Ok! Well, I put my other story on hold so I could work on this one! It's just a parody/humor story, so it should be fun. Small children should stay away from this story, since it has a lot of references to gayness and other "adult themes". Also, this story might not always make sense, but that's kind of the point of a parody/humor story. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, and blah blah blah; you get the point.
Super Dude With A Mask
One lovely spring day, the Titans were resting in their home, Titans Tower. Cyborg was down in the garage, making out with his car, the T-Car. Starfire was skipping around in the Teen Titans garden, singing "La la la lala". Robin was in his evidence room, drawing giant hearts on pieces of lined paper and writing "Robin and Slade 4ever" in them. Beast Boy was in his room writing fan mail to himself in different handwritings, as usual, and then sending them through the mail back to himself again, so the other Titans would think that he was cool. Raven was "meditating", or, at least, that what she told the other Titans she was doing. In reality, she was separating her spirit from her body so she would be invisible; watching Robin draw his hearts and thinking "If only I could have that hottie to myself", referring to Slade, of course. Deep down inside her heart, though, she knew that Slade would never love her, since she was a sixteen-year-old girl, and not a sixteen-year-old boy. Terra wasn't doing anything at all, because she was a statue, and that's what statues do.
Suddenly, the Titans alarm went off. Raven's spirit quickly went back to her body, and then she ran down the stairs, since she was afraid of the elevator. Beast Boy put down his pen and said "Damn it! I was just about to pass Silkie in fan mail!" Robin snapped out of his dreamy state and ran down the stairs, just so he could look like he was sweating, so his "I was working out" excuse would fool the other Titans. Cyborg looked at his car and said "I'll be back for you later," and then ran up to the meeting room. Starfire grinned and ran inside, since the alarm might be going off because Terra was back, and she had loved Terra ever since she had laid her eyes on her. The hope that Terra would return was the only thing that made her smile. Pretty much everybody at the tower was gay: she loved Terra, Robin loved Slade, Beast Boy loved himself, and Cyborg loved his car (if you consider that gay). The only person that wasn't gay was Raven, because she loved Slade, which everybody knew wasn't going to work out since Slade was gay too. And Terra, well, she was a statue, so nobody knew if she was gay.
Anyway, back to the alarm. By the time Robin got there, all the other Titans were already there, staring at the big screen TV. "Status report, Titans" he said in a serious tone.
"There is trouble on the south side of town." said Raven.
"Is it Slade?" said Robin hopefully. Even though he was the leader, Robin was the most clueless person in the tower. He didn't know about any of the other Titans love affairs, except Starfire. He and Starfire had once been in love, but that was all ruined when they both realized that they were gay, and it got even worse when Terra came into the picture. Ever since then their love had only been fake, to fool the other Titans into thinking that they were straight. Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg had bought it for a while, but then when Raven saw a love note that Robin had written Slade, that was all ruined. Robin was the only person that didn't know that every time he said Slade's name, it was like nails driving into her heart.
"No, it's not Slade." said Raven sourly, "It's Kitten."
"Great! She's totally easy! We can beat her quickly and I can get back to writing my own fan letters!" said Beast Boy.
"What was that?" said Cyborg.
"I can, well, I…………………….. CYBORG MAKES OUT WITH HIS CAR!" said Beast Boy.
"What?" said Robin, because he was out of the loop.
"No! She, well, my car, had an oil stain, and I was just getting it off." said Cyborg.
"With your lips!" said Beast Boy.
"No! I….."
"SHUT UP!" said Raven, "Ok, let's get back to Kitten. Robin, is there something that you would like to say?"
"Well, I have a secret. Slade and I……."
"No, something else; like, oh, I, don't know, something that will allow us to fight the villain?" said Raven. The Titans had been cursed, back, a long time ago. They weren't allowed to attack a villain unless the magic words were said.
"Oh, right; Titans, go!" said Robin.
With that, all of the Titans did their thing (such as Raven levitating to the T-Car, which had lip-prints all over it), and got to the place where Kitten was. When they got there, Kitten was standing in the middle of the street, going on a wild rampage; throwing the contents of her purse everywhere. Although you may not consider this a wild rampage, the Titans did, since all girls know that the purse is sacred (remember, most of the Titans are gay), and you must be mad to throw everything in it on the ground at a public street corner.
"Please stop, Kitten." said Starfire.
"NOOOOO!" she screamed, "MY BOYFRIEND DUMPED ME! I WANT A NEW ONE!"
"Ok, who's going to make out with her this time?" said Cyborg.
"Well, I did last time, so that makes it Beast Boy's turn." said Robin.
"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Kitten, "I DON'T WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ANY OF YOU LOSER BOYS!"
"Sorry, Starfire, but we knew that this day would come soon….." said Robin.
"Let me find my lipstick." said Starfire, before digging through her purse.
"EWWW, NOOOO!" shrieked Kitten, "I WANT A COOL BOYFRIEND! NO LOSERS AND NO GIRLS!"
"Where are we going to find a boy willing to kiss Kitten?" said Cyborg.
The Titans were now faced with a big dilemma. Either they could allow Kitten continue on her wild rampage, or find a boy that was willing to kiss Kitten. This was going to be tough, since the Titans were very anti-social and didn't know or care about anybody else but themselves. In order to complete this mission, the Titans would need to show extreme courage, perseverance, and strength. The mission……
"Why are we just standing here in silence?" said Kitten, "Aren't you supposed to be beating me up or something?"
"Well, we were listening to the announcer." said Raven.
"You guys have an announcer? Why?" said Kitten.
"Because, well, we, it, it's kinda…." said Beast Boy.
"It's cool; all of the superhero's have them." said Robin.
"Can I have one?" said Kitten.
"Are you a superhero?" said Raven.
"Well, no, but I'm really cool." said Kitten. Then, all of the Titans broke out in an uncontrollable laughing spell. "What?" she said, "I am!"
"Sorry, Beast Boy farted. What did you say?" said Robin.
"Nothing; what were we talking about again?" said Kitten.
"Oh," said Raven, "you were throwing the contents of your purse out on the street because your boyfriend dumped you and you want a new one."
"Oh, that's right!" said Kitten, "I WANT A BOYFRIEND REALLY BAD!"
Then, Terra did nothing, because she's a statue, and that's what statues do.
"What are we going to do now?" said Cyborg.
"We can all thank Raven for this problem. Why did you remind her anyway?" said Robin.
"Because the wild rampage she is going on is part of the plot." said Raven.
"So? Why didn't you just not tell her about it? Then, the plot would be more enjoyable for us!" said Robin.
"Well, I'm sorry, but the writer wants me to follow the plot."
"Who cares what the writer says?"
"We all do, since she is the one who controls our very existence."
"How do you know that she's a girl?"
"BlueGIRL19; duh"
"Who told you that her name was bluegirl19?"
"Can you guys turn your attention back to me?" said Kitten.
"Oh, right; back to the dilemma. What are we going to do?" said Robin.
"We need somebody cool, who's willing to do us a favor." said Beast Boy
"We all know that; why did you say it?" asked Robin.
"Because usually when somebody says something like that, the person that they are looking for just appears out of nowhere." said Raven.
"Well, then, why hasn't….."
"I believe that I can solve your problem." The Titans and Kitten, and everybody else on the street looked up, except Terra, she just remained in the same position, because she's a statue, and that's what statues do. Up, on top of one of the tallest skyscrapers, was a figure. When I say "figure", I mean that it looked like a person, but nobody could tell because it was really high up.
"WHO ARE YOU?" screamed Cyborg.
"MY NAME IS SUPER…….." said the figure. When I say "figure", I mean that it looked like a person, but nobody could tell because it was really high up.
"WHAT? WE CAN'T HEAR YOU! JUST COME DOWN HERE!" screamed Robin.
Then, the figure floated down to the place where the Titans and Kitten were standing, but not right on top of them, of course, but sort of next to them. When I say "figure", I mean that it looked like a person, but nobody could tell because it was really high up. Actually, now they could tell, because the figure was right next to them. The figure had a mask on, short brown hair, and a tight, spandex costume with the letters SDWAM on his chest.
"Sweet! You can float and stuff!" exclaimed Beast Boy.
"No, I actually don't have any real super powers." said SDWAM.
"Then how did you float down here?" asked Cyborg.
"Because the writer wanted me to get down off the skyscraper without giving a lengthy explanation of how I got down." said SDWAM.
"How come the writer keeps telling you guys to do stuff, and he doesn't tell me to do anything?" asked Robin.
"Dude, don't offend the writer. She's a she, not a he." said SDWAM, "Speaking of the writer, can you stop calling me SDWAM? It's kinda bugging me."
"What's your real name, then?" asked Cyborg.
"It's Super Dude With A Mask." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"Wait, if you can't float, then how did you get on top of the skyscraper in the first place?" asked Raven.
"Because that's always a good way to make an entrance." said Super Dude With A Mask.
Then, Terra did nothing, because she's a statue, and that's what statues do.
"But, I didn't ask you why you were up there, I asked how…." said Raven.
"You people have a really short attention span." said Kitten.
"Oh, right, Kitten. How are you going to help us with Kitten?" said Robin.
"Isn't it obvious? He's going to make out with her; why else would he just appear on top of the skyscraper when I said that we need somebody cool to make out with her?" said Beast Boy.
"How did you get up on the skyscraper in the…" said Raven.
"We don't have time for questions like that. Anyway, I'm not going to make out with her." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"What? Are you saying that I'm WRONG? But I'm always right!" said Beast Boy.
"Uhhhhh, right. Well, we all know that Beast Boy isn't always right, but then why did you come when Beast Boy said he needed somebody cool to make out with Kitten?" said Raven.
"Oh, well, I was eating a chicken wing when I first heard about your dilemma. I was really going to pop out after Kitten said that she wanted a boyfriend really bad, you know, right before Terra was doing nothing." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"But Kitten has wanted a boyfriend for this whole time that we've been talking to her and Terra has been doing nothing for a few months now." said Raven.
"Like I said, we don't have time for questions like that. We need to focus on Kitten now." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"How are you going to aid in the solution to our problem?" asked Starfire.
"Ok, now I'm going into a flashback. A flashback is a literary or cinematic device in which an earlier event is inserted into the normal chronological order of a narrative." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"What are you; a walking textbook? Just tell us how you're going to help." said Cyborg.
"Right; back to how I'm going to help. Well, a few days ago, I was at the ice cream shop down the street, and Billy Numerous came in. He did his thing where he became a bunch of Billy Numerous's and started stealing money from everybody in the shop. Since I don't have any superpowers, but I have the urge to do good, I knew that I had to stop him." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"Was it that or you just didn't want your wallet to get stolen?" said Raven.
"Well, there's that too. But, either way, I knew that I had to stop him. I said to him 'Hey, Billy, you're in an ice cream shop. Why don't you just eat all of the ice cream?' and he said in an annoying southern accent, 'Wow; your right! I should just eat the ice cream!' so then he….."
"Does this story have a point?" asked Robin.
"Yes, it does. I don't just ramble on like Beast Boy does. Everything that I say is true and it has a point. Anyway, then he and his clones started eating all of the ice cream in the shop. After a few minutes, one of the clones yelled 'BRAIN FREEZE!' All of the clones then went back into the original Billy, and was on the ground, unconscious. It's surprising what a simple brain freeze can do to an annoying southerner. So, then I took Billy back to my house, locked him in a closet, and decided that I needed to become a superhero, even though I don't have any superpowers. The end."
"Ok, so, where was the point in that story?" said Beast Boy.
"Isn't it obvious? We can get Billy to make out with Kitten!" said Robin.
"Is Billy hot?" asked Kitten.
All of the Titans looked at each other before Starfire said "Um, yes; Billy is of the 'hot' nature."
"Great! Just bring me to him!" said Kitten.
"Ok; lets all go to my house!" said Super Dude With A Mask.
With that, the Titans, Kitten, and Super Dude With A Mask were all at Super Dude With A Mask's house.
"How did we get here so fast?" asked Robin.
"The writer wanted to get us here without giving a lengthy explanation of how we got here." said Super Dude With A Mask.
"Oh, here we go with the writer again. You know what? I'm fed up with the writer! I think that the writer should just….." said Robin, right before disappearing, as if by magic.
"Where did friend Robin go?" asked Starfire.
Then, Terra did nothing, because she's a statue, and that's what statues do.
"I think that the writer decided to get rid of him." said Super Dude With A Mask.
Raven smiled to herself. With Robin gone, Slade would be single again. If she could convince him not to be gay anymore, then maybe he would fall in love with her.
"I'm serious, I think that you guys really need to see a psychiatrist; you keep forgetting that I'm the main conflict in this story." said Kitten.
"Right, Kitten; follow me." said Super Dude With A Mask. All of the Titans, minus Robin, and Kitten followed Super Dude With A Mask down a dark corridor in Super Dude With A Mask's home. At the end of the hallway, which is just a synonym for corridor, was a door.
"Ok Kitten, here is where he is." said Super Dude With A Mask, "See you if he doesn't drive you insane. Bye!" With that, Super Dude With A Mask opened the door, and shoved Kitten in.
"Wow, its dark in here. Can somebody outside turn on a light?" asked Kitten. Super Dude With A Mask the flipped a switch next to the door.
"Hi ya'll. What's a pretty girl like you doin' in here?" said Billy.
"Wait! You're not hot! You're a loser!" exclaimed Kitten.
"No, I'm plenty cool. Do ya wanna hear a story? One time I went I went down to my uncle's farm in the summer. Down in the south, it's pretty hot in the summer. Anyway, I went…."
"NOOOOO!" screamed Kitten "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"Who wants ice cream?" said Super Dude With A Mask. All of the Titans raised their hands; minus Robin, because he disappeared, and minus Terra, she just remained in the same position, because she's a statue, and that's what statues do.
After that fun adventure, the Titans were changed forever. Since Robin never returned, Super Dude With A Mask took his place. After being trapped in a closet for seven weeks, Kitten and Billy set aside their differences, and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. So, all in all, everybody lived happily ever after. Well, except for Terra, because she was still a statue, and Robin, because he disappeared. Actually, why don't I just tell you about each person individually. Since we already know about Robin and Terra, let's start with Super Dude With A Mask. Super Dude With A Mask had a happy ending, because he remained with the Titans, and he had enough money to get a costume with his full name written out on it. Starfire didn't have a happy ending, because Terra was still a statue. Cyborg had a happy ending, because he could talk to Super Dude With A Mask easily, and he could express his love for his car to Super Dude With A Mask. Soon after their adventure, Cyborg married his car, and he and his car both lived happy lives. Beast Boy didn't live happily ever after, because the public liked Super Dude With A Mask much more then Robin, so he got more fan mail then Beast Boy could ever hope to write. Raven and Slade lived happily ever after, because, as Raven had planned, she comforted Slade in his time of need, he forgot his gay ways, and he loved her. The End