use up a shitload of gas...
Chris- Has he been at the crack pipe again?
Goenitz- Of course, the wonderful drugs, the King of Fighters videogame series. But please, brethren. Don't blame the almighty Orochi for the awful 2001...
Chris- KOF 2001 wasn't THAT bad.
Our preacher is now furious.
Goenitz- SINNER! BLASPHEMER! Don't you ever talk like that again!
He summons a large tornado, which lifts the boy twenty feet into the air, before he crashes down arse first on the floor.
Goenitz- Repent sinner! Cease thy unholy ways!
Chris- OW! Okay!
The Holy Rollin' Goenitz gets over this minor disagreement to make an appeal to the congregation.
Goenitz- Now, unfortunately, it's that time again, brethren. We once again need your money, to increase the influence of our lord. See, what we wanna do this week is to launch a big fucking nuclear missile and blow up the moon. It'll be great, positive proof of Orochi's superiority over mother nature! Gimme an Amen!
The worshippers are sick of paying big money every week for Goenitz's mad schemes. Last week, they found themselves paying for his plan to knock down Ryo's dojo, and build a 2000ft gold statue of Goenitz in it's place. On the pulpit, we see Chris carrying an oversized collection box.
Chris- Can I keep some of the money? Just a bit?
Goenitz- NO! I need that to pay off King, so's she won't sue over...(realises that he has an audience) I mean for this week's grand plan. Now go, you have money to collect!
He kicks Chris off the pulpit,who goes around collecting worshippers hard earned money.
Goenitz- And for those considering being stingy with their money, look up toward that balcony.
They look up to see Yashiro manning an M60 machine gun. Needless to say, everyone gives very generously.
As Chris collects the money, Goenitz calls up an audience member. It is Kyo Kusanagi, KOF champion and hero.
Goenitz- Step up here, son. I wanna carry out a little test of faith. Do you have faith...
Kyo- No, I'm just here 'cause someone said there's free wine later.
Goenitz- Let me finish you little shit! Do you have faith? If, let's say, caught in a powerful SDM, would you trust in the almighty Orochi to preserve you, or would you be screaming and crying like a little girl?
Kyo- What kind of retarded priest are you?
Goenitz- Let us find out, brethren, if young Kyo here has faith.
Kyo- WHAT!
Suddenly, Goenitz performs his MAX power "Shinyaotome Jittsouko" super combo on Kyo. The KOF hero is screaming his head off and weeping loudly. After finishing up, Goenitz once again adresses the crowd.
Goenitz- You see children of Orochi, you gotta have faith. Gimme a Hail Goenitz!
Shermie- Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
End of part one. The Holy Rollin' Goenitz's sermons will continue, after an interval involving cheap wine, crap wafers and more money collected to pay to keep this sermon on air.
A normal looking church, in the outskirts of Southtown. But this is no ordinary church, as it is here that viewers at home are "treated" to the weekly preachings of the Holy Rollin' Goenitz, on behalf of the Church of Orochi.
Inside, we see Goenitz, dressed for the part in a white suit and sunglasses. He is enjoying a pre sermon spliff, before being called out by Shermie. Shermie is dressed in US trailer trash style, boob tube, hotpants and cowboy boots.
Shermie- Hey, Goenitz. Your on.
Goenitz- Sure, I'll be right out. (finishes joint) Is the choir ready?
Shermie- Yeah.
Goenitz steps out to his pulpit. There is the "Book of Orochi" (actually a disguised phone book, Goenitz makes shit up as he goes along) in the centre, and a large picture of him in a Christlike "Come to me my children" pose at the back. Shermie stands there looking sexy, which is all that's really required of her. At one side, a bunch of kids with horrible pudding bowl haircuts sing hymns praising Goenitz. Perhaps a result of the spliff, or maybe Orochi fever, but Goenitz's sermons are fucking mad.
Goenitz- Welcome brethren! Welcome to another insightful sermon from your host. The Holy Rollin' Goenitz. Gimme a Hallelujah!
The crowd respond, out of fear of what he'll do if they don't.
Goenitz- That's what I like to hear. Now let me tell you, children, I am quite clearly high. High on the power of our lord and saviour, the almighty Orochi! He's enlarged my mind, man! When you're stoned on Orochi, you will, like me, smell the sounds, hear the colours and see multiple Brian Battlers flying around your living room! Gimme a hail Goenitz!
Shermie- Oh Kay. Maybe pre show drugs aren't a good idea.
Goenitz slaps Shermie across the face.
Goenitz- Dammit bitch! Drugs bring us closer to Him. I'd like to remind you, brethren that before surrendering her soul to Orochi, Shermie spent her nights table dancing in the Spearmint Rhino, living in sin! Now,thanks to His divine influence, she spends her nights table dancing on my desk! Uhh... in the name of Orochi of course.
He now decides it's time to get the congregation to say a few prayers in honour of Orochi.
Goenitz- And now brethren. It is time for us to say a few prayers to our lord. To take the time to thank him for all the great stuff in the world. The Christina Aguilera "Dirrty" video, really fast cars that use up a shitload of gas...
Chris- Has he been at the crack pipe again?
Goenitz- Of course, the wonderful drugs, the King of Fighters videogame series. But please, brethren. Don't blame the almighty Orochi for the awful 2001...
Chris- KOF 2001 wasn't THAT bad.
Our preacher is now furious.
Goenitz- SINNER! BLASPHEMER! Don't you ever talk like that again!
He summons a large tornado, which lifts the boy twenty feet into the air, before he crashes down arse first on the floor.
Goenitz- Repent sinner! Cease thy unholy ways!
Chris- OW! Okay!
The Holy Rollin' Goenitz gets over this minor disagreement to make an appeal to the congregation.
Goenitz- Now, unfortunately, it's that time again, brethren. We once again need your money, to increase the influence of our lord. See, what we wanna do this week is to launch a big fucking nuclear missile and blow up the moon. It'll be great, positive proof of Orochi's superiority over mother nature! Gimme an Amen!
The worshippers are sick of paying big money every week for Goenitz's mad schemes. Last week, they found themselves paying for his plan to knock down Ryo's dojo, and build a 2000ft gold statue of Goenitz in it's place. On the pulpit, we see Chris carrying an oversized collection box.
Chris- Can I keep some of the money? Just a bit?
Goenitz- NO! I need that to pay off King, so's she won't sue over...(realises that he has an audience) I mean for this week's grand plan. Now go, you have money to collect!
He kicks Chris off the pulpit,who goes around collecting worshippers hard earned money.
Goenitz- And for those considering being stingy with their money, look up toward that balcony.
They look up to see Yashiro manning an M60 machine gun. Needless to say, everyone gives very generously.
As Chris collects the money, Goenitz calls up an audience member. It is Kyo Kusanagi, KOF champion and hero.
Goenitz- Step up here, son. I wanna carry out a little test of faith. Do you have faith...
Kyo- No, I'm just here 'cause someone said there's free wine later.
Goenitz- Let me finish you little shit! Do you have faith? If, let's say, caught in a powerful SDM, would you trust in the almighty Orochi to preserve you, or would you be screaming and crying like a little girl?
Kyo- What kind of retarded priest are you?
Goenitz- Let us find out, brethren, if young Kyo here has faith.
Kyo- WHAT!
Suddenly, Goenitz performs his MAX power "Shinyaotome Jittsouko" super combo on Kyo. The KOF hero is screaming his head off and weeping loudly. After finishing up, Goenitz once again adresses the crowd.
Goenitz- You see children of Orochi, you gotta have faith. Gimme a Hail Goenitz!
Shermie- Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
End of part one. The Holy Rollin' Goenitz's sermons will continue, after an interval involving cheap wine, crap wafers and more money collected to pay to keep this sermon on air.