Skoodge the Mighty
by Misterebony
(NOTE: TO set the mood for the start of this story, please put on the song Tell Me What You Want to Hear.)
It was five years after Zim successfully conquered Earth. And most of humanity is basically living life as normal save when the Irkens visit for "rations" on one of their many conquests. Wars have been all but eliminated, and military tech is a thing of the past, thanks to the Irken policy that no slave planet can EVER make a weapon or it will be blown apart and its residents fed to the worms of Dagoramoth V.
To make sure all was as it should be an Irk was placed in charge of the planet. Since he was Zim's one and only friend among the Irkens, a wimpy, pathetic Irken named Skoodge was given the task. (Truth was, the Tallest just wanted him out of the way since he kept tripping them he was so small and pathetic.) Skoodge was given several human children as slaves, and plenty of the world's finest forms of entertainment.
In a vast castle in what was once Washington D.C. the vast palace of Skoodge stood, a truly frightening structure on the outside, but inside was lavish and cozy. In the time since visiting the planet Zim had conquered he had learned much about it, and truth be told, he liked it. While most Irk were warlike and focused solely on destruction and chaos, Skoodge was more... cultured, one could suppose, taking time to enjoy all the planet had to offer, from the food to the sights to especially the entertainment, especially the music. Even now several of his slaves danced to one of the songs, as ordered by him, as he smiled watching them dance.
For the short stubby little Irken his time on the planet was probably the first time he truly knew joy. Humans had so many delightful forms of entertainment and recreation that the Skoodge was never bored, and the servants he had were loyal and helpful. One in particular however was his favorite and was the main reason for his joy. She was beside him now, feeding him some fresh grapes. Clothed like all the slaves in a one-piece tunic straight out of Grecian times, the girl had red, curly hair tied into ponytails and a lightly tanned complexion, now common among the children since the school had been blown up during Zim's crime spree. Frankly, kids needed to spend more time outside anyhow.
Her name was Gretchen, and she was almost like a friend to Skoodge, who she found very, VERY cute.
"These are so good..." Skoodge said, munching on a grape. "What are they?" He asked.
"White grapes." Gretchen replied, feeding him another. "Picked from the vineyards of California."
Skoodge licked his lips. In many ways he looked something like big frog, not the buglike, tall forms of the Tallest coming into the throne rooo-OH CRAP! Skoodge sat straight up as the Tallest blasted the music player, the slaves screaming and running to behind the throne, shivering. Irken Tallest were known for their ferocity and their heartlessness, and they kept the whole of the population in line. The two Tallest had gotten bigger than ever thanks to a daily diet of Irkens, both standing at 10 feet tall and clothed in red and purple armor of alien make. They looked fiercely to the pitiful Skoodge as they approached, their grins on their baneful looks making for a truly terrifying sight.
"Well, well, well..." The one in purple said, looking at the frightened slaves. "Why is it every time we are traveling through this pathetic sector of this galaxy we find you lazing about having tea and crumpets?"
"Not to mention the definitive lack of the advancement of war tech on this planet!" Red said, getting a slap from Purple.
"IDIOT! War tech was banned here remember?"
"Hey don't blame me, doofus!"
Skoodge just watched in fear and anger. THESE were the Tallest? What had he ever seen in these morons? They were nothing more than big bullies who couldn't even do the basics of their job? No wonder the Irken way of life was going downhill of late. He groaned once as he watched, earning stares from the two.
"You got something to say, lowest of the low?!" The red one said. "Or need I remind you of what happened to your good friend Zim?"
Purple chucked and rubbed his clawed hands together. "Yes, I do think a demonstration is in order." He grabbed one of the boys and licked his lips, ready to bite off his legs that flailed about, screaming for help.
"STOP!" Skoodge said, getting as tall as he could (Which was about one and a half feet), and trying to look brave, despite his shaking.
"Ohhhh... you want him then?!" Purple aid in a mocking manner, before tossing the boy to him. Skoodge was wide eyed. He had only ever eaten one human before, and since then had no desire to eat any more. He instead found their company more enjoyable than their taste, though he smell of them cooking sometimes was quite nice to him. But now here he was, a human slave thrust before him by the Tallest, who laughed as they practically pushed his screaming form into his maw.
Skoodge just about gagged as he felt the head of the boy enter his mouth, "mmphing" around him as he tasted the boys tears and sweat. It was disgusting to the Irk smallest, the taste of the unwilling boy like a mix of cooked spinach and liver. He gagged and tried to cough the boy up but the laughing tallest thrust the boy in further, forcing Skoodge to swallow. Tears were in his eyes as he felt the boy slave slip down into the belly, the other slaves watching with fear.
Then they saw it. In all the time they had served Skoodge he had never done a transformation. Now before their eyes as he swallowed the poor struggling boy they saw as his short and squat form began to grow, getting muscle and tone, making him look more handsome, Gretchen couldn't help but notice. In comparison to other Irkens they had seen, this one was like a superhero in appearance, with thick muscles and eyes that beamed kindness. Yet even in his new form he was still much smaller than a Tallest, and they laughed at how he looked.
"What a pathetic transformation!" Red said, laughing so hard he fell down and rolled about. Skoodge looked down at his bulging belly with sadness, rubbing it softly. He hoped the little slave wasn't in pain, his belly quietly gurgling as it began to digest his meal, the slave struggling about, kicking within him, trying to futilely escape.
"Why...?" Skoodge managed to get out.
"Oh stop being so pathetic. Oh wait, you can't!" Purple said, also rolling. "Now if you'll excuse us, we need to blow up a city on this planet as an example, and then harvest one fourth of their children for a celebratory feast afterward." The two got up laughing, leaving Skoodge alone. He looked down at the floor, remembering how the two had devoured his only friend among the Irkens, and now continuously made his life miserable. Sadness crept in as the slave inside him stopped kicking, and he began to weep.
"Leave me!" He ordered the slaves, most fearing they would be next as they ran. All but one, little Gretchen. The girl walked over and put her arm on his shoulder, bringing him into a hug. Skoodge returned it, sobbing into the girl.
"This has to end." She finally said. "Those two are nothing but bullies. The only reason the other Irkens do what they say is because they are bigger."
Skoodge nodded. "I would say, *sniff* it is a very good reason." But Gretchen shook her head.
"No it isn't! I saw you now! You got bigger when you ate one of us. I bet if you ate more..."
"Yes, I would get bigger, much bigger... but the effect is only temporary. They remain big because the energy given off by IRKENS put into our bellies last longer. See... .as long as something is in the belly, Irkens get a lot more power. But when Irks are fed to Irkens it is like two bubbles that meet."
Gretechen hmmed. "Weeeellllll...what if we found a way so you wouldn't digest us?"
Skoodge was about to argue when he paused. The idea had occurred to him before, and being as he had some experience with Irken biology and nanosciences, it wasn't that farfetched. In fact it was actually a very good idea overall. If a human could be found to be nondigestible, then the power boost would last much longer, until the human was extracted. Skoodge looked at Gretchen and smiled.
"Contact the city they mean to target and have them hide in the tunnels. Then gather the finest biologists on the planet. This can work. It WILL work." He suggested.
Gretchen nodded, leaving Skoodge as he took out a digital picture of Zim when they were younger. He was different then, not so focused on being a world dominator. Back then Zim had taken time out to befriend Skoodge even as weak as he was. That brief friendship impacted Skoodge greatly, and he knew that Irkens had to find a better way.
Thus would begin Operation NeoZim.
For three months, the scientists worked in secret under the watchful eyes of Skoodge and his new head slave Gretchen, who consistently gave reports. Oh, there were many failures, as volunteers to the cause would die in the acids of Skoodge's stomach, but with each test the subject was in less and less pain, and lasted longer. All the while Skoodge was training his muscles with each meal, practicing earth combat arts of various forms. He had a plan, and he had to be ready to execute it.
Then one day...
"I think we got it, Lord Skoodge." Gretchen said as she saw her master enter, his once wimpy little sluggish form having fire in his eyes as he approached in fine attire. Overhead he heard the music playing. It was the same song as that fateful night when he lost the slave, when he was bullied for the last time, when the camel's back had been broken.
He took that as a good sign.
"It's my turn." Gretchen said, hugging her master. "The scientists are convinced this is it."
Skoodge nodded. "You know what will happen if it fails..."
Gretchen nodded, her face solemn and sad. "I know... but those things made you eat my brother. I have to-"
Skoodge practically had a heart attack, eyes bugging out wide. "WAIT!? He was your BROTHER?!"
Gretchen was silent. "Now you know why I have to do this. We can't let this go on. These two... they have to be overthrown."
Skoodge was silent, and then looked to the scientists after a time. "The pill." He demanded.
The scientist nearest to him handed Skoodge the latest in the long line of experimental pills meant to make what was about to happen (he hoped) possible. It was a combination of an antacid and a stimulant, meant to allow control over acids, and at the same time create a pleasant atmosphere in the stomach of an Irken. Skoodge had tried several of these with no success, but it was now or never, as it was Gretchen's turn, the girl who was his favorite.
He had hoped to wait until the regenerators were working, but time was so very short. The Tallest were passing through the system in only a couple of days, and if this was not ready by then?...
No, it had to be ready. This had to be finished and soon. If it wasn't, then more would die a meaningless death at their hands. Skoodge swallowed the pill thinking of what was about to happen, hoping that this plan would work. If not...
He thought no more as he took the pill and swallowed it, then looked over to Gretchen. He was wide eyed as he saw her, now coated in dark chocolate and whipped cream as she put the two containers they'd be in down, smiling at Skoodge.
"Gretchen?" He asked, confused by this, tilting his head slightly to the side.
"I just wanted you to enjoy this, no matter what happens." She smiled gently, the chocolate dripping off of her, soaking into the edible toga she wore. Skoodge walked over and nodded. "To the future." Gretchen said, smiling at Skoodge.
"To the future." Skoodge replied, and began to slurp up Gretchen slowly, taking her feet first. For the first time, the taste of human was absolutely Idivine/i. It was like all his favorite desserts in one. He could taste her joy, maybe even her kindness, but mostly she tasted of sugar and spice and sweet caramels. The chocolate therefore was a nice compliment, Skoodge thought, as he swallowed her up to her knees easily. She had her eyes closed now, but was smiling as he swallowed yet again.
Skoodge chuckled some, the first time he had in a long while. He could only surmise that she wanted this.
As she was sucked in up to her chest, Skoodge moaned. With each lick of her she tasted even better, to the point where his belly was GROWLING for more. Soon he would feel her feet in his belly, and He began to moan in delight at the feel. For the first time, he was enjoying eating a human.
He took that as a good sign as well.
*Gulp*
Orbiting the planet, The Tallest prepared to depart in order to destroy another human city. Their latest conquest had been another bust, and they were getting tired of failure. As they prepared to board a shuttle to the planet however, they detected a warning light.
"Hey... isn't that the incoming projectile light?" Red said as he and Purple stood on the bridge of the Massive.
"Yeah so what? Probably an asteroid or something." Purple replied, scanning, but going wide eyed, well wider than before anyway, at the sight she saw.
From the planet Earth came a huge barrage of about 1254 nuclear warheads, all of which from old bunkers the Irkens never bothered to search. The two leaders screamed and tried to activate defensive measures on their ship but to no avail, as the nukes slammed into the hull. It did not destroy the ship, but it did destroy its weapons and guidance systems, as it slowly descended into the atmosphere.
"DIVERT!" Red shouted, suddenly pulled towards an escape pod by Purple.
"Forget it! It's a lost cause. Skoodge will pay for not keeping the weapons from being built!" Purple said as Red was tossed in, the two evacuating. The other Irkens tried to get to a ship, but alas, the Tallest's escape pod was right on the bridge, the other pods in the back, and before the could get away, the Massive was destroyed in the atmosphere, obliterating all on board except for the two Tallest. The pod landed near Skoodge's palace, colliding with the ground with a loud blast.
Right on target.
"Ouughhh...let's go, we are going to get the transports we got here, then blow this planet sky high." Red said as he emerged, but froze as he did.
For there before him was a massive Irk, muscular and powerful, easily standing three times as big as a Tallest. The two were wide eyed in shock and fear as they saw the being.
"Greetings Tallest. Welcome to Earth, the last planet you will ever see." The being picked the two up, still in shock, and tossed them into a nearby wall. They screamed out, unable to comprehend what was happening.
"What... are you?" Purple asked, readying its blaster.
"I am Emperor Skoodge of Earth. And you are-"
"Wait, SKOODGE?!" Red said, hurting but now angry. "How DARE you get taller than us! That is a law that has no forgiveness! We will have no choice but to liquidate you and your pathetic little-"
*SQUISH* Down came Skoodge's massive foot. Purple eeeeeped as Skoodge crushed him into the pavement, Red still alive but now in serious pain.
"THAT is for being a pair of tyrants." He then turned to Purple and suddenly blasted off the fancy armor the Irken leader had on, leaving Purple as little more than a naked, thin bug. Once done, Skoodge booted Purple over by the moaning Red.
"THAT is for making me eat my own servant." He said, picking the two up. They were blubbering and struggling in the mighty grasp of the one-time pathetic little creature, now the strongest Irken in history. He smiled evilly at the two tyrannical cannibals, both soooooo having this one coming.
"And THIS is for what you did to Zim." He said, opening wide. With one swift motion, he bit. And he kept biting, armor tasting more like icing, the former leaders deliciously nutty with a salty aftertaste. With each crunch he could taste their hatred and shock, and Skoodge found it disgusting in the end, the initial good taste replaced by one of utter vomit.
So that was what he did. In a massive display, the ruler of Earth threw up his stomach contents: the chewed and mangled remains of the Tallest... and 14 children, whole and unhurt.
"That was NOT pleasant!" Skoodge said, getting some ginger ale to wash his mouth out. He little noticed the cheers as the people of Earth saw their former rulers now nothing more than mangled remains. Skoodge was too busy trying to rest his queasy stomach to hear the cheers that rang from Earth to Irk and everywhere in between.
He didn't even notice he was not reverting to his old, pathetic self. That this transformation had become permanent. That the earthlings were taken by how handsome he now was.
Or how the news soon spread that Skoodge had defeated the Tallest almost effortlessly. by Irken law, he had become the new ruler, and the ease he had become such was quickly spreading through the galaxy.
All over, planets surrendered without a fight. ANYONE was better than Red and Purple.
Two years later, Earth looked very different. The planet was now a bustling tourist city, with aliens from all corners of the now peaceful galaxy were coming to see the "Fall of the Tall" tourist park. It was having another successful year.
In his palace, Skoodge the Mighty, as he was now known, sat on his newly crafted throne and smiled. For over a year now the regenerators and anti-digestives had been traded with cultures all over the galaxy. The Irkens, once known for brutality and warlike demeanor, now were known as the finest producers of food in the known universe. Irk was reaping the benefits of this golden age, the planet having cast away their weapons in favor of just having fun. And Earthlings had shown, if nothing else, they knew how to do that well.
Even now Skoodge was indulging himself, the Supreme Emperor sipping a ginger ale with white grape juice, playing chess with his supreme chancellor. The girl was dressed like a big taco, even with a hat that was covered with sour cream, and she smelled delicious.
But Skoodge had to earn her.
"Check." Skoodge said. He had grown rather fond of Earth recreation, but chess was not his favorite thing. Still Gretchen loved it. She moved her piece to defend, buuuuut?
"Check and Mate." Skoodge said. Gretchen "awwwwed" and pouted.
"How did you beat me? I usually win!" She complained, even as she was picked up by her Emperor, Skoodge chuckling a bit.
"I was too hungry and you're too cute not to eat. I guess I play better when your encouraging me."
Gretchen smiled and chuckled. "Well when you put it that way, my lord..."
"Call me Skoodge." He said, licking his lips. He looked to the side and turned on the regenerator. "All my friends do."
Gretchen chuckled and relaxed as Skoodge was about to take his first bite, when one of the Irkens came in, a tray loaded with kiddie sweets. Skoodge blinked some, but Gretchen just smiled.
"I figured you might want dessert."
Skoodge laughed, loud and long. He remembered Zim again, his one friend, after whom the particles that made regeneration possible were named. He wondered if his old friend would be proud of him now, having conquered the whole universe without lifting one finger. Those were his thoughts as he began his feast, coughing a little.
"Ack! Spicy!"
Everyone in the room laughed, loud and long.
Long live the Emperor.
THE END