Charles scratched the back of his neck in frustration. She had taken to avoiding him & seemed to be angry with him. He'd tried to ask her what he had done wrong but Elsie would only scowl & march off shaking her head, mumbling something about keeping her word. She & Anna seemed to be at odds as well, and when he finally cornered her in one of the empty bedrooms & refused to let her leave until they'd settled whatever it was that was coming between them, she burst into tears. What happens next?
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Charles turned and checked the hallway for anyone, servant or family, who might be approaching. Assured that they were, indeed, alone on the hallway, he closed the door tightly shut and crossed the room to Elsie without a moment's hesitation.
"Please, don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you," he said so softly that even he was amazed she heard him. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
She seemed to cry even harder at his words, the very weight of everything finally breaking through and causing raw emotions to bubble to the surface. She shook her head and buried her face in her hands, hard sobs racking her shoulders as she tried, in vain, to keep them inside, to keep him outside of the realm of knowledge.
Charles couldn't take it a moment longer. If there was one thing he couldn't stand that was to see Elsie upset. This, however, went way beyond upset. She was hiding something and that something was eating away at her, eating away at their friendship, eating away at her very conscious. He cautiously closed the distance between them and enfolded her in his arms, cradling her head to his chest, letting her cry out her hurt, fears, and frustrations. Somehow, he managed to maneuver them to the edge of the bed where they sat together.
"All in your good time, Elsie," he whispered into her hair, stroking it softly in an attempt to soothe her fears and calm her, even if only for a few moments.
She shook her head violently. "Don't … don't you … see?"
He was still just as puzzled as he had been for the past few days. "No," he answered with honesty and sincerity, "but I'd like to. What have I done to upset you so? Whatever it is, please talk to me, Elsie." He placed his fingers beneath her chin and raised her head until her eyes met his. "Remember telling me about open wounds and letting things heal? That's what I'm trying to do here. Something's been upsetting you for days, and I want to make them better for you and for us."
"You can't," she said, roughly wiping at her eyes. "There's nothing any of us can do that will ever make it better. What's done is done." She broke free from his embrace and walked to the window which overlooked the vast green lawn which led to the field of wildflowers off in the distance. She crossed her arms in front of her and hugged herself tightly, screwing her eyes shut at the images flooding her mind of Anna and that fateful night.
He gave her a moment to compose her emotions and to gather her thoughts. "We've always made a remarkable team, pulling rabbits from hats and making the impossible possible. What makes you so sure we can't fix any problem that's thrown into our path?" He was now standing behind her and he lightly placed his hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.
Her shoulders were harder than any rock wall he'd ever encountered, and that worried him greatly. Elsie always carried her stress and troubles in her shoulders, tensing up and bottling it all inside until the mighty dam burst. He'd only ever seen her this upset a handful of times and the outcomes were never pretty.
"Has this anything to do with Anna?"
She whirled around and stared at him with a face as white as any sheet in the linen cupboards. "What makes you say that?"
He knew he'd finally hit a raw nerve, and he would have to tread very carefully. He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his shoes, which now seemed incredibly interesting. "I've noticed a difference in her and you. It occurred around the same time and I wondered … well, Mr. Bates and I both were wondering … what happened?"
"Mr. Bates? What did he say? Has he talked to you about … anything in particular?" Her voice had an edge to it that set even Charles's nerves to tingling. Bates would have surely gone to Charles with any worries or suspicions knowing he was the only man in the house who could be a true confidante.
"He said that he was worried about you, about Anna. He's noticed a chance in you both and he's as worried as I am. Anna won't talk to him. You won't talk to me. At first, he was worried that, perhaps, he'd said or done something wrong. He seems to think that he embarrassed her in front of Mr. Green." Charles could not help but notice the change in stance and demeanor at the mention of the valet's name. Perhaps Bates had been on to something with his idea so he continued.
"Mr. Bates felt that he let his jealousy get the better of him while the young man was visiting. He said he'd been a bit jealous of the attentions Green was paying to Anna, and that he'd let that get the better of him on more than one occasion. But, he promised me that no harsh words had been exchanged between them so I shouldn't worry about the implications for the house and our hospitality towards visitors."
Elsie's face flushed red and there was a storm in her eyes. Her eyebrow arched and her jaw was set so firmly that it scared Charles more than a little. "If Green so much as utters one harsh word about this household or any member of it, I will personally see to it that every housekeeper and butler in the country receives a letter regarding him and his damned opinions. He won't be welcomed in any respectable home, not even his own familial home, when I'm finished with him."
Charles reached out and took Elsie's clenched fist in his. Gently and slowly, he went finger by finger, unclenching them until he was able to lace his fingers with hers, creating a new sort of fist. He raised their joined hands until they were suspended between them. "See this, Elsie? This means that we're stronger when we're together than we ever are apart." His voice broke as he saw fresh tears pooling in her eyes. "Please, let me help you. Whatever's happened between you and Anna, maybe even Green from the sound of it, let's face it together like we do everything else."
Elsie tugged his hand until it was resting against her chest and she dropped her head. "It's not my story to tell, Charles, and the worst part of it all is I promised. I made a foolish promise and it's eating me up inside. I want to tell you, truly I do, but I … I just can't." Tears spilled down onto their joined hands, as she cried hot, bitter tears.
An icy fear gripped Charles Carson's heart. There were only a handful of reasons that could prompt Elsie Hughes to make a promise so dire that she would let it eat away at her, cause her so much unhappiness and discomfort. He shuddered involuntarily as he began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. He prayed to God above that he was wrong but all the while fearing the worst. He motioned for Elsie to sit on the window bench, never loosening his grip on her hand as he sat next to her. He wrapped his free arm around her and drew her into his side.
"Don't ask me for answers which I cannot give, Charles. Please. I made a promise, and if I break that promise … there are some things which can never be forgotten or forgiven."
"Elsie Hughes, I would never ask you to break a promise or betray a confidence. All I'm asking of you at this moment is for you to listen to what I'm about to say. Just listen. When I'm done, we can sit here quietly for as long as you'd like, as long as you need, and then we'll take things one step at a time."
She nodded and leaned against him, closing her eyes and waiting to hear what he had to say.
"A few days ago, Mr. Bates came to me and asked for a private word. He said he was worried about Anna and asked if I had noticed anything different since the house party. I told him that I had to admit that I had been rather preoccupied, but that I had noticed a change in you. Something was different, amiss. You seemed upset to the point of distraction and no matter how hard I tried, you wouldn't open up to me. He shared his similar experiences with Anna with me."
She nodded her head against his shoulder, which he took as a sign to continue.
"At first, we thought you two might have had a falling out over something, but I quickly dismissed that idea. You've never been one to hold a grudge. You burn fast and hot, and then it's over. I'm the one that takes a few days to come around," he said with a bit of teasing in his voice.
"But you do come around in the end, and you've never disappointed me yet," she answered with a meek voice.
"You're not supposed to be talking yet, Elsie Hughes!" He bumped her shoulder and she looked up at him, giving him a feeble smile. It was the first time he'd seen her smile in days, and it lightened his heart just a wee bit. "Bates also mentioned to me that things weren't going so well at home, either. I think you can surmise how well I handled that conversation. Regardless, whatever happened to create this poisonous atmosphere, it happened during that last night of the house party. Isn't that the night Anna fell and hit her head?"
Elsie squeezed her eyes shut when confronted with the lie she had been compelled to spread on Anna's behalf. She did not want to lie to Charles, to add one more lie to the dozens they'd already told to those dearest to them.
He did not need her to answer. Her silence was all the confirmation he needed. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. This next part was going to be the hardest of all, and he prayed for the strength to get through it. "Anna never fell, or at least if she did, it was not because she was dizzy and lost her balance." Charles held Elsie a little tighter, preventing her from moving out of his embrace or looking up into his eyes filled with tears. "Something terrible happened to her that night, something no woman should ever have to experience. I should have realized it sooner, put the pieces together. I shouldn't have hounded you these past few days to the point where you were avoiding me."
"This isn't about you or me, Charles Carson. This is about that sweet, young girl! And whatever happened, I promised I wouldn't say a word. I went against my better judgment and made a foolish promise."
"She will come around, Elsie. You have to believe that. She will tell him in her own way and in her own time. That's something they will have to work through together. You cannot continue to carry around this heavy weight on your shoulders, though. You're making yourself sick with grief and worry. You won't be any good to Anna or Mr. Bates if you allow this to tear you apart, too."
"How can you say such a cruel thing? Do you have any idea what happened to that girl? You don't live with the nightmares she must endure or see the images that pop in my head just as I'm about to fall asleep each night. I let her down, Charles. I should have noticed something not right about him. I should have gone with her to get that powder when I knew she wasn't feeling well. She should never have been downstairs all alone."
Once more, he cradled her in his arms, letting her spill fresh tears onto his jacket, not caring one ounce about anything or anyone in this house except the woman in his arms. "Green is the vilest of men, Elsie, and there is nothing you or anyone else could or should have done differently. I wish Anna had allowed you to tell me what happened before they left the house. His Lordship would have been made aware of it, discreetly, and things might have ended differently."
"You know as well as I that it would not have ended well for Anna. Gossip in this house has been running wild for days and the stories I'm hearing floating down these corridors are enough to make my stomach churn. Can you imagine the way it must be for Anna? She will have those memories for the rest of her life. She's strong, yes, but right now, she's pushing away those she needs the most, including me."
"Then you must be patient with her and reassure her that her secret is safe with you for as long as needed. We must continue to love her and give her the time and space she needs to come to terms with what's happened, to tell Mr. Bates, and then we all move forward, letting her set the pace."
"And how do I tell her that I've broken her trust today? I have cried on your shoulder and told you everything that's happened when I promised I wouldn't say a word."
Charles lifted her chin once more. "You didn't tell me a thing that I hadn't already suspected, Mrs. Hughes. Don't underestimate me. I have been a butler for more decades than I care to remember most days. I've heard stories from maids, footmen, other butlers and housekeepers. Green's kind can be found everywhere, even in dance halls and theatre groups. Unfortunately, more often than not, they tend to get away with their horrible actions. But not this time. I promise you that."
Fear gripped Elsie's heart and her eyes grew wide, almost wild. She gripped Charles's hand tightly. "You can't say anything to anyone. If this gets out, Anna will never forgive me."
"Trust me, Elsie. Have a little faith in me. I'm not about to take out a full page ad in tomorrow's newspaper, but a man of my position and reputation has made more than a few friends in his lifetime. One or two letters sent out to some London housekeepers who, like you, treat their girls as if they were their own, and word will spread about Lord Gillingham's valet. He won't have a chance to repeat his actions once the word is out." He held up his hand to stall her questions. "They are trustworthy and discreet, or I would never have entertained the notion. All they need to know is that I am concerned enough to warrant writing a letter. They will do all the rest in spreading the news to others. Then, when and if Anna decides to speak with Lady Mary on the subject, you might wish to tell her that I would be more than happy to inform his Lordship who may then wish to enlighten Lord Gillingham." He gave her chin a little tweak. "It's not a perfect plan, but at least it's a start, and Anna needs never know any of it."
Elsie rested her head against his chest and inhaled deeply. His closeness and the scent of his cologne washed over her, bathing her in relief and comfort, something she hadn't experienced in days. "I feel like I've betrayed her by letting you in. I tried so hard to keep you out, but you just wouldn't let go, would you?"
"No. I couldn't. You mean too much for me to just let you waste away and worry yourself sick. She needs you to be strong and supportive. My job is to be the source of your strength and support. I may not be able to help her in tangible ways, but I can do my best to make certain you've got someone to turn to when you need a shoulder or a helping hand. I meant what I said earlier. We're better when we work together. You know that as well as I."
There was no denying it. He was right. When things were right between them, the household and its staff ran like a well-oiled machine. When they were at odds with one another, chaos seemed to ensue. "Tell me it will be all right in the end, Charles. Please. It breaks my heart to see those two youngsters going through such heartache and unable to talk it out. He should be helping her through this. She should let him."
"All in due course. She will let him in when she's ready. She's like you in so many ways, Elsie. And Mr. Bates is persistent. He will continue pursuing the answers until she's ready to share them, just as I did with you. But it has to be when she's ready. You, better than anyone, should know that. If you hadn't been ready to talk to me this afternoon, I'd have faced the fury of your wrath and walked away with my tail tucked securely between my legs."
She laughed softly and nodded her head. "Thank you for never giving up on me. I'm sorry I've been unbearable these past few days. You did not deserve any of that, and I have no excuses other than I was scared." She saw the puzzled look in his eyes. "Oh, I wasn't scared of you. Heavens, no. I was scared of myself. I knew that if you ever started asking me the right questions, I'd stand no chance of keeping my promise to Anna, and the last thing she needed was a betrayal from me."
He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Your secret and Anna's is safe with me for a long as needed, as long as I live if necessary. But please, don't shut me out like that again. It physically hurt me to see you in so much pain and knowing that either I was the cause of it or you couldn't confide in me. I honestly don't know which thought hurt worse."
She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a fierce hug, taking comfort in his arms and letting the stress of the last few days slide off her like a dark dressing gown which was now pooled at her feet. "Will you let me help you draft those letters to your friends? I want to know what you're sending, and I might be able to help you word things so that the other housekeepers realize the gravity of the situation where Green is concerned."
"We'll work on it after dinner tonight, I promise. In the meantime, I think it would be good for you and Anna to take a walk into the village together. Get some fresh air. Get away from this house and everything and everyone in it. You can pick up some stationary for me, and wasn't Mrs. Patmore going on and on this morning about needing more cinnamon and more eggs? You could take Anna along to help you carry back the items, if you'd like, of course. Lady Mary is visiting the Dower House with Her Ladyship so there won't be anyone in the house that needs attending."
She leaned up and quickly kissed his cheek. "That's a wonderful idea. Thank you. I'll see if she's got time to spare and can help me. I still cannot believe James and his childish antics to try to impress Ivy. Honestly! Juggling eggs? What was he thinking?"
"He wasn't! That's the point, though I will say he wasn't doing half bad from what I could see from the corridor."
"Until you startled him, he lost control, dropped the eggs, and pulled the rest down on top of him as he fell over," she said with a hearty laugh. "I can't remember the last time Beryl was so upset over something that happened in her kitchen. I think she was ready to throttle him with her bare hands, and so was I, to be honest. We'd only just received those eggs yesterday."
"What are a few eggs if it will give you and Anna a chance to have a nice long walk and time to make amends? Now, go wash your face and freshen up. I'll go downstairs and lay the groundwork with Anna about you two going into the village on household errands. The rest is up to you, my girl."
"Thank you for … everything."
"No need for thanks, Elsie. No matter how harsh we get with each other sometimes, always remember, I am always on your side."
She caressed his cheek and smiled down into his warm, caring eyes. "And I am ever so grateful for that. I couldn't ask for a more caring, compassionate man. Alice Neale never knew just how wonderful you truly are, but I'm glad for that. I'd have to say that we got the better bargain in that exchange." She gave him one last lingering look before leaving him alone in the room, still sitting on the window bench.
"No, Elsie, once again, I got the better bargain," he said softly to the closed door. "I let the right woman steal my heart away and from the sound of it, you have no intentions of ever returning it to me. That makes me the lucky one."
The End