The Past Still Haunts
I look up, closing my eyes and breathe in fresh water scent. I'm in my favorite spot on the beach. I am the only one in sight. Standing near the shoreline on a cold January Saturday evening is my favorite things to do. Mainly because I'm usually alone here. I always feel free from the world and its troubles. As I sit on the freezing sand, the swift wind blows my shoulder length light brown hair to the West. I admire the stars for a while, but when I see the waves approaching me, I quickly get up and start walking towards my car. On my way home, I start to lose control of the wheel. Must be really tired from work this evening. I park the car on the side of the road avoiding a casualty.
"Get a grip girl," I whisper to myself quietly looking down. I stay on the side of the road for a while until I can drive again. I try my best to get back on the road safely. Whoever said life's what you make was completely wrong. Life is not what you make it. Life does not turn out the way you plan. If life was what you made it and was supposed to turn out the way you planned, I wouldn't be an eighteen year old orphan and single mom. I wouldn't be struggling to get by daily. I wouldn't be living with my child and her father who by the way has a low paying job. As I walk in my house, my little girl comes running up to me crying. I carry her and give her a kiss on her soft cheek then ask her what's wrong, and by what I understand she tells me she's hungry.
"Where's daddy?" I ask her worried.
"Sleeping" she says only as good as a two year old can.
Oh my God, are you kidding me? I leave a toddler alone with her dad only come back home from working my butt off to find her crying for food because her irresponsible dad is sleeping. I put my stuff and her down on the couch and march straight down to my room, waking him up.
"If you can't get a decent job, the least you can do is look after Haley." I yell angrily at him.
"What on earth is your problem, Gia." He gets out of bed and rubs his eyes. "You know I'm doing my best. I made sure she was asleep before I went to sleep. She must have woken up or something. I'm sorry"
"Your sorry isn't gonna cut this time. I have had enough of your crap." I keep yelling while picking up clothes. "It wasn't my fault I got pregnant. That was the LAST thing that was supposed to happen to me and my life definitely wasn't supposed to be like this."
"Well, you didn't get raped so shut up." He says walking out. I grab his arm and tell not to tell me to shut up and walk out on me. He furiously removes his arm and starts shouting at me until we both see Haley walking in crying. I pack what I can of Haley and I's clothing, carry her and head for the front door. Scot watches us go out and doesn't say a word. He knows he can't say anything to make us stay. This has been a routine with us lately. He does something wrong, I get mad, we fight in front of Haley, I walk out the front door with her, and come back when we've all calmed down. Not a good pattern, but it stops us from doing something crazy. I get Haley into her car seat and step on it. She knows what's happening unfortunately. She knows that her mom and dad just had a blow up and because of that she won't be seeing her dad for a few days. I ask if she's all right and she nods frightfully. I tell her it's everything is going to be okay. She starts tearing up so I sing her favorite lullaby for her.
Daddy's little girl, paints the world with her magic fingers
Daddy's little girl sees the world as she lingers through it
Her heart and her smile are made of gold
By the time I sing it twice she's asleep. When we get to Cassandra and Jessica's house, I hurry to get my bags and Haley out of the car and into the house because of the chilly weather.
"Do you mind if we spend a few nights here?" I ask Cassandra when she opens her front door.
"You no you're always welcomed here." she tells me. "You guys had another blow up?"
"Yeah" I say quietly.
She takes Haley from me who's still sleeping and tells me to get in then leads me to a guest room and turns on the lights without saying a word. After taking Haley from her once in the room, she says goodnight and walks out the door closing it behind her. I take off my shoes, lay on the bed near Haley and sigh. My life was not supposed to turn out like this. I close my eyes and take a trip to the past.