Title: Escape to the Sea
Author: imaginary_witness
Pairings: Eruri
Characters: Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman
Ratings: T / PG 13
Warnings: *Spoilers* for actual manga
Genre: Romance, One Shot
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Author's Notes: This really came out of a few panels in the manga twisting around in my mind. Reviews are always welcome.
*Edited July 2017*
The papers were stacking up, but for once there was no rush to process them. Erwin tapped them into a small pile on the table top. He had returned the room he had just spoken to Hanji, Levi, and the rest of his trusted leaders in, before allowing everyone a bit of a celebration for dinner. He had returned for a bit of peace and quiet, away from the rowdy mess hall and the abundance of bodies. He didn't fell like sleeping. He was oddly awake, his body buzzing with anticipation.
He left the papers on the table and reached into his coat pocket. He had managed to sneak just a small bottle of alcohol and, despite being on duty, he felt he was deserving of his own little celebration. Erwin poured himself half a glass of the hard liquor and tucked it back into his pocket. He picked up the glass and walked towards the window, leaning his back against the wall. He took a sip and felt the burn of the liquor down his throat. It reminded him of so much in one sip; his adolescence, his youth, so many deaths. Erwin took another, larger sip, and closed his eyes. He leaned his head back against the wall and sighed to himself, licking his dry lips.
His whole life had been surrounded by death. Erwin wondered as he felt the alcohol begin to flow through him if that was why he found it so easy to throw away the lives of his men? He looked out the window, watching the winds blow the world around them out of place and smiled. The world was chaos, what was the matter with lives ending sooner than others? Especially since it meant getting out of their hellish situation earlier? He was dangerously approaching the thoughts of life after death, and Erwin had never much liked to dwell too much on that topic. He hated the possibility of the ghosts of his soldiers having the ability to follow him and watch him command more pointless deaths.
Erwin took another sip of his drink, his glass nearly empty. He stared at it, shaking it slightly to watch the golden liquid splash around inside. He would have to be careful, he yearned to pour himself another.
"You want to wake up tomorrow, don't you?"
Erwin kicked off the wall and angled his body so that his only arm would be able to defend himself. His shoulders slumped in relief when he realized it was only Levi standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a black long sleeve shirt, with black pants, and shoes. He should have known from just his voice. He internally kicked himself.
"Are you done babysitting the brats?" he teased, his body naturally leaning against the wall.
The sudden movement after consuming the alcohol had made him slightly queasy. He forced his body to relax and hold back the adrenaline. He didn't want to throw up and give Levi any more of a reason to question his ability for the coming mission. Sometimes Erwin questioned just who was commanding who in regards to the man from the underground.
He smirked and took another sip of his liquor, not looking up to see Levi as he replied.
"Not yet." Levi took another step into the room. "I'm still babysitting you." he clarified, catching Erwin's eyes.
Erwin chuckled and lifted the glass to his lips, tilting his head back and draining it of its contents. He could've done with just one more glass. He was feeling more relaxed.
"I wouldn't take it so far as to call me a brat."
"You do require babysitting. That makes you a brat to me."
Erwin smirked. He walked towards the table and set the glass down. He straightened up and stared at Levi. "Come sit, Levi."
Levi stared at the man; Erwin seemed unusually calm and confident right now. Levi questioned if it was the help of the drink, the loss of a limb, or just the adrenaline of being on the brink of a mission. He stepped further into the room and placed his hands on the back of a chair, curling his fingers around it. He wasn't sure what he was doing here, he just hadn't wanted to be alone.
Erwin sat on the longer couch and pulled the bottle from his jacket. He poured himself another half a glass and took a sip, smacking his lips together afterwards and sighed. He nestled into the groove of the couch, parting his eyes slightly to watch Levi.
"Come here," he motioned to the seat beside him, meaning to pat it with his hand but succeeding in only waving what was left of his right arm at Levi.
To his surprise the man cracked a smile. He slowly unwound his fingers from the back of the chair and came to sit beside the bigger man. Unlike how Erwin had anticipated him to sit, Levi brought his feet up on the couch and sat closer to the commander than expected.
"Can I have a sip?"
Levi reached out for the glass and with him so close, Erwin simple let him take it. Levi took a small sip, not taking his lips off the rim, and then took several larger ones. He handed Erwin the glass a quarter full.
Erwin touched Levi's shoulder with his missing limb and Levi leaned his head against it. He let it brush his cheek, sighing against it. Erwin watched him, fascinated. He had worked with Levi for years and never had he seen him so tranquil, so fragile, so tame.
Levi closed his eyes and leaned against Erwin's shoulder, letting the alcohol hit him. He was quiet for several moments, tasting the flavor the alcohol had left on his tongue. After several minutes he opened his eyes and looked up at Erwin from under his eyelashes.
"Commander Erwin Smith." he whispered.
Erwin's eyebrows pulled together as he squinted at Levi. He chuckled. "What are you going on about, Levi?"
Levi smiled and reach out, contemplating his actions. He wasn't sure why he chose now, but it felt alright to finally just say it. And now that he had the courage, he wasn't sure how to say it.
"I," he lowered his eyes to Erwin's hand, holding the glass.
The blonde swallowed the last from the glass and place it on the table. He nestled into the couch, sure he would need his only hand. Levi was being oddly serious.
"What is it, Levi? Are you afraid?"
Levi looked up, defiant as the first day they met.
"No, I'm not scared, Commander. Not of our mission that is."
"Of what then? You're a man who knows no fear. What is it that has offset you?"
"Commander." Levi whispered. He exhaled heavily. "I was out in the mess hall to check on the brats."
Erwin chuckled. Levi cracked a rare smile he reserved for Erwin.
"It got me thinking, what's going to happen after the mission?"
Erwin sighed. "We're not having this conversation again, are we? I'm coming on the mission. That's final."
Levi placed a finger on Erwin's lips. The blonde fell silent. Levi was acting different now; he was usually so reserved with his touch.
"I couldn't get the image of you out of my mind. When I first saw you, when they brought you back. I can't forget the panic I felt when I couldn't see your face in the sea of soldiers. The fear when I saw you lying, covered in your own blood, in the back of that wagon."
Concern grew in Erwin's bright eyes. He frowned and reached out to stroke Levi's cheek with his finger. He still wasn't understanding urgency in Levi's voice, the pleading look in his eyes. Why was Levi so stressed?
Levi tilted his face, welcoming the touch.
"I followed Eren and his friends out of the mess hall. I hid behind the door and listened to them." he confessed, his voice hitting a low note Erwin had only once before. He frowned, why did Levi sound like he was once more on his knees before him?
"And it got me wondering, commander, what is going to happen to us when the missions end? When we obtain Wall Maria, and we get into that basement, and we find a way to go out into that big world," Levi hadn't realized his voice had rose from a whisper. "What's going to happen to us, Erwin?"
Levi was warm, his cheeks pink with blood flow. He sighed, pressing himself closer to Erwin's hand, nestling his cheek into Erwin's palm.
"We fought side by side for so many years." he began. "And I don't know this world any other way."
Erwin felt his throat tighten. Emotions ran through him and he felt his face slip into a look of disbelief. He hadn't wanted this. He had left so many behind to avoid this. He left Maria behind to avoid this.
Levi swallowed. He was having a hard time saying the words. "You brought me out of that underground city, and you took me in as one of your own. And I hated you for it. And I wanted to kill you before. But I hadn't known you before that. And then I got to know you. And it wasn't really my choice. That's just the way it was. And I don't know how, or why - maybe because I was so alone after Furlan's death - but you became something to me. Not just my commander, but my comrade and my friend, and,"
Levi blinked tears out of his eyes. He wasn't sure why they were even there. Angry at his body, he swallowed, his words having been spoken in one rushed breath. It was out of character for him to be so breathless, so unsure, so fucking vulnerable.
"I stood behind the door watching Eren and his friends. The blonde one, Arlert, he spoke of things. Things like the ocean, water stretching to the end of the horizon, with a great sea where there is an abundance of salt so great that men could spent their whole lives trying and failing to exhaust. And flaming waters, frozen lands, fields of sand and animals that we have never seen or named. These things are just beyond these walls, Erwin, and I want to see these things. I want to walk on those sands and see those lights and taste those waters. But I want you to see these things too. It won't hold any meaning for me if I don't see these things with you."
Erwin felt as if the room was suddenly too small. He wasn't sure of how to handle this situation, he had never thought that it would happen. When he had first taken Levi under his wing, he had hoped that the shorter man would develop some feeling for him, but as time wore on and Levi remained as unemotional as the day his friends died, he gave up on him. That wasn't to say he had no emotional investment in Levi, and he was sure Levi held some in himself as well, but he had braced himself for rejection all these years. Levi was the only person he could see himself in a happy, lasting relationship with. And Levi was the only exception which he wouldn't have to sacrifice his morals and dreams to be with. But Levi hadn't wanted him. He hadn't given him the slightest hint before.
But that was all in the past. Erwin was sure he had gotten past these feelings. He no longer knew how to reply to Levi with them. He had pushed them aside and ignored them for so long.
Levi pouted. He scowled, looking down, and Erwin could tell he was having difficulty admitting he had a weakness. He shuffled, his body braver than his mind, and he came to wrap his legs around Erwin's waist, straddling him and curling up in his lap. He grasped the front of Erwin's shirt in his hand, pulling him so that their faces were mere millimeters apart.
"I love you, Erwin." he whispered, his voice dripping with shame.
"Hey now." Erwin lifted Levi's chin up with one finger, staring into the man's grey eyes. "You say it like it's a bad thing."
"It is a bad thing." Levi insisted. "It just fucks everything up between us. And it's got me all out of sorts."
Erwin smirked. It amused him that Levi was bothered by these feelings, but he could understand why. Levi was used to being independent. He was used to thinking of himself first and others as secondary and slightly inferior beings. He was a kind and passionate humanist, and he did value life above all, but his rough past had raised him with the morals of kill or be killed, and that was bound to leave him with some faults.
He wasn't sure how he to process this information, or respond to it. But he was sure that he had to make things alright between them again.
"Okay, so you're feeling a little uncomfortable with the idea." Erwin brushed his fingers against Levi's cheek gently. "But you don't have to be upset with yourself."
Levi frowned. He released his grip on Erwin and wrapped his arms around his neck, wrapping him in an odd embrace.
Erwin smiled. "I'm curious, Levi. Why now? Why didn't you tell me this before? Do you really believe I'm going to die?"
Levi frowned, his voice slightly muffled against Erwin's broad shoulder.
"You lost your arm. And it made me realize that you are human. I guess I viewed you as untouchable until then. And I wasn't there. If I hadn't been hurt, I might have been able to assist you. And then that wouldn't have happened."
Erwin felt his heart skip a beat. He wrapped his arm around Levi and held him closely against his chest. "What happened to me was not your fault, you understand me?"
Levi nodded against him, bothered by how much he enjoyed this contact.
"I am human. I've always been human. I've just been better at being human than others, like you have."
Levi smiled against Erwin's chest. "But I don't want to lose you, Erwin. Think about it. When we succeed in doing everything we planned to do, when humanity has no reason to fear the titans, what use will we be to them?"
Erwin's lips twitched in response to Levi's words. He wanted to reassure him, but the thought process had crossed his mind in recent days too.
"We wouldn't be needed." Levi concluded, speaking the cruel truth. "And Eren will go back to how things were with his friends. And so will everyone else. There will be no Survey Corps, Erwin. Humanity won't have any need for one."
Erwin touched Levi's face, sighing. Slowly, the feelings were resurfacing. The emotions Levi held back every day were rekindling the fire that awoke in Erwin since he had seen him in the underground. He could feel his affections for Levi pushing past that of comrade.
"I want you to be by my side, even after we are no longer soldiers." Levi whispered.
Erwin felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and he quickly wiped them away with his hand. "And I will be, Levi. I promise you, I will be."
Levi leaned in, lifting his face so that he was mere inches from Erwin's mouth. Erwin smiled, a warmth in his eyes. He had fantasized about this moment in his bunk at night for so many years, having to eventually accept that it would never happen. He silently thanks the stars for the meaning of better late than never and gently pressed his lips against Levi's.
The kiss they shared was simple, nothing too rough or too shy. They kissed as if they had done it before several times, and yet they were completely new to each other. Levi prodded Erwin's lips with his tongue and Erwin obliged, parting them. The two tasted each other for the first time. It was a sweet and delicate kiss, much like the foundation of their relationship, built on such intense and fragile feelings. Erwin wound a hand around Levi's neck as Levi held him by his shoulders.
Their lips parted as they both leaned away, a strand of saliva breaking as they pulled away.
Levi blinked, surprised by how much he had embraced Erwin. He watched as Erwin licked his lips, his blue eyes shining with passion.
"I love you, Levi."
Levi felt his heart accelerate. His worries dissipated slightly, being replaced with his pre-mission jitters. He nestled into Erwin's chest, firmly holding him affectionately.
Erwin held Levi tightly to his chest, wrapping his arm around the slender man's shoulders.
"I promise you Levi, once we finish with the Corps, we will go to the ocean together."