Rephaim

"I'll miss you," she whispered and turned back, walking away from him. He felt her words more than he heard them and watched her leave with an aching pain in his chest. A hidden whisper escaped his mouth before he could stop it: I'll miss you too...

It was true as much as he didn't want it to be. His wings stretched out and beat the air strongly as he made himself take off, flying to east, towards his father. Returning would be easier if he had never seen this world that Stevie Rae had introduced to him. He was a beast, a creature born of hatred, rape and Darkness. He would never belong with Light or anything close to that. But she was the light itself. And she had belonged to him for a short while, enlightening his life. He had accepted her knowing that they could never be together, that they weren't supposed to be.

But I felt what it feels to be human.

Yeah, he sure had and he remembered the feeling of it; even though he tried to bury it deep inside, the remnants of that time still gleamed within. It felt happy. Beyond everything he had ever experienced. It satisfied his soul to the core, leaving nothing untouched. The sweet feeling of her small hand in his own and the radiating warmth of her body next to his... he could live only with that feeling for an eternity. And no matter how much he tried to eradicate the thought, he still knew that it could be different if he wasn't a beast that had no other reason to exist but killing and destruction... if he was a simple normal man.

I could be one.

Rephaim almost laughed at the idiocy of the thought - almost. How could he even think about turning into a human? Wasn't he a beast and a beast only? He could feel the cold night air under his wings, sweeping over his beak, flowing around his feathered body. He could almost feel his eyes blazing the unnatural scarlet.

I have been one. For only a few seconds; but I know I have been one.

His fingers still remembered what he kept denying: the feeling of soft human skin, the texture of soft lips instead of a beak. When they were in front of that fountain, he had undoubtedly felt the human face – his human face – under his hands. But again, did it matter? His father was back; Kalona was back, and so was Rephaim's monstrous features. Just like the heavy feeling of Darkness burning inside him had came back. What he had experienced at that one moment was just a reflection of his heart; just a dream, seen and disappeared as fast as it came. What he was – what he had to be – was still the same wild beast he had always been.

Maybe it's not like that.

No, it was exactly like that. It had to be like that. He flapped his wings harder, faster in the night sky. Even though dawn was closing on him, Darkness was denser than before. The proof he was getting closer to Kalona. Since the Imprint, he couldn't feel his father as clearly anymore; he wasn't sure if he wanted to either. But he was sure he was supposed to want it. He let out the frustration of his confused thoughts from his wings; flapping them to their limits, so much so that his wing muscles started softly burning.

She didn't stop me from going away.

Because it has to be like that, he thought. He had already admitted his heart to himself not too long ago; but it didn't change his past. He had killed, murdered thousands of humans ferociously. He had killed vampyres also; the vampyres that were Stevie Rae's allies. Even though she had accepted him, anyone other than her would never accept him, they'd believe him to be a sworn enemy. And they would be dead right.

No, they would be dead wrong.

Ridiculous. Of course Rephaim was an enemy to them. He would not hesitate to slaughter the whole world if his father ordered him so.

All of the world?

Yes, all of it. as long as Kalona wished for it.

I'm decieving myself.

Rephaim sighed. He sure did lie to himself and he wasn't good at it. He knew what it was that he truly desired. He knew that just murder would be no longer enough for him, it was not what he seeked. Ever since Stevie Rae had shown him that world so full of love and compassion, he had never wanted to go back to the joyless, dark and hatred-filled world of his father. He didn't want to lose her to anyone. He didn't want their Imprint broken. He had even decided that he didn't want to live in a world without her. That was what his heart kept screaming though it was muffled. But his heart had never mattered.

It does matter to her. She said my heart actually does matter to her.

Rephaim felt a burning ache in his whole body. She was all he needed to live on. He was getting farther and farther away from what his soul desperately seeked, from his salvation. What if he turned back and flew back to Tulsa? What if he rejected his father?

"No!" Rephaim shouted out to the sky. He could never do that! He tried to shake away the turbulent feelings he couldn't control and accepted Darkness in once again as it became denser and denser around him like a sticky shell; making sure it didn't drive him insane again. He would eventually have to do this if he was going back. He had never belonged with her, so he wasn't supposed to be with her anyways; so this would be it for them. This had to be it for them. He was bound to live under the wings of Darkness and serve his father; he existed for no more.

What about the Imprint?

He still couldn't bring himself to break it. A single, slight ray of hope was holding onto this last one bond he had with Light. The man in him still wouldn't be able to bear breaking this last bond.

I will have to face her...

Probably in another war, Rephaim thought. They would be enemies on the battlefield. They would have to fight each other. Stevie Rae would use her element to defend herself and attack him – the element that he had become so familiar with lately. And him? He would use Darkness, his wild instincts, claws and beak. As he had always done before he met her.

Would I be able to bring myself to kill her when it comes to that?

Both the man and the beast within him sighed softly. The answer was obvious.

A/N: I really love Rephaim and his ways of thinking, it's so fun to trace. He's always so confused with his feelings; torn between his heart and his father. I seriously want him to see he needn't be that confused though. So yeah, I don't intend to make this into a very long fanfiction; but I thought this process is needed before lovers get together for it annoys me how easy it would be if Rephaim just changed. He's not the oh, so strong beastly fellow he seems to be; he's emotional and weak at heart, needs support and time to see things. Whatever. People have been saying that these two will never get together and Rephaim will die(literally) for Stevie Rae in the next book; so I thought if they can't get together in that book, I can make an end for them that they can be together. Hope you like this too and hope I don't go all OOC and annoying. And I'll probably end up pretty slow on this one too; I have zillions of things waiting to be done. Review please, thank you!