A Slayers Christmas Carol
By Keika no Kaiyou
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Or at least it would have been if this was a play off of 'A Tale of Two Cities'. Instead, it was a dark and dreary day in the Slayers world. Lina Inverse and her traveling troop of companions were inside of an inn celebrating their Christmas spirit.
"Gourry! GIMMIE MY FOOD!" Lina Inverse, sorcery genius, shouted.
"Food, food, food, food, food, food, food!" Gourry chanted as he ate.
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Sooo I'm bound to run! There is a tree in the grand hotel, I'll torch it with a spell. And make Santa trip upon the Snooooow!" Xellos sang cheerfully as he made sure to hang mistletoe every two centimeters on the ceiling.
"NAMAGOMI!" Filia shrieked. "STOP SINGING!"
Xellos teleported down and gave Filia a quick kiss on the lips (Filia must now die). "Merry Humbug Filia-CHAN!"
"DIE!" Filia shrieked.
"Oh Mr. Zelgadis, Christmas is so romantic, isn't it?" Amelia asked silently wishing that Xellos would quit getting chased around and hang some mistletoe over her.
Zelgadis finished drinking his coco in one swig. "Bah Humbug," he growled and went upstairs to his room.
Amelia's eyes filled with tears. "Mr. Zelgadis doesn't like Christmas!" she began to wail.
Xellos grinned at the negative emotions he was getting. "I'm a mazoku, but I love Christmas! So many selfish children and stressed adults to feed off of.... Zelgadis is just a total loser....."
Filia smaked him with her mace. "Stupid Namagomi Mazoku....."
"Oh Filia, calm down! Care for some eggnog? I made it myself!" Xellos pulled out the eggnog which somehow smelled worse then the soup he once made.
Filia passed out as everyone held their noses.
Amelia continued to wail. "MR. ZELGADIS HATES CHRISTMAS!"
Lina sighed. "Oh, Zel just needs to get into the Christmas spirit, he doesn't hate Christmas."
"How can we get him into the Christmas spirit?" Amelia asked.
"I know!" Xellos volunteered jumping up and down (I think he might have been drinking his own eggnog). "I learned this neat trick from an old 'acquaintance' of mine. It's the perfect this to get a person into the Christmas spirit! Or drive them insane, whichever comes first," he chirped adding his last sentence under his breath.
Lina nodded. "Okay! Let's do it!"
"Oh Lina, I didn't know you were so forward," Xellos giggled.
Lina blinked once. "FLARE ARROW!"
Zelgadis turned over and stared at the ceiling. Something was coming, he knew it. His chimera senses were going crazy. "By the twitching of my ears, some stupid plot this was nears...." he muttered. He sighed, this author had to stop quoting old classical books.....
"Ummm.... What was I supposed to say?" a voice whispered in the dark. "Oh yeah! Ooooh! Zelgadis! I am a ghost!"
Zelgadis sat up and sweatdropped. "A what?"
"A ghost!"
"I see..... Strange, you look just like Gourry, Mr. Ghost."
"Really?" Gourry asked confused. "Who's Gourry?"
"Never mind."
"Okay! Ummm..... Three other ghosts shall visit you tonight!"
Zelgadis sighed again. "Gourry, do you even know what a ghost is?"
Gourry blinked. "No. Bye Zel!"
Zelgadis sighed as Gourry happily skipped out the door and fell down the stairs. "Why?" he moaned laying back down. "Why me? Why do the crazy authors always pick me?"
"Ooooh!"
"Oh L-sama..... Gourry's back."
"I am not Gourry!" Lina shrieked smacking Zelgadis.
"Oh. It's Lina."
Lina sweatdropped. "I am not Lina! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!"
Zelgadis blinked. "I see. Sooo..... what are you doing here Ghost of Christmas Past?"
"Didn't Gourry tell you!?" Lina demanded. "Jellyfish brains!! Well.... since you have no Christmas spirit three ghosts will visit you. The Ghost of Christmas Past (me), the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. If we can't cheer you up, no one will!"
"What if I don't want to me cheered up?" Zelgadis asked.
Lina smiled evilly. "Oh you will cheer up.... you will....."
Zelgadis blinked as a familiar sight filled his vision. "Hey that's me!" Zelgadis said pointing to a brown haired youth. The youth was completely drunk on eggnog and seemed to be hitting on everyone in sight. "Damn I look good!"
Lina sweatdropped as she stared at the human Zelgadis. "That's you?"
"Yep!"
Lina watched as the drunk human Zelgadis hit on a young red headed sorceress. "So, that's you from about five years ago?"
"Yes."
"When you were human?"
"When I was human," Zelgadis told her. "Why?"
Lina grew fire in her eyes. "That girl you just spilled eggnog on was me."
"Really?" Zelgadis asked looking amused. "Wow! We knew each other when I was human! Don't I look hot?"
"Darkness beyond twilight. Crimson beyond blood that flows....."
"Shit."
A slightly burnt Zelgadis was magically transported back to his room. "I hate this author," Zelgadis muttered.
The clock stuck midnight.
"Crap," Zelgadis sighed. "What is going to come now?"
"Come foreword chimera and know me better!" Xellos's cheerful voice said as the room filled with light.
Zelgadis sweatdropped as he looked around. "I'm in hell."
Zelgadis's room had changed into the castle on Wolfpack Island. More specifically, it's banquet room. Even more specifically, it's banquet room that was filled with very drunk and indecent mazoku. Xellos stood there in a Santa suit smiling cheerfully. "Welcome Zelgadis! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!"
"Where am I?" Zelgadis asked. "Please tell me I'm dead and this is hell...... there can't be anything worse then this....."
Xellos smiled. "Welcome to the present on Wolfpack Island. I'm here to show you exactly what your missing out on!"
"If Christmas is mazokus, a 180 pound fruitcake, and a swimming pool filled with eggnog I'm not missing out on much," Zelgadis said dryly.
Xellos smiled. "But there's so much more!"
"Like what?"
A shotgun appeared in Xellos's hand as he opened his eyes. "Like hunting for Christmas carolers, target practice with the bell ringing Santas as a target, burning down the Christmas tree farms....."
Zelgadis wondered off as Xellos continued to list off things to do. Sighing heavily he took a cup of eggnog from the wolf -headed mazoku. "I'm going to kill this author after this....."
After what seemed to be an eternity Zelgadis found himself back in his room. If Lina Dragon Slaving him had been bad, Xellos's Christmas party had been worse. Especially when they brought out the bound and gagged elves and the reindeer kebabs......
"OooooooooOOOOoooooOOOOooh!" a creepy voice moaned.
"Go away! I'm sleeping!" Zelgadis shouted pulling the pillow over his head.
A mallet hit him on the head.
"Okay! I'm up!" Zelgadis shouted sitting up. "So, let me guess. You're the ghost of my hellish future here to show me to mend my ways, right?"
The GoCYtC (Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come) nodded.
"Then let's go," Zelgadis sighed. "The sooner it's over the better."
"Oh Mr. Zelgadis! Will you help me put the Star of Justice up on the Christmas tree!?" Amelia asked sweetly.
"Of course Amelia, my darling, my sweetheart!" Zelgadis said skipping up. "The Star of Justice has to shine brightly to promote justice and peace and hope!"
The two stared proudly at the tree decorated with Stars of Justice and mini Hammers of Justice. "People who have justice, can't go wrong, for with justice no one should fear!" Zelgadis and Amelia sang dancing about.
"Mommy!" Amanda sniffled. "Some boy in the town said that justice sucks!"
Zelgadis and Amelia gasped horrified. "No! He must have no justice!"
Zander smiled through his light purple bangs. "I know! I punched him with the Fist of Justice!"
The entire family laughed as the air surrounding Zelgadis faded to black.
Zelgadis stood there frozen for a moment. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The GoCYtC threw off it's hood. "What's the matter Mr. Zelgadis!? Didn't you like your future?"
Zelgadis took one look at Amelia's smiling face and broke down into hysterics. "I'll change, I'll change! Just please! Don't make that future come true!"
Zelgadis woke up in a cold sweat. "What an awful dream!" he gasped out. "I must change my non-Christmas loving ways! Anything to stay away from Amelia!"
"Jingle bells! Filia smells...." Xellos sang as he finished decorating the Christmas tree with little bloody golden dragons.
"NAMAGOMI!" Filia screamed and chased him around with a mallet.
"Have a good sleep Zel?" Lina asked as she saw Zelgadis come down the stairs.
"I had the worst dream," Zelgadis sighed trying not to drop any of the presents he had just bought. "However I have seen the error of my Christmas hating ways and have decided to celebrate Christmas with all my heart!"
"Did you get a present for me!?" Xellos whined grabbing onto Zelgadis's arm and jumping up and down. He was still drunk on his eggnog.
Zelgadis didn't reply, he just slammed a box into Xellos's face.
"Arigato!" Xellos chirped wiping up his bloody nose.
Zelgadis passed around his presents. To Lina he gave a new book on black magic, to Filia a new tea set, to Gourry a new scabbard for his sword, to Amelia nothing, and to Xellos a book called 'A Thousand and One Mental Institutes for the Insane'.
"Thank you Zelgadis!" Lina chirped giving Zelgadis a big hug. "I almost forgot! We all have presents for you too!"
Zelgadis smiled as he received his gifts. From Lina he got a coupon for not getting Dragon Slaved, from Amelia a Hammer of Justice which he quickly lost, from Filia a book she wrote on how to kill a mazoku with common household items (with color pictures too), from Gourry.....
"THE CLAIR BIBLE!?" Zelgadis shrieked opening the present. "Gourry! Where did you get this!?"
Gourry shrugged. "Found it a while ago....."
Everyone sweatdropped.
"This is the best Christmas ever!" Zelgadis proudly declared.
"But Zel-Bunny...." Xellos started.
"Call me that again and I'll kill you," Zelgadis growled.
"..... you haven't opened my present yet!" Xellos protested.
Zelgadis stared down at the wrapped box. "It's a bomb isn't it?"
"No!" Xellos chirped.
Wincing (and fully prepared to toss the box out the window) Zelgadis opened the gift wrapped box. "It's...... it's....."
"A Hammer of Justice tree ointment?" Lina finished giving Xellos a weird look. "Why'd you give him that?"
Xellos winked at them. "Sore wa....."
"I KNEW IT! YOU! YOU FRUITCAKE MAZOKU! YOU GAVE ME THAT GOD AWFUL DREAM!" Zelgadis shouted. "DIE!!!!!!!!!!"
Xellos laughed hysterically as Zelgadis began flinging Ra Tilts in his direction.
Everyone else sweatdropped.
"I hate Christmas," Lina sighed and hung her head.
THE END!!
By Keika no Kaiyou
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Or at least it would have been if this was a play off of 'A Tale of Two Cities'. Instead, it was a dark and dreary day in the Slayers world. Lina Inverse and her traveling troop of companions were inside of an inn celebrating their Christmas spirit.
"Gourry! GIMMIE MY FOOD!" Lina Inverse, sorcery genius, shouted.
"Food, food, food, food, food, food, food!" Gourry chanted as he ate.
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Sooo I'm bound to run! There is a tree in the grand hotel, I'll torch it with a spell. And make Santa trip upon the Snooooow!" Xellos sang cheerfully as he made sure to hang mistletoe every two centimeters on the ceiling.
"NAMAGOMI!" Filia shrieked. "STOP SINGING!"
Xellos teleported down and gave Filia a quick kiss on the lips (Filia must now die). "Merry Humbug Filia-CHAN!"
"DIE!" Filia shrieked.
"Oh Mr. Zelgadis, Christmas is so romantic, isn't it?" Amelia asked silently wishing that Xellos would quit getting chased around and hang some mistletoe over her.
Zelgadis finished drinking his coco in one swig. "Bah Humbug," he growled and went upstairs to his room.
Amelia's eyes filled with tears. "Mr. Zelgadis doesn't like Christmas!" she began to wail.
Xellos grinned at the negative emotions he was getting. "I'm a mazoku, but I love Christmas! So many selfish children and stressed adults to feed off of.... Zelgadis is just a total loser....."
Filia smaked him with her mace. "Stupid Namagomi Mazoku....."
"Oh Filia, calm down! Care for some eggnog? I made it myself!" Xellos pulled out the eggnog which somehow smelled worse then the soup he once made.
Filia passed out as everyone held their noses.
Amelia continued to wail. "MR. ZELGADIS HATES CHRISTMAS!"
Lina sighed. "Oh, Zel just needs to get into the Christmas spirit, he doesn't hate Christmas."
"How can we get him into the Christmas spirit?" Amelia asked.
"I know!" Xellos volunteered jumping up and down (I think he might have been drinking his own eggnog). "I learned this neat trick from an old 'acquaintance' of mine. It's the perfect this to get a person into the Christmas spirit! Or drive them insane, whichever comes first," he chirped adding his last sentence under his breath.
Lina nodded. "Okay! Let's do it!"
"Oh Lina, I didn't know you were so forward," Xellos giggled.
Lina blinked once. "FLARE ARROW!"
Zelgadis turned over and stared at the ceiling. Something was coming, he knew it. His chimera senses were going crazy. "By the twitching of my ears, some stupid plot this was nears...." he muttered. He sighed, this author had to stop quoting old classical books.....
"Ummm.... What was I supposed to say?" a voice whispered in the dark. "Oh yeah! Ooooh! Zelgadis! I am a ghost!"
Zelgadis sat up and sweatdropped. "A what?"
"A ghost!"
"I see..... Strange, you look just like Gourry, Mr. Ghost."
"Really?" Gourry asked confused. "Who's Gourry?"
"Never mind."
"Okay! Ummm..... Three other ghosts shall visit you tonight!"
Zelgadis sighed again. "Gourry, do you even know what a ghost is?"
Gourry blinked. "No. Bye Zel!"
Zelgadis sighed as Gourry happily skipped out the door and fell down the stairs. "Why?" he moaned laying back down. "Why me? Why do the crazy authors always pick me?"
"Ooooh!"
"Oh L-sama..... Gourry's back."
"I am not Gourry!" Lina shrieked smacking Zelgadis.
"Oh. It's Lina."
Lina sweatdropped. "I am not Lina! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!"
Zelgadis blinked. "I see. Sooo..... what are you doing here Ghost of Christmas Past?"
"Didn't Gourry tell you!?" Lina demanded. "Jellyfish brains!! Well.... since you have no Christmas spirit three ghosts will visit you. The Ghost of Christmas Past (me), the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. If we can't cheer you up, no one will!"
"What if I don't want to me cheered up?" Zelgadis asked.
Lina smiled evilly. "Oh you will cheer up.... you will....."
Zelgadis blinked as a familiar sight filled his vision. "Hey that's me!" Zelgadis said pointing to a brown haired youth. The youth was completely drunk on eggnog and seemed to be hitting on everyone in sight. "Damn I look good!"
Lina sweatdropped as she stared at the human Zelgadis. "That's you?"
"Yep!"
Lina watched as the drunk human Zelgadis hit on a young red headed sorceress. "So, that's you from about five years ago?"
"Yes."
"When you were human?"
"When I was human," Zelgadis told her. "Why?"
Lina grew fire in her eyes. "That girl you just spilled eggnog on was me."
"Really?" Zelgadis asked looking amused. "Wow! We knew each other when I was human! Don't I look hot?"
"Darkness beyond twilight. Crimson beyond blood that flows....."
"Shit."
A slightly burnt Zelgadis was magically transported back to his room. "I hate this author," Zelgadis muttered.
The clock stuck midnight.
"Crap," Zelgadis sighed. "What is going to come now?"
"Come foreword chimera and know me better!" Xellos's cheerful voice said as the room filled with light.
Zelgadis sweatdropped as he looked around. "I'm in hell."
Zelgadis's room had changed into the castle on Wolfpack Island. More specifically, it's banquet room. Even more specifically, it's banquet room that was filled with very drunk and indecent mazoku. Xellos stood there in a Santa suit smiling cheerfully. "Welcome Zelgadis! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!"
"Where am I?" Zelgadis asked. "Please tell me I'm dead and this is hell...... there can't be anything worse then this....."
Xellos smiled. "Welcome to the present on Wolfpack Island. I'm here to show you exactly what your missing out on!"
"If Christmas is mazokus, a 180 pound fruitcake, and a swimming pool filled with eggnog I'm not missing out on much," Zelgadis said dryly.
Xellos smiled. "But there's so much more!"
"Like what?"
A shotgun appeared in Xellos's hand as he opened his eyes. "Like hunting for Christmas carolers, target practice with the bell ringing Santas as a target, burning down the Christmas tree farms....."
Zelgadis wondered off as Xellos continued to list off things to do. Sighing heavily he took a cup of eggnog from the wolf -headed mazoku. "I'm going to kill this author after this....."
After what seemed to be an eternity Zelgadis found himself back in his room. If Lina Dragon Slaving him had been bad, Xellos's Christmas party had been worse. Especially when they brought out the bound and gagged elves and the reindeer kebabs......
"OooooooooOOOOoooooOOOOooh!" a creepy voice moaned.
"Go away! I'm sleeping!" Zelgadis shouted pulling the pillow over his head.
A mallet hit him on the head.
"Okay! I'm up!" Zelgadis shouted sitting up. "So, let me guess. You're the ghost of my hellish future here to show me to mend my ways, right?"
The GoCYtC (Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come) nodded.
"Then let's go," Zelgadis sighed. "The sooner it's over the better."
"Oh Mr. Zelgadis! Will you help me put the Star of Justice up on the Christmas tree!?" Amelia asked sweetly.
"Of course Amelia, my darling, my sweetheart!" Zelgadis said skipping up. "The Star of Justice has to shine brightly to promote justice and peace and hope!"
The two stared proudly at the tree decorated with Stars of Justice and mini Hammers of Justice. "People who have justice, can't go wrong, for with justice no one should fear!" Zelgadis and Amelia sang dancing about.
"Mommy!" Amanda sniffled. "Some boy in the town said that justice sucks!"
Zelgadis and Amelia gasped horrified. "No! He must have no justice!"
Zander smiled through his light purple bangs. "I know! I punched him with the Fist of Justice!"
The entire family laughed as the air surrounding Zelgadis faded to black.
Zelgadis stood there frozen for a moment. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The GoCYtC threw off it's hood. "What's the matter Mr. Zelgadis!? Didn't you like your future?"
Zelgadis took one look at Amelia's smiling face and broke down into hysterics. "I'll change, I'll change! Just please! Don't make that future come true!"
Zelgadis woke up in a cold sweat. "What an awful dream!" he gasped out. "I must change my non-Christmas loving ways! Anything to stay away from Amelia!"
"Jingle bells! Filia smells...." Xellos sang as he finished decorating the Christmas tree with little bloody golden dragons.
"NAMAGOMI!" Filia screamed and chased him around with a mallet.
"Have a good sleep Zel?" Lina asked as she saw Zelgadis come down the stairs.
"I had the worst dream," Zelgadis sighed trying not to drop any of the presents he had just bought. "However I have seen the error of my Christmas hating ways and have decided to celebrate Christmas with all my heart!"
"Did you get a present for me!?" Xellos whined grabbing onto Zelgadis's arm and jumping up and down. He was still drunk on his eggnog.
Zelgadis didn't reply, he just slammed a box into Xellos's face.
"Arigato!" Xellos chirped wiping up his bloody nose.
Zelgadis passed around his presents. To Lina he gave a new book on black magic, to Filia a new tea set, to Gourry a new scabbard for his sword, to Amelia nothing, and to Xellos a book called 'A Thousand and One Mental Institutes for the Insane'.
"Thank you Zelgadis!" Lina chirped giving Zelgadis a big hug. "I almost forgot! We all have presents for you too!"
Zelgadis smiled as he received his gifts. From Lina he got a coupon for not getting Dragon Slaved, from Amelia a Hammer of Justice which he quickly lost, from Filia a book she wrote on how to kill a mazoku with common household items (with color pictures too), from Gourry.....
"THE CLAIR BIBLE!?" Zelgadis shrieked opening the present. "Gourry! Where did you get this!?"
Gourry shrugged. "Found it a while ago....."
Everyone sweatdropped.
"This is the best Christmas ever!" Zelgadis proudly declared.
"But Zel-Bunny...." Xellos started.
"Call me that again and I'll kill you," Zelgadis growled.
"..... you haven't opened my present yet!" Xellos protested.
Zelgadis stared down at the wrapped box. "It's a bomb isn't it?"
"No!" Xellos chirped.
Wincing (and fully prepared to toss the box out the window) Zelgadis opened the gift wrapped box. "It's...... it's....."
"A Hammer of Justice tree ointment?" Lina finished giving Xellos a weird look. "Why'd you give him that?"
Xellos winked at them. "Sore wa....."
"I KNEW IT! YOU! YOU FRUITCAKE MAZOKU! YOU GAVE ME THAT GOD AWFUL DREAM!" Zelgadis shouted. "DIE!!!!!!!!!!"
Xellos laughed hysterically as Zelgadis began flinging Ra Tilts in his direction.
Everyone else sweatdropped.
"I hate Christmas," Lina sighed and hung her head.
THE END!!