The Zone Where Strange Things Happen All The Time
This is a parody of The Twilight Zone. This is also my second attempt at a series fic. This is my first attempt at a crossover fic. This episode features the Sesame Street Gang. I would tell you more, but, where would the fun be. The narration begins….
It's a quiet day on Sesame Street, the type of day that anything could happen, but nothing happens. Nothing ever happens (outside fan fiction stories anyways). Big Bird was sitting in his nest when he decided to go for a walk. He walked past Mr. Hooper's store, he walked past Bert and Ernie's apartment. He walked to the end of town where he saw the most peculiar sight: An automobile. He's heard of those things, he's seen them during his many trips around the world, but never one on Sesame Street. That's why the air is always so sickenly clean. The car was going out of control. The next thing he knew, the car crashes into the Bird. Big Bird fell to the ground for a few moments. He awoke to see his friend, Grover.
"Hey Big Bird, are you okay?" asked the blue monster.
"I'm okay," responded Big Bird. "What happened?"
"You were hit by that car," said Grover pointing to the car. All of sudden Oscar climbs out of the driver seat.
"What the heck did you think you were doing?" asked the grouch. "You were walking in the center of the street. And now look at my new car. It's a total wreck. For that I thank you, but still, I'm exceedingly mad. Again thank you."
"Well," said Grover "We really should call the police, or at least the insurance company."
"I don't have insurance," said Oscar.
"Hey look," said Big Bird as he stared at this huge building. "I never saw this place around here before, maybe they have a phone inside." So the three survivors walked through the front door. Little to their knowledge, they were stepping out of the real world, (or Sesame Street for that matter) and into The Zone Where Strange Things Happen All The Time.
You're Next Mr. Bird
"Welcome to Hereafter Incorporated, where you'll want to spend the rest of your life," said an automated voice as the three walked in. "Please take a number and have a seat. Our representatives will be with you shortly. Have a nice day." The foyer was all white. The cushions where made completely out of red oak , dove feathers, and white satin trim. The table were made out of crystal. On one particular table where three questioners. At the end of the foyer, sat the secretary with the number machine. They walk over to the desk.
"Good morning," said the secretary. "My name is Peter. May I help you?"
"Yes you may, thank you," said Grover as politely as possible. "You see, we were in. . ."
"You were in an automobile accident, and you need to call the police, right" Grover and Big Bird nodded, while Oscar rummaged through the trash can. "You should call the insurance company."
"Actually," said Big Bird pointing to Oscar, "He. . ."
"He doesn't have insurance," said Peter finishing the thought.
"Boy he's good," whispered Grover.
"Thank you Grover," said Peter.
"How did you know my name?"
"It will all be explained later. Now if you will please take a number, we will see what we can do. In the meantime, feel free to fill out the questionnaires."
"Hey, there's no trash in this can," said Oscar in shock. "What kind of place is this, Pete?"
"Take a number, and we will explain everything."
"Not even one apple core."
So all three took a number each, and sat down. They took the questionnaires and started to fill them out. At first they turned out to be normal. They asked for names, addresses, favorite hobbies, but then they started to get weird. They asked for past regrets, did they learn anything from those experiences, what their greatest accomplishments were, and how did they feel. They even asked for what they liked the most, and what they were most afraid of. Of course they had different answers because they were different.
"I don't know about you guys," said Oscar, "but this place is giving me the creeps."
"Why do you say that?" asked Big Bird curiously.
"Well, this place is just to clean, there is no trash in the trash can, and Peter is always smiling." They look at Peter who is at that time smiling and waving to acknowledge their presence. "That's it," said Oscar, "I'm getting out of here." Oscar started for the door when Peter announced that the person, or in this case monster or bird, with the number one to report to the desk with his questionnaire. Oscar reached the door to find that the door was locked. "What kind of place is this?" he asked himself.
"Mr. Grouch," said Peter over the intercom, "you're next. Please bring your questionnaire with you to the main desk." Oscar slowly turned around in shock.
"How did you know that I drew number 1?" he asked in amazement. "What is this place?" Oscar was now walking toward the desk.
"All will be explained in a moment," said Peter. He took the Oscar's questionnaire, and looked it over. "Hmm, this only confirmed what we knew all the long. Now if you will please follow me, we will get you situated."
"Situated? For what?" Oscar asked out of paranoia. "Where are we going?"
"Excuse me, Mr. Peter, sir," said Grover. "I have two questions for you before you go." Peter turned around with a warm smile.
"Go ahead, little Grover," he said, "ask away."
"First, what is with the weird questions like what is our favorite foods? I mean they have nothing to do with a telephone, do they?"
"All well be explained in a moment," said Peter.
"Second question: Do you have a little monster's room?" Peter just laughed.
"Of course," he said, "down the hall, second door to your right."
"Thank you, said Grover. Then he took off down the hall, leaving Big Bird to his thoughts. Oscar made some sense Big Bird thought. This place is awfully clean. Even on Sesame Street, this place made the cleanest place in the neighborhood look like a dump. And why are the doors locked? This place made very little sense, but he never felt that same despair that Oscar had. Moments passed when Grover slowly walked down the hall. He had a look of horror on his face.
"What's wrong?" asked a very confused Big Bird. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I passed the room where they took Oscar," Grover said shaking nervously. "There were screams, his screams. If I'm not wrong, and I hope that I am, I would have sworn that they killed Oscar. Oh Big Bird, I want out of here." At that time, Peter walked back behind the desk at the front of the room.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked Grover. "You look shaken. Did something spook you?"
"Where's Oscar?" asked Big Bird. "Is he okay?"
"Your friend will be fine," said Peter," and you will see him shortly. Now calling number 2, please come to the front desk with your questionnaire."
"Hey Grover," said Big Bird, "I have number three, you want to switch? You look like you need to calm down a little."
"Okay," Grover said, "Thanks." They looked at Peter, who was looking at the computer with great confusion. They then switched numbers.
"Mr. Grover," said Peter not looking up, "you're next. Please bring your questionnaire up with you."
"B but I I h have n number three," stuttered Grover. "Don't you mean Big Bird?"
"You do have number three," said Peter, "but you drew number 2." Grover walked up as shakily as he could. Peter just stood there checking his computer. Grover handed him his questionnaire when Peter finally looked up. He checked the questionnaire. "There seems to be some kind of mistake." He went back to typing. "Don't get me wrong, your questionnaire confirms what we suspected about you. I just can't seem to find why you're here. Oh well, my boss can straighten all this out, if you'll follow me to the back."
"I I d don't w want t to go b back th th there."
"It won't hurt, I promise. If anything, you won't even think you're here when your done."
"Go on Grover," said Big Bird with a false smile, "I'll be alright." Truth be known, Big Bird wasn't alright. Oscar did not come back, in fact Grover came back scared after he claimed he heard Oscar's screams. Then there was what Peter told Grover. 'you won't even think you're here when your done.' What did that mean? There was only one plausible explanation: he stumbled into a cult (either that or he was a subject in a fan fiction parody.) Time past, and Grover came out. Instead of being scared, he looked confused. Like he was sleepwalking and woke up in a completely different place. "Grover, what happened?" asked Big Bird, but Grover just kept walking.
"Grover," said Big Bird trying to get his attention, but Grover just kept walking towards the door. Big Bird followed him, trying in vain of getting the attention of one of his bet friends. Grover opened the door when Big Bird placed his hand on Grover's shoulder. Much to anyone's surprise (other to the reader's) his hand passed through as if Grover wasn't really there. They both walked through door; much to Big Bird's surprise, the scene changed. The car that Oscar was driving was now against the corner light pole. There was a body bag where Big Bird was lying. A team of medics was on the scene trying to get the driver's head out of the windshield. One of them saw Grover and Big Bird walk out of the building.
"What's going on?" asked a very confused Grover.
"There' was an accident called in this morning," said the ambulance driver. "Do you know anything about it?" Grover just shook his head. Ernie, who was the one who dialed 911 walked over to Grover.
"Grover," said Ernie, "You're alright. But what are you doing in the old abandoned warehouse?" Big Bird looked behind him. What did he mean the old abandoned warehouse? Surely he saw the big sign that read Hereafter Incorporated.
"The building isn't abandoned," said Big Bird, but he was just ignored. He then noticed the body bag for the second time. He walk toward it, and unzipped the bag (don't ask me how, he just did). Big Bird was in shock. Looking back at him with a look of terror was Big Bird. He had tired tracks on his body, his beak was bent up, and his whole body was flattened. He turned back in shock, horror, and disgust. He took another look at the driver. The Driver was Oscar. His head was all bloody. His neck was stretched and broken. He was dead. At that moment, he realized what was going on. It all peiced together. Oscar, Big Bird, and Grover could see it because they were unconscious. Grover was able to walk out, while Oscar couldn't, because Grover was never dead, but Big Bird wasn't supposed to be outside. However Big Bird never escaped.
"Mr. Bird," Big Bird heard Peter's voice, "you're next." The moral of the story: some would say "never wake a sleepwalker"; others would tell you "always wear a seatbelt". You might even here "never write a story in five pages when you can tell it in five to fifteen minutes," but the moral is "beware of grouches driving fast cars," especially when you walk around in The Zone Where Strange Things Happen All The Time.
Next time: Michelangelo finds himself walking in New York while he is having An Out Of Comic Experience with in The Zone Where Strange Things Happen All The Time.