Taken For a Ride
"Myles Leland?"
Looking up from the paperwork in my hand, I glance over at the small man who just walked into the bullpen. He introduces himself as he strolls over to my desk and sets down his briefcase. I glance around the room at my teammates, wondering if they all were seeing the same pipsqueak as I was or if I was just hallucinating. I notice Ted standing nearby, his countenance set in its usual blank slate. I wonder about his appearance there, but am too distracted to ask.
The man—a Mr. Burris—says he's with the IRS and has a subpoena demanding that I produce all of my tax records and receipts from the last five years. Confused, I ask if I'm being audited, which could be completely absurd considering it's not even tax season!
But, no, I'm not being audited. He says it's more serious than that. So, what? I'm going to jail? Whatever… I don't even know what this small fry is even talking about! Apparently, I was supposed to have been notified of this a year and a half ago, but I never got any notice. So, obviously, this isn't any of my fault.
Evidently, the post office made a mistake. I shouldn't be penalized for something that I have absolutely nothing to do with.
"Since when does the IRS make house calls?"
A crackdown on scuff laws? What does that even mean?
He asks me to take off my shoes. My shoes? What do my shoes have to do with anything? Deductions on wardrobe? Just what is this little leprechaun talking about?
He bends down, reaching for my loafers and I dance away from his grasp. There's no way I'm allowing him to put his grubby little fingers anywhere near my freshly-polished Italian leather wingtips. I'd hate to think what would have happened if he'd wanted to start with my pants!
How ridiculous is this?! This is so preposterous that it couldn't possibly be real.
Wait a minute…
Is that laughter I'm hearing? Glancing to my left, I see that Tara is fighting to keep herself together. Lucy and Sue care barely keep their smiles at bay. And of course, Jack and Bobby are practically laughing like hyenas!
This guy isn't with the IRS. He can't be.
"I'm with the Department of Motor Vehicles," the little elf finally reveals the truth after I confront him. He even has the audacity to smirk at me. "And you, my friend, have just been taken for a ride."
The others break out into a round of applause, their laughter still palpable as Mr. Burris takes a bow before picking up his briefcase and making a run for it. He probably thinks I'm going to chase him down and beat him with my shoes. Which I very well could do, but it wouldn't be worth the scuff marks. For a moment, I allow them their bit of hilarity.
I can't believe I allowed myself to fall victim to such a juvenile prank. This had to have been the work of the wonder twins. I first turn to Jack. He had enough immaturity running through his veins to do something so ludicrous. He just holds his hands up in defense and shakes his head. Okay, so maybe it hadn't been him. I'm still narrowing down the suspects, though.
If it wasn't Thing One, then it had to have been Thing Two—Bobby. But, it wasn't him either. I would have staked money on it being either one of them.
Maybe Tara? But, no. If the other two yahoos weren't involved, she probably wouldn't have taken the chance… Although, she's having difficulty meeting my eyes. So, she'd had a hand in it, but she hadn't been the mastermind.
Her eyes dart to her left and mine follow.
No. It couldn't be.
But, it's as plain as day in those mischievous hazel eyes of hers as her mouth quirks into an endearing smile. Thomas was the culprit! I never would have guessed.
"You?" I ask. She just winks at me in response.
I can't believe it! Finally, I cough out a short little chuckle. I would be laughing about this out in the hall, but for the moment I would need to remain stoic and strong for my threat to work. I was going to get her back for this. And she was going to pay dearly.