Dear Man Diary,

Well hello sexy ladies, and Dr. Phony, my name's Derrick N. Harrington. What does the N. stand for? If I knew I'd tell you. Now you see my lame teacher (Dr. Phony aka Loni) is making me write this gay as hell journal about my 'feelings'. Why? Probably because he's never been laid.

So where do I start? I guess I'll start from the day I was born. February 14th, day of love itself, how suiting for a hottie like me, huh? So my dad is some kind of hotel heir or some shit like that and my mom is the daughter of some lame oil tycoon who only had one kid. Those two ended up getting married after meeting at Harvard (am I going there ? Probably not) and then they had this annoying little beast named Sammi, my sister, and then three years later the greatest gift to mankind was born.

Now back to Sammi, she's annoying as hell. Always meddling in my love life and dating my friends' older brothers, well only one, but who's counting? She constantly bothers me and forces me to watch lame romantic 'comedies' even though there's nothing comedic about them. She also makes me watch Gossip Woman or whatever and Pretty Little Liars which I don't understand, why can't they just report cyber bullying? There's really no mystery to it kids.

Anyway, after I was born, like as in the day after, this other kid was born who's mom was my mom's best friend, his name is Cameron Fisher. Who's now my best friend, or something like that. The two of us have always been put together, our moms had the same breathing class or whatever (seriously just because you're giving birth to a kid doesn't mean you're going to forget how to fucking breathe) and then we shared nannies, got put on the same soccer teams, practically lived in each other's houses (me a little more than him-he has the sickest snack food), went to the same schools and hung out with the same group. Technically if you want me to get all 'mushy' we're kinda like brothers, kinda. I'm the hotter one though.

Then there's Joshua Hotz, he's my other best friend who's kinda leaning towards the gay side- well he would be if he wasn't hooking up with every girl at school. Josh is wack, no other doubt about it. He got sent from this weird boarding school called Hotchkiss because he got expelled for excessive prank pulling. The reason I think he's a little gay? He's obsessed with Ralph Lauren, I swear never take that kid to a mall. Oh and never bring him to your house, he drops the f bomb like ten times per sentence which my mom thinks throws off the 'zen' of our home. I always thought letting Sammi live in our home threw it off, but that's just me.

Now Dr. Ass thinks that I have to talk about my 'problems', so here I go. Being breathtakingly handsome has always been hard for me, I mean have you fucking seen my face ? Shit guys, you'd like die on the spot because I'm drop dead gorgeous (is that how you spell that? I used SpellCheck and Chris so I'm crossing my fingers). By the way who the fuck am I talking to? Like what personification should I use (Chris says that's not what personification means but screw him). Am I supposed to use first personification or like fifth? Whatever, lets just go with the one with the plural or like the conjugation where you say you but really you're talking to like other people (eff Spanish...or was it French I'm taking?).

My other problem is being horrifically smart (see those SAT vocab skills? Yah you wish you had my mofo skills). Last week we got our math tests back and guess what this bitch got? A C! Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I also hate my teacher Dr. Loni he's a douche, he smells weird and I think he has a crush on me. Like foreals man (if you are a man) back off kay? I like the lady kind. Not to mention Massie Block, the girl has got more issues than my mom's weird magazines. I have to say though she seems to be the one who has the problem, how can you hate this piece of meat? Oh not to mention she's effing psycho, I know she digs the D Man, there's nothing to hide. Not to mention her friends, Kemp says their tampons got stuck up their asses, not really sure how he knows. Like Alicia (damn that girl is hot) she flips me off every time she walks by me. Hair or Claire or whoever, she's always giving me the evil eye and passing me notes in class about how Jesus can't even save me and how Satan won't even like me. Whatever though, doesn't hurt my ego, I'm still fresh like produce.

I'm going to go have Minnie make me some kind of concoction or something,

Peace out bitches (bitch in the case of Dr. Loni) and stay hot (get hot in the case of Dr. Loni),

-Derrick N. Harrington.

basically this is going to be the guy's journal entries (:
i've had this in my drafts for literally ages, review ?