First there is a chill settled deep in my bones when I regain consciousness. It is followed by a blinding pain. I want to move, try to ease it by shifting into another position, but to no avail. I faintly wonder what has cause my-I sneer inwardly-caretakers to restrain me.
A deep groan slips from my throat which seems parched, raw and tingly, probably from overuse.
Opening my eyes proofs to be the less than an optimal solution. The bright neon lights above me are blinding. It makes my head spin and I feel a wave of sudden nausea hitting me full force, making me retch pitifully. It is disgusting, this weakness that has taken over my whole being.
There seems to be no one else around. Suits me well enough. I have already lost the greater part of my dignity. No need to humiliate myself even further.
The illusion is broken as soon as I hear someone in the corner of the room clearing their throat. How did I not sense them earlier? Pathetic!
A pale face lined by reddish hair invades my field of vision. The constant scowl on those lips is all to familiar to me. Definitely the last person I wanted to see.
"Well, well" I hear him say, the voice like honey and yet hiding a deathly venom "How nice for sleeping beauty to join the humble world of the living once again" His smile is malicious. It is obvious he is enjoying my current state of indisposition.
"Hux." I take on my usual aloof tone in an attempt to not give away my lingering discomfort. "Come to gloat, haven't you. Or did you miss me so much?"
My words are answered with a shallow laugh. "You overestimate your own worth, knight."
"So I have been told" I answer desinterestedly.
"I should bring to your notice that it was me who dragged you from that collapsing planet's surface. Or would you rather I had left you to die?" He leans forward, his face close enough to block out everything else from my field of vision.
"If it would have spared me your hollow speeches"
A sharp slap hits my cheek and I have to squeeze my eyes shut as my head explodes into a cascade of pain.
"Oh dear" he mocks "Was that too much for poor Lord Ren? I beg your forgiveness"
How I wish I could wipe that gleeful grin off his face. Alas, my hands are bound. It is not a possibility. Nevertheless I take note to make him pay for his insolence, once I am back to full health. Revenge is sweetest when it is served cold. And mine will be icy.
"You waited for this long enough, didn't you? No power to face me man to man. You are such a piteous excuse of a man."
There are gloved hands closing around my throat, halfway cutting off my air supply. It makes my head spin, dizziness creeping upon me.
"Do it" I rasp "I know you want to"
The grip retreats. "You will not use me as your tool, Ren" He stands up straight, towering over me.
"You are a tool" I reply, my voice still scratchy, breath coming in frantic pants. "And if you are not mine, you still belong to the supreme leader."
"So are you." His face is like a mask of stone. Sometimes I wonder if he knows any emotions besides anger and contempt. I have never seen him smile, or show anything but a disgusted sneer. Certainly, his speeches are charismatic, but nelow his bravado he is nothing but an empty shell.
"You are staring" he remarks coldly. "Think me pretty and desirable, hm?"
"Never!" I turn my face away. "If anything you are repulsing."
"And now you're even dealing out compliments? Did that petty scavenger hit your head too hard?" There is a satisfaction on his face with makes bile rise in my throat. If only I could move, I swear I would wring that insufferable man's neck. Using the Force would be way too easy.
I feel a sudden desire to run my hands along that pale flesh, slowly closing my hands around his throat, feel the soft skin and then when he-
I gasp. Those thoughts, where do they come from? I hate him. I despise him. How can I desire him. It makes no sense. I groan.
"Oh my. Did I hit a sore spot? How convenient." He crosses his arms and fixes me with another of his infuriating smiles.
"Leave me." The air around us bristles with energy as my anger builds up quickly. "GET OUT!" I strain against my bonds, feeling the gash on my side tearing up again as another burst of pain sears through my body.
Instead of heeding my demands he closes in on me.
"What do you want? What do you get out of this?" My hands ball into fists, my teeth grinding as I see blacks sparks before my eyes.
"Revenge" It is a single word, but the way it is spoken holds so many facets, anger, satisfaction, desire, lust even. Until this moment I have never been aware of the true depths of this man's soul, only ever seeing him as a necessary inconvenience on my way to true power.
Suddenly there is the need to understand, to explore what drives him to viciously follow the orders of the supreme leader, to know if there is a history, an ulterior motive, a deeper meaning, or if he is after all as shallow as I thought him to be.
It scares me all the same, for it brings also the desire to know him intimately, the envy driven by the possibility of him sharing himself with another instead of me. I want to possess him, mark him as mine only and ultimately gain his willing devotion.
"Revenge? For what?"
He grabs my shoulders forcefully and whispers into my ear "You ruined me. Now I will ruin you."
"Ruined? How? What was there even to ruin anymore?" I put all of my authority into my words, but they fail to leave an impression.
"Because you made me want something I was not supposed to crave" His hand closes around my jaw and tilts my head up. "Don't you understand?"
I want to shake my head, but his grip holds me in place.
"You damn fool. You bloody, idiotic, despicable, pathetic man!" With every word his face contorting a little more.
"Then what do you want?" I hold his scorching gaze sternly.
And then he kisses me hard, unforgiving and yearning and I understand, the realization hitting me harder than any blow I have ever taken. I return the kiss and it is glorious. I do not know where it will lead us, how it should ever work with either of us knowing nothing but hatred. But for some unthinkable reason I am willing to try.