Things I can Never Be!
Entry 4, 10 July 1982
It's been confirmed. I Lauren Smith am PLAIN. UNNOTICABLE by anybody. BORING. Unspecial. My mum forgot about me. Again. She left the house without even remembering I was there. I walked to school. AGAIN! Shannah walked straight passed me as if I didn't exist. It wasn't until I grabbed hold of her sweater that she noticed I was there. AM I REALLY THAT INVISIBLE! There's a new guy coming to school tomorrow. James Ryans, Shannah has taken a job copying school files onto the computer and she over heard a group of teachers talking. He's supposed to be a straight A* student. He'll ignore me like the rest. I don't know why I bother to exist anymore! Do I even exist? I want to die. Will anyone notice I'm gone. Will they find the body when it begins to rot and decay?
Entry 5, 11 July 1982
Those eyes. So blue. Like the sea in mid storm, with flecks of green in them. They stared at ME. I mean actually looked into my eyes. Not even Shannah does that and were best friends. Shannah with her 36 double C breasts, golden blonde hair and great figure, walked straight up to James and introduced herself. But all he could do was STARE AT ME! It wasn't the 'Euw what is that ugly thing' stare I usually get or the stare that goes right through you as if you aren't there. He, the God of all men with his smooth, tanned complexion and his, 'I just got out of bed, blonde hair. Those stormy, dangerous eyes. He Had muscles, showing through his tight black shirt, his faded jeans added the final Godly touch. He walked over to me and took my hand. Saying, 'Your Beautiful!' Plain old me, with my dull brown eyes, 34B breasts, brown hair and nine stone body. I just smiled at him dumbstruck as he led me into school. The rest of the day went in a blur. He drove me home in his fiery red BMW. When we stopped at mine he ASKED ME ON A DATE! I can't believe this is happening to ME. My whole life has been turned upside down. I exist!
Entry 6, 15 July 1982
I don't get Shannah sometimes. She seems to be annoyed at me just because James asked me out and not her. I thought she would be happy for me. I can't believe this is happening to me. It's like a fairy tale. I keep expecting to wake up and realise it was only a wistful dream. James and I have spent the whole week together. I have just come back from shopping with Shannah. I needed a new outfit to go to the cinema with James tomorrow. I couldn't go wearing my usual style of plaid skirts and 'granny sweaters'. I have changed so much. I am more confident in myself. More alive. James kissed me. I was sat in his car just about to get out of my house when he leaned over and kissed ME! My first kiss. I think some kids at school are jealous. I mean who would ever expect invisible old me to go out with a God like James. I still can't believe it. I'm so happy. My mum has noticed me, in fact everyone has noticed me. But maybe this relationship is going too fast. I like it when James kisses me but his hand is always on my breast. It makes me uncomfortable. Oh well. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it keeps James happy. I'm so ALIVE!
Entry 7, 16 July 1982
Have to hurry. It's nearly time for my date with James. I'm so nervous. Mum nearly had a heart attack when I came down stairs after getting changed. I'm wearing a red leather mini skirt which clings to m hips and goes half way down my thigh. And a silk red top with a see-through black silk over the top. Shannah has finally come round. She did my hair and make up and even let me borrow her fake ruby choker. It looks perfect around my neck. Enticing. Oh that's him now better go. Weird. I just felt a shiver go down my back. I have the unexplained feeling of doom!
Last Entry, 17 July 1984
The body had decayed just like she had predicted. We have been searching for her for two years. James has only recently confessed why he did it and where her body was. She will finally be laid to rest next week and then she will stop haunting my dreams forever. In case you are wondering I am Shannah. Lauren's supposed best friend. I should have paid more attention to her. Warned her of what I knew. But it is to late now my 'if onlys' cannot bring her back. She is gone. When I checked on James Ryans' file it said he had been convicted but not charged with rape and brutally beating a girl nearly to death. I was curious and looked it up in the library's old papers. The girl looked so much like Lauren it was uncanny. But she seemed so happy. I did not want to ruin that for her. She wouldn't have listened to me anyway. Her last few days of living she had been so full of life. Who was I to take that away from her. But in the end it was not I who took it away from her. It was James. He had raped and murdered her. Taken her innocence and life away. Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Lauren woke up in her own bed. Unaware of what had happened. She had gone to the mirror and screamed as the empty reflection starring back at her. Her mum had raced in and not found anyone. And Lauren said simply 'I'm Dead!' and slowly faded away.
Entry 4, 10 July 1982
It's been confirmed. I Lauren Smith am PLAIN. UNNOTICABLE by anybody. BORING. Unspecial. My mum forgot about me. Again. She left the house without even remembering I was there. I walked to school. AGAIN! Shannah walked straight passed me as if I didn't exist. It wasn't until I grabbed hold of her sweater that she noticed I was there. AM I REALLY THAT INVISIBLE! There's a new guy coming to school tomorrow. James Ryans, Shannah has taken a job copying school files onto the computer and she over heard a group of teachers talking. He's supposed to be a straight A* student. He'll ignore me like the rest. I don't know why I bother to exist anymore! Do I even exist? I want to die. Will anyone notice I'm gone. Will they find the body when it begins to rot and decay?
Entry 5, 11 July 1982
Those eyes. So blue. Like the sea in mid storm, with flecks of green in them. They stared at ME. I mean actually looked into my eyes. Not even Shannah does that and were best friends. Shannah with her 36 double C breasts, golden blonde hair and great figure, walked straight up to James and introduced herself. But all he could do was STARE AT ME! It wasn't the 'Euw what is that ugly thing' stare I usually get or the stare that goes right through you as if you aren't there. He, the God of all men with his smooth, tanned complexion and his, 'I just got out of bed, blonde hair. Those stormy, dangerous eyes. He Had muscles, showing through his tight black shirt, his faded jeans added the final Godly touch. He walked over to me and took my hand. Saying, 'Your Beautiful!' Plain old me, with my dull brown eyes, 34B breasts, brown hair and nine stone body. I just smiled at him dumbstruck as he led me into school. The rest of the day went in a blur. He drove me home in his fiery red BMW. When we stopped at mine he ASKED ME ON A DATE! I can't believe this is happening to ME. My whole life has been turned upside down. I exist!
Entry 6, 15 July 1982
I don't get Shannah sometimes. She seems to be annoyed at me just because James asked me out and not her. I thought she would be happy for me. I can't believe this is happening to me. It's like a fairy tale. I keep expecting to wake up and realise it was only a wistful dream. James and I have spent the whole week together. I have just come back from shopping with Shannah. I needed a new outfit to go to the cinema with James tomorrow. I couldn't go wearing my usual style of plaid skirts and 'granny sweaters'. I have changed so much. I am more confident in myself. More alive. James kissed me. I was sat in his car just about to get out of my house when he leaned over and kissed ME! My first kiss. I think some kids at school are jealous. I mean who would ever expect invisible old me to go out with a God like James. I still can't believe it. I'm so happy. My mum has noticed me, in fact everyone has noticed me. But maybe this relationship is going too fast. I like it when James kisses me but his hand is always on my breast. It makes me uncomfortable. Oh well. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it keeps James happy. I'm so ALIVE!
Entry 7, 16 July 1982
Have to hurry. It's nearly time for my date with James. I'm so nervous. Mum nearly had a heart attack when I came down stairs after getting changed. I'm wearing a red leather mini skirt which clings to m hips and goes half way down my thigh. And a silk red top with a see-through black silk over the top. Shannah has finally come round. She did my hair and make up and even let me borrow her fake ruby choker. It looks perfect around my neck. Enticing. Oh that's him now better go. Weird. I just felt a shiver go down my back. I have the unexplained feeling of doom!
Last Entry, 17 July 1984
The body had decayed just like she had predicted. We have been searching for her for two years. James has only recently confessed why he did it and where her body was. She will finally be laid to rest next week and then she will stop haunting my dreams forever. In case you are wondering I am Shannah. Lauren's supposed best friend. I should have paid more attention to her. Warned her of what I knew. But it is to late now my 'if onlys' cannot bring her back. She is gone. When I checked on James Ryans' file it said he had been convicted but not charged with rape and brutally beating a girl nearly to death. I was curious and looked it up in the library's old papers. The girl looked so much like Lauren it was uncanny. But she seemed so happy. I did not want to ruin that for her. She wouldn't have listened to me anyway. Her last few days of living she had been so full of life. Who was I to take that away from her. But in the end it was not I who took it away from her. It was James. He had raped and murdered her. Taken her innocence and life away. Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Lauren woke up in her own bed. Unaware of what had happened. She had gone to the mirror and screamed as the empty reflection starring back at her. Her mum had raced in and not found anyone. And Lauren said simply 'I'm Dead!' and slowly faded away.