Disclaimer: Digimon and Chester A. Bum do not belong to me and belong to Toei and Douglas Walker (aka That Guy With The Glasses) respectfully. No profit is being made out of this work.
…
And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Chester A. Bum.
Tonight's review:
Digimon: Sora's Crest of Love
…
"OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST EPISODE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
"Digimon. Digital Monsters. Digimon are the SPOILERS!"
"There's this girl, called Sora, and she looks kind of like Sora from 'Kingdom Hearts', except...he's a girl! I was a girl once...wasn't that a weird day?"
"I knew there was something wrong about that kid. First she was wearing jeans, tank tops and army helmets and now she's dancing round in clown shoes and wielding this HUGE keyblade in baggy shorts!"
"Why do all these anime girls want to be like men? You don't see Sailor Moon going round fighting bad guys in a jockstrap."
"Although Sailor Uranus does leave a lot more to the imagination."
"And Sora has this pet bird called Piyomon…what's a Piyomon anyway? Is it some lost, endangered bird that hasn't been discovered yet? Hey, maybe she knows the way to Sesame Street!"
"I still haven't found it yet."
"That bird looks delicious. I wonder what pink birds taste like! I once ate clay pigeon; that tasted like yummy. I was constipated for three weeks…okay, four."
"So Sora meets this talking bowling ball with wings, and he tells her that her pet bird won't get any stronger because she can't love anyone. I had a talking bowling ball with wings once! Except it couldn't fly and it said absolutely nothing!"
"Poor soul."
"Then there's this flashback scene where we see Sora's mom, and she takes very good care of her flowers. I took care of flowers once, but then I ate them. Mmm…tasted like air freshener. So Sora is like-"
"I wanna play soccer with my friends. Can I, mom huh, can I?"
"And the mom's like-"
"Nah."
"And Sora's like-"
"Whore."
"And the mom's like-"
"Nope."
"And Sora's like-"
"Screw you, I'm going anyway, boo-hoo-hoo!"
"But Sora doesn't make it in time for soccer and she gets so depressed because she thinks her mom doesn't love her. Welcome to my world, kid! My parents didn't love me either, but I dealt with it. And look where I am now!"
"Actually, where am I? Who are you? Who's reading this? What's going on? Why is everything I'm saying being written in pointless fanfiction? SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT OF HERE! AAAH!"
"Whoa, I have issues."
"So anyway, Sora's sleeping with her friends at this campfire, when out from the clouds comes this floating carriage. And out from a falling casket bursts…"
"No…"
"IT'S COUNT CHOCULA! I knew Count Chocula was a bad guy! Yummy Mummy didn't disappear. He was murdered by Count Chocula!"
"And so was Franken Berry and Boo Berry."
"So Count Chocula unleashes his swarm of cannibalistic chocolate cereal bits against the Digimon. And Piyomon is like-"
"I have to go save my friends!"
"And Sora's like-"
"No!"
"Then Piyomon's like-"
"Whore."
"Then Sora's like-"
"WAIT! I've seen this before. I'm acting just like my mom…except I don't eat flowers."
"So Sora lets Piyomon fight and she turns into one of Pocahontas' acid fantasies and flies everybody safely away…into Neverland!"
"HOORAY!"
"And in the end, we all learn that Sora's mom really did love her after all, and she was just being protective of her…THIS IS BULL CRAP! Where the hell was Sora's dad? He should have been there to show some responsibility…like MY dad! He was the greatest role model to me! He was so great that he dumped me in a trashcan and never came back..."
"Life is fair."
"This is Chester A. Bum saying...CHANGE! YOU GOT CHANGE? AW, COME ON! HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA? COME ON, CHANGE!"
Seriously though, 'Sora's Crest of Love' was a cute episode. But kinda disappointed with how they handled Sora's dad later on in the second season.
"Can I come to Neverland too? I hear Piyomons taste like cotton candy over there. I wonder if they still sell any of them down in Sesame Street…hmm, or maybe I should try Avenue Q."