CHAPTER ONE: CORTEX'S NINJA ADVENTURE WITH HOT CHICK... PLUS THAT GUY
N. Gin looks at the 'chapter title' Cortex wrote on his memo, "I hope you're planning to shorten these memo titles in the future. Also, why did you call me that guy?"
"Because you're ugly and no one cares about you" Cortex tells him.
"Says the guy who broke every mirror in the castle with just one glance"
"What was that?"
"Nothing" N. Gin sighs, "can we get this over with?"
N. Gin follows Cortex out the castle and to a forest path. Cortex takes out a scroll and holds it in front of N. Gin. His assistant didn't seem al that interested.
"Do you know what we're going to do today?" Cortex asks.
"Ignoring your memo, not really but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway" N. Gin says.
"Today you and I shall be ninjas"
N. Gin tries to act interested, "ninjas?"
"Yes, we shall... why aren't you in costume? You look so... ordinary"
N. Gin looks at Cortex's outfit, "if you call having a missel sticking out of your head ordinary. On top of that, you look stupid. Have you been reading Naruto again?"
"Maybe... that's besides the point. As ninjas we're going to complete an escort mission as a team like in that manga... I didn't read"
"Well I guess this is better than getting beaten up by Crash. In fact anything is better than fight Crash but didn't your memo imply there would be three of us?"
"That's why I'm here!"
A blonde hair young woman jumps out of a tree and lands on N. Gin's back. She had a sticker on her top saying 'hello y name is Hot Babe'.
"I love Cortex" she says.
"How much did he pay you to say that?" N. Gin asks, trying to ignore the pain in his back.
"who said that?" she looks around.
"Down here, under your boots. Could you do me a favor and get off me?"
"Oh, sorry" she jumps off him, "and as for your question more than you make in a month"
"Kids make more pocket money than I do in a week. Anyway, we're getting off topic here" N. Gin gets back up onto his feet, "Cortex, we're scientists NOT ninjas"
"We're going to be ninjas today and that is final. Our mission is to escort this bridge builder to the construction site where he will finish building the bridge" Cortex tells him.
"What bridge builder?" N. Gin asks as he looks around for the guy.
"I think he means the guy taking a piss behind that tree" Hot Bade says.
"Oh... lovely"
The bridge builder walked up to the three. He has a label that says 'Guy'.
"Does everyone have a stupid name tag, besides you and I that is" N. Gin asks.
"Your right, one moment" Cortex says.
Cortex puts a name sticker on his and N. Gin's top/
N. Gin has a look at Cortex's label, "Sexy Neo... Really?"
"Why not Ugly Virgin" Cortex says.
"Ugly virgin?"
Hot Babe looks at N. Gin's label, "that;s what it says on your name tag"
"Why do I get the feeling this virgin thing is going to turn into a running gag" N. Gin sighs.
"Come on kiddies, I've got a bridge to build" Guy says.
"KIDDIES?! We're NOT children, she clearly has... wait are you drunk? Maybe losing him in the woods will be easier than I thought" N. Gin says.
"We're not losing anyone, I need the money" Cortex says.
"So your finally going to pay me?"
"No I need the cash to buy that big shiny robot with the laser guns. Besides if I did pay you, you'd only quit"
N. Gin glares at Cortex, even if he is right about him quiting. Hot Bade wondered why N. Gin was even working for Cortex in the first place.
"Come on, that ferris wheel won't build itself" Guy says.
"I thought you were building a bridge" N. Gin says.
"This is going to take a while, isn;t it?" Hot Babe asks.
"Yes, yes it is" N. Gin says.
Cortex leads the way, followed by Guy then N. Gin and Hot Babe.
They had been walking for sometime when two ninjas jumped them.
"What do you guys want?" N. Gin asks.
"We want to kill the bridge builder, ugly virgin" Ninja one says.
"Cortex, can I take this stupid name tag off?" N. Gin asks.
"No, you didn't say the magic word" Cortex says.
"Let me take it off or I'll let those guys beat you black and blue"
"That isn't the magic word" Cortex turns to the two ninjas, ignoring N. Gin's threats as Hot Babe holds him back, "why? Did he do something to annoy you or are you trying to stop him from making life better for others?"
"Why are we, people who are labeled as villans, helping him?" N. Gin asks.
"We need cash" Cortex tells him.
"He owes us money" Ninja two says.
"So we shall kill him unless you can beat us" Ninja one says.
"Cortex owes me money, you don't see me trying to kill him. Besides, given our track record of zero wins this will not end well" N. Gin says.
"Leave this to me virgin" Hot Babe says.
"My name's N. Gin!"
"At least she didn't call you ugly" Cortex says.
Hot Babe proceeds to beat the two ninjas to an inch within their lives.
"Beaten... by a... girl" Ninja one says.
"How... humiliating" Ninja two says.
"I bet is it but then again I wouldn't know what that was like now would I N. Gin, I mean ugly virgin" Cortex says.
N. Gin glares at Cortex.
They left the two ninjas where they lay. That night they stopped at a clearing.
"Our first night as ninjas on out first, if not only, mission. I say we sleep out under the stars" Cortex announces.
"I say we steal their wallets and stay in that inn tonight" N. Gin says.
"Do you think we'll have enough for bed and breakfast?" Hot Babe asks.
"Bed, yes, breakfast probably not"
"Your right" she holds Guy and Cortex's wallets, "anythings better than sleeping near them"
"At least you don't have to live with Cortex"
"Why do you live with him?"
"I'm broke"
The next day the four boarded a boat to the construction site. Cortex kept a 'close' eye on Guy while N. Gin stayed as far away from Cortex as did Hot Babe.
"What is your name? It can't be Hot Babe, right?" N. Gin asks.
"No, it's not Hot Babe. My name's Holy"
"Holy? At least you have a normal sounding name unlike those I know"
"So what does the N in your name stand for?"
"Well it stands for..."
"N. Gin, Guy just threw up" Cortex says.
"I'm a scientist NOT a janitor or a ninja for that matter! Clean it up yourself!" N. Gin snaps.
"A what?"
"Did he understand anything you just said?" Holy asks.
"He thinks the dictionary is the holy bible... maybe I shouldn't have thrown it at him. Didn't think it would hit him that hard" N. Gin says.
"I understand Cortex so much more... wish I didn't"
"You and everyone else"
"He threw up again" Cortex says.
"Please say we're almost there" N. Gin pleas,
"We have another six hours to go" Holy tells him.
"Six hours! Hey Guy, you have any booze left?"
"And now he;s going to get drunk"
Six hours later they arrived at the construction site.
Cortex got his pay cheque which he used to buy the robot he wanted. It was destroyed by Crash Bandicoot in record time.
Holy became a full fledge ninja, for the time being. People still call her Hot babe.
N. Gin passed out three hours before they arrived at the construction site. N. Tropy picked him up an hour after they finished their mission. He is recovering from a hang over.
"Someone kill me" N. Gin groans.