{P}
He says that he's so in love,
So in love, that he hasn't seen how he's gotten by without her.
He sits at her kitchen counter, tracing intricate patterns and little ones all at the same time, not meeting her eyes. She pauses, tensing slightly, so slightly that he does not notice it, and resumes washing the grimy dishes.
He doesn't really mean what he says, but now he's not sure. He's wanted so much to have Katniss Everdeen love him.
He doesn't love the girl he claims to love,
He just wants Katniss to feel.
To feel something he started feeling so long ago.
Love.
{K}
She watches Peeta and his new wife, Valentine, from the tables in the back, raising her glass in cheer for the newly wed.
She feels dead.
She thought Peeta was just joking when he said he loved his wife more than he had loved her.
She thought it was just a dream when he gave her the invite to his wedding.
But all that shattered when she met his fiancée. He said she was the most kind, considerate girl he's ever met.
She was none of those things.
"Listen, and listen close, you star crossed lover," Valentine had hissed, cornering Katniss in the porch of her own house. Valentine's blonde hair had caught in Katniss' throat, choking her from the inside out.
"You will not lay a hand on my husband. Do you hear me?" Valentine hissed, slapping the girl in front of her, forcing her to the ground. "I don't care that you won two Hunger Games, and became the Mockingjay. Peeta is mine now. Understood?"
The broken girl in front of her, with blood trickling down her chin, nodded with wide eyes, a hollow feeling settling in her stomach.
That was the day the broken shell of the woman Peeta knew, turned to Morphling.
It's the greatest feeling; it's as if all of your worries slip away with the sweat on your brow.
It hasn't taken its toll on her just yet, no yellowing skin, and no sunken eyes. Her skin doesn't hang off of her bones like a loose set of clothing.
Only Haymitch knows. And he's angry at her that's she's become like that.
But what is she to do? The only person who had her heart in the palm of his hand is getting married, or is married, to someone else. There's nothing left to live for.
So she's slowly killing herself.
Peeta doesn't need to know that details.
Haymitch slouches into a seat next to hers, sloppily dressed, a beer bottle in his hand. From sprits to wine to beer, Haymitch never knows when to stop.
He belches in his mouth, watching the lost girl before him. He follows her line of vision, seeing the sadness and pain cross her face as she watches Peeta kiss the girl next to him, watching him press a kiss to her neck.
And Katniss' heart dies in her throat.
She digs in her purse for the vial, not able to handle the emotions threatening to swallow her whole. Haymitch watches her frantically try to find the pills, and takes a sad swing of beer, covering a burp.
"You have to stop the façade sometime, Sweetheart." Haymitch whispers, grasping her wrist loosely. She shakes him off, having grabbing the vial, and twists off the cap, swallowing the pills whole. She doesn't care that she had overdosed; she just needs to stop feeling.
"You know, the whole reason he's marrying her, is that she's pregnant." Haymitch's words stop her, and she looks up at his words, the bottle of pills forgotten in her limp hand.
But she clears her throat, and slams the cover closed anyways. She shrugs as she gently places the empty canister back in her purse.
Damn it, that's my last vial. She curses herself, then Peeta, for making her feel this way. Now she'll have to wait for a week for a new shipment. That means burying herself in a closet full of dead blood, still staining her hands.
As if she doesn't do that every day anyways.
The dulling sensation of the Morphling takes its toll, making everything Haymitch could possibly throw at her now, nothing.
So Katniss leans back in her chair, striving for a nonchalant look as she asks, "Who cares? She probably hooked up with some drunken man one night. I mean, I can see-"
"No sweetheart." Haymitch interrupts, leaning forwards in his chair. He clasps his hands over the shaking girl's petite hands in front of him as he whispers, "It's Peeta's."
Katniss pales, her head going light, and she rips her hands from the drunken man in front of her. She shakes her head wildly, not able to wrap her head around what he just-no-Peeta- her Peeta would never-
Would he?
"No." She whispers, slowly rising out of her seat. Haymitch reaches for her hand, but she jerks away before he can grab her, pull her down, and tell her everything will be alright.
Because it's not anymore.
She's been living a lie this whole time. And now, she's going to get payback.
"NO!" She screams. Everyone pauses, looking over sadly at the lost girl in front of them. Valentine sneers at her, pulling Peeta closer to her. Katniss looks around wildly, finally meeting Peeta's sad blue eyes with her own.
"No." She whispers again, and a second later, people are shrieking as she pushes them out of her way, running towards the exit, a bile flavor rising in her throat.
"KATNISS!" A man shouts from behind her, but she doesn't turn around, she's almost there, almost free.
But she doesn't make it. A hand clamps around her wrist, twirling her around and shoving her backwards, until she's in the darkness with the stranger, weeping willow leaves hitting the top of her head.
The man in front of her leans forwards, both hands reaching to his left leg, as if in pain. A gleam of metal appears in the moonlight from under his pant leg, and she knows it would always hurt him, chasing after her at such a fast speed.
Peeta straightens up after a few moments, and she instinctively backs away from him, shrinking even further into the shadows.
She'll never trust someone so whole-heartily again.
"Katniss," Peeta pants after a moment. He studies her with an unrecognizable look in his eyes, before he explodes. "What the HELL was that? I had to fight my ass off to let Valentine just let you through the doors, because I wanted you to be there, because we are…" She backs away from him until her jutting spine hits the rough bark of the tree. Peeta growls in frustration, pacing back and forth, his pristine suit getting more wrinkled by the second. She resists the urge lean forwards and smooth all the wrinkles, one wrinkle for every lie they've ever told one another.
Peeta grabs a hold of his blonde locks, with the grip as if he intends to rip every piece out. Her eyes go wide and she leans forwards, as if to stop him. "Peeta-"
He jerks away from her outstretched hand, as if it was on fire. "Katniss, I just-" he sighs, shaking his head as if in defeat.
"Just have a good night, and thanks for coming." His monotone voice haunts her as he slowly walks away from her. Her lips move in a silent plea, a silent question.
Do you love me?
Because I love you…
{P}
He doesn't want to do this.
He doesn't want to go into the room where all of his nightmares take place.
Valentine looks at him through hooded eyelids as she drags him to the room at the end of the hall, her white dress tangling underneath his legs.
This went too far, I never meant for this lie to drag me down.
Valentine slams him up against the door, dragging her hands down his broad chest, slowly unbuttoning his pants. He jerks away from her, breathing hard, and she stares up at him, questioning him silently.
He just shakes his head, walking over to the bed, and silently starts to strip down to his underwear. Peeta sighs, and sinks down into the bed, facing away from his demon wife.
Valentine's hair tickles his face as she leans over his shoulder, her dress pressing against his bare back.
"I see right through your little façade, Peeta." She hisses, but he pretends not to hear her.
"I know you don't love me, and guess what, I don't love you either." His eyes fly open at that. "But thanks to a crazy night together, we have a wedlock kid to raise. So don't blame me when your little Mockingjay decays before your very eyes. Because, just remember…
It was all
Your
Fault."
{K}
She watches them from her bedroom window, her frail hand pulling the curtain away to reveal a sight that would make her heart stop dead in her throat.
Peeta, Valentine, and their two-year-old daughter, Rose, walk along the forests edge, collecting flowers.
Or more importantly, primroses, to be exact.
She curses them silently as she races into the bathroom, grabbing a comb, but she stops dead in her tracks, staring at the alien in front of her in the mirror. She doesn't recognize herself, she's changed so much. Her hair, which had grown back to its normal length, had turned dark brown and brittle. Her skin has taken on a yellowish tint and all her muscle from the years has turned to flabby skin, hanging loosely from her frail bones.
She's gotten much thinner now too. To the point where she could be Greasy Sae's sister, she looks that old.
Katniss just shrugs past it, brushing her hair quickly and straightens her clothes as she bolts down her stairs, listening closely for the chipper two year olds voice.
She's not disappointed.
"Mama! Look at those!" Rose shrieks and Katniss jumps, slamming her hip against her granite kitchen top, her eyes wide as her mind screams, NO!
Her kitchen door slams open just as the child takes her first fistful of the flowers,
And pulls them too their doom.
{P}
He knows they shouldn't be doing this, but Rose is just so happy today. So he walks at a leisurely pace besides his wife, watching blankly at his young daughter as she prances about, collecting wildflowers.
He thought she got the primroses from the forest's edge, but when he sees Katniss bolt out of her house, a dead look in her eyes, he knows they were the ones he so painstakingly planted not just two years ago.
"NO! PRIM! GIVE HER BACK!" Katniss screams, lunging for his daughter. He bolts in front of the dying girl in front of him, Haymitch had told a couple of days ago of what Katniss was addicted to, and holds her back as his daughter runs to her mother, her little eyes wide as she takes in her crazed neighbor.
Katniss screams profanities at him, at her, at his wife, even at Snow, but for all it was worth, she just tired herself out.
Valentine had taken their daughter back home a long time ago, hissing something about calling the authorities. He just ignored her, focus on the young girl in his arms.
"Katniss." Peeta whispered into her brittle hair sometime later. She just sobbed silently into his chest, her legs giving out, and they fall to the ground slowly, Katniss's sobs turning to a full out crying session. He just tenderly stroked her hair, saying nothing.
His daughter came out, sometime later, carrying the primroses back gingerly to the crying woman. Katniss looked up from his arms and smiled sadly, his daughter's name coming from her breath like a whisper. She untangled herself from his limbs and slowly made her way over to the tiny child.
They knelt before each other, and Katniss brushed a strand of blonde hair from his daughter's face. Katniss looks closely into his precious daughter's eyes and Rose sticks her arm out, holding the wilting flowers to Katniss' face as an offering.
She gently takes them from the child's hands, burying her face deep into the beautiful flowers.
Beautiful, just like you.
Rose pats Katniss' cheek gently, and she jerks backs as if burned. Her gray eyes open wide, gazing between Rose and myself, before she turns quickly, bolting back to her house, locking her secrets and pain tightly away from us.
Rose looks up at me, her eyes tearful.
"What did I do, Daddy?" she whispers, looking painfully back at Katniss' house, where you can see a hunched figure sobbing on the counter.
He pulls her into his lap, making small braids in her hair, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
"Nothing, little duck." His heart clenches as he uses Prim's name for his own daughter.
"Just stay exactly the way you are."
{K}
She's breathing heavily, her hands clenched tightly around the base of her hair, tugging hard.
They'll be here in a few minutes. Pull yourself together.
But she can't, so when Peeta knocks gently on the door, she doesn't move. She tries to tell him, the door's open, but her lips don't move. The nightmare is so fresh in her mind that she can't do anything, except relive it,
Over
And over
And over.
"Katniss!" Prim screams, pushing past Finnick, knocking Rue hard to the ground.
"Katniss! The dream, it was horrible." The young girl sobs, running towards her sister. Katniss reaches out her arms to embrace her sister, but the moment she touches her fair skin, it starts on fire.
"PRIM!"
"PRIM!" she screams, tears running down her face. Peeta stares at her sadly, setting his young daughter down on the rug in front of the fireplace.
She feels strong arms pick up her bag of bones body. Rose idly plays with Buttercup by the fireplace, not looking at the 24 yr. old. She knows this is part of her neighbor's life.
They all have monsters, even her strong daddy, which they can't fight by themselves.
Katniss looks down at the six-year-old as Peeta gently sets her down on her couch. They do this every day. When Valentine had gotten a job as a teacher at the small school they have, Peeta found that Rose couldn't stay home by herself, just being three years old.
Katniss had heard Valentine yelling at Peeta not too kindly one day when she felt the urge to clean house, that they needed to either put Rose in daycare, or Peeta would have to take her to work.
She fought herself for the better part of the day, fighting to chance it and have a fight with Valentine or just to call Peeta at work.
At five o'clock that night, she ripped of her last bloody nail, and called Peeta.
He answered on the first ring, sounding tired. "Mellark's Bakery. This is Peeta Mellark speaking. How may I help you today?" Katniss heard something crash in the background, and a sigh was heard a moment later. "Just a minute please. Rose, what did I tell you about touching that?"
"Peeta." Katniss whispered hoarsely, her voice rusty from not speaking. Peeta didn't hear, of course not, so she kept saying his name until she was hoarsely screaming it.
The reprimanding in the background stopped, and a second later, Peeta's voice came back to her. "Katniss?"
"Hey." She smiled weakly, though he couldn't see it.
"Why are you calling?" Her heart stopped, and her hands went clammy. Is she sure about this?
Of course she's sure. All day she thought about it. She raised Prim when she was this age.
That shows for something.
And look how that turned out.
She's dead.
"Katniss?" Peeta is whispering, shaking her out of her reverie. She smiles.
"I'm fine." It's now or never. "DoyouwantmetowatchRoseforyou?" She breathed out, her heart pounding.
"Did you hear-?" Peeta laughed, dumbfounded. "Yeah, Katniss, that would be great, but I don't want to be a-"
"You won't be a nuisance."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
The first day Rose came over, Katniss didn't know what to do. She had cleaned up the night before, to not scare the poor girl, but it didn't matter. Rose was dead asleep, her little hands squished together in her mouth. Peeta had smiled tiredly at the girl in front of him, silently asking when to put his daughter.
Katniss nodded her head to the couch and helped Peeta out of his modified shoes, never even disturbing the little girl in his arms. Katniss rushed over to her spare closet, grabbing a moth eaten blanket.
Her face had burned with shame as she handed the musty blanket to Peeta. He took it without question, never even hesitating to cover his little girl with it.
Katniss had curled down next to the little girl, and brushed her fingers through the blonde curls. "Sorry about the blanket. I'm not used to people needing something from me." She laughed humorously and shook her head in distaste.
"It doesn't matter, Katniss, it's just a blanket." Peeta sighed and moved as softly as he could to the front door and slid his shoes on as quickly as he could.
"You're still as loud as you used to be."
"Ha. I'll be back at around noon to check in on your guys." Peeta smiled softly and started putting on his jacket. He noticed that Katniss hadn't moved from her spot on the ground by the sofa. "Hey Katniss?" he chuckled. She jumped slightly, and turned to stare at him, wide-eyed.
"Yes?" Her hair, which was pulling out from her sloppy braid, caught hold onto her dry lips, the sun making her face look softer and fuller than it normally is. Peeta's heart lurched painfully in his chest, knowing that he could have had this, if he just hadn't-
"You can move, sweetheart. She won't break." He plastered a smile on his face and turned and walked out the door.
Peeta returned a few hours later to find his daughter and Katniss still in the exact same spot. Seeing them like this made him laugh out loud. Katniss jerked to life, which startled his daughter. Katniss froze, making sure that she wouldn't cry, but all the little girl did was start laughing just like her daddy.
Peeta opened up his jacket to reveal two cooling loaves of bread, and a large smile on his face.
"Katniss? God damn it Katniss! Answer me!" Peeta's grip shakes her out of her reverie and she locks eyes with him, wrenching his hand from hers.
"I'm fine." She smiles slightly and stands up, clapping her hand together. She rushes over to Rose and picks her up, eliciting a laugh from the small girl. She twirls her around before holding her against her hip.
"So little duck, what do you want to do today?" Katniss rubs her nose against Roses, smiling. Peeta is still kneeling, watching her sudden change in wonder.
"The woods!" Rose jumps slightly in her arms, and waves to her father behind Katniss' back who started to get back up.
"Bye bye daddy!" Katniss turns around, smiling.
"Don't worry Peeta, we'll be careful."
He nods, still shocked by Katniss' sudden change, and silently closed the door behind him. The moment he's gone, Katniss drops her façade and her smile melts. She silently sets Rose down, and kneels to the little girl's level, suddenly serious.
"Rose? I have a very important task for you." The little girl nods, and Katniss grins slightly.
"Perfect."
{P}
"How was your day little duck?" Peeta smiles down at his daughter as they walk, hand in hand, back to his house. Rose skips next to him, her blonde hair bouncing as her skirt twirls around her legs. She grins, grabbing a hold of his hand with her other hand.
Peeta opens the door to his house to find Valentine, pinning a man he had never seen before, against the kitchen wall, locked in a passionate embrace. Peeta doesn't even blink as he sets his bakery basket down on the kitchen counter. He brushes past his wife and her latest lover, grabbing his daughter's hand, and leads the young girl to his office, locking the door behind him.
Peeta hikes up his pant legs, crouching down to Roses' level. "What did Katniss say?"
Rose giggles, twirling her hair around in her little fingers. "She said that I'm so important that I get to watch her house while she's gone. She's going to be gone a long time daddy! She said so!"
Peeta grits his teeth, a bad feeling settling in his stomach. "She said that, did she?"
{K}
Katniss breathes in deeply as she locks her door behind her, her suitcase heavily holding her frail arms down. She slowly walks to the train station, her suitcase jerking back and forth on the uneven pavers. She pauses slightly at Peeta's house, staring at the closed curtains before gritting her teeth and moving on. She just prays that Rose was able to hold Peeta off, at least until she's out of the District.
Many people, visitors or not, mill around waiting for the train. Katniss nods to the ticket man, and makes her way through security. After she's cleared, Katniss sinks down into a bench, making herself comfortable.
A sudden commotion comes from the front of the station and Katniss stands up, frowning slightly. When she sees a mob of blonde hair rapidly making his way over to her, she panics, not being able to get her breath. She grabs her suitcase and races to the edge of the tracks, where the incoming train makes its way to the station. She pants, crouching slightly.
"KATNISS!" Peeta yells, and she turns around, eyes wide. Everything seems to go in slow motion it seems to her. Her brown locks slowly whip around her face as she staggers to the side. Peeta reaches out a hand for her and she hesitantly reaches out, but fate never seems to play into her hands.
It all happens too fast; a man in a black cloak suddenly slams into her, knocking her off-balance. She screams, her arms pin wheeling.
"KATNISS!" Her head snaps backwards so hard she sees stars, and she stares up at Peeta, who is leaning over the safety rail of the balcony. Why is he up there? More people started to look at her, and she smiled softly, the rest of her body hitting the ground. The metal tracks hit her spine hard, snapping it to the side. Blood runs down the side of her head and she hardly feels the snap of her arm or the breaking of her foot.
Her eyes flutter shut as the train runs over her, and she believes that this is always how it should have ended.
She's finally free.
{P}
He sinks to his knees as the train runs over Katniss' body. People scream and shout for the train to stop as they watch the horror occur.
They retrieve her body after the train station is shut down. He watches numbly as they wrap her body in a blanket. He stumbles over to the paramedics and takes her body from their arms. A couple of doctors start to argue, but seeing who it is, they nod sadly and start to clean up.
Peeta doesn't really remember what happens as he walks home, all he feels is Katniss' almost decapitated head bounce against his shoulder, her broken foot hitting his thigh.
Valentine greets him at the door with her usual scowl and he brushes past her, walking to his bedroom.
"Peeta?! What happened to her?!" Val shrieks behind him. He slams the door shut in her face. Peeta slowly pulls his sheets back on his bed and lays Katniss down, fixing her hair back the way he likes it, running his fingers over her dead lips.
Valentine opens the door, panting hard. "What is she doing here?! Get her out!"
"SHE'S FUCKING DEAD, VALENTINE!" He shouts suddenly. Rose peeps her head from between Val's legs, her face wondering.
Something in him snaps, and he drops Katniss' hand. "Get the hell out of my house, Val."
Valentine gasps, her eyes going hard. "This is my house too, Peeta. I'm your wife-"
"You've never been my wife Valentine! Get. Out." He slams the door shut, and silently sobs, tears running down his face.
"This is never how I wanted this to end, Katniss." Peeta whispers as he curls up around her body, as if warding off her nightmares once again.
"But fate never plays well in our hands, has it?"
{R}
Rose giggles, a cookie from school in her hands as she skips into her daddy's bedroom.
"Daddy! Daddy! I was a good girl today so I got-" her daddy doesn't move from his spot on the blood stained bed.
"Dadddddyyyy! Daddy wake up!" Rose struggles to get up on the bed, but when she does, she giggles, sitting on her daddy's leg. Katniss is sleeping besides him, blood covering her face. Her daddy doesn't even move when she tickles him. Rose places her ear on daddy's chest, listening for the heartbeat she's fallen asleep to since she was little.
But that was there, was silence.
Next to Rose' hand on the bed, as she cries, was a message, written in either Katniss or Peeta's blood.
Do you love me?