Life Lessons with the Marauders- Lesson 2: How to Sex Your Way into a Grade
It was a tedious day in the life of Remus Lupin, who was reading a very interesting book for the 45684375th time. He turned to Peter (hem hem wanna be man whore who wants to dance on poles wearing g-straps on his head and singing about how much he wants to f the other marauders. Hey face it, anyone does.) and James (hem hem HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT! Fiesta in my thongies) and said, "Did you know that the actor Dan DaVito is gay with Ollivander?"
"And where are you going with this?" James asked.
"Jealous are we?" Peter asked.
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE CRAZY IN BED POPPYDOODLES!"
"Oh shit," Remus sighed.
"It's just Sirius trying to get a good grade for Slughorn. It works," James stated.
"And you know this how?" Peter asked, Remus started blushing with James not looking at all ashamed.
"Let's just say cats are very flexible," James said with a sly grin.
"McGonnagal?" they both screamed.
"Meow," was his reply.
"Wait, why is he doing Madame Pompfrey then?" Peter wondered.
"Because Poppy---,"
"I DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN" was another scream.
"---Does Slughorn, and so Sirius thinks that Poppy will stop doing him in the form of blackmail for his grade," James answered not at all disturbed by the nasty shouting.
"Should we go up there and stop him?" Remus asked closing his book 45684376th time.
"Tell me Remmy, do you really want to see our nurses boobs right in our best mates (not in the gay way) face? Wait! What am I still doing here?" James answered while hopping over the couch to look at the 23 year old's breasts.
"OMFG! Why do I bother?" Remus questioned himself and followed James with Peter on his tail.
"SIRIUS YOU GOT IT GOING ON TODAY. RIGHT THRE OH YEAH!" bellowed Poppy.
"Eww. Eww. Eww. Eww" repeated Remus as he took a napkin out of his pocket and put it over his dorm doorknob as he turned it.
The sight wasn't as bad as it seemed like it would be, Pomfrey was just buttoning up her blouse and leaving. "Mr. Potter, Black, Pettigrew," She spoke nodding at each of them as she said their names, one with each button.
Sirius was leaning against his bedpost and threw a video into a box labeled "Professors" he also had some other boxes labeled "1st years", "2nd years", "3rd years", "4th years", "5th years", "6th years ", "7th years", "Administrators", "Legal Rape", "Muggles", and "Ministry Officials" (if you are stupid or under the age you should be to have a screen name here, the boxes are filled with sex tapes!)
"Nice work Pads," James said as he watched Madame Pomfreys buttocks in it's 'way too tight, but very hot mini skirt' as James so kindly thought. (Prevans turns to sps and raises eyebrow wondering how that could be 'so kindly' but w/e… we forgive James cause he's hot) He started to pucker up his lips and blowing kisses to his nurse who was blushing furiously (honestly who wouldn't when you have someone that hot blowing kisses to you!) when he turned around and said, "One of these days you are gonna f a teacher so hard, you'll die." And then he did…and then they did… and then they all…died.
Moral of the Story: Never bang a teacher who bangs another, much older man who really shouldn't think of students in a sexual way (hem hem Miss Lingbal).
Fin
(P.S. Lily came in drinking a "magical" McFlurry and saw James's dead body. "JAMES! NO! IN THE NAME OF VOLDEMORT DON'T BE DEAD!" Then a body popped up out of fricken nowhere.
"You rang?" said the voice of a red-eyed man.
"M-make him li-lii-live," Lily whimpered.
"Sorry. No can do. Want to f instead?" he asked her wiggling his non-existent eyebrows.
"Did you bring Penelope?"
"Hell yes!"
"Then hell yes!"… and so Lily and Voldemort banged each other until they also died from fing too hard.)