I don't own Gintama or its characters or its merchandise! *sob*
Straight to the point: Thank you checking this out, enjoy and please review!
First Scenario: Kagura and Sougo coincidentally meet at a Chinese restaurant
The meaty, oriental aroma of Chinese cuisine tantalises Okita Sougo's senses when he first strides through the crimson arch entranceway of a local Asian restaurant. Food is all he cares about right now so he briskly strides to an unreserved table to occupy one side of the seat by his lonesome self. Being the type to ignore to his surroundings when his thoughts are set on one thing only (like food, sleeping, pulverising the enemy or more food), he'd habitually ignore even the most striking features in his surroundings. Such features are hanging paper lanterns in a myriad of fiery hues and a long, winding Imperial gold paper dragon dangling mid-air across the ceiling.
Once seated down at the empty red clothed and couple sized table, Sougo snatches up the extravagantly designed Chinese-themed menu and wastes no time to mentally mumble about food selections. He lifts his pale toned hand to beckon who he assumes is the nearest waitress over. "Ah waitress~ could you please get me four Char Siu Bao, Peking duck, one small platter of shrimp with chilli and one medium blueberry bubble tea?" Sougo impassively requests loud and clear in case the slim, short-statured waitress is deaf.
"I'm not a waitress. I'm a member of the Yato tribe - which happens to be the strongest Amanto race in the universe, aru!" The girl who he assumed was a waitress turns out to be none other than Kagura. She glares at Sougo as soon after she turns around to face his table.
The flaxen haired boy pivots his body towards her with fine grace. "Fancy meeting you here China, you look no different from the waitresses all wearing red cheongsams in this Chinese restaurant." Sougo greets with a glare mirroring hers.
"Are you saying my character design looks as bland as background waitress no. 9, huh Sadist?! Pfft! Ridiculous, only Shinpachi can pull off such blandness!" Meeting the damn Sadist here is by no overstatement, a horrid encounter on this fine sunny noon for Kagura who had ditched – had taken a break from this restaurant's tile fixing request for Odd Jobs Gin to do.
She felt like blaming someone for her misfortune and that someone would be the Jackie Chan look-a-like that plummeted through the roof this morning. Who was chased down by and fought off a horde of merciless ninjas, 'Jackie Chan' wielded every near object turned weapon he could grab within the vicinity to fight them, how he pulled off such a badass a stunt Kagura would love to know. Perhaps she could learn from the incredible man and utilise her learnt skills to spar with Sougo in a more stylish, blockbuster fashion than ever before when he begins to mock her like he's doing now.
"Then tell me China, what distinguishing characteristics does a monstrous little heroine like you, have frankly?" While prodding his elbow on the table he places his chin over his stabilising hand and stares at the girl with childlike, bright eyes that reflect his poker-faced visage.
"Tch! What a nuisance, but fine, I'll list 'em so ya remember better listen up ya sadistic excuse of a second-rate character! I'm the only cute girl in Edo with vermillion red hair, flawless white skin and ocean blue eyes! My strength is second to none and my sexy cheongsam is the only one here with yellow piping!"
"Wow, I can't believe you'd actually describe yourself in such a glorified way. I underestimated you on terms of vanity, what do you think of me applauding you to further inflate your overblown ego in hope you'll explode with it?"
"I'm all for it." Kagura smiles graciously. "If you're caught in my explosion and die."
Okita looks at her in mock astonishment as if he's genuinely impressed by her best comeback yet. Kagura surely wins points for that one. If she keeps this up maybe she could charm him with her wit into treating her to Chinese food.
Kagura grins and takes the seat opposite of her verbal sparring partner. "But enough about me, for now...tell me about what distinguishing characteristics a big psycho sadist like you, as a matter of fat have?"
"It's 'matter of fact' you idiot, hearing you attempt to say that phrase doesn't make you sound any smarter than you already sound you know?"
"On with it!" Kagura commands as though she's an impatient Queen.
"Well..." Okita drones monotonously, before smiling like a sparkly bishounen from a shoujo manga, at Kagura much to her bemusement. "I have a charming smile that'll make fan girls swoon, piercing red eyes that'll burn Hijikata to Hell, champion swordsmanship, silky flaxen hair that you wish you were stroking and abs, enough said."
"Says the guy who doesn't admit he's vain." Kagura sneers. "What do you think about me writing and singing a song about my top 20 reasons why I love to hate you?~"
"I'm all for it." Okita smirks proudly. "After all, I'm the heart-provoking inspiration of your passionate song in the making!" Suddenly a light bulb mentally lights up in his deranged mind. "Oh and China, I'll do the dance choreography for your song."
Kagura actually takes the time imagine in her own little thought bubble how'll he'll perform at her unofficial live performance in front of a huge audience.
"If you invite everyone you love and know to hear your sing and let me dance with my bazooka in hand." The boy continues to smile at his bright idea.
Kagura slams her sweating palm onto the table with semi-restrained force that makes the table shake as though it's caught in an earthquake. "What kind of Hellish war dance are you planning to perform while armed with a freaking bazooka you crazy bastard?! NO, REJECTED!"
"Aww...you rejected me, you broke a policeman's heart." Sougo places a hand over his heart and gives her puppy dog eyes that make the angry girl's heart wrench – almost.
"Quit sulking like that, it's as if you're a high school boy brutally dumped after confessing to the love of his life!" Kagura jabs her finger at where his black heart is supposedly at. "As for your heart! What heart?! Have you already forgotten what you did to Sadaharu #28?! You heartlessly caused his premature death! Poor guy, h-he never got a chance..." She balls her fists tightly while her shoulders begin to quiver and her eyes begin to water. Flashbacks of that summer day returns to her during this moment.
"I'm sorry to hear you're still in mourning after the tragic loss of your shit rolling beetle." Okita sighs regretfully and replies in monotone. "Should I dress in my beetle costume again and carry you around town princess-style?"
She quickly recovers from her brief breakdown and bursts out. "Like Hell you will! It's disturbing! (what with the fake beetle legs actually moving around)...but what's even more disturbing is your insane plot idea for Gintama season 2 from episode 1!"
"Hehe...I have plenty more plot ideas for you to hear..." Okita leers insanely. Darkness seems to be emanating from him which signals the sign of the mental apocalypse.
"Eeeeyaaaah! Stop right there! I'll do anything other than hear you say more!" Kagura flails about in fear.
"Quote of the day: Eeeeyaaaah! Stop right there! I'll do anything other than hear you say more!" Okita dead pans at her at first but then his evil smirk returns looking more sinister than any of his evil smirks Kagura has ever seen. "Too bad, I'll say more. Though it'll only be about the things that I want you to do other than have you hear my psychological attacks."
"So you're not even gonna deny that your plot ideas are in fact psychomalogical attacks!"
"You said one word right while another word wrong." Sougo nonchalantly points out.
"SHUT UP!" Kagura snaps.
*GROOOOOOOWL~*
They must've been so engaged in their typical dispute because they had ignored what was truly important, food.
"That's enough damn Sadist! Hurry up and order your food and drink some water while you wait too, or else your tummy's gonna eat itself from running empty! It'll really hurt you know! Your tummy will eat itself and become a cannibal! A CANNIBAL!" Kagura instantly adopts her 'mother mode' that she often uses with Gintoki and scolds the slightly blushing male, who was probably embarrassed by seeming uncool in front of her awesome presence.
"Fine." Sougo deeply drawls. "I was planning to order anyway and I'll order you food too so quit complaining, nagging woman!"
Kagura could've dropped her jaw right then and there, d-did he just?
DID. HE. JUST?
Just offer to treat her to free lunch?! "Wow I must really be worth it! To get free lunch today from you of all the guys I was planning to cunningly charm into treating me!~" Kagura gawks at him firstly and then secondly at the wall spanning glass window, where outside still remains the cloudy blue sky lacking flying pigs during this one fantastical moment. "This is so weird, it's like you've become OOC! Ohoho~! What gives?"
"Like hell I am, noisy idiot, SIT. DOWN. AT. ONCE or else I'll order you something extremely disgusting to your taste that YOU. WILL. EAT, for my personal entertainment."
"Oh, I see how it is." Kagura's euphorically high spirits diminishes. "This is just a new form of sadism. Don't bother treating me then, I don't want to be in Sadist's debt, aru!"
Suddenly Sougo's hand lashes out to death-grip her by the front of her cheongsam and forces his infuriatingly handsome face towards hers in a matter of nanoseconds, at dangerously close proximity. His heated breath billows over her innocent, sweet face while she simply blinks back looking stunned. "I. WILL. ORDER. FOR. YOU and you are going to EAT the food and you are going to LIKE. IT." Then he let go, causing her to limply fall back into her seat. "GOT. THAT. CHINA?~"
She could utter no reply to his kindly threat and decides it'd be wiser for now to obey the fearsome humanoid beast, who poses as an ordinary human clad in casual day-off clothes. Though Kagura may be dense at times she could quickly perceive Okita Sougo's 'sadist mode' at work. "Y-yes Sadist..." Kagura smoothly articulates.
It's another job well done for Odd Jobs Gin, finally having finished fixing the blood red, temple tiles of the Chinese restaurant, Shinpachi and Gintoki cheerfully pack up, receive the payment for their (for once) well-paid job, together grin greedily at the amount of cash they earned without a hitch (because Kagura luckily left) and search for their missing petite and ridiculously strong member with high spirits.
"Oi Kagura!~ Our job here's done, let's head back now! We're going to have a royal feast tonight!~" Gintoki wanders through the bustling dining area filled with perfectly aligned tables and found the lovable little brat sitting at one of them. At first he's grinning from ear to ear but then he's stoned in shock and later his face is screwed up in utter horror as if he just saw a flirtatiously smirking Sofa-kun being lovingly fed delectable peeled shrimp dipped in chilli sauce by a madly blushing Kagura-chan. "W-w-what sorcery is this?! I had better not just walk into an Okikagu fanfic! Oi, oi this is so awkward!"
Sougo sees Gintoki out the corner of his eye and smiles politely at him. "Ah~ Danna! Is it fine with you if I borrow your China beast for a bit longer? She's paying me back for treating her to lunch today."
As if on cue Shinpachi enters the scene and sees exactly what Gintoki saw, interprets exactly what Gintoki saw and reacts exactly after what Gintoki interpreted. "W-w-what sorcery is this?! I had better not just walk into an Okikagu fanfic! Oi, oi this is so awkward!"
Sougo simply smirks at all the amusing reactions witnesses give him and the special attention he receives from his female rival in 'tsundere mode'.
"G-Gin-chan, S-Shinpachi! Bail me out of this sly bastard's public disgrace! 'Borrow your China beast' my ass! 'For a bit longer' to him is forever to me! HEALTH ME! HEALTH ME!"
"IT'S 'HELP' ME!" Shinpachi yells in frustration after momentarily regaining his composure.
"And no, we won't bail you out with my money, fool!" Gintoki stores the enveloped money away in his pocket while Shinpachi glowers at him. "I should transfer the cash into my bank account...hehe~" The silver permed man with dead fish eyes laughs with sneaky glee.
"Argh! Hold it! That's so low you selfish boss!" Shinpachi furiously raises an objection and makes a swipe for the money. The plain glasses wearing boy had no luck in retrieving the money from an easily evading Gintoki though Shinpachi didn't give up, he definitely couldn't give up for a good reason.
Kagura sighs in relief. Yes! They'll bail her out! Eventually they will...she hopes.
"I worked harder than you for that cash too so split it 70/30!" Shinpachi orders with an air of supremacy.
"All that you jerks care about is money!" Kagura sobs hopelessly in despair while she forces her restraining self to cater to Sougo's nutritional needs.
"Why are you so worked up China? I care about you don't I? The proof is in the ordered food you blissfully ate. You know you can't deny it." Sougo truthfully says with a mock hurt tone and a cold shrimp hanging between his teeth.
"Wow, you really care for 'u' huh? I care for 'u' too. The vowel I mean." Kagura sarcastically replies while grinning at the dead panning boy, who mirrors her fake grin with his own.
Okita Sougo's lunch 'date' with Kagura may not have been all that romantic but to hell with that. She both annoyed and amused him to no end and another fist-fight free encounter with her would be, in a matter of fact, fun to him - if he were to ever go out by his lonesome self and meet her sparks of rivalry would surely fly and something entertaining would inevitably happen when the two of them cross paths again.