Family Traditions, a voltron fanfic

TITLE: Family Traditions

AUTHOR: MikeJaffa

SYNOPSIS: Lotor tries to get his cousin interested in Larmina, but someone didn't get the memo.

SILLY MUSE ALERT: If you know me from ANDROMEDA fics, you should know not to eat or drink while you read this. You have been warned.

DISCLAIMER: World Events and Tohei own Voltron. I am not making any money off this fic.

"I blame myself for this," Allura said once the blue lion had joined the other four to form Voltron. She and her four friends and two of their cadets, Daniel and Vince, were on a rescue mission. "I should have realized Lotor's peace conference was a trap. If anything happens to Larmina-"

Keith said, "Don't worry, Allura. We'll rescue her. Pidge! Do we have a lock on Lotor's command ship?"

"Lotor's hyperdrive is an old PX-186. We should have no trouble following its tachyon exhaust."

"Then let's go."

"Let go of me you apes!" Larmina protested as two Drule guards brought her onto the bridge of Lotor's command ship, her hands bound behind her back. There she faced Lotor and Maahox. "Well, whaddya know?" she said. "The chief ape himself. I'm not s-scared of you."

Lotor smiled. "Princess Larmina, how nice to meet you again. Odd, you bare a very strong resemblance to your aunt. Perhaps a common family trait?"

Larmina spat in his face. "Aunt Allura told me all about you. Do your worst, you creep!"

Lotor was unfazed by the spittle. He smiled as he wiped it off. "You speak as if I want to hurt you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love your aunt, and I would never hurt her. And I do want peace - an end to the hostility between the Galaxy Garrison and my people. Maahox?" Lotor turned to a small work table.

Maahox smiled lewdly as she pulled up one of Larmina's sleeves and rubbed alcohol on her skin.

Lotor came back with a hypodermic needle.

Larmia's eyes went wide. She felt fear for the first time. "What is that!?"

"This?" Lotor said. "A little truth serum, which has the useful side effect of lowering sexual inhibitions." He stuck the needle in her arm in spite of her writhing. "A relatively recent development. I could have used it in the old days." He pressed on the plunger. "As I was saying, Larmina, I want peace, a union between the house of Doom and the House of Arus. And the best way to achieve that is through the marital bed." He pulled the needle out and put a bandage on the spot. "There we are. All ready for your nuptials."

"With you!? Sorry, I don't do old creeps."

"Oh, no, Larmina, I shall not have that pleasure. Your aunt is the only woman for me. No, that honor belongs to my cousin, Alexandors, who has agreed to be my heir. Allura wants to pass things on to the next generation, and I agree with that." He turned to the guards. "Take her to my cousin's chamber."

"You'll need a new heir by morning!" Larmina shouted as the guards half-carried her out. She continued to struggle and threaten even as she started to feel all warm and fuzzy….

…and a little horny….

'Keep it together,' she told herself.

They got to the door. One of the guards tabbed a control. It slid open and he stepped in. "Your Highness. Princess Larmina."

A deep, strong voice answered, "What? What's she doing here?"

The other guard pushed her in, and Larmina's struggling stopped when she saw Alexandors. He was about her age and height, lean but muscular; there didn't seem to be any excess fat. He had blue skin, yellow eyes, and long, white dreadlocks bound into a pony tail.

'Whoa…' Larmina thought. Drug or no drug, he was HOT. 'If Lotor was half that hunky in the old days…No wonder Mom and Aunt Allura can't stop talking about him.'

"I don't understand," Alexandors said. "How am I supposed to interrogate her here?"

"Orders from your cousin, Your Highness. If you will excuse us."

"Yes. Go."

The guards left.

Alexandors turned to her, somewhat awkward.

Larmina smiled. "Hi."

"Your Highness."

She took a step closer. "Larmina," she said warmly. "Please, call me Larmina."

Alexandors seemed to recoil a little. "Yes, all right. I am Alexandors." He seemed nervous. "Bit, um, unusual to be familiar with someone you're feuding with."

Larmina kept advancing, Alexandors retreating before her. "Well, Alex - may I call you Alex? - they've known each other a long time, so yeah, they may be like family. A family that dukes it out with nuclear missile, but still they have this, kinda, relationship, you know?"

"Yes, uh-" Alex bumped into bed. He looked over his shoulder, then turned back to Larmina and guided her to sit on the foot of it. "Here, why don't you sit down, and I'll look for the keys to those cuffs." He headed for his desk as quickly as he could, but turning around gave Larmina a good look at his behind.

She said, "You have a nice butt."

He looked over his shoulder from his desk. "What!?"

"Sorry. It's the truth serum. Makes me blurt things out, I guess. Like, 'Gods, you're hot.' And to think Allura told me-"

Alex grabbed her arm, hustled her to the door, opened it, and called, "Guard! Escort this creature to the brig."

"I'm sorry, Your Highness," the guard answered, "but this ship doesn't have a brig."

"What!? Well, how am I supposed to- never mind." He guided Larmina back to his chair. "You wait here. I'll sort this out."

After he left, Larmina started to work the lock pick out of the small patch of false skin on the inside of her left wrist. She would be out of the cuffs by the time Alex got back…but he didn't have to know that, did he?

"Cousin Lotor," Alexandors said as he came on the bridge, "we have to talk."

Lotor smirked as he turned his command chair to face his cousin. "Ah, Alexandors, how goes it with the fair Larmina?"

"It's not going anywhere, Lotor. You said you wanted me to interrogate her. I'm guessing that even though she's a cadet, being in the royal family would still make her privy to some useful intelligence. But this ship doesn't have a brig, and from what I can see, you didn't bring along any equipment for me to conduct a proper interview. The guards just dumped her in my bedchamber and left. What am I supposed to do with her?"

Lotor and Maahox chuckled. Lotor said, "What does anyone do with a pretty girl?"

"She's not a girl, Lotor. She's a female human. True, she resembles a comely Drule female, but she is still not a Drule, and as such, little better than a-" He broke off and sagged. "Oh, come on. I don't believe this! You brought me here hoping I'd participate in your perversions?"

Lotor frowned. "Perversion?"

"Mother and Father told me about your quest to mate with that Allura creature, and I know plenty of aristocrats take pleasure from mating with humans. But I have no intention of ever mating with anything other than a Drule female. I'm not judging you; I respect your lifestyle choice. But it is not for me. I hope you respect that."

"I see," Lotor said. "Well then. I'm sure the Voltron Force will be along shortly to mount a rescue. So why don't you go back and keep her company - I'm sure that like her aunt she is well-educated and a delightful conversationalist - and when her friends arrive, we will see about her repatriation."

"Good, because I can't believe you'd risk a diplomatic incident over *this.* The sooner she is on her way home, the better." Alexandors bowed to his cousin and left.

Lotor turned to Maahox. "Not want to mate with her? Have you ever heard such nonsense, Maahox?"

"I'm afraid such views are gaining ascendancy in Drule space, Sire."

"Mmmmm. Well, it's his loss."

Alexandors got back to his chamber and found Larmina sitting on his bed, her hands still behind her back.

She leered at him and smiled. "Hey, how'd it go?"

"Not as well as I'd hoped. But I've been assured the Voltron force will arrive shortly. We'll have you on your way home soon."

"'On my way home'? You mean you're not going to do anything until they rescue me?"

"Please. I know about my cousin and your aunt, but I'm not him. I have no intention of repeating his…indiscretions. You may be non-Drule, but you are a royal and my peer. I intend to treat you as such, regardless of the politics." He turned away.

"Oh, I get it. You want to put me at ease and then go for me, right? Take me when I don't expect it. Neat trick. I might play along. Did Lotor give you that idea?"

He didn't look at her. "No, no, that's not it at all."

"Y'know, some people think Auntie was in love with Lotor. I didn't buy it, even when I saw the old pictures of him. But I get it now. Oh, Gods, do I get it. She wanted him. I know it."

"Yes, well, that was then and this is-"

"But she couldn't just say it, could she? For a whole bunch of good reasons. So she went for this high octane courtly love. She had this custom-made white flight suit with pink trim. White and pink. Those colors drive drules crazy, don't they? I bet they do. And I saw the old pictures; it showed off all her curves. Oh, yeah. She piloted the blue lion just to be near him. And she was right there, fighting with him, getting a little adrenaline, a little rush from the fear: 'Will he catch me this time? What happens if he does? Do I give in or play hard to get?' And then she gets rescued in this fight that just sends her over the top. And when she got back to Arus, I bet she locked herself in her room and-"

"You know what?" Alexandors interrupted. "I'm going to go to the bridge and assist my cousin in arranging your repatriation. You stay her and…and, uh, rest. I'll send a guard to get you when the time comes." He turned for the door.

Larmina darted in front of him, twirling the empty handcuffs around her fingers, smiling. "Where do you think you're going? You're not done with me yet."

"How did you get out of the cuffs!?"

"Are you really that slow? Don't you know how this game is played?" She dropped the cuffs and grabbed his head. "I'm supposed to be the damsel in distress. So, distress me." She pressed a kiss onto his mouth.

A bridge officer said, "Your Majesty, the Voltron pilots are hailing us."

Lotor looked at Maahox. "This'll be interesting - they'll never believe it." He faced the main screen. "Put them on the screen."

The screen split five ways between the cockpits of the lions. Allura didn't mince words. "Lotor," she said, "if my niece has one mark on her, I swear-"

"Yes, Allura, yes," Lotor said, "if you'll give me a moment to explain…uh…As far as I know, you niece is well and…we can send her back any time."

Allura frowned. "What's the catch? What are you trying to pull?"

"Well, there, you see, things got a little…interesting." Lotor cleared his throat. "Do we have to go into this now, Allura?"

"Yes, Lotor, we do."

"All right, Allura. Let's see, how do I put this? When I recruited my cousin, I assumed he would share….some of my tastes and attitudes. It never occurred to me he might subscribe to a more…puritanical, antiquated view of…relations…you follow me? No? Ok, never mind, the important thing is, she's-"

Alexandros rushed through the bridge entrance behind Lotor. "Is that Voltron!? Are they here?" He was shaking and shaken. His mouth was stained with lipstick, and he had dark marks on his neck. He pointed behind him. "I left that… that sex-crazed thing locked in my cabin. I want her off this ship and out of my sight as soon as possible. And then I'm-"

"'Sex-crazed'?" Allura protested. "Who are you, and what have you done to my niece?"

Alexandors stepped towards the screen. "Are you Allura? I'm Prince Alexandors. What have *I* done? Look at me, woman! Do I look like *I've* done anything? She's crazy! All she talks about is you and Lotor and damsels and adrenaline rushes and…and…she kissed me on the mouth!" He held is stomach and heaved. "Gods below…I think I'm going to throw up…"

Lotor stood. "All right, Alexandors, all right, just stay calm-"

"KEEP BACK!" Alexandors backed away from Lotor, against consoles lining the starboard side of the bridge. "You're insane. They're insane. I thought this was a war of honor, not…not…I don't know what this is. It's like a sanitized love child of a porno and a soap opera. But I'm done with it! I'm going home, and I will not be your heir. I never want to see you or Voltron or anyone to do with it again. You want an heir? Have Maahox clone-"

A wall panel near the floor next to Alexandors' ankles opened and two human hands shot out, grabbing his legs. Larmina's voice sounded on the bridge: "Gotchya!" Alexandors fell forward, then he screamed as he was dragged through the small hatch.

They heard Larmina's voice over some thumps: "You can stop play-fighting now. We both know you love me."

"No!" Alexandors' voice answered. "I don-mmph! … mmmm…WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS ANIMAL OFF ME?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm an animal; I'm a lioness in heat. Rrrrrrooooowwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrr!"

"HEL-mmmph!"

Most if not all of the shouts, thumps, and smooch noises from the conduit must have made it through the audio channel to the lions. Allura gawked and managed to say, "Lotor…what…have…you…done?"

"I just gave her some truth serum," Lotor said. "I thought it would loosen her up for him. I didn't think he wouldn't want her, nor that she'd…uh…"

"Forgive me, Sire," Maahox said, "but did you take into account the girl's weight when you calculated the dose?"

Lotor rolled his eyes. "Oh. That's what did it. Allura, I used your weight. My obsession got the better of me again." He turned to Maahox. "It's always a little detail like that, isn't it? It's always something like-"

A loud WHAM sounded from behind the walls and all the other noises stopped. Alexandors crawled out, looking even more disheveled, dragging an unconscious Larmina behind him. He picked her up and ordered, "Open the escape pod!"

A hatch opened opposite him. He ducked into the pod, laid Larmina in a couch, and strapped her in. He darted back into the ridge and worked a console by the hatch. The hatch closed and the deck shuddered as the pod launched.

Alexandors ordered, "Helm, steer the pod to Voltron. As soon as it's docked, take us to hyperspace. Communications, open a channel to Planet Deth; I'll take it in my chambers." He walked slowly and carefully to the center of the bridge and bowed to the screen. "Princess Allura, members of the Voltron force. It is a true honor to meet such worthy adversaries of the Drule Empire. I apologize for my earlier outburst; I have been under…a great deal of stress of late. Now, if you will excuse me…I'm not feeling well." He turned and left the bridge.

Lotor turned to his old adversaries and cleared his throat. "Well, this is…different. Didn't think things would be resolved like this. So, um, I suggest that as soon as your niece is recovered, we call it a day and…never talk about this again."

No one objected.

Larmina came to in the castle's hospital wing, Coran and the other members and cadets in Voltron force clustered around her.

"Hey," she said. "What happened?"

Daniel said, "You tell us. Seems you, uh, scarred a drule for life. Remember anything?"

"No. Lotor gave me a shot and then…blank. You guys ok?"

Everyone nodded.

Larmina smiled. "Good. I'd like to rest. But can I talk to Aunt Allura alone for a minute?"

Everyone else left; Coran said he would be right outside the door.

Allura sat on the edge of the bed. "What is it, honey?"

Larmina sat up and hissed, "I get it, Aunt Allura, I sooooooo get it. I'm on fire; I won't be able to sleep for week. And speaking of fire, remember how Drule body temps are ten degrees above ours? It was like kissing the sun! Whoa!…I wonder when he'll try to kidnap me again?"

Allura cleared her throat and blushed. "Yes…um, ok, we'll talk more tomorrow."

Larmina laughed. "I got your number, Auntie. You and Mom can't fool me anymore."

"Get some rest." She left the room quickly.

"Coran!" Larmina called. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Coran came to her bedside. "Your Highness?"

"Two things. What are the backchannel communications routes into Drule Space? And do you know any professional photographers who do swimsuit pictures?"

When Alexandors came to breakfast in the great hall of Castle Deth, Mother and Father were already eating.

His mother, the queen, was pleased. "You're looking stronger, Son. I guess you're over your ordeal?"

"The worst of it, yes. I'll be fine as long as I stay out of King Lotor's business."

"Yes," Father said, "but what happened?"

"It's a little hard to explain…"

A guard walked in. "Your majesties. A diplomatic pouch has arrived for the young master."

The king frowned. "A pouch? From whom?"

"It doesn't say. But it came through the proper channels, and we've scanned it and found no mischief."

Alexandors frowned and accepted the pouch. Inside was a large brown envelope. He opened it and removed a sheef of 9" x 12" prints. He saw the first one and yelped. "Gods below!" he exclaimed as he shot up form his chair. The photos fell to the floor. "Will this demoness never..." He calmed down. "Forgive me, Mother, Father. I'm not hungry. Excuse me."

After he'd left, the king and queen scooped up the photos. They were all of an adolescent red-haired human girl wearing a metal circlet on her head and a white bikini top and bottom, posing around some rocks on a sea shore. There was an autograph on one of the photos: 'Catch me if you can - Larmina - XOXOXOXOXOXO.'

The king said, "He may want to stay out of Lotor's business, but I don't think it'll stay away from him."

THE END