Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - What's up, it's me, the Badass with another exciting story of love and romance in the Resident Evil Universe. This one might be a bit traditional, but I' m sure you'll love it. I've read many different stories on how the relationship between Chris and Jill began and all of them I thought were awesome in how they thought the two met, but I'm sorry; fuck all those other guys, this is what truly is going to happen. I say that because Resident Evil hasn't happened yet and even better is that I've time - warped Billy Coen and Rebecca Chambers to now so they could help guide me.

Billy - why do you always warp us

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - what … you don't like being time - warped

Rebecca - no, we were in the middle of something

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - so

Billy - you don't get it … I was in the middle of her

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - oh, well just do what you normally do when you come here

Rebecca - maybe later, we want to make sure you're telling this the right way; just because it technically hasn't happened yet

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - whatever; just pull up some cheetos and … WHAT THE FUCK

Zombie - mmmmmm

Rebecca - oh shit, it must of followed us through the time warp

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - why the hell is there one chasing you

Billy - it's a long story

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - he's looking at me

Billy - I got it (gunshots can be heard)

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - sigh … what the hell … damn it, who's gonna clean all of these bloodstains before someone sees it

Rebecca - I got it

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka - damnit …. Whatever, just start it up

Chapter 1 An Unlikely Encounter

"This is your captain speaking. We will be arriving in Jefferson Memorial International Airport in about one hour, we hope you've enjoyed your trip so far and please sit still while we land."

"One more hour?" Jill Valentine thought as she stared out the plane window from her luxury seat. "What's taking so long?" She had been in the plane for a couple of hours now and was beginning to come restless. To pass the time, she reviewed everything that happened that had lead to this point. After graduating from her private high school in the top percent of her class, she had enlisted at West Point in hope of becoming an officer. She had always wanted to serve her country, even though her dad was a super thief, who always seemed to elude the cops. She was an excellent student, but soon realized that the military wasn't for her. She was taunted by the instructors and other students for being a female and if that wasn't occurring, she was constantly being hit on by other recruits.

She returned to her home in dismay, but her brilliant father had the perfect solution – she could become a police officer and help her father out if he was ever apprehended by the authorities. Jill decided to accept her father's proposal, even though at the time, it didn't seem too glamorous, but she always felt inclined to help her father out. The police academy she attended was one of the finest in the country thanks to her father's "dirty money" where she once again excelled. However, the police station she would serve didn't fit her freelance personality and didn't join the police force.

Jill was in despair because it didn't seem anything was right for her, but then one day, her father came to the rescue. He had been conducting extensive research on police organizations across the country when he discovered S.T.A.R.S. or the Special Tactic and Rescue Service or sometimes Squad which belonged to the Raccoon Police Department; one of the most decorated and trusted police forces in the country. He told her that the organization was one of the most advanced police units in the country and would be a perfect fit for her. The paramount of this discovery was that it was looking for a new recruit. After looking over what her father said, Jill knew she had found what she was looking for and contacted the police station which told her to talk to an Albert Wesker. When she met him in person, she was impressed by how diplomatic and forthcoming he was to her and left a very well impression on the man. After seeing that this woman was fit for the job and "female test subject" he needed for his research at Umbrella which she had no idea about, the captain told her she was hired and should report to her job as soon as possible. Even better, Wesker had told Jill that she could assemble her own uniform and they would approve it when she arrived. Jill couldn't comprehend the joy she had felt; she had found her dream job.

Now, three weeks later, the twenty - one year old waited for the plane to stop so she could begin her new life.

"Hey Chris, would you shut that damn music off, I got a headache" Joseph said grasping his head in pain.

"Whatever." Chris shut the music off in his red mustang and began to ponder why Captain Wesker had sent him and Joseph to retrieve the new recruit. He only knew that her name was Jill Valentine and she had some experience in the military which Chris admired because he was in the Air Force and was a military man himself. The Air Force … Chris had to smirk at the name as he remembered how he was discharged. He remembered calling the man in charge a "fucking pansy" for not executing spies that they had discovered and captured. The man said they had the right to a trial, but Chris was too headstrong at the time to listen; he remembered how he used to be one cocky son of a bitch who didn't know any better, but he had grown up in those few short years following the incident. Chris ended up in a fight with the leader and the spies ended up escaping.

After, he was discharged for negligence and drifted for about a year when a man named Barry Burton found him and decided that this man he had found was too impressive to dismiss and showed him to Wesker who was looking for recruits for his newly founded S.T.A.R.S. unit. Chris was quickly accepted for his exceptional marksmanship and was deemed point man and sniper of the Alpha Team. Now, two year later, the twenty – three year old was thinking about the newest recruit to Alpha Team.

"So … do ya think she's hot" Joseph asked, who was recovering from his headache.

"I don't know, she's from the military … I mean most military woman are butch, ugly – ass lesbos" Chris stated who was definitely going to be surprised by Jill's angelic smile and heavenly body.

"That's true, but hey, you never know"

"I guess we better hope for the best" Chris joked to his friend.

"Yeah we do … our station is in desperate need of some fine ass around."

"What about Rita?"

"She's too obsessed with dark chocolate, if ya know what I mean?"

Chris just laughed knowing it was a racial slur towards Marvin who seemed to obsess over Rita.

"I hope she's a brunette" Joseph said. "I'll fuck a hot brunette every which way any day."

"Joe, I'll bet you twenty bucks that she is one ugly ass cow" Chris wagered.

"I'm a bettin' man; so I'll take that bet." They shook on it to make it official and talked about other things for the rest of the trip.

After retrieving her luggage, Jill walked to the exit. She was instructed to locate someone who held up a sign with her name on it. She finally spotted two attractive men, both holding up a large and presumptuous sign with her name on it. "Thank You Wesker" she thought and she began to walk towards the two anxious men.

"Hey Chris, ready to pay me that money" Joseph said as he spotted an incomprehensibly beautiful woman wearing a blue shirt and jeans walking towards them.

"That can't be her … that girl must be lost or something and looking for directions."

"We'll see."

Jill finally reached the two men who both had a puzzled look on their face because even Joseph wasn't expecting someone this attractive.

Jill decided to break the ice. "Uh … Hi, I'm Jill Valentine, the new recruit."

Joseph flashed his shark smile at Chris knowing that he had won the bet. "Of course you are, I'm Joe Frost and this is my friend and fellow S.T.A.R.S. member Chris Redfield."

Chris shook her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm sure it will be an enjoyment to work with someone as beautiful as yourself."

"Why, thank you" Jill replied who began to blush from being complemented by such a handsome man."

"Well, I guess we'll show you to the station" Joseph said and opened the car door for her and took her luggage.

"Well, actually, I'm supposed to report the station tomorrow; could you drop me off at this address, it's my new home my dad bought for me. She handed Chris the paper that showed the address.

"Yeah, I could that for you." Chris said in his seductive tone and smiled.

"Thank you, you guys are the best" she responded as she walked up to the back – seat door.

"Sweet ride" Jill said as she got into the car, astonished by the sight of a mustang, even though she owned a corvette – hey her father's a millionaire. "Whose is it?"

"It's mine" Chris proudly stated as he shut the car door as Joseph put her luggage in the trunk of the car. Chris was anxious to leave and was about to open his door …

"Ahem" Joseph stated and held out his hand waiting for his money.
"Damnit." Chris handed him the money and opened his car door.

The trip to Jill's new home was mostly filled with their life stories and aspirations they all had. There was one dilemma that was beginning to take shape; both Chris and Joseph were very attracted to Jill, but neither of them knew who she liked more. They pulled up to the house that had the correct address and both men's mouth flapped open. The house was almost a mansion; it was almost the pinnacle of lavishness and was decorated with the most beautiful landscape work the two guys had ever seen; and if this wasn't enough, there was a brand new blue corvette parked in the elongated driveway.

"This is your house" Joseph asked, dumfounded to an insurmountable point.

"Did I forget to tell you boys my dad is a very rich guy" Jill asked, pleased to see these two in disbelief on how breathtaking the place actually was.

"Well I'm sold … you weren't joking about your dad" Chris added.

"Nope … if you two behave, you can come over some time."

"I'd like that … see you tomorrow Jill" Chris quipped.

"Bye, see you two later."

Both men walked over to Chris's Mustang and left the near paradise.

"Chris, I got one thing to say."

"What … I get it, I was wrong O.K."

"That's not it …"

"Then what?"

"I'm soooo getting' me a piece of that" Joseph stated, ogling Jill as he was mesmerized by her well – formed hips swaying from side to side as she approached the door.

"Pa – lease" Chris said in a tone of sarcasm as he started the engine and took off.

"Oh come on man, you can't tell me you weren't turned on by her."

"Alright, she is hot … but didn't she seem a little … well, bitchy."

"What? Chris what are talking about … wait, this doesn't have to deal with that Kelley girl who broke your heart?"

Chris slammed on the brakes; both of them were jerked forward from the sudden force. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY" Chris yelled as the agony came surging back to him about the girl who had cheated on him. "THAT BITCH IS DEAD TO ME … YOU HEAR ME … I HOPE SHE FUCKING BURNS IN HELL."

"Chris, you can't keep doing this to yourself" Joseph said, trying desperately to console his friend. "Forget about her; she cheated on you, then you broke the guy's nose, she means nothing to you … goddamnit man, I can't see you keep tearing yourself up about her … just … let it go … let it go."

Chris stared blankly at the rear – view mirror. He was right; the whole angst he was feeling he considered was his own fault; but … she was the one who severed the love that he once cherished so admirably, not him … it was time to move forward … he was right."

"You're right … she means nothing to me anymore … it's about time I let go … thanks."

"Don't mention it; I watch your back, you watch mine."

Chris just smiled, but it's agonizing how literal and foreboding the foreshadow made by Joseph would implement in the near future. "You were right about one thing Joe."

"Yeah, what about?"

"She is pretty damn hot."

"That's it?" Joseph questioned.

"Alright, alright, I'm getting me a piece of that too."

"Not if I get it first" Joseph attacked back.

"We'll see about that" Chris stated and the both bursted out with laughter as they approached the police station.

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – well

Billy – well what

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – well, how's the damn floor going

Rebecca – hey I'm going as fast as I can, but Billy basically blasted the damn zombie's head in half and there are way too many pieces of skull to pick up

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – reminds me of Pulp Fiction

Rebecca – what the hell is Pulp Fiction

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – oh come on, it's not that old, I don't care if you guys are from the fucking future … that's where my name came from

Billy – ohhhhhhh … I've seen that movie, Samuel L. Jackson right

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – hell yeah, he's one Bad Ass Mutha Fucka

Samuel L. Jackson – someone say name

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – what the fuck??? Oh god

Billy – holy shit, he fainted

Samuel L. Jackson – huh, now that's some trippy shit you don't see every day … DAAAAAAMN SON, what the hell happened in here

Rebecca – it's a long story, we'll tell you all about it, but first I think we should tend to Badass

Samuel L. Jackson – fine by me … hey wait, you two seem familiar … where have I seen you both

Billy – we'll tell you later

Bad Ass Mutha Fucka – please review … ugh

Rebecca – damnit, he fainted again