Contemplating Beauty
TRIGGER WARNING!
THIS FIC IS ABOUT SUICIDE AND PLEASE BE AWARE AND CAREFUL I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE FROM THIS FIC, I WROTE IT WHENI WAS IN CLASS AND DEALING WITH TOUGH ISSUES PLEASE NO HATE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT MAY TRIGGER SOMETHING AS THIS MAY NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!
Author's note: Hey! So I wrote this in class when I was dealing with some pretty tough emotions, it would be great if you did read it but not if you feel it may trigger something for you. If you are having thoughts like this I would recommend finding help, you're not the only one and I promise we are all in this together 3
Also if you want a sequel I might be able to make one n.n
Kurt stared at the blade; it really was beautiful, wasn't it? So sharp, cold, and such a pretty colour; sliver with little sparkles of who-knows-what and dark red stains all over it, it had history, it was… Beautiful
No! Beautiful was Blaine's hair when he would wash all the gel out of it before sleeping, beautiful was Blaine's voice when he told Kurt he loved him, beautiful was Blaine's words as he asked Kurt to go, that he never wanted to see Kurt again, that he hated him and never loved him. Beautiful was not the blade. But Blaine's words were sharp, and almost felt like they cut when they fell from Blaine's mouth, yet they were still beautiful so maybe the knife was beautiful.
Kurt held the knife tightly as tears welled in his eyes. There was no need for him anymore, he had no place in the world, he was just left over. The first cut. Blood seeped from his flesh, beautiful, no arguing that. The sting was amazing, it made him feel so fresh and clean, he could feel something new… Kurt could feel; it was beautiful!
No! Beautiful was the way Blaine used to hold him to make him feel, beautiful was the way Blaine would cry for him with worry because of the danger of kids bullying Kurt at school, but the sting that the cuts would bring Kurt making him feel were not in anyway beautiful…
But beautiful was also the way Blaine told Kurt goodbye with a kiss… That bought pain, a pain that was now so familiar now, a pain that has left Kurt so numb, but at the time that was a pain that bought a new feeling yet it was still beautiful. Does that mean that the blood is beautiful and the cut that comes with it is also indeed beautiful… I guess so.
"I deserve this." Kurt whispered to himself as he ran the blade sharply across his skin.
"I deserve this!" He repeated, louder this time. Another cut. Deeper.
"I deserve this!" He screamed this time, scraping the blade down his skind forming cuts of various depths and widths along his arm. Kurt sank to the floor, drenched in blood and tears, still gripping the knife. He curled up into a ball gripping his wrist with one hand and the knife with the other. This was it. This was now who he was; a mess of blood, tears, and pain in a puddle of amazing skin care routines and designer clothing on a bathroom floor. Why didn't he just end it? It could all be over… Gone. Like Blaine wanted, Blaine didn't want to see Kurt again, If Kurt wasn't in the world Blaine wouldn't have to… He wouldn't be able to… ever.