A/N: Hello! I just wrote this like 10 minutes ago so I'm not sure about the errors and such. This is a product of procrastination so I don't expect much. Haha! I just thought I should post something tonight. If I don't I might've taken my own picture and post it somewhere on tumblr. Lol. Thank you! Also, this is a part of a training program so...
It's astounding how we come up with these possible outcomes each time we make a decision: good or bad or in between. It's human nature, I guess. And we're given the chance to work with it our whole lives, probably to minimize the amount of pain that would eventually drive someone crazy. That's what I've realized.
Let me tell you about the process with how I came up with that stand. But I can't elaborate more if I don't tell you what I was doing, and what I have done, and what I have experienced after it that boggles me to endlessness.
I could fairly remember it though, because it's so goddamn fresh and important that my brain could grasp it for years and still be fairly functional with other stuff I'm dealing with.
Music is my life. If someone would ask me who my first love is, it's Ms. Music and her concubines of different genres that continuously pleasures her with sincere affection and graces that are available for my advantage anytime.
That's how I got my internship for this music production company. The deal was I'll be living in LA for the whole summer while I learn the music business real-time and possibly offer the opening I need that'll boost my scrawny ass to my dreams. And I got it.
Well, I didn't really grab it the moment the contract landed on the table because I still had my last year of college lined up in my priorities so I made the seemingly courageous decision of making it wait for next year while I go back to Barden to be with my girlfriend in our last year of this hellish hole meant for ticketing yourself to a bright future.
The internship offer was well enough a memory of teary blue eyes and ruffled red hair so the decision was instant. I would spend her 7th year with her because it will really mean so much to her, so she says. And I love her so much of course I'd do anything to make her feel special and proud and joyful.
That's what made me go back to Barden and of course she's happy. Chloe's always happy but she's at most happy when she gets what she wants. I never told her about the offer though because I know how her mind works, and if she knew I wouldn't be here. But god I love her so much of course I'll be here for her. It's only one year, what can a year do anyway? Not much.
"I missed you so much!" she says through my neck and I could feel some tears pricking out of her eyes.
Chloe Beale being the most emotional person I know. And I couldn't stop her because when Chloe feels something, you let her feel it.
"Let's not go there. No more crying," I say as she gently pries herself from her embrace with me.
She smiles and showcases her blue eyes like never before. They just glow all the time, I don't know how many people had them under her spell when invaded by Chloe's powerful blues because let's face it, they could really get to you. It's like they're watching you from afar but they already know your story. It's creepy and lovely at the same time; she made that combination work all the time.
That's how Chloe worked. And when I knew I'm getting on that foreign territory with Chloe, I knew it's one of the most dangerous things I ever could put myself into. I knew it, because I've thought about it. I'm a person that cautiously walks all around secure spaces but willing to explore more, I just need to delve more on the destination before continuing. I could get hurt, and I wouldn't want that. I don't want to experience the terror of a heartache again because it really scares the shit out of me.
Who would want to feel dead without your heart stopping its beating? Who would want to see black in everything you see? Who would want to listen to a track that says sad quotes and verses on repeat? I wouldn't.
But Chloe's done the out of the question: making me feel more of a human and bulging all the careful walls I've put up for the past few years of my existence. She made it all so easy, and I was a bit offended at one time but I've gotten over it.
Chloe eased her way into me so carefully and with much precision that she didn't make me feel like I'm being breached in the first place. And that's what made me fall for her so hard and immediate and sure.
We've been together for almost three years already and it was an exhaustion but worthwhile. She complemented me on all the right ways and angles and suddenly, I feel so better and happy and satisfied.
I was so used to living alone and meeting the excellence of independence but Chloe made me think I could totally be better, and surprisingly she was right, I definitely could. And she made it all seem so feasible.
I was doing better for my schooling, my mixes, and my life.
So this last year of school, Chloe thought she'd put more focus on her subjects because she'd really want us to graduate together like we've been planning. So she does, and not that I mind it, we don't have a mutual time for our "us" activities for quite a while now and it's fine because our major plans are still in motion.
Project time means locking ourselves up in the dorm with pizzas and materials we needed. And so that's how I found myself in my partner Arna's living room, with glorious amounts of books and scratches of papers thrown around everywhere. It seemed like a good place to throw our minds to the gutters and look like geniuses.
"I'm tired," I said and Arna looks up from the complicated math she's working on.
"Me too," she says with a small smile.
Arna grabs the box of pizza and sets it on the table while we eat in a comfortable silence as the TV buzzed with a reality show I haven't even heard of. I'm not one for the sitting around types I suppose.
Just as I thought that the TV show could be any more cliché and fake, I suddenly found myself engrossed in it. It's fun watching a fat lady run around the bushes for an obscene prize money, and taking a look at Arna, she seems to be enjoying it now, too.
A knock on the door breaks our attention from the TV and Arna stands up to greet the visitor.
"Oh hey," she said as I turn to look at the door and see my girlfriend as cheery as ever holding another box of pizza.
"Chloe? What are you doing here?" I ask, I couldn't think of a reason on why she's here. It's not like I told her about my project session with Arna. We kind of live a tad bit far from this part of campus, so that adds to my growing confusion.
Chloe finally acknowledges me as she turns and sees me. Her smile drops for an instant then puts it back in a split of a second. "Umm… I," she rattles out as she looks everywhere apart from me.
"Oh! You know each other?" Arna asks but I'm too focused on Chloe's obvious nervous face as she tries so hard to cover it with her smile and cheeriness.
"I…," I say trying to come up with something when Arna cuts me off.
"Chlo, Kath isn't here yet. You can wait for her though," Arna says confidently as though she knew Chloe for a really long time now as she gestured for Chloe to come in.
Chloe seems to be contemplating on the sane thing she should do and Arna notices, unfortunately.
"Beca, you have to feel sorry for those two lovebirds." Arna smiles and rolls her eyes affectionately.
"Chloe, you're the roommate's girlfriend, you are welcome here all the time. Now come on. Enter the humble abode," Arna says as she sits back down on her spot, throwing a smile in mine and Chloe's directions.
Her smiles got ignored as the moment became clear to me.
I look at Chloe and sees the blue eyes I've known and loved starting to make her feelings known for her.
This changes everything.