Prolog

So, the story continues! This is a continuation of my "Love Potion" fanfiction, but you can also read it separately. This fanfiction takes place after the Shinsengumi Farewell arc (manga: 525-551; anime: 308-316). For your own good: don´t read it till you know what happened. Don´t spoiler yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Enjoy!

It was raining. How fitting.

The sound of the raindrops crushing against his umbrella was annoyingly loud. It drowned all of the noises surrounding him. In this kind of weather, the streets were deserted. People were taking shelter, staying indoors or enjoying a snack in a restaurant. Nobody was willingly to spend more time in this shitty weather than necessary. And yet, there he sat, on a wet flight of stairs, an umbrella sheltering him poorly from the downpour. He sat there waiting. For him.

Hijikata felt a pain in his chest, but he managed to sooth it with a drag of his cigarette. Slowly, he approached him and every step was uncomfortable. Still, he kept on, knowing he should treasure the time he had left with him.

As the Shinsengumi officer approached him, the silver-haired samurai looked back over his shoulder and gave him a look. His senses were sharp as always. His eyes looked like dead fish, just as they had been the first time they had met. He had a blank expression on his face as well, not revealing anything. It hurt. But Hijikata endured it and stopped behind him, saying nothing.

For a moment, both men remained silent. Then, with a seemingly annoyed grunt, Gintoki stood up. "Took you long enough to get here…"

Actually, it was quite the opposite. It was pure coincidence they met, though both men knew they had been searching for each other. The reason they had found the other was maybe best explained by instinct. Or maybe luck. In any case, they had wanted to see each other. Because they both knew they needed to.

Hijikata Toushiro didn't look him into the eyes, he couldn't. His voice was throaty and he turned around. "Let's go."

"Yeah…" He replied softly as well. Without wasting any more time, Gin turned around and started walking. He was leading the way and the officer didn't mind. In some way, it really was strange how few words they needed. They knew exactly what the other needed, knew what they were supposed to do and how it would go. They had this deep understanding, he just couldn't explain. It was almost uncanny.

The rain continued pouring as the two men marched through the streets. They didn't say a single word, didn't need to. Hijikata trusted Gintoki with his life, after all. How did it come to this? He didn't remember ever being so close to him. And yet, in this moment it felt like this man was under his skin, closer than anyone. Knew him better than he knew himself. It was an eerie feeling. The cop inhaled the bitter scent of his cigarette and hoped it would calm his heart. It did not. He was so fucking anxious. He didn't want to do this.

In his head he had been going over it at least a thousand times. It was stupid and childish, he knew. He had to go, had to leave Edo. They would come back once things had cooled down. It was just temporarily. But still, he didn't want to leave. He wanted them to stay the way they had always been. He didn't want to let go of that. It meant saying goodbye to him. And to the Shinsengumi they once were. After this day, nothing would be the same anymore.

Hijikata tried shutting these thoughts and feelings down as much as possible. It was hard, but not impossible. And yet, nothing had ever been as hard as this.

All of the sudden, the samurai beside him took a turn and walked towards a house. The man with the blue eyes looked befuddled for a moment. When he recognized the shop, however, he felt a small tingling inside his chest. It was their favourite diner.

Hijikata had to hold his breath for a moment, his head whirling. Of course. Sometimes he couldn't believe just how sensible and sensitive this man was. Under his stupid face hid a very cautious and perceptive mind. It also showed how well he knew him and how well he was aware of the things that connected them. This was the place most dear to them both after all. Not just because of the old man preparing their specials. They had met each other so many times here, bickering, bonding and insulting the other's food.

The nostalgia was hard to swallow, but the cop tried anyway. When Gintoki shot him another look, he started moving eventually, following him inside.

The place was almost deserted. The counter seats were all empty and except for the old woman now leading the shop, not a single soul was there. She gave them an honest smile.

"Oh, Gin-san, Hijikata-san, what a surprise to see you here."

The silver-haired man returned a weak smile and waved to her. "Hey, granny. Prepare the usuals for us, will ya?"

"Of course!" she nodded and beamed, her wrinkled hands diligently preparing the ingredients right away.

Both men sat down next to each other at the counter. Being in the old lady's company, they were both relatively composed. It helped Hijikata to calm down a bit. Yet, both men knew it was their last meeting. That they had to say goodbye. Neither of them wanted that, but that didn't matter. They had to maintain a certain façade after all.

Finally, Hijikata found the courage to speak. He appeared relatively relaxed. "…I knew this is what would happen, but it sure is ironic." He didn't eye him, stared into nothingness instead. "No matter what happened, we fought in order to be the Shinsengumi. And because of that, we can't be the Shinsengumi anymore."

"So Zura stuck you with that job, huh?" Gintoki seemed to grin. "I told you to be careful around that guy."

It was almost strange to have such a calm conversation with him. It was the first time, after all. "And what do you intend to do? …You helped us out. So, I doubt you can stay in Edo either."

Hijikata didn't see Gin's face or posture, but his voice sounded normal. He could sense something underneath, though. He was pushing himself. "If we Yorozuya leave on top of you guys going, the people of Edo will be lonely, won't they? Right, granny?"

"So you're staying?" It's not like he hadn't expected that. Still, some part of him had wished they would join them, run away with them. It was stupid. Just stupid. "Don't you understand…? Edo's no longer…"

Gin remained silent, sipped his green tea and had a tiny sad smile curling his lips.

With a blank expression, Hijikata stared at the counter. "…That's why, huh…?"

They would stay and fight. The Yorozuya had always been doing so after all. They were strong, much stronger than he had known. He had no choice but to put the fate of their town in their hands. He wasn't pleased with that. He wanted to fight alongside them. But there was nothing he could do right now. He had to accept that.

It took a while for him to collect his thoughts, to clear his head. Gin had been there for him all of this time, had encouraged him and given him hope when everything had seemed blank. He had been his most important emotional support in these dark times. He had showed him so many things and he didn't know if he could ever repay him for that. He owed him so much.

"There's some good booze up there…." he finally said, casually. "I don't like drinking in crowds… so once in a while I come here to drink alone."

Gin said nothing, gave him the space he needed. Hijikata took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "You go ahead and drink it." He couldn't suppress his feelings from dripping out a little bit. "It's expensive liquor. Do it one cup at a time. By the time you´ve drunken it all… I'll come back."

It was a promise. It was more than that. It was a flicker of his true feelings. He didn't speak of we as in the Shinsengumi. He spoke as himself, as Hijikata Toushiro. He would be back for him.

"I'll pay back the rest of what I owe you then."

There was a long silence.

Gintoki still didn't look at him, showing no feelings. "I'll take the booze, but I don't remember lending you anything."

"You did." It was hard to see his face. A strand of black hair hid his features. As all these memories flashed up again, he felt it weighing him down. From the very first to the very last, this man had protected him. How did he do that? He had always been there for him, right by his side. "That messed up head of yours might've forgotten, but I remember."

"And I won't forget." he whispered loud enough for Gintoki to hear. It was just a glimpse of the endless gratitude he held towards him. It was still hard to admit that out loud. But in this moment, it seemed doable.

"It that case…" The silver-haired man replied calmly. "…then you paid me back a long time ago." There was a small smile on his face. "The one who got something he'd forgotten… was me."

It was the first time the policeman looked at him directly, even if just for a short moment. He bit his lip, unsure how to reply. But Gintoki was faster anyway. His voice was low, soft, full of swallowed emotions. He had a hard time, too. Even though he was able to hide it relatively well.

"So don't come back with something to pay me back with. Next time, you won't be alone." Gin replied faintly, very gently. His voice was stable and a promise. No, Hijikata wouldn't be alone anymore. He wouldn't let him. Because he would be at his side. "If you come back with one bottle of booze we can all drink together, that'll be plenty."

.

With a clonk, the old lady served their food. " Sorry, for the wait. Here are your usuals. The Uji Gintoki bowl and the Hijikata special."

Both men were silent, staring at their orders. Neither touched them. The shopkeeper eyed them confusedly. "Hm? What's wrong. Neither of you are eating?"

Their fingers brushed against the their bowls and pushed them towards the other. "No, sorry granny, it's just that today…"

They picked up their chopsticks and dishes. While Hijikata had his eyes closed, Gintoki stared down into the mayonnaise drenched rice bowl. Their words poured out in unison. "…it's the other way around."

.

It took a while before the two men were able to finish their bowls. Both had a hard time swallowing it, but they kept eating in dignity. It was the first time they did something like that. It was the greatest gesture of respect they could possibly show each other. Gintoki eating Hijikata's "dog food", Hijikata eating Gin's "cat food". It was their very own version of sealing their friendship.

With a heavy sigh, they put down their emptied bowls and stared into nothingness.

"Yup. That was gross."

As the old lady began to laugh, they did too. It was a genuine, hearty laughter, full of happiness. They snickered from the top of their lungs and couldn't stop. It was the very first time they had ever been this honest. It was the very first time they shared a candid laughter.

It was the very first time they considered themselves friends.

The two samurai shot each other glances and couldn't suppress a smile. They were genuinely happy and felt how close they had gotten. It made them both insanely blissful. Hijikata looked at Gintoki and felt everything, clearer then ever. He looked at him and his crooked smile and his silver locks and red eyes, and he just knew he loved him from the bottom of his heart. He knew he wanted to be with him, to come back to him. He wanted to bathe in his smile and show him how much he cared for him. Once he would be back, he would tell him how he felt. He wouldn't hide it anymore. He would go for everything.

He was looking forward to it.

Chuckling, Hijikata turned away and emptied his water glass. He wanted to be with him for a while longer, drink with him, spend time with him. But he knew this wasn't for the best. He would save that for later, for when he would be back. They needed to part before things got too serious. And seeing him smile like this, he knew he could. Like this, he was able to say goodbye without regrets.

As Hijikata put the money on the counter and turned to him, Gintoki already reacted. He was faster. "I'll walk you out."

The policeman still smiled and said goodbye to the old lady. They both walked out then, into the rainy evening. As Hijikata opened his umbrella, he looked back into red eyes and a stupid smile. He had to smirk as well. Really, a smile for a goodbye was hard to beat.

Gintoki leaned against the door, one hand inside his Kimono, the other holding his umbrella. Their eyes were locked on each other, drowning inside the other's irises. Even though the rain was thick and noisy, the air between them was thin. There were so many unspoken, yet understood words, so many feelings tingling between them. It was still hard to say goodbye, but the certainty of their reunion outweighed the longing.

"I'll get going…" Hijikata nodded to him and smiled. "See ya around then."

Gin grinned and tilted his head. "Don't get lost in outer space."

The cop snorted softly and turned around, waved and started walking.

For a very long moment Gintoki couldn't help but stare, eying him as he walked out of his life. He burned his silhouette into his mind, his memory and tried to calm his beating heart. Something inside of him was waiting for him to turn around and come back. But then again, this was for the best. So before the longing got unbearable, he turned around too and started walking into the other direction. He wouldn't look back. He would walk onwards and look forward to when he would meet him again. Because he would be waiting for him. And when he would be back, he would keep a promise, he made with himself. Once he was back, he would confess to him.

For a second, his smile distorted and he closed his eyes. Damn that bastard. He would be back once the liquor bottle was empty? Guess drinking it all in one sitting was considered cheating, right?

He missed him already.