Disclamier: I do not own any of CSI :(
Author notes: Grissom angst in episode 'Living Doll' - please let me know what you think as this is my first ever fanfic. Should i carry on or just plain give it up lol. Enjoy (I hope)
One thing
by Becky (Bex552)
He'd never felt so helpless. He had always managed to avoid that feeling. Control was his concentration, always had been, it was the way he managed his life. He wasn't a control freak. He never had the desire to control other people, just himself.
Of course circumstances in the past made it even more important to have control of his life. But things change. He'd changed. He'd been changing over the past 15 years but in different ways, different directions.
The most noticeable change had been over the past two years, to him and to the people around him. And he knew the catalyst. And that was the reason he had changed at all.
Eight years ago he was at the top of his game, socially and professionally. The professional side of his life had always been his priority; it was the only thing he ever understood. Eight years ago he could also control his social life; it was exactly like he wanted it to be. Mind you his social life would probably seem inferior and lacking to 'normal' people but he never needed, wanted or expected much in that area, a few friends, and a love interest that demanded no commitment. It was ideal and he managed to deal with relationships constructively, meaning being able to get out of them when he needed to without much mess. It suited him.
Control there it was again.
Eight years ago he had control over his life, all aspects, now he didn't know what was around the corner. Things were spiraling out of his control. He wasn't getting worse at his job; it just started to affect him. It seems everything is personal. Maybe it was because the barriers which he had put up were falling because of one thing.
He felt confused, satisfied and angry that there was only one thing that could make him unsteady and blur his controlled journey he had planed in his life. Satisfied because not many people can say they are sure of their roles are in it. Who can say that they are able to go through it without any distractions, to not allow them. He thought it was a wonderful trait. He never understood why people never got that trait in him. Some have called him cold, a recluse and a misanthrope even.
He felt angry because it was just ONE THING that changed is whole life. Just ONE THING that changed his plans, his role. If he hadn't slipped, he wouldn't be feeling helplessness this severely. He could have labeled it a weakness but he knew realistically, no matter how much he tried to deny it in his past. It was his destiny.
He knows nothing is as it seems, nothing is straightforward. He saw it everyday. Of course he knew that, he is a smart man, he was a goddamn CSI.
All he knew was that the one thing that changed his life, the one thing which he has established as his destiny, he didn't want it to end.
This one thing is his love for Sara.
Hope you enjoyed it. I would really appreciate any comments good or bad. cheers guys