Title: Thinking Of You
Author: MsCrazybird
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Rating: R
Summary: Based on the song Thinking of You by Katy Perry. Belongs to the series The Wrong Rizzoli. Maura's POV.
Disclaimer:All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: First time attempting to write in Maura's POV. Feedback would be great. Find Banner and Links to The Wrong Rizzoli on profile!
"'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you.
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes"
I smile at the man that is in front of me and I can not help, but draw parallels to the two Rizzoli's that are in my life. Yet, with so many similarities there are much more differences; these eyes do not hold me with easy compassion, but more with want.
I blink.
There is no use hoping for a different set of eyes when it is obvious that they do not want me like these eyes want me. These eyes want me. I contemplate that thought a moment. It would seem that Tommy would do. He is both willing and ready. Though he is not whom I am really wanting he is still quite handsome and reminds me of Jane in some ways.
A small sigh of resonation leaves my lips as I realize that he is second best, but he will have to be enough. Jane has no interest.
We both stand for a moment looking at one another in silence. My mind drifts back to Jane. And I can not help but think of what she would be doing if she were here right now.
A smile breaks easily across my face as I picture her here instead. The easily flowing banter between the two always makes me forget my usual problems with social settings whereas with Tommy I can feel the lack of social knowledge drowning the two of us making me squirm.
Jane would not be like this. If she were the one spending the evening with me there would be laughter and smiles, but my time with Tommy is seriously lacking in pleasant feelings other than those to do with the stimuli that his looks bring forth in me because of his likeness to Jane.
I meet Tommy's eyes and blink momentarily surprised at the sight of brilliant emerald eyes instead of the deep soulful brown I was expecting and hoping for. He smiles and moves forward eyes boring into my own and there is nothing I wish for more than those eyes to be the deep brown I was hoping for in the beginning.
Jane's face takes residence in my mind. The warmth that always takes over my body, following my seeing of her, flows through me. Her harsh external skin melts away revealing the soft center that I know takes up the inside of her beautiful soul.
I feel my heart ache knowing that there is no way this will be anything near as wonderful as it would be if it was the best: Jane. But her obvious lack of interest in me is blatant and although it hurts I know its true and because of this I will do what I believe she would want and explore my options.
Tommy moves closer to me once again and I prepare myself for the inevitable. He looks into my eyes hungrily and I can already see that his pupils have dilated. He moved in and soon his ruff lips were on mine pushing forcefully as his tongue assaulted my mouth; again I found my mind drifting to images of Jane and instead of Tommy's mouth it is hers I feel.
He pulled me in and I can feel the disgust rise within me at feeling the bulge that is already nudging my abdomen bringing me back to the knowledge that this is definitely not the Rizzoli I truly crave.
I can not help, but let my mind drift off once again to that of the detective that is constantly on my mind. Imagining Jane with me now causes a small groan to escape my lips: my mind believing that my body is being touched by her magnificent skin instead. The thought that Jane would be so much tenderer if she were the one to be experiencing this with me crosses my mind as I feel Tommy's calloused hands grab my hips pulling my body impossibly closer to his.
Jane I sigh mentally thinking of the beautiful woman and how much I wish this body was hers instead. She is truly the best and the moment I feel Tommy's hand sliding up my blouse I can feel the illogical regret taking over my body at what I am doing. I know Jane does not want me yet I feel that I am letting her go if I continue this, but a part of me still likes the feel of being wanted.
My heart clenches in my chest painfully at the feel of the slight stubble that scratches across my cheek and I am momentarily stunned still not understanding what the origins of the pain. My eyes open wide in fright as I mentally go through a check list of causes for the pain.
Tommy's lips on my neck cause the pain to occur again. I am lost for a cause to the pain. It seems irrational, but the explanation comes to me. My love for Jane has caused this irrational feeling of betrayal to manifest into that of physical pain. This is an all new experience for me and one that makes no logical sense.
My brows furrow as I ponder this new occurrence.
"Maura" it is a throaty whisper that brings me back. And I feel an unpleasant burning sensation form in my chest. This is an all knew experience and one I will take as a lesson. Another involuntary image of Jane enters my mind and the burn intensifies at the pain that my actions could potentially cause to myself and any relationship that could have happened between the two of us.
Oh, Jane. I wish you knew how much I cared for you. My lips quivers and I can feel the reaction of tears coming soon I blink rapidly trying to rid myself of the feeling. This feeling reminds me of having Jane wrapping her arms around me as I cried, how right now she would know something is wrong with me and stop to see if I was okay and know without me speaking a single word there was something upsetting me and automatically she would wrap me in her arms to comfort me.
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly against the swell of tears trying to break free. Jane's warm brown eyes greet me as mine close and I get lost in the swarm of feelings that takes over my body at the sight of them. I find myself wishing that she were here at this moment so that I could stare deep into the depths of those beautiful orbs.
At that moment a thought occurs to me that Jane may just come over after work like she usually does and I have a feeling of hope swell inside of me imagining her knocking and then walking in taking me away from these horrible feelings that I am experiencing.
I try to move away from the strong grasp I am in, but the hold stays firm. Calmly I push him away as I take a step back; I do not want this mistake to get out of hand. His eyes meet mine questioningly and I answer the unasked question on his lips.
"I am sorry Tommy, but I do not believe that we should continue this." I nod absently and turn to walk away going straight for the front door my destination in mind: Jane. My heart swells at the prospect of being able to stair into her eyes for a moment even if it is not romantically; how I long it to be. But without a doubt I know that I will stay in her kind eyes because that is just Jane and the reason I love her so much.
