He Holds the Hand that Holds Him Down

Ever since Blaine transferred to McKinley things have been like this. It's been months, and Blaine has come to accept this is how it is. And it has all come to make sense, it really has…so why is Kurt telling him it's all so wrong?

Enjoy!

00

It had been this way since September. The put downs, the silencing looks, the bruises. It had all become so commonplace over the past few months. He'd just come to accept it. Appreciate it, even. Finn was helping him, holding his hand through the process of teaching him.

It made sense, it did.

Blaine had come in and made a big spectacle of himself. That wasn't what they do at McKinley. And Finn, being the leader, it made sense he was the one who had to put Blaine in his place. First it was the put downs, which hurt Blaine's ego but didn't stop him. Then it was the shoulder checks, the locker shoves when no one was around. It wasn't until bruises littered his body that it all started to make sense.

Blaine wasn't in charge. This wasn't Dalton. He had no place trying to bring the attention to himself.

Finn was in charge. It was that simple.

The purple streaks across his skin were like written word. He could read them. He knew what each one meant, what each one said. Sit down. Be quiet. You're not in charge here. Having them there, on his skin, they were the reminder he needed every day. They helped him. Helped everything make sense.

Finn had become somewhat of a mentor too. He taught Blaine all the things he needed to know. He taught Blaine about being humbler, about being less ostentatious (and that was something he really had needed help with). Finn taught Blaine all he needed to know about finally finding his place at McKinley, he was helping Blaine. And Blaine was grateful for it.

But now Blaine was confused, so confused. As Kurt stood over Blaine, tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes aflame. It had all made so much sense but now the logic was falling apart.

"I don't understand." Blaine kept saying that, saying it over and over. He didn'tunderstand. Finn had just been teaching him a new lesson, something they'd been doing for months. It wasn't anything new, anything abnormal. "I don't understand." Why was everyone so upset?

Kurt had fallen to his knees before Blaine, taking his right hand in his, clutching it tight in both hands as he tried to speak around his tears. "This isn't ok, Blaine. This isn't normal."

But it is.

"He was just helping me. I don't-"

"Helping you by breaking your arm?" Blaine's eyes slowly drifted from where they'd been locked on Kurt over to Santana, who stood not far behind Kurt. She looked similar to him, eyes aflame, tears streaming down her cheeks. Blaine's eyes then drifted down to his left arm, resting in the sling against his chest.

"But it was just a lesson." Blaine looked back up at Kurt, at all their friends standing around him, expressions ranging from horrified to upset to enraged. They didn't need to be crying, why were they crying? This made perfect sense, they just needed to understand.

"Blaine what he's been doing is not ok." Rachel said, her voice grave, a sob escaping her as she spoke.

Blaine shook his head. "He's helping me. You need to understand-"

"Blaine." Kurt's voice was sharp as he took Blaine's face in his hands, demanding Blaine's complete attention, demanding he understand. "This isn't normal. This isn't ok. He's been hurting you and I—I didn't even know-"

Blaine brought his good hand up, clasping it around Kurt's right wrist. "It's ok, though, Kurt. It's ok-"

"Blaine, no. Listen to me. This isn't ok. This isn't normal. This isn't right. He has no right to be hurting you. He has no right to tell you who you can and can't be. Something clearly – clearly wrong with him-" Kurt started crying at the thought.

Blaine shook his head in Kurt's hands. "No, no, no, no-"

"Blaine you have to listen to me. Please listen to me." Kurt was sobbing again, his voice broken. Blaine had tears of his own on his cheeks. He didn't like Kurt upset, he just didn't understand. He didn't understand at all. "Do you think it'd be ok for Finn to beat me up every time I wanted a solo?" Kurt asked after a moment.

Blaine's eyes widened in horror. "What? No! Of course not! Why-"

"Then why is it ok if he does it to you, Blaine?" Kurt was searching his eyes, seriously looking for an answer to his question.

Blaine wasn't sure he had one.

"But I—I'm different. You—you're—it's ok if you-I need to be put in my place." Blaine finally settled on a thought.

"You don't, Blaine. You don't. You have every right to sing and have fun and say what you want when you want. You have a right to be you. No one should be telling you otherwise. No one should be-" Kurt's voice cracked, breaking off. Letting go of Blaine's cheeks he wrapped his arms tight around Blaine's shoulders, pulling him close. "I hate that he's done this to you. I hate what you've become. This empty shell."

I hate what you've become. What had Blaine become? He'd become something? A more obedient version of himself, maybe. This wasn't bad, was it?

"You're not the Blaine I fell in love with."

That stopped Blaine's heart cold. He wasn't the – did Kurt not love him anymore? He'd just been trying to become a guy everyone at McKinley could not be annoyed by, could like, could love. But Kurt…the most important person…

"I—I don't understand."

Kurt pulled back from the hug again. Looking deep into his eyes, begging, searching. Kurt looked like he wanted to say something but didn't know what. Kurt was thinking something. Something Blaine couldn't hear. "Blaine…Blaine I…" Kurt blinked, eyelashes wet with tears. "I don't…"

But then it clicked, the look in Kurt's eye.

He was trying to understand.

He wanted to understand.

Blaine blinked slowly, looking deep into Kurt's eyes, fighting his own tears. Blaine needed Kurt to understand, and Kurt wanted to. He wanted to understand. If he could do it maybe Blaine could too.

This isn't ok, Blaine. This isn't normal.

I don't understand.

"I—I want to understand."