AN: Well, this is my first Fanfic. Just some nonsense really. This is meant to be a three-shot for all you Dylan haters out there. I hope it's a bit more creative than the other Dylan fics.
Probably not.
Disclaimer: I've always wanted to do one of these! Well to make JP's lawyer's happy: I don't own Maximum Ride, or Mr. Patterson, for that matter. I would have thought you lawyers would have better things to do with your time instead of busting teenage fangirls...Maybe not? Do lawyers read Fanfiction?
I'll ask one when I see one.
Okay, here we go.
Let me just get this straight: Yes, Fang ran away. No, he did not wait at the cliff on Total and Akila's 20th wedding anniversary. Heck, it hasn't even been twenty years since then.
It's been two weeks. Long story short: Fang came flying back to us last week.
*Cue flashback sound effects*
The flock and I…And Dylan were all sitting around watching Snow White. Angel's decision and surprisingly, Dylan was in favor of it too. He said something to the effect of, "I was deprived of Disney movies back in the lab".
Well, Dylan, were you also deprived of cute cuddly teddy bears and rainbows, too? Pity, pity Dylan.
Yeah, I've been sorta moody since Fang left. Hm. Fang. How I miss him.
And then the doorbell rang.
No one rings our doorbell. No one knows where we live. Except Jeb, who comes down here every week for a tea party with Dylan, and he came by yesterday.
The only other person I could think of who could be at the door was…Fang.
I flung the door open and clenched my eyes shut, embracing the tall, thin figure in front of me.
"Fang!" I sobbed.
"Um, hi Max."
Did Fang sound….older? Much older. His speech was kind of slurred. He smelled different too. I knew he wore Old Spice, but this was…Really Old Spice.
"Fang, where have you been?" I put my hand on either side of his face, and looked into his eyes. This was gonna be really romantic. Except, that guy I had been all over, yeah, he wasn't Fang.
It was an old dude. And not just any ordinary old dude either.
"JP, HOLY CRAP!"
Iggy came running over, his arms flailing in the air with joy.
How did that boy know it was JP at the front door, I don't know. I was too busy puking up little bits of popcorn in my mouth.
"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Patterson, I'm a huge fan." Iggy was now vigorously shaking hands with the old man, and making a sad attempt to make eye contact. "I really like The Women's Murder Club series, but seriously, you look like a pedophile on the back of the books."
Wow, I think Iggy only has the ability to see James Patterson. Who would have guessed that?
"Er, thanks Iggy. I assume you all know how I found your house…"
"You're a creeper, that's how." I think it was Gazzy who mumbled that.
JP, being the cool cat he was, ignored it.
I just had an amazing mental picture of Mr. Patterson in some baggy jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of sunglasses…in the dark.
"Well, Max, I came here because I found someone a day or two back and he looked awfully familiar, so, I brought him back."
And JP took a step sideways, just like they do in every other reuniting scene in movies, and there he was.
Fang.
I pretty sure he couldn't breathe after I started hugging him. I'll put it this way: It was like the hug I gave JP, to the 30th power.
I didn't bother yelling at him for being gone, or anything. I'm not a huge drama fan.
(Seriously Days of Our Lives, how do you do it?)
And that was that.
Oh, Dylan. He didn't look too happy. But was that a blush he had creeping over his face?
*Cue Other Flash forward sequence*
Okay, that was that. Back to the story…
Ever since Fang came back, the pathetic attempts of warming up to Dylan, just went down the crapper.
Every time Dylan sits next to me, or something like that, something blows up. I swear.
Well, at least Iggy and Gaz are looking out for their big sister.
Not that it's getting old, but I really would like to get rid of Dylan for good. Or just make him our personal slave and make him useful.
Hm. That's a good idea. I shall create an ANTI-DYLAN meeting.
Creative name, I know.
-oOo-
40 minutes later, I had everyone but the "brunette wonder" in the living room.
"Okay, everyone, I think we need to do something about Dylan." I still haven't lost my authoritative voice after all this time.
"What do you think we've been trying to do for the past few months?"
"Yeah, I know Nudge. I think maybe we should try and do something…bigger."
"You mean like, assassinate him, or something?" Gazzy was stroking his imaginary goatee.
I cleared my throat. Did I really want to do this? Oh heck yes. "Of sorts… yes. Any ideas?"
"I have a plan." Hehe, that's my real perfect other half.