"Can you read these for me? When you have the time?"
He nodded, "sure. What are they?"
She looked at him, her blue eyes meeting his and he saw the flicker of insecurity that passed across her constantly worried face. She was frightened, he'd tell somebody. "They're potential donors."
He nodded, then mock saluted her, "I'll get right on it M'am."
She offered him a small smile which was more of a grimace in return and turned and walked away.
House stayed where he was. Since he'd guessed last week what Cuddy was doing, it had released the torrent of emotions he'd kept bottled up for her. Every time he was alone, they'd come flooding back, him at college, meeting her, seeing her, him in the hospital. He knew, like he always knew about these things, about himself, what he felt about her wasn't reciprocated. He'd loved her forever.
Flash Back
He winked at the dark haired girl standing on the side of the lacrosse field. She grinned widely, her dark blue eyes sparkling.
Several years younger than him Lisa Cuddy was the perfect match for Greg House. Everyday his best friend would attempt to goade House to ask her out but to no avail. He knew, as did everybody that House was madly in love with Cuddy, who wouldn't be? She was opinionated, hot and funny. And she could handle herself. Yet his friend, despite his feelings he repressed for the young doctor, was hooked on Stacey Warner, his long term girlfriend who, although Wilson enjoyed her company, was not capable of really dealing with House and all his moods.
Wilson leaned into Cuddy's ear. "You know," he began, "you could just ask him out."
Cuddy turned sharply, "I most certainly could not!"
Wilson grinned, "why not?"
"Well for a start" she said, counting them off on her fingers, "he has a girlfriend. Secondly he would never go out with me. Thirdly," She paused and the crinkle, that House would eventually fall in love with 10 years later, formed in her perfect brow.
"You can't think of a third?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Let me say this Jimmy, I will always love House. As a friend and a sarcasm inducer in me. But that's it!"
Wilson nodded, knowing but not saying, that the words coming out of Cuddy's mouth were utter crap.
End Flash Back
He strode into her office files under his arm. She looked up, she'd been thinking of him, as always. She couldn't help it. Love was an exhausting thing, she knew for a fact because since college she had loved House. And working next to him each day was agony for her, her head screamed no. He was a black hole for self pity and depression yet her heart said go for it. Therefore, every second of the day Cuddy had to keep her emotions in check when around House.
Both Greg House and Lisa Cuddy were in the same situation in their feelings for each other. Each covered their attraction with the banter that both enjoyed a little too much. Although neither would ever admit it, the attraction was there. And each had been pining for a little too long.
"What do you think?" She finally said after shaking the lustful thoughts from her head.
"Losers." He paused at her horrified look, "total losers."
"I wasn't asking you about their personalities I was asking you your medical opinion."
He held her gaze, blue eyes on blue and both felt the burning desire they had for each other although neither saw it in the eyes of the other.
Goddamn House thought, If she'd let me I'd goddamn do her right here.
Cuddy crossed her legs, blushed and was the first to break the gaze. When she looked at him she felt the molten fire run through her stomach and to her groin. It made her feel uncomfortable that this man wielded so much unknown power over her. She re-crossed her legs.
"They're losers. The medical aspects you were concerned about, needn't concern you. What should, however, is that they're already getting pummeled in gym class. It's your choice Cuddy, you are basically genetically engineering this baby so you can choose what it turns out like."
She stared at him. And he didn't know that all she really wanted was a companion. Him. But she knew, if she confessed anything he would crow it over her like a teasing small child. She grimaced at that thought. He took it for annoyance.
"Well you asked. If you want this kid to live through pre-grade you better find some better sperm."
She narrowed her eyes, he always thought it was about him, it nearly always was yet not for the reasons he usually thought. She grabbed the other files and stood up. "Fine then. Read these, find me non-loser sperm!" Then she stormed out.
House leaned back in her chair, and grinned, he loved annoying his boss. He only did it to keep his feelings at bay but he loved it all the same.
House sat in with a patient. He loathed clinic duty, he hated the boring cases they presented, and yet here he was wiping red dye off some small drooling child's chest and lecturing his mother about the value of common sense.
He was just about to be particularly insulting when the door opened and Lisa Cuddy stuck her head round the door.
He ran his eyes up and down the upper half of her torso he could see, she was wearing a tight red top which showed off her "fun bags" as he so teasingly called them and a long black skirt with a matching belt. The images of what he wanted to do to her there and then began to invade his head space and he quickly shook his head to dislodge any obvious signs she may pick up on. House then waited for her to speak.
Cuddy paused. She didn't know how to ask House. Especially in front of a patient, but she didn't want to sound too needy. She watched him as he patiently sat there, reading each expression that passed across her face except the one she most wanted him to read. He could see that she was uncomfortable yet he still waited for her to speak.
She opened her mouth and said,
"I need you. Now."
The grimace that followed told House he needed to save this woman he loved so dearly from further embarrassment, so he gave her a rather ridiculous look and answered.
"Yes Mistress."
She grimaced again but less severely and closed the door. He finger waved after her, causing the small child to giggle. He then handed the mother a paper towel and instructed her to keep wiping until the disease had magically disappeared.
After she smiled bashfully at him House limped out in search of Cuddy.
House walked into Cuddy's office. She looked panicked and the room was in semi-darkness. Due to the look on her face House refrained from commenting on the atmosphere of the room. It was Cuddy who first broke the silence.
"You didn't tell anyone else what I'm doing."
He shook his head; he was going to say something like why would I? Yet he didn't because both of them knew he probably would in any other situation, and he knew he'd keep his mouth shut on principal, he wanted to stay on Cuddy's good side in the futile hope that she may slowly fall for him.
"Not a soul."
She was finding this difficult to believe. She made herself busy with closing the blinds while she talked to him. Nervous energy he thought, she was taking a big leap here and not really expecting to make it safely across. He wanted so badly to reassure her but he remained silent.
"Wilson? Cameron? Maybe you mentioned it to her?"
He followed her into the room. Still biting his tongue at a crass comment about the dimmed lighting of the room, he decided to say something humorous to put her at ease.
"Not like I'm gonna. I'm a really good secret keeper. Never told anybody Wilson wets his bed. Oh you tricked me."
She smirked at this, not realizing what he was trying to do but appreciating it all the same. She turned towards her desk away from him. This gave him time to let his eyes run over Cuddy's divine body. God he wanted this woman, he was staring at her ass when she turned around.
"Part of the protocol of invitro fertilization is twice daily injections of metropins, I can't do it myself."
If he was any other person he'd blush but Cuddy hadn't seemed to notice she was too preoccupied. He let his eyes roam up to her face painfully slowly. He'd never seen what lay under her low cut blouses or tight skirts but boy did he want to find out. When she'd finished talking he let sink in what it was she exactly wanted him to do. He cocked his head in the way she'd come to know when he was pondering. She loved the way he did that.
"Turn around." He said.
She pouted a little but obliged.
"No clever comments about bending over?"
"Not unless you want me to."
"It's just I'm not used to house the professional."
He bit open the sterilization wipe. Casting the packet to the side he let his eyes roam up her now exposed leg to the porcelain like skin of her perfect ass. Slowly he began to wipe the sterile cloth on her exposed cheek. The lacy black g-string was not what he'd ever fantasized Cuddy wearing but it was certainly forcing him to keep his mind on the task at hand instead of ripping her clothes off and pushing her against the desk. Eventually he began to speak.
"I was just thinking about what your mother looked like, because your father obviously chose her for breeding purposes."
"Shut up." She replied with a half grin.
Ignoring this he continued.
"Natural selection sucks, there are mates based on breast size, cars they drive, they did autopsies on married couples and found a correlation in pancreas size. We're hard wired to pick for stupid reasons you have the chance to pick for smart reasons."
"I think the Germans had a similar theory about 60 years ago." She wanted him to stop and hoped this comment would cease his ramblings, yet his constant banter was keeping her mind off the building desire in her stomach. She was trying so hard not to push her ass towards his hand, forcing more of his skin to touch hers. Her nerves were all on fire, so she tried another tact, she was about to say something but she couldn't quite keep the tremor out of her voice. God she wanted him, right there and right now. It was lucky he couldn't see her face. She was staring at the ceiling, trying to whisk herself away from this awkward situation she found herself in, because if he wanted her it would be far less embarrassing. She was his boss for Christ sakes and why was he was still… His voice cut through her thoughts.
"I'm not advocating wiping out entire races. I'm just saying you don't want to mate with the first plastic cup that buys you a drink."
He was still wiping the cloth on her ass. She turned for the first time to face him since she'd hitched up her skirt to expose her lacy black thong and ass to one of the most unprofessional men she knew. Their eye's met for a split second. Both burned desire, quickly Cuddy broke the stare.
"Pretty sure you got that."
He tried to cover himself with a quick retort but it was too late, both of them knew he'd enjoyed that a little too much.
"Microbes can be sneaky."
Then he jabbed the needle into her ass.
"Ow. Thanks."
She turned, again meeting his eyes for a fleeting moment when she took the syringe. He held onto it for a little too long, forcing her to touch him and to hold his gaze, this time it was his turn to break the stare with another comment to break the sexual tension that had built rapidly in the room.
"Twice a day. This is going to be fun!"
She grimaced again, but didn't really mean it.
To prove his point about the sperm donors House had invited one in. He was sitting in Cuddy's office 'interviewing' the poor boy when Cuddy walked in. House acted like there was no problem and continued the interview. It was only halfway though that Cuddy realized who this man actually was. She shot a dirty look towards House who widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows and shoulders in an 'I'm totally innocent of all charges' look, which she didn't believe for one second. She sashayed over to the side of the desk House was sitting at, leaning across him she let her cleavage brush against his jaw, she could almost swear she heard him give a barely inaudible moan. After 'searching' for the files on her desk Cuddy leaned back again, and again brushing her breasts against House. She leaned into his ear and whispered, "get him out of here," and then opened the drawer sharply into her co-workers stomach.
With that she swished out of her office leaving House to deal with the young man who was snorting nervously in his chair.
House waited in the examination room for Cuddy. He had tried since the episode in Cuddy's office to shake her from his mind yet to no avail. The feel of her breasts so close to his face, so close he could lick the cleavage she freely showed. Her sent was intoxicating, her perfume and shampoo he couldn't get the images out of his head. These musings were all suddenly disrupted by the very person that had caused them.
Lisa Cuddy stormed through the door, closing it sharply behind her.
"The process is confidential, you violated his privacy. How did you even fi-"
He smirked at her and picked up the syringe.
"I looked up loser in the cryo-bank. You wouldn't go within a hundred miles of that idiot. Yet your willing to have his baby."
A slightly hurt look formed across her face yet she hid it from him by hitching up her skirt and bending over the table. He quickly let his hand run over her perfect ass again, she ignored the fire that immediately rushed to her stomach and continued on talking.
"I'm not looking for a date; I'm tired of looking, ow!"
He'd jabbed the needle into her ass quickly, he didn't want her to keep talking because the more she spoke the looser his tongue became, he knew this and it was all he could do to bite back several remarks about her and him as a couple. He instead said;
"Cotton Ball?"
She pouted and took it. Their blue eyes met again and the sexual tension charged through the room. He continued;
"I don't care if you marry this guy, date this guy, go through his garbage. But you should know, genes matter, who you are matters. Find somebody you trust."
She'd been silent through this outburst, decoding what he was saying, she couldn't really believe it. She just thought he was being nice. So she responded in the only way she knew. She asked him;
"Someone like you?"
He paused, he knew what he wanted to say, 'yes someone like me." But his pride was too strong and he only responded in the brusque way he knew best.
"Somebody you like."
House walked out of the room. He didn't like how, unwittingly Cuddy, got behind enemy lines. In the space of ten minutes she had completely disabled his barriers, his defenses he'd spent years building since his accident. He disliked this vulnerability, he was already a cripple, but maybe, he pondered, maybe this is what love is supposed to be.
Cuddy watched him leave, her eyes showed hurt but he never saw it, he was too busy rebuilding. She pined after him, wishing he'd said 'yes, somebody like me.' But no, House was not the man she wanted or needed him to be, it was finally time to stop her girlish fantasies, stop this treatment she thought if she'd asked him he might have offered, or something, her futile attempt at happiness was slipping through her fingers like water because neither she nor he could put their pride on the shelf.
House avoided Cuddy the following day. He didn't know what to say. He knew, eventually he would have to speak to her but he also knew that every time he saw her it was getting harder and harder not to take her aside and say 'Cuddy I love you.' So when he was sitting ponderously in his office, after curing the patient, he was surprised to see Cuddy standing at his door. He let his eyes roam over her as she entered, she looked nervous, debating inwardly with herself, she seemed so unsure and he cocked his head inviting her to speak and waited.
She opened her mouth and closed it again. She didn't know what to say to House. All day she'd been debating it. Should she say, 'House, I've stopped the treatments.' She didn't know, and for Lisa Cuddy not knowing was always difficult which is why, like House, games of the heart were so alien to her. She stared at him and smiled to herself, no other man could ever make her feel like this, from what he'd said yesterday she had fallen even more for him and right at this moment she was feeling vulnerable which was an entirely new sensation to her. Again she opened and closed her mouth again and then stammered only half of what she wanted to say.
"Thank you for the injections."
Damn, Cuddy you chicken, she reprimanded herself internally. Just tell him Cuddy. Just tell him. But she didn't, instead she turned towards the door.
He looked slightly confused, he, for once, could not read the expression on her face, what was wrong with Cuddy? But he assented and replied, yet he couldn't keep the questioning and skeptical pitch out of his voice.
"Your welcome. You came all the way up here just to tell me that?"
She'd begun to walk to the door. And with her hand on the handle she turned, he saw the pain in her eyes. The disappointment, and something he couldn't quite pick. She smiled sadly;
"No..."
Then Cuddy opened the door and walked out, giving him one last look. House sat back in his chair thoroughly confused at these latest turn of events. Cuddy had sprung his curiosity so he decided on a whim to follow her to her office.
Loitering in the hallway House leant against his cane and waited for Cuddy's assistant to leave. After several minutes he observed the young woman walk out of the inner sanctum with her bag and mobile in hand. It was then he took his chance. He limped towards her door and pushed it open. In the dim light he saw a silhouette against the moonlight that was flooding in.
He waited for her to turn, yet she didn't. Then he saw the tear streaks that caught the light as she inclined her head ever so slightly towards the door.
"Lisa?" He said softly.
She didn't turn but instinctively lifted her hands to wipe away the tears.
He took another two steps, "oh Cuddy. You've stopped the treatments haven't you? They didn't work."
She turned then, he couldn't see her face properly, darkness shrouded it, but he walked over and stood several meters away from her.
She opened her mouth as if to say something but a sob caught in her throat and a new torrent of tears scarred her face. He walked forward then, discarding his cane against the desk and took her into his arms.
She stiffened when he took her into his arms. She wanted to relax but this wasn't the time nor the place, he already had this power and she didn't want to cry in front of House, it just wasn't done. She was the dean of this hospital and yet here she was reduced to tears at some stupid treatments and some stupid girlish dream. She felt him stroke her hair and she relaxed, melting against his chest, she let her hands run up his back. And she heard him sigh, it sounded peaceful.
House was intoxicated with her sent, as if they'd been a couple for years he softly stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. She felt so right in his arms, he hoped she wouldn't feel him kissing her. He wanted to run his hands up and down her back, where one rested, he wanted to kiss her and tell her everything was going to be ok because he was here but his pride wouldn't let him.
Cuddy pulled away from House, and looked into his face, she wanted to say, "I love you Greg." But she couldn't quite bring herself to do it; instead she caressed his cheek and kissed him on the lips softly, hoping he'd understand, "thank you Greg," she whispered, "thank you."
He pulled back and his eyes fluttered open, he had not been expecting that, the kiss, but it was so sweet, so Cuddy. He smiled softly, "anytime you need me Cuddy. Anytime."
She smiled and her eye wandered over to the clock on her desk, "shit, look at the time."
He glanced at the clock. "Oh bollocks. I better go I have to feed Steve,"
"Oh." He heard the dejectedness in her voice but he still didn't let his arms fall, instead he raised her face to his with his hand and looked her in the eyes.
"Anytime you need me Lisa. Promise me you'll come."
She smiled sadly, knowing that this was the last chance she'd probably ever get to tell Greg House how she felt and knowing she couldn't do that she said, "thank you Greg. Thank you, for everything."
He let his hands fall then and his left traveled to the desk where it made contact with his cane, knocking it over he swore.
"I'll get it," Cuddy said, and bent down giving her co-worker a perfect view of her perfect ass. He moaned softly and she looked up at him a small glint in her eye.
"Are you quite done there?"
He cocked his head cheekily, "not half." He replied and continued to stare until she handed him his cane.
He then made towards the door, just as he was about to push it open he heard Cuddy say something.
"Wait House." He turned, and obliged.
She slowly walked up to him and stood in front of him, between him and the door so she could make a hasty exit if necessary. "Greg, I just wanted to say…"
He cut her off with a dismissive gesture, "stop apologizing Cuddy. You know how much I loathe it."
She narrowed her eyes, "that wasn't what I was going to say."
He cocked his head again, "what then?"
She took a deep breath, and he saw, in that split second, just how vulnerable Cuddy was, whatever she was trying to say was not easy for her. "I-…"
He waited patiently, leaning on his cane.
"I love you House." She said in a rush. "I've always loved you. Since college, since your infraction, since I hired you, since you've been with Stacey I have loved you and I just thought I'd never get another chance to tell you so here I am blurting out my heart to you. But forget it ok? Because I know you don't feel the same so I'm just going to leave to give you sometime to think about what I've said and I hope this wont ruin our professional relationship or our friendship, if that's what we can call it."
Cuddy, blushing furiously and tears stinging in her eyes then brushed pass House and walked briskly down the corridor.
For several seconds House stood there and then something kicked in and he hastily walked after her. Knowing it was futile to attempt to catch up to Cuddy he stopped and yelled down the corridor. "I-Stop Cuddy."
She stopped, her back facing him, he knew she was crying so he decided to make this as painless for her as possible. Quickly, or as quickly as he could, he limped up to the stiffened back of his boss. Softly he laid a hand on her shoulder, gently he turned her around and saw he was right, she was crying. Lifting his hand he raised her head towards him, forcing her to meet his eyes, a mirror image of the action he'd previously done in her office. Throwing all caution to the wind he kissed her. He heard her gasp under his kiss and took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. She felt his arm wind around her waist and pull her to him, she ran her hands through his hair and the air almost crackled with the sexual pull.
When they pulled apart both opened their eyes to meet each others.
"I love you Lisa." House said nuzzling her neck.
She pushed his head away and turned to him, "what?"
"I said," he said kissing his way down her jaw line, a kiss for each word, "I love you."
She felt herself grin, the sort of grin that she couldn't wipe off her face. "That's nice to know House."
He grinned back, "well, it's true. And I've loved you for quite sometime." She felt him pull her towards her office.
"Where are we going?"
He smirked fiendishly, "to your couch."
Her eyes opened wide.
He kissed the inside of her palm, "we're going to make out on your couch like a couple of teenager."
She laughed, and he pulled her through the doorway.