"Peter, you're pregnant."
"What?" said Peter chuckling. He glanced up from his laptop to look at MJ.
She looked serious. "You're pregnant."
"Uh…" Peter said incredulously, torn between laughing and feeling concerned for MJ's mental state. "MJ, don't you mean you're pregnant?"
"No, I mean you."
"W-what do you mean I'm pregnant? I'm a man." Peter looked down at his flat torso, then at his crotch to confirm.
"I don't know!" said MJ, now close to tears. "I—I just took a pregnancy test, and it said so."
"Pregnancy tes—You tested my pee without my knowledge?" Peter stood up from the couch, forgetting about his laptop, which promptly fell to the floor. He was utterly shocked and confused. And he sort of felt betrayed.
"What? No! Of course not!" said MJ taking a step back, clearly offended at the absurd accusation. "I tested my own pee!"
"MJ, that means you're pregnant. Not me."
"No," MJ said, shaking her head. "It says so here."
She handed Peter a wet tester. He shook the urine off before taking a look at the small screen.
On it said: PETER BENJAMIN PARKER IS PREGNANT: POSITIVE.
The tester slipped off of Peter's fingers as he took a step back. He leaned on the couch with one hand while his other one clutched at his chest. He heaved for air.
"Oh my gosh," he breathed. "How is this possible?"
"I don't know!"
"What have we done wrong?" Peter looked pleadingly into MJ's eyes. "What have I done wrong?"
"Peter.." MJ was openly crying now.
Peter stared at his hands, which was starting to become blurry from the tears forming on his eyes. He quickly wiped them off with his sleeves.
"Peter," said MJ, wiping her own tears as well. "We need to calm down and look at this rationally."
"MJ," said Peter with a raised voice. "I'M A MALE HUMAN BEING AND I'M PREGNANT! WHERE IS THE BABY SUPPOSED TO COME OUT? MY PENIS HOLE?"
"CALM DOWN, PETE! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THE BABY CRY!"
Peter looked down to see that his womb was now suddenly the size of a fully-grown watermelon.
"What the fuck?"